I would love to see you too. I am available all weekend. Just tell me what works for you.
My father had basically given the same kind of response when I had reached out to him. They really were quite similar, even though I had never recognized it before. Can I come by the house?
Of course! This will always be your home. You are welcome whenever you like. I will be home all day. Stop by whenever. I can’t wait to see you.
Rather than respond to her text, I stared at the geese landing on the pond at the city park. There were children and dogs running on the lush green lawns and the sun was shining brightly. I had rolled the windows down in my car due to the August heat, but because I remained in the shade of the large pine trees that lined the edge of the parking area, it was cool enough for me to sit there comfortably.
Flashes of memories danced through my head as I watched the environment in front of me. I remembered playing on the playground swings. I pushed Charlie on the swing and she soared higher and higher. We must have only been seven or eight years old, but I could almost hear her giggling and squealing as I pushed her higher than I could even reach.
Cameron and I threw a football multiple days in the summer on those very lawns when we were small and our parents met friends in the park for barbecues and family get-togethers. There were still paddleboats that circled the river surrounding the park. As I saw a small parade of yellow boats with couples propelling them along the water by the pedaling of their legs, I recalled being in boats similar to those. Sometimes it was just Charlie and me. Sometimes it was the three of us. Cameron and Charlie would take turns trying to push each other off the boat into the river. No one ever fell over, but we had exchanged quite a few laughs trying. Then I saw a couple jog along the paved path, and a dull ache passed through my heart.
I hated jogging. But I loved trotting alongside her. The exercising wasn’t the cause of my heart rate increase, it was her presence. For me, the act of running didn’t release endorphins, it was running next to her that gave me pleasure. I quickly realized that everything at the park reminded me of Charlie. Really, everything in my life reminded me of Charlie now. She had pretty much consumed my thoughts ever since seeing her in that damn cereal aisle.
I thought I had successfully pushed the memories of her deep down years ago when I moved away. But seeing her again brought back a rush of intense feelings that I couldn’t seem to shake so easily this go around. Weeks ago, I hadn’t been able to rid myself of the memories. And after seeing her this morning, I knew I never would be able to walk away again. I needed her just as much as I needed oxygen. I wasn’t going to be able to live without her. I just wasn’t sure if she would be willing to let me in her life again.
I pulled into my mother’s driveway behind her car. I didn’t see another car, so I assumed she was home alone. As I approached the front door, I felt compelled to knock even though I had never knocked on the door to this house ever in my life. Probably because the house no longer felt like home to me. I wasn’t sure where home was anymore. My apartment in Annapolis was as close to what I would call home these days, I suppose.
My mother pulled the door open and a glowing smile lit up her face. I know it must have been difficult for her to have me give her the silent treatment for the last several weeks. Seeing her sheer happiness at the sight of me standing on the front porch made me feel pretty guilty about ignoring her.
“Hey, Mom.” I barely got words out and she tackled me with a tight hug. My mother is not a large woman, but she could embrace me fiercely. I stood over half a foot taller than her, and I easily had sixty or seventy pounds on her, but she could still squeeze me around my waist with enough force to make me feel like I might split in half.
“Louis. I am so happy to see you.” When she released me, I could see a sheen of happy tears over her brown eyes threatening to spill over at any second. I really hoped that wouldn’t happen. What son could stand to see his mother cry? “Come on in.” She pulled me forward and shut the door behind me. “Do you want me to make some coffee?”
The hospitality she tried to offer felt terribly awkward. I just wanted to feel like things were the same. However, the harder she tried to be a good hostess, the more I realized things were different. “No thanks, Mom. I already had some.”
“Well, come sit with me in the kitchen while I make some tea.” My mother was always a tea drinker. She would make coffee for my dad and for me once I got into high school, but she always stuck to hot tea for herself.
I sat at the kitchen table and my mother sat across from me. I closely observed her light brown hair and her dark brown eyes. She was a contrast to my blond hair and blue eyes. There was no mistaking who my father was, but my mother and I couldn’t look any more different in our features.
“I’m sorry I haven’t called or come by before now.”
“It’s okay, Louis. I know I hurt you, and I am very sorry about that.” She hung her head and took in a deep breath before finding my eyes again. “Your father told me that you went to dinner last night.”
I found it very weird that they still talked with each other so often. “Yes. We had a good talk.”
“Yes. That’s what he said as well.” She stood to fill her teakettle and placed it on the stovetop burner. Rather than sitting back down at the table, she stood with her back to the stove facing me. “He said he thought maybe you had forgiven him. I hope you can somehow find it in your heart to forgive me, too.”
“Mom, it’s not about forgiveness. I was just shocked. I was hurt and angry that no one had told me what was going on. I was completely caught off guard. I’ve had some time to digest things over the last several weeks. Although, I am not completely used to the idea of my parents getting divorced, I am moving my way toward acceptance. I love you both.” Another bear hug around my neck ensued following my spiel.
She released me from the headlock she had me in before busting my windpipe with her crushing embrace. “We love you too, Louis. I promise we won’t keep secrets from you again.”
21
Charlie
After breakfast, I tried to go back to my apartment and sleep but Louis continued to invade my thoughts. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I stayed up all night at work and then spent over an hour at the diner with Alexis, Travis, and my brother. Yet here I was lying in my bed staring up at the ceiling unable to shut my brain off long enough to allow sleep to overtake me.
I picked up my phone from my nightstand, thinking I would surf my social media sites and relax a little. Two text messages were waiting for me. One from Cam and one from Claudette. I keep my phone on silent when I am sleeping, so I hadn’t heard the ping notification of the messages. I opened Cam’s message first.
Tomorrow is my last day of freedom before early morning sports team practices. Wanna hit the beach with me? We can head out in the morning and then grab lunch on the boardwalk? That sounded great to me. I should see if Travis wanted to go, too. His summer vacation would be ending soon as well. Cam’s summer was always slightly shorter than the high school teachers’. He returns once the high school sports teams begin practicing for the fall programs.
Sounds great. Should I ask Travis to join us?
Sure and why don’t you invite Alexis too? Oh Lord. Was this his ploy all along?
Why don’t you give her a little space? You just saw her this morning. We can plan for something next week.
Okay. I am going to trust your judgment. BTW… you should be asleep. Why are you texting me?
When I didn’t immediately respond, as expected, his name and number lit up my phone screen. “Hey, Cam.”
“You didn’t text me back right away. Are you unable to sleep because you saw Louis this morning?” He really knew me too well. Now I either had to admit the truth to him or deny what he already knew was the truth.
“First of all, I was going to text back. You just didn’t wait long enough for my response. And secondly, sometimes I just have trouble sleeping during the da
y.” I hoped I evaded his question enough that he let it go.
“Are you having trouble sleeping during the day because you saw Louis this morning?” Okay. So maybe he wasn’t going to let this go.
“Cam, I am really trying not to think about him.” I might as well confess. He already knew the truth. No use in denying it. He wouldn’t believe me if I refuted his theory anyway. “It doesn’t help though when you call asking if I’m thinking about him.” A soft chuckle seeped out in my attempt to conceal my true emotions.
“All right. I get it. But if talking about him bothers you, how are you going to be when you see him again?” I didn’t know how to respond to his comment, so most likely my silence spoke louder than any words I could formulate.
I sighed noisily and flipped over on my back once again looking up at the ceiling while holding my phone against my ear. “Cam, I want to see Louis. I am happy when I am around him. I just wish he felt the same being around me.” I couldn’t believe I admitted that aloud. My confession put things into perspective, and I was glad that my brother understood I needed to confide in him. “I know he doesn’t want to be my boyfriend, but I wish he would at least be comfortable being around me.”
“He will be again. I’m sure.” His voice was laced with a glimmer of hope, but he didn’t share his thoughts with me.
“Cameron Callahan, what are you not telling me?”
“Nothing, Lean Bean. Things between you two will be better soon. I just know it.” I wish I had half the confidence my twin does.
I decided to wait on answering my sister until after I got some sleep. I love her, but she is a girly girl, which usually involves some kind of drama. I just didn’t have the energy for that right now. My eyelids were drooping, so I decided to allow my body the opportunity to relax and let a peaceful daytime slumber wrap around me. As I drifted off to sleep, I imagined Louis’s strong arms folding around me as I snuggled up to his warm body and happiness soaked into me.
I woke up six hours later still thinking about Louis. I guess every time I see him now, this will be what happens. I will dream about him and wish I could have him again. I’m not sure what happened to me. I had done pretty well with moving on. I wasn’t interested in dating anyone, but I was able to get through my days without thinking about him all the time. I saw him for five minutes earlier this morning, and suddenly I couldn’t stop mulling over what we had.
The longing I had for him cauterized a hole in my heart. I wish I could go back to the times when we held hands and cuddled on the couch. Falling asleep next to him was so much better than sleeping alone. Dammit. This was foolish. I picked up my phone to review Claudette’s text. Maybe a little girly girl drama would provide a good distraction.
I opened up the text from my sister. I have exciting news! Call me ASAP. Yep. Drama, for sure. She answered on the third ring after I punched her number into my phone.
“You are never going to believe what has happened!” Claudette screeched out a high-pitched squeal into the phone when she answered. No saying “hello” calmly from her.
“What’s going on, Claudette?” One of us needed to maintain her composure, and obviously, that person needed to be me.
“My boss bought a new location for a coffee shop, and it’s in Sandy Cove. And guess who is going to get it up and running?” The excitement in her voice oozed through the phone and buzzed in my ear.
“You?” I played along. Of course, it would be her. She had been the general manager for the store at the beach in Delaware for five years. She was probably his only qualified employee for that large of a task.
“Yes! I’ll be coming back home for a while. So we will get to see each other so much more. You and your friends can come into the coffee shop. It will be amazing!” She continued to speak in exclamation mode.
“That’s great, Claudette. When are you moving back?”
“I will be coming down next week for a few days to look over the place. Take some measurements and such. Then I will meet with my boss and the interior designer.” Her pressured speech continued to spout off more details of setting up a new store. “Maybe we can meet for dinner one night that you are off work?”
“Sure, Claudette. Cam and I would love that.” She didn’t need to invite our brother. She knew if she invited me, the invitation always included Cam as well. “Maybe I will invite Travis, too.”
“Who’s Travis? A new love interest?” The way she sang “LUUUV” unnerved me. It certainly didn’t take her long to jump to the wrong conclusion.
“No. He is a friend of Cam’s and mine. He is a nice guy. You will like him.”
“Char, you really need to find some girlfriends.” Of course she would say that. She had told me that since forever. I never had any female friends when we were growing up, and that suited me just fine, but Claudette thought I needed to spend more time with other girls. I was fairly confident it was because she thought being around women would make me want to do girly things like get manicures or go shopping.
I ended the call with my sister after I assured her that we would get together next week. Then I texted Travis to make plans for the following day at the beach. Travis planned to pick me up at my apartment, and then we would drive to Cam’s place to pick him up and head to the ocean. Of course, I texted my brother to confirm the plans with him and inform him of our sister’s arrangements for coming home for a few days next week and ultimately moving back to our town for a little while.
I was still a little shocked at how excited Claudette had sounded. She always acted like she couldn’t get away from our town fast enough. She loved her cottage at the Delaware beach, and she seemed genuinely happy at her job at the coffee shop. I often wondered why she had found herself in a retail position. Sure, she was a manager of a successful store, but she had an MBA. I figured she would have moved to the Baltimore area and worked in the corporate world. She always seemed like the type to enjoy the hustle and bustle. Sure, the beach is busy during the summer, but in the winter months, life moves at a rather slow pace. Most young people find that pace boring and lonely quite frankly.
However, Claudette seemed to like her life the way it was. Maybe she was just looking forward to the challenge of starting a new business from the ground up. It might be good to have my sister around again.
Cameron had asked me where Claudette would be staying. I knew he wouldn’t offer his place to her. He wouldn’t even let me stay over, and I was his favorite person. The only women who stay at his place—well, actually, I wasn’t sure if he let any woman stay at his place. He may have someone over, but he pretty much enjoyed his time with her and then drove her home before it was time for him to go to sleep. I know the majority of times, he would go to his date’s place, making it easier for him to leave. Besides, luckily for him, Claudette considered me her favorite sibling, not our brother.
Even though I knew my sister enjoyed being with me, she said she would be staying at our parents’ house. So I guess my apartment wouldn’t be her temporary dwelling, either. I considered that a good thing. I enjoyed the time I spent at her place earlier this summer, but since I frequently slept during the day, our schedules conflicted too often. I really liked my apartment to be quiet when I slept. I could only imagine Claudette blow-drying her hair or knocking over the shampoo bottles in the shower while I tried to sleep. It certainly wouldn’t work out. So I was happy to hear that she had already made plans to stay with our mom and dad.
The following morning, Travis was at my apartment at seven minutes past eight. We had agreed on eight o’clock, but he was late. He was always late. We had come to expect his tardiness. Cam and I even joked about being on Travis’s time. It was no secret that Travis and I had become close friends over the last several weeks. I had confided in him, and he had confided in me as well.
During one of our heart-to-heart conversations, Travis admitted that he never tried to get anywhere quickly. He just accepted that he would be late and took his time. Apparently, his fiancée was in
a hurry to get to wherever she was going on the day that she was killed in that car accident. Even though the accident was not her fault, Travis still felt that had she not been in such a hurry, it may have never happened.
I felt bad about Travis losing his beloved Mindy, so I had spent a lot of time with him in the hopes that he could move on with his life or, at least, not be so lonely. He had other friends. He played golf and basketball. And of course, he spent time with Cam and me. We ate meals together, and even though we went fishing and biking together, he hadn’t accompanied me on any more of my runs. That time still didn’t feel right to share with anyone other than Louis. But Travis had become a good friend to me, and I’d like to think that I had been a good friend to him, too.
We drove to Cam’s apartment, and I texted him that we were pulling into the parking lot outside of his complex. I flipped through my phone mindlessly while waiting for my brother to make his appearance. I was in the front seat next to Travis when I heard the back door open, causing me to peer over my shoulder. Cam slid into the seat easily behind Travis, but when the door behind me opened, I had to hold my breath.
Louis peered inside the car at me. I forced a smile, not because I wasn’t happy to see him. It was forced because I was so shocked, I had to make a serious effort to erase the look of panic I must have originally worn.
“Uh, Cam. I think I might just skip the beach today. I have to head back to work tomorrow, so I should probably head back across the bridge early.” Louis referred to the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. The suspended crossing links the eastern shore of Maryland to the Annapolis-Baltimore area where Louis now lived. The reminder of that bridge forced me to think about how far apart our hearts and souls were from each other. It was like a large body of water separated us.
“Louis, get in the damn car,” my brother huffed out. “It’s my last day of freedom, if you are any friend at all, you will spend time with me today.” Is that a look of anger on my brother’s face? And is that a guilt trip he’s forcing on his best friend?
Love Burns Page 18