“I was waiting for you to finish.” This was a side I wasn’t used to seeing. This was my brother humbled, vulnerable, and lacking confidence. I had so many thoughts and questions running through my head, but I really didn’t know what to say at that moment.
“I’m finished.” His eyes searched mine, begging me to shed some light on his emotional crisis.
“Cameron, you know I’m not the one to come to for relationship advice. I am obviously lacking in experience myself.”
“I have just been feeling on edge lately. Why won’t a nice girl go out with me, Lean Bean?” He raked his hands through his dark, unwashed hair as the waitress appeared at our table.
“Just two Cokes please for right now,” I said, offering her a reassuring smile as I waved her away. She nodded silently and disappeared quickly, leaving my brother and me some privacy.
“I know you think I have a type that I like to go out with. But I don’t. Those just happen to be the only girls that will go out with me.”
What he said actually made a lot of sense to me. It wasn’t his choice to go out with superficial girls. Those were the only girls who were attracted to him. He was a good-looking guy, I guess. He had thick, dark hair that he typically kept longer on the top and short on the sides. He always had it styled…well, except for today. He had mysterious, hazel eyes, and of course, he was six feet tall with a body full of muscles from his regular workout routine. I was sure those were the features that attracted many girls to him. But if they only liked him for the surface, they were probably concerned mostly with their own looks and didn’t have much depth, either. And of course, there was the attitude that he usually had on display for women. He exuded confidence and flirted blatantly. He would literally smile in a girl’s direction, and she would giggle and blush from the attention. I had always found it repulsive, but I loved my brother, so I tried my best to brush it off. He had respected my request and didn’t date anyone I worked with, but that didn’t stop him from being bald-faced with his affection toward my female colleagues.
And there was no doubt in my mind that any women I worked with would jump at the chance to be Cameron Callahan’s next date. That was, until now. Alexis hadn’t shown any interest in him whatsoever. “Maybe if you didn’t flirt with every female in a fifty-foot radius of where you are, you would find a nice girl.”
“You mentioned that before. Truly, I am just being friendly.” I quirked up my eyebrow at his comment. “Okay. So maybe there is some flirting, but I swear it’s harmless. It’s just who I am.”
“Then you will continue with the same pattern you have always had.” I hoped I hadn’t sounded too heartless. But again, I never tiptoed around the issues when it came to my brother. He always appreciated my no-nonsense approach to situations. And he could always count on me to give him honest advice, rather than just tell him what he wanted to hear.
His hand rubbed across his bristly jaw pensively and his facial features softened. “So how do I change?”
I couldn’t help but chuckle under my breath. “You really need to get yourself together. You’re acting like a girl and you know Claudette is the sibling you should go to about being a girl.” I reached across the table and tousled the unkempt hair on his head with the palm of my hand, just like we used to do when we were kids.
“Thanks, Lean Bean. You really know how to make a guy feel good about himself.” His sarcasm was laced with a hint of laughter, so at least I was getting him to loosen up.
“How about I invite Alexis to breakfast with us?” That comment caused the lines on his forehead to raise up. “I would have Travis come, too. Maybe after our shift one morning?”
So we made plans for the following week. Hopefully, that would give me plenty of time to convince Alexis to go to breakfast with us.
20
Louis
I woke up on Cam’s uncomfortable couch with a muscle strain in my neck and aching, stiff joints. I would probably have been more comfortable on the floor. I guess I could consider speaking to my mom and stay at her house in my old bed tonight. I contemplated that thought for only a moment. Talking with my father last night had been enlightening and disturbing at the same time. How long had I not known my parents? Without any siblings, I felt alone on the island of parents with a mistaken identity. I had always thought of Cameron as my brother, but there was no way he would understand what it was like for me to feel as if I’d lived in the middle of a lie my entire childhood. Then the lie continued into my adulthood, and I was completely oblivious to it.
I couldn’t believe what an idiot I had been. It was still going to take me a while to get used to the idea of my parents dating other people. It was going to be weird having them live in separate places. I knew I wasn’t a kid anymore, but I guess it was hard no matter what age you were when your parents split up. At least they were still friends, I supposed.
I stretched my legs out and pushed myself up into a sitting position. Although daylight funneled in through the curtains, silence filled his apartment. I clicked on my phone that I had plugged into the outlet next to the couch when I had lain down last night. Seven thirty. It was still early. Cam probably wasn’t awake yet. I stood and stretched to my full height, grasping my hands and pulling them up as far as possible. I couldn’t lay on that ridiculously uncomfortable couch for any longer, so I decided to go for some coffee. A breakfast sandwich wouldn’t hurt, either. I figured I would throw on a clean shirt and a baseball cap, but I definitely wanted to quickly run my toothbrush across my teeth. So I rooted around in my duffel bag to grab a shirt and my toothbrush and then tiptoed across the carpet down the short hallway toward the bathroom.
Cam’s door was open, so I felt compelled to peek inside and see if he was still asleep. Only he wasn’t in his room. I hadn’t seen a text from him when I glanced at my phone only moments ago. I was curious where he could be at such an early hour. Then I shook my head. We were beyond having to report our whereabouts to each other. I was his best friend, but I was acting like his jealous girlfriend. Ironically, he was probably off at some girl’s place at that moment having early Saturday morning sex. That was typical Cameron. He enjoyed his one-night stands and booty calls. I wasn’t as close to him as I was five years ago, but his behavior hadn’t seemed to have changed. He never had a girlfriend in high school, and from what I had heard lately, things weren’t any different now.
So after quickly ridding my mouth of morning breath with some minty toothpaste, I slapped on a clean shirt and a cap on my head to hide my serious case of wild bedhead that reflected back at me in the mirror in Cam’s bathroom. Coffee and a bacon, egg, and cheese bagel sounded great, so I headed to the diner I used to frequent with my friends years ago.
My intention was to walk in, approach the counter, place an order and leave, keeping a low profile. However, when I walked in, I noticed a familiar braid laying on a perfect shoulder. Even with the Saturday morning crowd filling the restaurant, my eyes immediately found her. In a booth positioned in a corner to the left of the counter, I saw two girls wearing navy blue scrubs. One of them made my heart rate increase. I swallowed a lump in my throat and wiped my perspiring palms on my mesh shorts, while taking in a deep breath. She had her back to me and she was sitting next to a dark-haired man.
My traitorous friend Cam was sitting across from her alongside a girl with dirty blond hair. Pulling my hat down farther on my forehead, I observed their body language. The girl next to Cam appeared shy. He was sitting next to her, but there was distance between the two of them. They couldn’t be on a date, could they? I only allowed my attention to stay on them for a moment. I was more interested in watching Charlie and the guy she was sitting next to.
With both of their backs to me, I couldn’t really make out their situation. They seemed comfortable with each other, but then again, Charlie had a way of putting everyone at ease. However, when she leaned her head on his shoulder while laughing, an intense wave of nausea ran through me, extinguishing my appetite. A s
queezing sensation tugged low in my belly, and I thought I would projectile vomit the beer I drank last night. The sour taste traveled up my throat and into my mouth while a burning sensation developed within my chest.
“Sir, can I help you?” A female voice from behind the counter at the cash register broke my trancelike state. I swear I was transported to a place where I was a mere onlooker into the world of my friends—like when the ghosts of Christmas visited scrooge. I should be sitting at that table with them. Not that ass…or that other girl for that matter. I stayed at my best friend’s place last night. He should have invited me to this breakfast outing. “Sir?”
I shook my head away from those depressing thoughts long enough to order a coffee and breakfast sandwich to go. I have never felt jealousy in my life, but right then I teetered on the edge of near insanity. How had I let this happen? Charlie and Cam used to be my closest friends in the world. They were like my family. Now I wasn’t even a fleeting thought to them.
This was my fault. I walked away from them. I left five years ago, and I left again five weeks ago. I hadn’t truly walked away from Cameron recently, but I guess it was really the same outcome when I left Charlie.
I recalled how sad she was the last time I saw her, and I was the jackass that caused her misery. But today, bright and early, she smiled and laughed with some other guy. What was wrong with me? She had wanted to be with me, and I foolishly pushed her away. I was the person that made her laugh and smile. I was the one that she brushed up against. And I was the man she kissed and held.
I stepped to the side of the counter to let others move up in line, but I continued to stare at the life I once had…the life I could have still had. Still in my dumbfounded state, Cameron’s gaze caught mine. He waved his hand and motioned me over to the table. My feet remained planted in the same position. I only had flip-flops on, but I felt like my shoes were heavy bricks glued to the floor. My legs held me completely frozen on the tiled surface.
“Louis!” Great. Now he did it. He called me by name.
So what happened? The beautiful brunette that filled my heart with feelings I had never before experienced, turned in her seat and showed me those gorgeous gray eyes of hers. I expected her to give me a scowl, but she actually appeared happy to see me. Those delicate, pink lips were drawn up in a smile I knew was only meant for me. Her contented expression gave me enough courage to propel myself forward and move in their direction. The dark-haired fella that sat next to her glared at me and seemed guarded at my approach. He didn’t share in the happiness Charlie had shown me. He seemed downright pissed off.
“Cam told me you crashed at his place last night.” My Lord, I had missed the sweet, smooth sound of her voice.
“I figured you would sleep in, so I snuck out this morning without waking you.” Cam’s voice managed to draw my attention away from his twin. He was wearing his own wide grin.
“You do have a lot of experience sneaking out in the morning without waking anyone.” I meant to be jovial, but Cameron’s grin transformed to an apprehensive look quickly. Not to mention the girl seated next to him already looked uncomfortable and now visibly blushed.
Charlie, not so subtly, made a slicing gesture with her finger across her throat in an attempt to discontinue the direction of the conversation. What the hell was going on? “I’m totally kidding. Cameron has always been a complete gentleman.” I offered a smiled to the unfamiliar girl and stuck out my hand. “I’m Louis. And you are?”
“I am sorry. I don’t have any manners this early in the morning, I suppose.” Cameron stumbled over his words. Smooth dude. Real smooth. “This is Alexis. She works with Charlie.”
“I figured as much given the scrubs she’s wearing.” Charlie’s lips turned up once again transforming into one of her amazing smiles as a response to my attempt at humor.
“And this is Travis. He works with Cameron at the high school.” Her words caused my heart to plummet into the pit of my stomach. She might as well have said, “This is Travis. He is the new man in my life because you are a stupid idiot.” Having lost the ability to think of actual words to say, I simply nodded.
Alexis grasped my extended hand and pumped it in a dainty handshake. When I turned to Travis, he only furrowed his eyebrows and pursed his lips into a thin line. I was pretty sure he knew something about Charlie and me. He was either jealous or overprotective. I couldn’t tell which it was. He either knew that Charlie had feelings for me and was jealous of that fact; or he knew I had broken her heart, and he wanted to protect her from letting me do that all over again.
The cashier yelled my name and startled me; I had completely forgotten about my coffee and breakfast sandwich. “Well, I don’t want to interrupt your double date any more than I already have, so I’m going to grab my sandwich and head out.” It was crazy that I wanted to get away from my friends, but I really couldn’t stomach seeing Charlie on a date with someone else. And I didn’t really know what the story with Cam and Alexis was, but it was a little awkward.
The four of them waved to me and said goodbye as I quickly retrieved the items I had ordered and left the diner, heading out to my parked vehicle. I sat in my car thinking about Charlie. Her smile and her laugh was all I needed to feel happy again. I had been miserable and despondent for weeks, but seeing her made everything better. I wasn’t sure how to fix what I had broken, but I knew I needed to be able to be around her to fix my fragmented self.
As I started the engine and put the car into gear, I knew I had to be near her again. So I drove to her apartment. Her key was in my glove box. I couldn’t bear to see it on my key chain, but now I couldn’t wait to dig it out.
It only took a matter of minutes of driving for me to reach her home. It only took a matter of seconds once there for me to unlock the door to her apartment and step inside, closing the door behind me. Memories flooded my brain once I crossed the threshold. I observed the innocent sofa sitting in her living area, and I remembered watching movies with her, cuddling, and falling asleep there. I took a seat on the cushions and thought about how much more comfortable it was than the couch at Cameron’s. Then I stood and walked a few strides down the hallway to her bedroom and surveyed her bed. The first memory elicited by her sleeping quarters brought a smile to my face. I loved sleeping with her next to me. Her easy breathing lulled me to sleep and her warm body pressed against me gave me the same security as a child’s blankie.
I kicked off my flip-flops and lay on the bed with my head on her pillows, and her fragrance struck my nostrils. I inhaled a long breath and took in the coconut aroma. I missed that damn smell. I missed her, but just as I closed my eyes, the vision of what else happened in the bed waltzed through my happy thoughts.
I had used her when I was hurting, and I couldn’t forgive myself. I had needed an outlet for my pain, and I came to her looking for relief. She obliged me willingly, but I couldn’t forgive myself for my behavior. She had told me she loved me, and I wasn’t in any kind of condition to accept her affection. I was in a dark place, and I didn’t allow her to show me the light.
But after several weeks of separation, I felt like I could finally see the light. I know that sounds lame, but it was true. Light illuminates everything around her. Her smile can transport me from any dark place into sunshine-filled happiness. I had definitely screwed up. I needed her. I tried to convince myself that she would be happier without me in the long run, but I hadn’t realized that I wouldn’t be happy without her. Her presence was key to my happiness. But how was I going to convince her to give me another chance when she had already moved on with Travis?
I left Charlie’s apartment and pondered possibly speaking to my mother again. I drove to the park and sat in my car drinking my purchased coffee. Alone with my thoughts, I reflected on the relationship I had with my mom. I don’t think I had ever gone for over a month without communicating with her. I may have only exchanged texts or brief phone calls at times, but I was always in touch.
We used to
have long talks and spend a lot of time together before I left home, and I thought I knew my mom pretty well. Now I really wasn’t sure. I guess those brief communication encounters didn’t allow me the ability to know her sufficiently anymore. Normally on a Saturday, I could count on my mom being home. Even though the library is open on Saturdays, she has always been a Monday through Friday librarian. There were some part-time employees that kept the library afloat on Saturdays and weekday evenings.
However, given the new development in my mother’s relationship status, I was no longer aware of her weekend habits and whereabouts. Did she and her new boyfriend visit places or stay at home lazily in their pajamas? I shouldn’t have even thought about that. I don’t really want to know what it is that my mother does with her new boyfriend. I just needed to know what her availability was for the day. Maybe I should text her instead of calling her.
Mom, I’m in town for a couple of days. I would like to see you if possible.
I didn’t expect to hear back from her right away given my earlier thoughts. She could be busy. Besides, older people don’t live with their cell phones attached to them like my generation does. So I was pleasantly surprised when I received a response from her only a few moments after I had hit the send button.
Love Burns Page 17