Peacekeeper's Plan

by Wayne Meyers

  She laughed as she prepared to resume our in-square sparring. “This is your game, and these are your rules. If you can’t win, my dear, why did you make this up with the outline so tight?”

  “To improve,” I replied. “Always, to improve.”

  Her face softened as a particularly powerful gust of wind blew out the torches with a fierce roar. It took my eyes a moment to adjust to the change in brightness, but both moons glowed full that night, a rare phenomenon, and by their combined shimmering radiance Babette stood before me wearing an expression I had never seen. The words stuck in my throat as we simply stared at each other with our arms raised in fighting position, close enough to feel the warmth of her breath upon my face.

  Another frigid wind blew right through my robe making my teeth chatter. The few leaves remaining on the nearby trees rustled softly. The night became silent other than the sounds of our breathing, and probably the sudden thumping of my heart in my chest. It struck me then as it must have occurred to her a moment earlier.

  We were alone.

  Babette and I stared at each other. Her brilliant blue eyes gleamed even brighter than usual, or perhaps the moonlight only made me think so. A strange but forceful longing consumed me as I forgot all about our sparring, or the square, or even the guild itself. My tongue struggled to form words but strangled in my mouth. Here she was right in front of me while we were finally alone, yet I had become clueless as to what I wanted to say. In my dreams I had arrived at this moment a thousand times but had never progressed past it.

  Thankfully it was Babette who spoke first, perhaps out of pity for the strangling noises I think I was making, or perhaps direct from her own heart. Her usual brazen, challenging voice emerged low and unsure, tremulous even, a strange contrast to the confident girl I had come to know well. “Are we…good friends, do you think?”

  The question was easy to answer, and my faltering voice returned with strength. “Of course we are.”

  “And…do you like me?”

  My pulse thudded in my ears as I stared at her, unable to speak again. Was that longing I heard in her voice? Could she possibly feel something akin to what I felt for her?

  An urgent compulsion swelled within me, compelling me to step even closer to her and grab her in my arms and…and what? Hold her, console her? Protect her? What was it I wanted—no, needed—to do? My face must have shown confusion but perhaps Babette took it to mean discomfort, for she suddenly stepped back and shook her head.

  “Never mind all that,” she said quickly. “Show me the twisted dragon form again, will you please? I’d ever so appreciate it; you do it so well.”

  Frustrated and relieved at the same time I cursed my cowardice. Still, always anxious to please her, I began the form. It was easier than slapping myself in the head for ruining the intense moment we had almost shared. Losing myself in remembering the technique brought mindless relief from this wasted opportunity to share my feelings, one that might never come again.

  As my body took over and the form’s movements occurred of their own accord, I focused strictly on perfecting each step and not on her, though she stood but half a meter away. My movements came faster as I shifted into different stances while performing the required strikes, kicks, and blocks. I lost myself completely and performed the form again, blocking everything else from my conscious mind.

  “Excellent!” Journeyman Krellus slapped my back, startling me back into my body.

  A surge of conflicting emotions. Pleasure from my mentor’s compliment, and disappointment that my time alone with Babette had truly ended. My head jerked upright. “Thank you, Journeyman Krellus.”

  He looked from me to Babette and smiled with satisfaction. “I had thought I would have to separate you two at one point, but you seem to have outgrown your puppy crush. I am pleased at your dedication.”

  I hoped the bright moonlight did not reveal my reddening cheeks.

  “Give Babette a turn. Let’s see how far she’s come with this form, in the shorter time period she’s had to practice it.” Journeyman Krellus stood back to watch.

  “Krellus!” Master Banton stood at the mouth of a pathway that led into the courtyard. “Come with me to High-Master Chendor’s office at once.”

  Journeyman Krellus sighed. “See how she does, Hofen, then both of you off to bed. Its past lights out, you know, and a good night’s sleep is the best preparation for another long day of training tomorrow.”

  I bowed, then turned to Babette as he swiftly disappeared with Master Banton. “All right, you watched me. Now it’s your turn.” I folded my arms across my chest and waited for her to start, hoping she had not quite caught Journeyman Krellus’ comment.

  There was a very odd gleam in her eye now, deeper than before, and her brows furrowed across her forehead. She seemed not to have heard me. “I saw him slipping into the courtyard earlier which was why I asked you to show me the twisted-dragon form instead of pressing you to answer my question. But now, I have a different one you need to explain to me. Be a dear and tell me exactly what Journeyman Krellus was talking about.”

  My neck started to burn to the tips of my ears. “What do you mean? Anyhow, let’s see how well you—”

  Babette jabbed a finger into my chest, her expression more serious than I’d ever seen. “You know what I mean. What did he mean by, we were to be separated?”

  “Well….” I hesitatingly told her about my concentration problem, and what Journeyman Krellus had told me would happen if it continued. It was embarrassing to speak of it, but when Babette insisted on something it seemed impossible not to accommodate her.

  “Oh.” Her brows creased even more, and her nose turned up as she stared into space. “Oh!”

  “So, back to the form—”

  Her voice quavered a bit as she continued to ignore my attempts to move past this. “Well, it must have been very easy for you to block me out like that.” She snapped her fingers.

  Not considering the weight of the words, I replied with a chuckle. “Actually, it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do in my life, but if I didn’t succeed, I would not have been able to see you anymore and that would have been worse.”

  I glanced down at her upturned face which had somehow come so close to mine, and the jabbing finger now a warm palm pressed against the robes over my chest. To my surprise her eyes blazed, and I thought she was angry with me.

  She seemed to be talking to herself, her gaze distant. Her voice emerged softly, barely a whisper, forcing me to bend my head lower to hear. “That is why you changed, you loveable idiot. All this time I thought I had misread you, but whenever we washed dishes your eyes told me I was wrong. I wasn’t sure what to believe. And now….”

  I found myself again unable to speak, digesting her words with growing amazement. Was it actually possible?

  Her hand, warm and soft, pressed harder against my chest, the fingertips curling about my robe as though grabbing onto me.

  I’m not sure what would have happened then had not the clouds covered the two moons, placing us into nearly absolute darkness. We were invisible to anyone who might be standing nearby or looking out a window, and from the knowing look in her eyes I knew we both knew this. What to do, though, what to do? My body seemed to know but my brain didn’t understand what commands to give to move my rigid limbs.

  Then, Babette pressed herself close against me, rising on tiptoes so her lips met mine and all the confusion and awkwardness melted away as we kissed. Time froze beneath the clouds in that moment of darkness, my universe focused upon her warmth, her honey-sweet scent, and the taste of her mouth. My knees grew weak. My heart beat so hard beneath her hand I wondered if she could feel it.

  An eternity passed.

  Then, the clouds cleared the moons and Babette leaped away. I stood paralyzed and mute and would as likely have stood there motionless in continuous mental replay of that moment had she not abruptly laughed and slapped my arm. I gazed at her, dumbfounded, seeing a face a
s stunned as mine must have appeared. Although we stood there apart I had never felt closer to anyone in my life.

  Her expression transitioned from amazement to melancholy and her voice continued in that same husky whisper, nearly muted by gusting winds that tousled her hair. “I should not have done that.”

  Now I longed to wrap my arms about her but dared not beneath the brightening moonlight. “It is okay. Really.”

  She shook her head emphatically. “We would be separated. By that one act of longing all your hard work would have been for nothing. Hofen, I am so sorry for my selfishness.”

  My hand rose but I stopped myself from touching her shoulder, surprised to see my fingers trembling. Unspoken words fumbled in my mouth, and I cursed myself for not knowing what needed to be said.

  “I—I need to think.” With that she ran off, looking back at me once over her shoulder. Then she was gone.

  “Well.” I stood there alone in the courtyard, trembling with a combination of longing and fear. I had violated the rules of the guild simply in wanting her, but enjoying Babette’s company was harmless. Until now everything had been within my head only, an unfulfilled fantasy, a daydream.

  The kiss had changed everything. I had not stopped her, nor had I wanted to. By accepting her declaration of affection I had doomed us both. I had been strong enough to hide my feelings to everyone but her. We had stepped through a door from which there was no returning. We had dared to defy the guild I loved beyond almost anything else.

  And yet there were no regrets, which both surprised and saddened me.

  Chapter Thirteen—Mixed Signals

  Despite my excitement I slept deeply, awakening to the morning sunshine with a huge smile upon my lips.

  “Good morning,” I called out to Spaldeer while bouncing out of bed.

  He stared at me suspiciously. “Good morning to you.”

  Having showered before bed, I hurriedly put on fresh underclothes before slipping into a clean robe. Then, I checked my appearance on a wall mirror. My wild black hair desperately needed a thorough grooming, so I set at it with a horsehair brush.

  Spaldeer cleared his throat. “Are you…whistling?”

  Tugging at a stubborn tangle, I realized to my surprise my lips were pursed. “Yes, suppose I was.”

  It was Spaldeer’s turn to leap out of bed. He hurried over to me and peered at my face. “Did you hurt your head last night after I left?”

  “No!”

  “Something happened. This isn’t like you.”

  I shrugged and went back to work on my hair. “What’s the big deal? I happen to be in a good mood this morning.”

  He turned away to dress himself. “Altbrud, you are never in a good mood. Especially not in the morning.”

  Spaldeer was exaggerating of course, but I was in too good a mood to be angry with him. I patted him on the back and headed off to the lavatory to brush my teeth. “See you later.”

  Realizing my happy behavior was somewhat noticeable I made sure to calm myself down before I entered the kitchens to assist with the morning meal. Babette was already there as usual. My jaw ached from crushing the grin that fought to consume my face. Some remote corner of my mind dared me to walk over to her and kiss her right in front of everyone. I was invulnerable.

  She looked up from the counter where she had been cracking eggs into a huge bowl, then looked back down again without giving me the slightest indication of recognition.

  I blinked. Had she not noticed me? Where was my usual morning grin and teasing greeting?

  “I’m here,” I said. Loudly.

  Journeyman Luntz, the hospitality journeyman assigned to run the peackeeper kitchens, grunted at me with annoyance. He shifted a sack of flour from one shoulder to a table with a loud thump. “Thanks for letting us know. Now stir up the fire so the water boils. The apprentices will be here soon, and the porridge still isn’t cooked through yet.”

  Babette ignored me as I threw more wood into the fire beneath the cauldron, though I kept glancing over toward her to catch her eye. Finally, I tried a more direct approach and called over to her with a casual air. “Good morning. Did you sleep well?”

  “As well as usual.” Her tone remained neutral with neither warmth nor ire.

  Totally confused, the struggle to restrain my grin became one to contain a frown instead. “Are you feeling okay?”

  She whipped the eggs with a large wire whisk creating more noise than required. “Sorry, can’t hear you.”

  Journeyman Luntz slapped me on the head. “The water’s boiling over. Pay attention.”

  Once breakfast was ready to serve, we stood side by side behind the serving counter. I ladled porridge into a wooden bowl each apprentice held on their tray while Babette scooped scrambled eggs onto a plate. It was mechanical work that didn’t take any brain power so I tried talking to her again.

  “Your eggs smell delicious.”

  Babette sniffed. “Don’t you have work to focus on instead of engaging in pointless chatter?”

  My hand froze in mid-serve, the ladle unturned over the apprentice’s bowl. A flush of red crept up my neck.

  “Hofen, dear, Gallamon is waiting for his porridge. You need to turn the ladle before it comes out.”

  Pressing my lips together, I flipped the ladle with excessive force, splashing the cereal out of the bowl.

  She beamed at the next apprentice in line as Gallamon hurried away, wiping porridge from his robe. “Good morning, Wohl. How are you feeling today?”

  Apprentice Wohl stared at her with confusion. “Um, fine, I guess. And you?”

  “Oh, I’m simply wonderful, thank you so much for asking. Would you care for extra eggs?”

  “Um…sure.” He glanced at me with a look that seemed to ask what was wrong with Babette, saw the expression on my face, and closed his mouth.

  My teeth clenched tighter with each serving as Babette proceeded to banter with almost every apprentice we served breakfast to. Decklin commented on how chatty she was today and how it brightened up his morning. Moorie tried to engage her in a full conversation but the apprentice standing behind him pushed him out of the way.

  I wanted to punch all of them in the face. I wanted to grab Babette by the shoulders and shake her hard. Shake her, yes, then when I had finally shook some sense back into her, hold her still and lean forward….

  Another slap on the head. “Time to clean up. Let’s go. The journeymen will be here before you know it.”

  We scrubbed pots and pans in an awkward silence. Well, it was awkward for me. Babette hummed to herself as though she hadn’t a care in the world.

  Spaldeer was mopping up the dining area while Journeyman Luntz stepped outside with his hospitality apprentice assistants for a break, leaving us momentarily alone.

  “What’s gotten into you?” I hissed. “After last night I thought you really liked me.”

  “Why, because I kissed you?” She shrugged without looking at me. “I’ve kissed lots of boys. It doesn’t mean anything.”

  My eyes widened, my mouth dropped open, but no sound emerged. I felt like crying, screaming, and jumping up and down, all at the same time.

  Instead, I scrubbed at a stubborn stain on a pot with excessive force until it cleared. When I looked up again, she had left the kitchen. With slumped shoulders I walked into the dining area and sat down on one of the table benches to wait for Spaldeer to finish his mopping.

  He paused from wringing his mop in the bucket and wiped the sweat from his forehead with one sleeve. “Wow. Now that’s a change in mood.”

  “I’m not feeling well.”

  He glanced around the empty dining room before sitting next to me on the bench. “May I talk to you about something?”

  “Sure, what is it?”

  He leaned closer to me and scrutinized my face. “Babette.”

  The subsequent eruption of emotions betrayed me.

  Spaldeer nodded and leaned back. “Look, it’s not my business, I know, but if yo
u wear your heart like a shirt, someone is going to get suspicious.”

  My face fell as I realized he was right. Despite all of my previous hard work, after last night I had relinquished any semblance of control.

  He smiled at me in his gentle manner. “You have to decide what you want. You can’t have her as a girlfriend in the guild, so you must push this scenario out of your head otherwise you’ll go mad. The same for her. We can all continue to be friends and have fun training together, but you two must draw the line there.”

  I took a few moments to reflect upon his words. “I had come to the same conclusion. I hadn’t counted on her own feelings changing things, but then I guess I was wrong about that anyway.”

  Spaldeer tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

  I hesitated, biting my lip.

  He smiled. “You can trust me, altbrud. I won’t say anything.”

  Haltingly, I relayed what had taken place the night before, and then, this morning.

  He rubbed at this chin. “Hm. Well that explains her strange behavior.”

  “It does?”

  He offered me a patient smile. “First off, I’ve seen how she looks at you when we’re alone. She wears a tight mask around anyone else, but let’s herself relax when it’s just the three of us. She has definite feelings for you.”

  I was whining but couldn’t help myself. “But this morning she was mean to me.”

  Spaldeer slapped my leg, his face triumphant. “I bet she came to the same conclusion we did. Why torment yourselves if you can’t be together? She’s simply backing off that road and getting back onto the formal peacekeeper apprentice path where she belongs, just as you managed to do. Her method is different than yours, that’s all.”

  My head lifted. “You really think so?”

  “I think so.”

  I frowned. “Well, why didn’t she just say so? Why did she have to act that way and tell me she’s kissed lots of boys?” I looked at Spaldeer suspiciously. “Did she ever kiss you?”

  Spaldeer rose to his feet with a laugh. “Of course not, you twit! I’m not the one she cares for. Stop acting so silly. Now let’s get to practice, and if I was you, I would simply ignore her for now. Let her work out what she must inside her heart. When she’s ready to be friends again she will let you know.”