Deceived

by Lynda O'Rourke

  You’ve lost everything and they’ve lost nothing. If you just killed them you’d feel better.

  I shifted in my seat, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Those voices were getting to me. I could feel my heart begin to pound and a shiver run through my veins.

  Kill them. Kill Robert. Kill your friends. You don’t need them. You can do it. You know you can, Kassidy. You can do it alone.

  I clenched my fists as the voices continued to push me. I glanced at Raven, at Max, and then at Robert. Could I? Could I go it alone?

  The satchel, Kassidy. Use the strap.

  I stared down at Father Williams’s satchel between my feet, unsure at first as to what the voice meant. And then it clicked. I stared at the back of Robert’s head. The straps were long enough, weren’t they? I could easily yank them down over his head while he was driving and then pull. I could wrench it tight around his throat and there would be nothing he could do.

  Yes. Yes. Jerk it tight around his throat like a body-hugging scarf. Heave with all your might until his last sorry breath leaves his lips and his face turns blue.

  I snatched up the satchel and took hold of the thick leather strap, running it through my hands like I was feeding a hosepipe to a fireman. The strap was strong. I pulled it tight as if both of my hands were having a tug of war. And then, without lifting my head, I peered over at Max, my eyes slowing moving onto Raven and then back to Robert.

  Do it! Do it!

  I flinched as the voice was joined in a chorus of others. My head was filled with their cries and screams.

  Kill him. Kill them all. These people don’t care about you. Get a taste of death on your hands and you’ll never want to turn back!

  I leaned forward. Strap ready. Heart thumping. Head pounding. I lifted my arms. Tears trickled down my face as hate engulfed me. The voices were right. I didn’t need Robert, Max, or Raven. I inched forward so I was perched right on the edge of the seat. With my face so close to the back of Robert’s head I could see every blonde hair; hear his breath.

  Ram the strap over his head. Do it. Choke him. Then kill the others.

  No. Don’t do it. Don’t listen to them, another voice sounded out inside my head.

  “Huh?!” I muttered, confused. I glanced around inside the car. It was the other voice I had heard before. The female voice. But I was too fired up. I didn’t want to listen. I wanted to carry on. I raised my arms, strap clenched in both hands poised above Robert’s head. And as I screamed, the female voice cried, I won’t lose you to those evil voices. I won’t let you succumb to the demons. My name is Etta and I hide inside you!

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Kassidy

  As the scream escaped my lips, I felt myself thrown back into the seat. The car seemed to erupt with voices. Only it wasn’t the voices inside my head. It was Max, Robert, and Raven. The car swerved to the left and came to a juddering halt on a grass verge surrounded on both sides by tall brambles.

  “What the fuck!” I heard Robert say. He turned in his seat, eyes wide, and stared at me.

  Undoing his seatbelt, Max swivelled round and said, “What’s wrong… what’s happened?” He looked at me and then stared out of the car as if expecting to see something bad that perhaps I had spotted.

  Stunned, I stared back at them and shook my head. I didn’t know what to say.

  With her eyes narrowed, Raven leaned closer and said, “Did you see them? Did you see the dead policemen in here?”

  Before I could answer, Max said, “You looked like you wanted to murder someone.”

  “No… no, I… I was dreaming. It must have been a nightmare.” I forced a smile. The reality of what I had been about to do hit me. I looked down at my hands and realised I still held the strap. I dropped it and pushed it off of my legs as if the temptation of having it there might cause me to try my attack again—or worse, the others might cotton on to what I had been about to do. I stared out of the window, frightened that my face might give me away. Did I look guilty? I felt it. And what of that voice and what it had said? I couldn’t very well tell the others that maybe I was housing something unnatural inside me. That perhaps my body was housing several monsters. I mean, that was it, wasn’t it? That was the truth. It had to be. Why else could I hear them all? If they weren’t really there, then surely I wouldn’t hear them. If they weren’t there, I wouldn’t have been attempting to kill everyone inside this car.

  I continued to stare out the window, shamefaced. Did they believe I had just been having a nightmare?

  “Are you sure that’s why you screamed?” asked Robert. “I mean, that was pretty blood-curdling. You really shit me up!”

  Turning to face him, I said, “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you all. It was just a bad dream.” I looked down at my feet knowing that they were all staring at me. Unable to stand it, and feeling mortified that I had almost attempted murder, I opened the car door and said, “I need some fresh air.”

  I stepped out into the early evening. The lane was quiet except for a few wood pigeons perched in a tree. The air was still and the drizzle of rain from earlier had stayed where we had left it. I paced back and forth wondering now if the voice I had heard had really been Etta. I had been so fired up, so not myself and completely taken over by the evil voices, that maybe I had been mistaken? Maybe I had heard wrong. Perhaps the evil voices were tricking me? But how could I possibly tell?

  I should ask her, I thought.

  No. No, I don’t want to. I don’t want to know. To know something like that would mean having to face up to it and accept that I was even more of a crank than I first thought. I had enough crazed voices already inside my head without taking on another.

  I continued to pace, chewing on my lower lip and shaking my head. “Oh, God!” I said. “This shit can’t be happening. I don’t want this. I don’t want her inside me!” I stopped pacing. “What does that make me?” I asked aloud. “I don’t even know what Etta is? Is she a demon… or…” I broke off. The facts were beginning to fall into place—to an extent. “That’s why Quint keeps calling me Etta. He thinks I’m Etta. He knows. He knows she’s in me.” I felt my stomach lurch. I didn’t want this to be true, but the more I thought about it, the more the pieces fitted together. But how? How did this happen? When? I could feel myself shake. What should have been a lightbulb moment as a piece of the jigsaw fell into place, felt more like the light going off. My heart sank. The coffins at Cruor Pharma. The room they were kept in. My father had opened Etta’s coffin and very likely placed me in there for hiding all those years ago. He had unknowingly released Etta from her prison, and needing a body, she had used mine. “Fucking hell,” I whispered, standing underneath a tree. “Is this really happening?”

  “What was that?”

  I turned sharply to find Robert leaning against the car, watching me intently with his green eyes. How long had he been standing there? Had he heard everything I had said out loud? I shuddered. What had I said out loud? Had Robert heard me talking about Etta? I had been so wound up that I’d forgotten to keep quiet.

  “What was what?” I threw the question back at him, hoping he hadn’t really heard much.

  Stepping away from the car, Robert came toward me. “I thought I heard you say something about…” He stopped, narrowed his eyes and continued. “I don’t know, really. You seemed to be mumbling about something.” He smiled.

  Reading his face, I could tell that his smile wasn’t for real. He had heard something, but how much I wasn’t sure. Looking up the lane to avoid his stare, I shrugged and said, “I was just going over some shit. You know… talking it out loud. Sometimes it helps… to clear the head. That dream… nightmare… was pretty bad. It left me feeling a little shaken and confused… that’s all. I’ll be all right.”

  “Everything okay?”

  I looked over at the car. Max had got out also. Had he heard me?

  Before I could answer, Raven swung the car door open and got out. She stared at all three of us and said,
“I’m not sitting in that haunted car by myself. Those dead policemen are in there. I can hear them… they whisper to me… I don’t like it.”

  About to roll my eyes and tell Raven she was just talking shit, I stopped and wondered if the voices she could hear were like the voices I heard in my head. She had always claimed she could hear the dead ever since we had first met at Cruor Pharma. Did she hear voices of poison telling her to kill everyone? Had those voices grown stronger since Raven had been injected with VA20? I narrowed my eyes and watched her closely. If I was right, then at least I wasn’t alone—at least I wasn’t the only freak here. But still, would she admit that that was what was happening? Maybe Raven felt the same as me. Too scared to tell anyone in case they believed you to be unsafe—that perhaps you had a demon inside you.

  “Listen,” began Robert, “Why don’t we get back inside the car and continue on our way.” He reached out, took hold of my hand, and began to walk me back to the car. “It’s no wonder you’re having nightmares, I mean, who wouldn’t after what we’ve all been through?”

  I stared into his eyes. They looked shifty. Like he was hiding something. And then my suspicions of him being Doshia came to the forefront of my mind again. I pulled my hand away and stood still in the middle of the lane.

  “What? What is it?” asked Robert, his eyes glaring. “You look at me like you don’t trust me. Why?”

  “I don’t!” I blurted out. “Why would I trust you? I don’t know you, do I?”

  “Come on, Kassidy,” piped in Max. “Robert’s my brother, for fuck’s sake!” He laughed, but didn’t really mean it in a jokey way; more a nervous way. “I trust my brother… you trust me, don’t you? I wouldn’t do anything to put any of us in harm’s way. You know that. Look how far we’ve come together. Surely if you trust me, then you should trust my judgement in Robert?”

  “Well I don’t trust any of you!” spat Raven. “You all look fucked to me. All look like you’ve been touched by the devil.”

  I stood wide-eyed. When was the last time Raven had looked at herself in the mirror?

  “And talking of trust,” continued Robert, “I’m not too sure if I trust you.” He stood in front of me, eyes boring into mine.

  Avoiding his stare, I looked across the lane and said, “What do you mean? There’s nothing shady about me.” I was lying, of course. I knew damn well that there was some shit going on inside my head, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to reveal that. Not to Robert at least.

  “Where should I start?” asked Robert, throwing his arms up. “I know, how about the fact that you’ve got some weird crap going on with that demon doc! Or how about why you don’t want to destroy two of the demons. Or maybe… maybe there’s something else? Something you’re not telling us?”

  I shook my head, arms folded tight across my chest, and said, “I don’t know what you mean. I’m not hiding anything.”

  We stood in silence. Each staring at the other. Like we were in a stalemate. The sun was slowly disappearing and the lane began to lose its light. The eerie quiet made me shiver and I found myself peering over my shoulder at the way we’d come, looking for fog.

  “Look, can we just keep going?” pleaded Max. “We only have until tomorrow evening to get to Broken Cove.” He broke off and stared about him. “All this mistrust isn’t going to help any of us. We need to stick together to defeat the demons or… or all of this would have been for nothing.”

  “You don’t need to tell me,” snapped Robert, eyes still fixed on me. “It’s just that someone here in our group doesn’t seem to be quite with us. I’m not too sure that Kassidy even wants to destroy the demons.”

  Shaking my head, I said, “Of course I want to kill the demons. We have to. If we don’t then we become nothing more than the Cleaners’ shells—a place for them to survive in. We become nothing while they become stronger and more dangerous. Why would I want that?”

  Pointing his finger, eyes angry, Robert said, “Quint and Eras have to die, too. They are dangerous. Just because they’ve given you some so-called help doesn’t mean that they’re your best buddies. They want you to believe that. They’re demons, for fuck’s sake—demons lie—they manipulate and twist things. They get you to see stuff the way they want you to see things. It’s all a ploy. They don’t care about you. They just want their power and murdering ways to win out. They don’t even care about each other. They’d sooner kill one another if it meant being the one in control. But I don’t think you see that, Kassidy. I think you’ve been misled—conditioned—groomed into thinking that Quint and Eras care.” Robert shook his head, sighed, and then continued. “There is no Ben Fletcher or Jude Middleton left inside those bodies. They’ve gone—long ago. Swallowed up by two manipulating demons. If you don’t destroy their coffins then it’s not Ben and Jude you’re saving. It’s Quint and Eras.”

  I shook my head, angry. Robert was wrong. Ben and Jude did exist. I turned away from Robert’s prying stare, tears beginning to swell. I suddenly felt alone. Isolated in what I believed to be the truth. As I gazed down the lane, eyes blurry, I wished that Ben was here. To me, he was a friendly face amongst a group of people who didn’t want to listen. To me, he was worth fighting for, and so too was Jude.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Kassidy

  I stood still in the lane. My head hurt. There was too much to think about. Too many questions where there were no answers—not until we would reach Broken Cove. Robert was my main concern. The suspicion I felt toward him was strong. But was I mistaken? Was I just being overly cautious because I didn’t know him? Was I mistaking his want to kill Quint and Eras because really he was Doshia and that’s what Doshia wanted? Or was it just because Robert, after being a volunteer at Cruor Pharma, no longer had any faith—any trust in anything or anyone involved with what had happened on top of Strangers Hill? That, I could understand, but it would mean me having to try and convince him that Ben and Jude did still exist—that we should spare them. But I wasn’t so hopeful I could change Robert’s mind. I felt my heart jump as a voice suddenly spoke over my thoughts.

  You have to get to Broken Cove before them. You must save Quint and Eras. Find their coffins and mine before your friends do—before Doshia does.

  Feeling panicked by the sudden intrusion of that voice again, and worried the others might be watching and listening, I turned my back on them and walked a few paces away. The voice made sense, but I didn’t want to hear it—to believe it. If I truly were hearing the voice of Etta, then my fears were confirmed: Etta did live inside me.

  You’re not real, I said in my mind. You’re just another evil voice trying to trick me. I don’t believe you’re Etta. You can’t be. You would have spoken to me a long time ago. Why now, after so long, do you decide to speak up?

  “Kassidy… what are you doing?” asked Max.

  Spinning on my heels, I faced the others and said, “I’m thinking… just be quiet… I need to think!” Turning away from their stares again, I continued to pace about. The voice, Etta’s voice, if that was really her, had fallen quiet. I breathed in deeply and whispered, “How do I know you’re not just another voice plaguing my mind? I can’t see you… I can’t feel you.” I shuddered and rubbed my hands up and down my arms. The evening air was cold, and a part of me was hoping there would be no reply. But the voice came again inside my head.

  I am Etta. I’ve been inside you ever since you were a baby… ever since my coffin was opened. You have given me a way to survive… to hide. You gave me my freedom.

  “But…” I began.

  There is no time for this now. We have to leave. Time is against us and so are many others. Not only do you have to kill the demons, you have to stop your friends from destroying every coffin. If you let them get there first… that’s it… that’s the end… the end of Quint, Eras, myself… and of course… you.

  My eyes narrowed and I felt sure that my heart slowed to a near stop. Had I heard Etta correctly? Did she mean it would be the end of me if
I failed to destroy the other demons… because the Cleaners would take me?

  In answer to my silent questions, Etta said, If my body is destroyed… I will cease to exist… which means… so will you. You are like Ben and Jude. I keep you alive. You died when I took your body.

  I swallowed down hard. The awful truth hit me like a bolt of lightning. “I’m dead!?”

  “We’re all gonna be dead if you don’t get back in the car and let us leave!” shouted Raven.

  I slowly turned to face her. She had come away from the car and was now standing behind me, greasy strands of hair stuck to the sides of her face. “Max is gonna have some kind of meltdown soon if you don’t hurry up.”

  The sound of Raven’s voice echoed inside my head. I could hear her, but it wasn’t really sinking in. I was dead and that’s all I could think about.

  Snatching my arm and dragging me back in the direction of the car, Raven shoved me toward the open door. “Hurry up and get inside.” She peered over my shoulder and said, “I don’t want to be inside this car with a bunch of dead policemen either, but I’d rather take my chances with them than hang around here in the middle of the night waiting for the Cleaners to catch us up.”

  I sat in the seat, unable to think straight. As Robert slammed the door shut on me, I heard him curse under his breath. He wasn’t happy that I had delayed them all and he almost threw himself into the driver’s seat, turning on the ignition and pulling away before he had even shut his own door.

  I slumped back, resting my head against the window. The shock of what I had just learnt from Etta rushed through me like large tremors, causing my heart to jolt and my head to pound.

  Stop dwelling on the fact that you’re dead. As long as you have me… you live. I exist through you and you exist through me. We need each other and you need to come to your senses, wake up, and start thinking, pushed Etta. You have to leave these people behind. They can’t be trusted not to destroy every coffin. Think. How are you going to do it? How are you going to get away from them and have enough time to get to Broken Cove before them?