Serenity (Forever Book 1)

by India R. Adams

  “Then rack up those bills, baby, ’cause I ain’t goin’ without ya.”

  She stomps her foot. “Stop pestering me, Josh-u-a!”

  He’s off the couch in a hurry. “I’ll have a contract in four years. I’ll be your sugar daddy and pay off your loans.” He pulls her to him with an insinuating grin. “It’ll cost ya, of course.”

  Still captured, she looks away. “I don’t have that kinda money lyin’ around.”

  He bends her backward as his body contours to hers. “That’s okay. Not lookin’ for cash.”

  I giggle.

  He smirks. “What’s so funny?”

  I shrug. “I know what you’re lookin’ for.”

  “How’s that?” Not letting Jolene go, he squints. “Do I need to beat Dereck’s ass?”

  My father gave me a five-hundred-dollar check to give Jolene and Josh as a graduation gift. Even while consumed by the mist, he somehow recognizes what this special couple has done for me. I can’t help feeling the sting that five hundred is all I’m worth.

  I start to cry when I write in their card…

  How do I even begin to explain what you two mean to me? Maybe this will sum it up—thank you for saving my life. Your sacrifices were made with no complaints, and because of this, I am who I am today. So, don’t worry about me (Jolene, I mean it). You were great parents and did a wonderful job with me. I am so proud of the best role models a girl could ask for. Grab ahold of life, together.

  I love you,

  Your baby girl.

  A few days later, I’m sitting in the auditorium at graduation, seated between Dereck and Sky, holding her hand. Tears roll down my face as Josh and Jolene walk across the stage, each receiving the diploma that’s so deserved. The reality is setting in, and I want the world to stop and let me catch up. I mumble to Dereck, “What if they get all caught up in college?”

  Roc is at Sky’s side—as he has been since the Bruno incident. He puts his arm around her and squeezes as he chuckles, wiping her tears.

  Dereck answers me with a smile, “They’re supposed to, baby.”

  I don’t want to hear that, so I whine, “I know. I know.”

  “Are you pouting?”

  Even more whining. “Yeeees.”

  He plays with my protruding bottom lip. “Hey, that’s kinda cute.”

  The pout continues. “Thank you.”

  Their graduation party is beautifully bittersweet. Josh and Jolene can barely talk after reading my card. Dereck hands them his as Jolene says, “Can you believe how far we’ve all come?”

  Josh opens the envelope, then gawks at Dereck in disbelief. “What are you doing?”

  I’m shocked by Josh’s tone. Dereck reacts as if he saw this coming. “Josh, please—”

  “No.”

  “Josh, just—”

  “No!”

  Lainy hears her son and heads over. Jolene takes the card and stares at the enclosed check. Her expression tells me it’s for a decent amount of change. “Dereck, we can’t—” She chokes, holding her hand to her mouth.

  “Yes, you can,” Dereck insists.

  Lainy grabs the envelope, reads the card and check, then starts to cry.

  Josh shakes his head. “No, Mom. No way.”

  “Josh,” she begs, “this changes your future during school. You can focus on football and not have to worry.” She grabs the crying Jolene and holds her. “This changes everything for both of you.”

  Josh won’t, or maybe can’t, look at Dereck. His jaw tightens, and his face gets red as he fights back tears. I’m not even sure he’s breathing.

  Now Dereck gets serious as he, too, fights his emotions. “Listen. You two are simply the best people I know.” His voice starts cracking as he keeps trying to swallow. “I owe you both more than what I have to offer. So, please… please, as my friends, accept this from me.”

  I’m silently overwhelmed with my big guys moved as I have never seen them before. Josh finally nods. He and Dereck hug and pat each other’s back so hard that I expect to see bruises.

  Gotta love ’em.

  With graduation over, the questions return. Why is Sky not bouncing back? Summer is here, yet this girl is completely unmotivated to play. Rocco spends a lot of quiet days and evenings with Skyler before saying good night and being forced to leave her. Even though she’s in wonderful hands, with no fog to speak of, something’s continually stealing her fight. While that’s painful to watch, it’s even more painful for Roc to leave her every night. They’re not dating, and Roc’s not pushing for it. Like us, he knows something is terribly wrong. Instead, he stands by her as a special friend. Rocco has matured into a wonderful man—a night-and-day difference from the girls-hanging-all-over-me Rocco.

  One member of the Crew is with her as much as possible. When not by her side, we continue to do as Faith told us—we send Skyler love—but she’s becoming lethargic. Josh is struggling with the responsibilities of preparing for school. Apparently, college football in Texas is an even bigger deal than high school football. Jolene says Josh will be full speed ahead soon.

  Jolene has tried several times to get through to Skyler’s mom, to no avail. So here sit Dereck, Jolene, and I—on her couch—watching Josh pace, again. “Maybe it has something to do with Sky saying, ‘I’m no good’?”

  Jolene nods. “That one has stuck with me, too.” She eyes me. “You seem awfully tired lately.”

  I shrug. I’ve been drained, and it’s getting worse. But I have no idea why.

  Josh eyes me and then, reluctantly, his watch. “We’ve got reservations to keep.”

  This fancy restaurant with dim lights—and a romantic atmosphere—is not the norm for the Wise Ones, Dereck, and me, but he wanted to treat them for graduation. Josh bitched that enough had been done for them, but apparently Dereck has quite the stubborn side. I’m relaxed, except for noticing the unusual glances at our table from other patrons. Are they looking at Josh because he’s been in the news or at Dereck Hamilton? Or both?

  “Okay,” Josh says out of the blue, “apparently I’m the only one who’s going to push you for answers, Serenity.”

  Dereck and Jolene’s disappointed reactions tell me this has been discussed behind my back and was not supposed to be brought up tonight.

  Joshy Poo doesn’t give a damn. “I keep waiting, but Dereck refuses to force answers from you. It’s me, baby girl. I need you to talk to me. I’ve been patient for a long time, but now? I’m haunted by the look on your face that night with Bruno. Why did you scream, ‘Please don’t touch her’?”

  I stare at Dereck to stop Josh from grilling me, but Josh says, “No, he’s not going to save you. Sorry, Dereck, but I have to do this.”

  To break my friends’ hearts with the truth is too much. So I lie. “I was just scared for Sky.”

  Dereck’s head tilts with an accusing glare.

  Josh sits back in his chair and crosses his arms, shaking his head. “Nope. You were terrified, but not at Sky being touched by Bruno. By that time, you knew he was seriously dancin’ with Roc. So, try again.”

  “Josh, this may not be the way to do this,” Jolene says, trying to calm the volcano before it erupts.

  “I’m breathing like you told me, but something’s wrong, and her lying confirms it.”

  I glance down in shame. I’ve lied and broken an unwritten rule. They never asked before, so I feel I haven’t lied till now. My ears ring. They can’t even help Skyler. Why torture them with even more that is out of their control? I have no choice. I must keep lying. “It happened… a long time ago.” Their eyes are on me, clearly waiting. You can do this. “When I was little, my dad—” My throat closes. “Gets, would get… angry with my mom for drinking.” Everyone shifts in their seats. See? Already too much. The rest would kill
them. “Dad lost his temper a little, that’s all.”

  Josh’s eagle eyes convey his questions. “There was no ‘that’s all’ in that scream, Serenity.”

  “Please, Baby Doll. Please.”

  “There’s nothing I can say that will rest your heart, Dereck.”

  He grabs my hand. “The truth will help. Please—”

  “My father beat my mom! Okay? You guys were right. It was awful, but it’s over.” I’m being pushed, and for some reason, it’s making me angry. The pain riveting through me is taking me to the edge. People from other tables stare at us. I want to scream at them to mind their own business.

  Dereck’s eyes are transfixed in horror. “I was right. You were scared.” He then tells the Wise Ones, “I was at her house when her dad came home angry. She looked… spooked.”

  Tears are welling up, so I stare at the ceiling and beg my eyes to swallow them.

  Dereck can barely breathe. “Did he hurt you?”

  I shake my head.

  Josh makes fists. “You protected her, didn’t you?”

  Visibly upset, Jolene asks, “With your little body? Against Rex? Serenity, you held your mom during it?” I stare at the ceiling, again, and… nod.

  Jolene’s voice trembles. “Josh. That’s why she wrapped around Sky. Oh my God.”

  His hand grabs hers. “Shhh, it’s okay, babe. It’s over. Not anymore.”

  Dereck’s eyes are now quizzical toward me. Jolene points at him while childhood memories flood me. I feel as though I’m drowning at the dinner table.

  Now Josh has to be convinced. “But he stopped, right? You said, little girl.”

  Just one more lie, Serenity. I face them. I’m dead inside. “Yes, it’s stopped.”

  The Wise Ones grab their mouths in horror.

  Dereck’s head drops. “Jesus, help me. I’m going to be sick.” He whispers, “She’s lying. Her face. I saw it in her face, she was afraid of him. Dear God. I was there—” He begins to shake.

  Jolene looks terror stricken. “What? When? Her face? When?”

  Josh looks around for a waiter. “Jolene, breathe. We gotta go.” Our whole table is unraveling, and he knows it.

  The air is sucked from my lungs. “Not lying. Dereck, I’m okay—”

  “No! No, you’re not. You’re living in a hell—I gotta—we gotta go,” he says as he comes unglued right before my eyes.

  “Dereck—”

  He stands up, throws a wad of cash on the table, pulls out my chair, and grabs my hand. Josh and Jolene follow us as Dereck leads me toward the door. His white light is now jagged with different burning colors. I’ve pushed him past his limit. Dark greens mix and dance around a group of muddy reds and blues. I have to walk quickly to keep up with him. “Dereck, please—”

  He suddenly turns to me, his hand to the nape of my neck, and we are face to face, his forehead to mine. How did he move so fast? What’s happening to him? I feel his eyes reach my soul, then he says, “I love you.”

  I’m silent. He’s right—we’re in love.

  Now my hands do the pulling. I yank his lips to mine and kiss him with all the love I feel in return. For a moment, the two of us melt in time, in the most meaningful kiss of all.

  Our waiter interrupts this magical moment. “Mr. Hamilton—”

  Dereck’s whole body tenses. Incredibly quickly, he pulls his lips from mine and has an arm around my waist and my feet off the floor. Those actions probably should have hurt me, but they don’t. He’s ready to fight my battle—brutally, if necessary. His misplaced judgment adds to the confusion.

  Dereck’s other arm blocks any further approach from anyone. My arms fly around his neck to calm this fire burning inside him. Dereck speaks to Josh and Jolene, who have watched the whole thing in disbelief. His growl echoes into my chest. “I can’t control my insides. If anyone gets near her, I will—”

  Josh—who appears in shock—nods, then faces the waiter. “Now’s not a good time, my friend. He left plenty of money—”

  The waiter tries to hand over the cash. “Yes, but Mr. Dukes, it’s on the house.”

  Their voices fade as Dereck carries me outside and begins a downward spiral.

  The Wise Ones come outside. “How did Dereck move so fast—”

  Jolene stops.

  Josh stops.

  I think they are seeing what I’m feeling. Dereck is breaking. Like a caged animal, he paces with me hanging in his arms. I hold Dereck’s face. “Look at me. I’m fine.”

  Dereck won’t listen. He just shakes his head. “No. No. You don’t understand.”

  Josh sounds alarmed, “Dereck, what is it? Talk to me.”

  Dereck walks back and forth. “This, this… need to run with her is taking over my thoughts! She’s in danger. I can feel it!” His arms tighten around me in a smothering embrace. “Help me. I’m in love with her. I’m so in love with her. I need to know what’s going on at her home, but all she keeps saying is she’s fine!”

  My eyes slam shut and hide in his shoulder. Please don’t make me tell. I don’t know if I can survive it.

  Dereck is so raw and exposed, obviously in extreme anguish. When he stops walking, I can hear Jolene sniffling, then I feel Josh’s hand resting on my back. This unknown territory has him speaking unusually gently.

  “Baby, listen to me. If Jolene were going through something like this and leaving me in the dark, it would kill me. You and Dereck are a real couple, like Jolene and me.” I look at him. “That’s right, and couples in serious relationships share things, even the toughest things. If you tell Dereck what’s happening, no matter how bad, it’ll help. Because right now, you’re asking him to swallow razor blades.”

  Dereck slowly lets my feet touch the ground—the ground that has never felt more unstable. I know he’s hoping I will open up, but my legs weaken when I think about speaking the truth. I’ve been alone in my struggles to survive for so many years. I turn from him to face Josh, but opening my mouth and letting it all out is more than my body can handle. Blood rushes through my veins.

  “Serenity?” My eyes flutter. I’ve fallen into Josh’s chest—he’s holding me.

  Dereck touches my face. “What’s wrong with her?”

  Jolene appears on the verge of hysterics. “What is happening in that house?”

  Josh is rocking me and breathing hard. “Serenity, say it.” He’s demanding the truth. “Is your father still beating your mom?”

  I muster up the last of my courage. “Yes.” My knees give.

  I’m now facing the sky above me and being carried away. Josh wraps me in his arms, one hand over and one hand under me. My universe spins out of control, and my stomach is purging over Josh’s arms that cradle me. The contents splatter to the ground as Josh continues to rush us away. Dereck and Jolene, holding each other up, follow my awful trail.

  I catch a glimpse of Dereck’s pain as he watches me purge my past. I whisper, “I’m sorry” as my wet mouth rests on Josh’s arm.

  Dereck rushes forward, kisses my forehead, and grabs my hand that hangs around Josh’s waist.

  Jolene is wiping away her tears. “Josh, should you stop so she can finish getting sick?”

  “No! She deserves her privacy. I’m taking her to the truck.”

  I push away Dereck’s hand—I have to be sick again. I’m so drained I can barely keep my head raised during another stomach ejection.

  Dereck watches, looking terrified. “I shouldn’t have pushed her to talk. Never again. I will never force her if she’s not ready.”

  Jolene is so distressed she can hardly walk, so Dereck holds her to him.

  Once to Dereck’s truck, Josh puts me down as I heave some more. I go to my hands and knees.

  Dereck rushes over—“I have to be clo
se to her”—and trades places with Josh.

  Josh grabs a distraught Jolene. “We’ll see her through this.”

  Dereck removes his shirt and wipes my mouth. “I’m so sorry—”

  My head hangs low. “No more. Not tonight.” I’ve given all I can for now.

  Shakily, he rubs my back. “No more talk. You’ll be left alone. I swear it.”

  When things calm a little, Dereck hands Josh his keys and buckles me in the backseat of his truck. “Can you stay with me tonight?” It’s not difficult for him to convince me considering I have the energy of someone dying.

  I pull my cell from my purse as Dereck gets in next to me. I call and lie to my mom. “I’m staying at Jolene’s.” I hang up then say in afterthought, “I hate you.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Listen

  I’ve never been in the newspaper before. “Josh Dukes and Dereck Hamilton clash over girlfriend at local restaurant.” Apparently Dereck has. He wads up the article and throws it in the trash. Maybe that’s why Josh was rushing me to Dereck’s truck for privacy.

  Dereck has kept his promise of not pushing me for more information until I’m ready. And his vow that no one else will either seems to be true as well. Josh and Jolene have backed off. Not sure how that conversation went, but I’m sure Dereck endured some heat for my sake. Of course, this all came with my own promise. I have to tell him when my mom is drinking so I can be removed from the premises. This is simply not possible at all times, and I’ll rue the day Dereck catches me lying.

  With Sky slowly but surely falling into what seems like a depression, she’s asking for me. Being next to her is like having the life sucked right out of me—the opposite of how things used to be—but I will never turn her away. Ever. All too willingly, I sink with her.

  Returning from a normally soul-cleansing trip to the spring, Sky and I are dragging our feet. I’m overwhelmed, as is my best friend. Her eyes are brimming. “I’m so tired, Serenity.”