Forbidden Love

by Mary Hagen

  “You may realize by now she is a Jew. You know, or at least should be aware, of what’s occurring in my country.”

  “I wasn’t aware she is not of my faith, but it makes no difference to me.” He faced her. “I’m also a Jew in a way. My father was a Jew, and I’m more than willing to open my doors to our people, although I was brought up Christian because of my mother.”

  “We may need you as our only way of communicating should I be sent out of Germany,” Penn continued.

  “Of course.”

  While Penn slipped into his wrap, Josef helped Hannah with her coat. At the door, they said their farewells, Josef adding, “I hope you’ll have time to stop on your return to Berlin.”

  “We’ll try, but we won’t leave Altdorf until the last minute of our time here.”

  Penn found lodging for them in a small hotel overlooking the statue of William Tell, Switzerland’s hero, with his son. Tall mountain peaks lined the Reuss Valley above the village. A fresh falling of snow covered the roofs of homes and shops.

  “It’s ironic to me that Hitler likes Schiller’s William Tell Play,” Penn said. They followed a young man upstairs to the third floor.

  “We could do without Hitler,” the man replied but apologized with a question. “You’re from Germany?”

  “Yes, and we would agree. He is our misfortune.” Hannah elbowed Penn’s side. They were in Switzerland, but the man could be a German spy. Penn could end up in prison for making such an unpatriotic statement.

  Their room contained two double beds covered with matching quilts, a small table, and two chairs, a dresser and a wardrobe, and a bathroom at one end. Hooked rugs covered the floor. Hannah protested sharing a room, but they could find no other accommodations. If she would marry him, it would not be imperative he control his desires even though his heart beat out of control. He would never compromise her or force himself on her. When they made love, it would be by agreement. Germany threw a dark cloud over them and their love, but not his images of her undressed lying next to him, their bodies touching with the heat of passion. He fought down his yearning. He would control himself.

  Early the next morning in the dining room of the lodge, they sat near the fireplace, sipped espresso and ate delicious rolls, before bundling up to stroll the streets of the village located on the plain of the Reuss River estuary not far from Lucerne.

  Holding hands, they looked in store windows, enjoyed Christmas decorated shops, and paused to listen to carols.

  “Does this Christian emphasis disturb you?” Penn asked.

  “Not in the least. I love the Christmas trees, the lights, as much as the next person. We celebrate God, but each in our own beliefs.” Hannah paused. “I must admit I question religion at this point in my life.”

  Penn nodded in agreement. Music, laughter, and chatter surrounded them. Hannah relaxed and smiled with delight at the activity, the freedom enjoyed in Switzerland. Penn pulled her to a store window with displays of jewelry.

  “Let’s go inside and look. Pick out something you like. Perhaps a ring. Marry me?” Penn proposed.

  “Impossible as you know. Not allowed. Oh, Penn, how I wish I could say yes.”

  “You can. Stay in Switzerland. I’ll know you are out of danger, and I’ll visit every chance I get. Please listen to your father and to me.” The indecision in her expression gave him hope. He would miss seeing her each night and on weekends, but they would survive, endure until the end of the Nazis and Hitler.

  Soft flakes of snow fell catching on her long eyelashes and highlighting her blue eyes. She dabbed them with her finger. Neither said anything for several minutes, Penn not wishing to disturb her thoughts and her confusion.

  “You know I can’t,” she said. “Not until this nightmare we live with is over.”

  Her words filled him with despondency, a loss of heart. Hitler must die. He’s destroying my life and the life of my Hannah.

  “If you’d stay with me, we’d marry,” Hannah said. “My parents would understand my remaining in Switzerland.”

  “In a minute if I could, but the Nazis do not tolerate desertions.” He watched Hannah’s reaction in the glass window. She understood the consequences. His parents, his father a loyal Nazis produced parts for war machines, but it would not save the family if Penn deserted.

  Taking her arm, he led her into the jewelry shop. Christmas lights cast a soft hue over cases of rings, bracelets, earrings, necklaces, and watches. Clocks hung on walls and music played in the background. A young woman with blonde braids wrapped around the top of her head approached them.

  “May I help you?” Her soft voice blended with the tone of the shop.

  “We want to look at rings,” Penn said.

  A smile creased the clerk’s face. “An engagement ring, perhaps?”

  Penn nodded. “For my beautiful lady.”

  Hannah pulled away from him. Her hand trembled. “You mustn’t buy me a ring.”

  The clerk frowned. “You’re saying no to such a handsome man? My dream.” She giggled.

  “That isn’t the problem,” Hannah answered. She faced Penn. “You know this isn’t the time.”

  “In our world, there’s no time to wait.”

  Hannah shrugged and blinked her eyes. The ring would be a memory but she could not accept it.

  “Let me see the emerald with the tiny diamonds on each side.” Hannah said. “Is it set in platinum?”

  “Yes. It’s one of our most beautiful rings.” When the clerk removed the ring from the case, Hannah slipped it onto her finger.

  “You must be a musician, the piano, with such long fingers.”

  Hannah tipped her hand from side to side admiring the stone and setting. She didn’t answer the clerk, but she once played. “I’m afraid music no longer enters my home in Berlin. Only silence.”

  “I’m sadden to hear it,” the clerk said.

  “It’s yours,” Penn said as he took her hand and turned it from side to side. He hid the anxieties that fell over him as joy, anger, and remorse mixed in his mind. “You must have the ring to remember me forever.”

  “You’ll always be with me but I should think about it and talk with you.” Hannah removed the ring and handed it to the clerk.

  “I’ll hold it for you until closing.” The clerk slipped the ring in a box. “You two seem perfect for one another.”

  “The silver one with the milky jade. It so resembles the color of your rivers. I’d like to see it,” Hannah said.

  With a click of her tongue at Hannah’s second choice, she slipped the ring on her finger.

  Hannah glanced at Penn who narrowed his eyes in disapproval. “We’ll be back.”

  That evening, sitting in a small dining room and sharing fondue, Penn said, “You should let me give you the emerald, a symbol of our love forever.

  Dipping a small piece of meat in the fondue, Hannah said nothing for several second. “I love the ring, but I prefer the jade. I’ll tell you a secret. My favorite color is the color of the rivers flowing from the glaciers, the beautiful soft greens.” She paused. “I add, my mother is selling her jewelry to buy us food and to heat our rooms. The people buying her valuables pay her very little. The time could come when I’d need to sell the ring so talk no more about it.”

  With a shake of his head, Penn picked up the bottle of wine and added some to her goblet.

  “If the SS or Gestapo raid our house, they’ll steal everything of value. Remember we are Jews. We’re nothing.”

  “I hate this,” Penn said. “I’m getting you the ring. It’s perfect for you. Wear it at my apartment, if you will.” He covered her hand with his before she could pick up her goblet. She smiled. His insides churned with desire. He wanted to take her in his arms, touch her hair, feel her next to him, and erase the horror
of the Nazis from her life.

  Finished with dinner, they walked to their hotel passing the statue of William Tell. He had faced insurmountable odds and won. They would win as well and marry. He would never love another.

  The following morning, they drove to Lucerne to visit Switzerland’s oldest covered bridge erected in the 1300’s over the Reuss River. Paintings applied in the 1700’s displayed the history of the country. Part way across the 669-foot long bridge, they paused at the Water Tower, a fortification from the 13th century. From the bridge, they traveled to the Spreuer Bridge that zigzagged across the Reuss. Under the roof of the bridge constructed in 1408, they gazed at a series of medieval-style 17th century paintings titled Dance of Death.

  “The paintings remind me too much of Germany, death everywhere, everyday a threat to me.” A sob caught in her throat.

  Penn wrapped his arms around her to wipe the sadness from her mouth and kissed her. “While we’re here, put such thoughts out of your mind.”

  They left the bridge and visited a clock shop where Penn intended to purchase a cuckoo clock for his sister as a Christmas present. As they entered, clocks of every sound chimed the hour. Cuckoo clocks added their version to the music and cheered his thoughts.

  From the clock shop, they visited two different museums, ate lunch with a view of Lake Lucerne, and strolled along the shore of the lake enjoying a warm spell in December. Before returning to Altdorf, they visited the Christmas market with twinkling Christmas stars, fragrances of gingerbread, toffees, spices, punch, and mulled wine. Inside a small shop, they drank punch. Later, Penn led her to a restaurant where they had a delicious supper of fresh trout, salad and cooked mixed vegetable followed by a rich chocolate cake.

  “It’s been a perfect day I’ll carry in my mind for the rest of my days,” Hannah said. “Thank you, dear Penn. If you’d stay with me, we could live in peace.” She rested against the back of her chair and sipped her coffee.

  “This is as our lives should be, not filled with hate and fear.” He frowned debating with himself whether to tell her of a plot to overthrow Hitler, decided not to, knowing the less she knew the better. The plot to oust Hitler came about when men, who once supported him, realized he was leading them to war over the Sudetenland and Czechoslovakia. Most broke with the Nazis and included mayors, ministers in the government, intellectuals, two Gestapo leaders, and young men Penn knew. Generals also involved themselves in the plot aware of the risk. Penn attended some of their meetings knowing when the time came, he would join them. He believed like some, Hitler’s anti-Semitism could and would destroy the Germany he loved.

  “Where are your thoughts?” Hannah interrupted him.

  “Where they shouldn’t be, especially when I’m sitting across from the most beautiful woman in the world I love with every inch of my body.”

  Her face turned serious. “But you haven’t told me where they are. This is the week we are to forget Germany, enjoy our freedom.”

  “And we shall.”

  Before returning to Altdorf, they stopped at Old Town Lucerne with its fine half-timbered structures and painted fronts. On the hill above the town, were eight tall watch towers and a gated tower at the base of the hill on the banks of the Reuss.

  “Do you want to visit the Church of St. Leodegar? I know it’s Christian, but the interior is beautiful,” Penn said.

  Hannah frowned. “I have no objections.”

  They entered the church hand in hand, marveled at the stained-glass windows, the statues of Christ, and the soft lights, neither speaking to one another in the silent interior. Penn could not help but think of the hypocrisy of the German hierarchy, the hoodlums governing his country. His faith was shaken along with his Christian beliefs. Were they any better than other religions? He said nothing to Hannah.

  When they left the church, they returned to Altdorf, tired but at peace within themselves away from the horror of the Nazis.

  “This is such beautiful country with so many mountains, rivers, and lakes. I could spend my life here and never miss Germany,” Hannah said as they climbed the stairs to their room. That night, they put caution aside and slept side by side. Their love was agreeable, but they held themselves.

  Chapter 7

  Hannah returned to her home late on a dark night with few stars and a sliver of moon seen through the clouds. Quietly, she opened the back door expecting everyone to be asleep at the late hour. As she made her way to the kitchen, she heard chairs scrape on the floor and feet swish toward the stairs. Whispers came to her ears. Not bothering to remove her coat, she opened the door to the kitchen where she faced a strange man turning toward the stairs.

  Her mouth opened in surprise. She faced her Papa who stood with an expression of surprise and guilt on his face. Her mother and Ethel moved to stand in front of the man as though to protect him. Before anyone could greet her, she asked, “Who is this man?”

  “You better sit down,” Papa said. “I’ll take your coat and then explain.”

  She studied the man who stood with his head bowed in resignation. He was of medium height, had brown curly hair, thick black eyebrows that almost covered his dark eyes, a large nose, and broad mouth. Worry lines crisscrossed his forehead. His dark clothes were rumpled and he wore heavy hiking boots. He made no effort to leave the room or speak words.

  A feeling of dread and chill enveloped Hannah. She bit her lip. The man was a threat to her family, an uncertain entity. Her throat constricted. She glanced at her father for an explanation.

  "You’re home earlier than we expected,” Mamma said. Faint color showed in her cheeks.

  Ignoring her, Hannah repeated, “Who is this? What is he doing in our house?”

  “Sit,” Papa ordered. “I’ll explain. This is Karl Goldstein.”

  “Whoever he is, what is he doing here?” She took a deep breath to stifle her misgivings.

  “I’m wanted by the Gestapo,” Karl said. His voice wavered.

  Hannah’s mouth opened in surprise. “You’re in our house wanted by the Gestapo,” she exclaimed. “We’re Jews. We’re targeted people by the Nazis. We’re in enough danger without you, wanted by the Gestapo.” Her voice cracked, her protests lost to her family.

  Papa placed his hand on Hannah’s shoulders. “Calm yourself. He needs our help. Karl leads a group who have been writing anti-Nazi pamphlets and posting them around the city and Germany to make the people realize what is going on in our country.”

  Ethel put a cup of hot water in front of Hannah. She sat back against her chair and took a sip. “I’ve seen the pamphlets.”

  “We need to arouse the people,” Karl said in a soft voice. “Hitler intends to lead us into war, a war we cannot win. The ordinary citizen goes about his business without a thought about the events taking place, the treatment of Jews, misfits, the handicapped. If Hitler is left alone to continue his dictatorship, we will be destroyed as a country.”

  By now, Karl was pacing in front of the table. “It’s senseless to treat Jews as non-human. My God, we’re wasting some of the best talent in Europe, our scientists, physicists, and the labor of too many reliable workers.”

  “Why are you afraid the Gestapo will arrest you?” Hannah knew the answer. No one could oppose Hitler especially a Jew with pamphlets. She could not find words to protest out loud, but she did not want the man in her house endangering her family. For a moment, rage circled through her. The man could rob her of the people she held dearest to her heart. “You should leave. Now.”

  Papa held up his hand to silence her, his face grim but determined.

  “They found out my name. Once I’m arrested, I’ll be tortured to give out the names of others writing the pamphlets. Then I’ll be hung or go before a firing squad. I’m afraid I might not withstand their torture.” He bit his lip until it paled. “I’m not as brave as I thought
. I need help.”

  “Why are you in our house? Why not some other house?” Hannah banged her fist on the table, frustrated by his presence. “You can’t stay here. We could face the firing squad with you. Go.” Misery overwhelmed her with the danger he carried.

  Papa interrupted. “We’ve kept you ignorant of what we’re doing. Karl is not the first person we’ve helped.”

  “Not the first. How many? Why haven’t you told me?” She glared at Karl and repeated her words. “You could get us arrested.” She shivered uncontrollably.

  “We haven’t told you because we know you are still seeing your Nazi friend,” her mother said in a tight voice. “You think we didn’t know you went to Switzerland with him.”

  “He can’t be trusted,” her father said. “His family are members of the Nazi party and will betray us if they find out about our activities. You could let something slip to Penn, and it would be the end for us, this man who is depending on us.”

  Shocked at what Papa said, Hannah stood. “Penn is not a Nazi. He would not betray us.”

  “You are naïve, Daughter.” Dismay registered on his face.

  Hannah could not believe they mistrusted Penn, but what did they know about him? True, his father supported the Nazis and attained wealth because of them, but Penn was not a Nazi. “Penn hates the Nazis.” Hannah defended him. “He loves me and would never put me or us in danger.”

  “You want to believe,” her mother said, “but love blinds us to reality. You have much to learn. Be skeptical.”

  Ethel indicated Hannah sit. “We have no friends nor do you although you think Penn loves you his first loyalty, like yours, is to his family and Germany, the Nazis.” She blinked before giving Hannah a hard look. “We should inform her.”

  “What if she says something to Penn?” Papa questioned, his voice skeptical.