by Alex Silver
“Aaron and I need to confess something,” I said. No use tiptoeing around the issue.
“See, I told you they’d come clean,” Jake said.
“That’s what he said,” Aaron and Caleb chorused. I rolled my eyes, sure Jake was doing the same.
“High five, man,” Aaron called, craning closer to the phone to talk.
“I mean, come is more dirty than clean,” Jake said. Because arguing semantics with Aaron and Caleb worked so well. And they would make a semen joke if I mentioned semantics out loud, so I refrained. Although those two were rubbing off on me if I was thinking their punchlines for them now.
“What are you coming clean about? Conspiring to skip out on the joys of DIY furniture assembly using pictographs?”
“No fair coming while we’re stuck with the boring stuff,” Caleb interjected, “clean or otherwise.”
“Does this pertain to whatever you two whispered about all morning?” Jake asked.
“Aaron and I are calling because we are on our way to Jules’ apartment.”
“And?” Caleb prompted after a beat of expectant silence.
“And her new neighbor who just moved into the building is looking to re-home a pair of mixed breed terriers. Bella is one and Terrence is three. They can’t keep them in the new apartment.”
“And you and Aaron were planning to spring, not one, but two dogs on us?” Jake sounded more upset than I would have expected.
“Yes?” I said.
“El, hun, I know you want a dog, but that’s a shitty way of going about it,” Jake said.
“You should have told us upfront,” Caleb said.
“So, is that a no?” Aaron asked, squirming uncomfortably.
“It’s a why didn’t you tell us upfront?” Caleb said.
“I thought it would be harder for you to say no to the adorable puppies’ faces. Aaron was in on it, but he got cold feet and pointed out that sneaking around behind your backs was a bad way to start our new arrangement. So we are calling to get your blessing before we get the dogs.”
“That counts for something, right?” Aaron asked.
Jake sighed, the noise a deafening crackle over the phone’s speakers. “Can you tell me why this is such a huge deal to you, Elliott?”
That was easy, I rattled off my answer without having the consider it.
“If we get a dog, then we are responsible for it. All of us. Together. It’s a commitment to being a family.”
“Oh, El,” Jake said. His tone was one he reserved for when he felt bad about something I said. Like he’d only now realized my newfound obsession with getting a dog was about more than having a pet. Or like my words somehow let him read my thoughts for once.
The words I needed a tangible commitment from them hovered unspoken between us. There was a hushed conversation on the other end of the line, like Jake had taken it off speaker so he and Caleb could confer. Then Caleb spoke into the receiver.
“Elliott, hun, you and Aaron can go pick up the dogs. Thank you for calling first instead of just showing up and surprising us. But calling after you already agreed to adopt those dogs was a crap way to have this conversation.”
“I know. I’m sor—” I said. Caleb cut me off before I could finish the apology.
“And Jake and I have done a crap job of communicating too. If you—for a second—believe we need a pet to want to commit to you. Okay? I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.”
Caleb drew in a deep breath, “I love you.”
“I love you too,” I said. It took tremendous effort to summon up the correct words for an apology, but I should get it out there. “I’m sorry. I know I should have told you about the dogs when Julia mentioned them. It’s just… I didn’t want you to say no.”
“I can never tell you no, hun, not about something this important to you, I thought you realized that.”
“Caleb?”
“Yeah, Elliott?”
“Thanks.”
“No problem. Go get the pups and once we see what we need for them, we can find a pet store near the apartment.”
“Sounds good.”
“And don’t worry about the pizza, Jake and I will order delivery.”
“Pineapple, olives and anchovies on mine,” Aaron said.
“So disgusting,” Caleb said.
“I’d eat it, if it weren’t for the anchovies,” I said.
“What about if we got it with onions instead of anchovies?” Aaron suggested.
“You’re on,” I agreed.
Caleb groaned, “sounds awful, who knew you two would be pizza buddies? Got it, we’ll get your gross pizza and Jay and I can share plain cheese. Text when you’re on your way home, all right?”
We said our goodbyes. It wasn’t much farther to Julia’s place. We stopped in to visit her first.
“Hey, Elliott, long time no see, bud,” Julia greeted me with her customary warmth. I submitted to a hug. Aaron received an appraising once over. “And you’re Jake’s new boyfriend?”
“Yeah, Aaron Anderson,” Aaron waved instead of offering a handshake. Julia was a psion too, so she didn’t offer either.
“Elliott’s like my kid brother,” Julia said. “I was glad to hear from you the other day, bud.”
“Yeah, sorry, it’s been too long. Life got super hectic this summer. And then with starting my PhD coursework…” I shrugged. My excuses rang hollow. I liked Julia and her little family. I’d known Max since he started school. Still, I couldn’t believe Julia and her wife had been together for almost a decade. The gap-toothed five-year-old I had first met was now in junior high. “Is the little man around?”
“Sara took Max over to play with the dogs before they leave. So you’ll see him over there. We think he’s got a crush on the neighbor’s daughter, so that didn’t hurt his enthusiasm to spend time over there either. Can I offer you a cup of coffee or anything before we head over?”
“Much as I’d love to catch up, can we take a rain check on coffee? I may have neglected to tell Jake and Caleb we were getting the dogs until we were on the way over here. So, we should return to face their wrath.”
“Like those two would deny you anything,” Julia dismissed my concerns and reached up to ruffle my hair.
“Huh?”
“Come on, Elliott, don’t front. You know they’d do anything to make you happy.”
“I’d do the same for them,” I said, and I couldn’t help a glance over at Aaron. He noticed and flinched.
“I’m sure you guys are eager to meet the doggos. So, I’ll get Edward, that’s the dad. He can meet with you here before you meet the dogs. I’ll help get the dogs and their gear packed up and let the kids say their goodbyes. Then if they seem like a good fit, you guys can bring Bella and Terrence home, sound good?”
“Sure, thanks, Jules,” I said. “We’ll invite you and the family over for dinner once we’re settled in. I’d love to catch up properly sometime soon.”
“Thank you, Julia,” Aaron said.
“I’ll hold you to that invite, bud, your man Caleb is a catch in the kitchen.”
“He is,” I said with a smile. Julia left us sitting in her living room. Aaron wouldn’t quite look at me, and he kept fidgeting in his seat.
“I didn’t mean to imply you’re a hardship I have to endure to make Jake happy. Just so you know,” I said. And I even resisted the reflexive urge to apologize while bringing up my verbal misstep. Progress in my personal growth, wouldn’t my therapist be proud. I mentally rolled my eyes at myself.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, Aaron. I like having you around. You’re fun. And fizzy.”
“Fizzy?”
“Sure, like carbonation.”
Aaron guffawed, “car-bone-ation, that’s what he said.”
“You and Caleb need to let that joke die. It stopped being funny three hundred lines ago.”
“Nah, it’ll never get old. But I’m glad you don’t hate me anymore.”
“I never hated you. Just felt like you were stealing my family. We’re good now.”
“We are,” Aaron said. “Although, are you comparing me to soda?”
“Sure, you’re a bouncy, bubbly beverage. Refreshing with a bite.”
Aaron smirked at me, “you know, funny you should mention biting…”
“Oh, shit, you heard us last night, didn’t you?”
“In my defense, you guys are loud. So, Jake likes being bit?”
“More like I like biting.”
“Sounded like he liked it too.”
A courtesy knock heralded our new pups’ current owner so that shut down the conversation. I was grateful for the reprieve. Much as I was feeling better about Aaron these days, talking about my sex life with him made my guts do their familiar squirming. Not that Aaron knew how uncomfortable the topic made me. I let it go, and he followed my lead.
“You’re Julia’s old friend?”
“Yes, sir, Elliott Sheffield, and this is my roommate, Aaron,” I stood and nodded at the middle-aged man who entered the apartment.
“Roommate or boyfriend?”
“Roommate. Our boyfriends are at home. Is that a problem?”
“Nope, not for me. So long as the dogs are in a loving home I couldn’t care less who you boys sleep with.”
“All right then.”
“So, why don’t you tell me why you’re looking to get a dog?”
“Companionship,” I said.
“And we have a decent-sized apartment, with a small dog park across the street, so a smaller breed seems like it would be a good fit for us.”
“And everyone in your home is on board with this decision?”
Aaron and I exchanged a glance, before he said, “yeah, we all agreed.”
“The kids are saying their goodbyes, the pups are both house trained and sterilized. They had a vet check about a month ago, so they’re up to date on their shots and worming and so forth. You can register them online, we’ve got their toys, a kennel to transport them, leashes, and a bag of their food for you. We printed out a list of care instructions so you can see what they’re used to and our contact information in case you have questions later. I think that covers just about everything on my end, do you guys have questions for me?”
“No, sounds good,” Aaron said.
“Can we meet them?” I asked.
“Sure,” Edward led the way to our new dogs.
Chapter 12
Caleb
I wanted to stay mad about the dogs. A new pet wasn’t something you sprung on someone. But more than anything I was sad. Sad that Elliott questioned his place with us. That he deduced he needed to resort to sneaking a dog into our lives to get us to keep him.
And it made me think. I’d been doing that a lot lately. Because Elliott had accepted my needs and wants and quirks without judgment for over six years now. His recent mental health struggles and my health status left me pondering the fragility of life and what I came up with was that I owed Elliott something. A tangible commitment.
“Jay?”
“What is it?” Jake said. His voice was tight with anger.
“You’re mad at him,” I said. And it surprised me, Jake was an indulgent lover. He wouldn’t have denied Elliott and Aaron’s desire for a pet for long. So there was more going on here.
“Yeah, I am. I don’t like being pushed into a situation where I have to be the bad guy. They planned to manipulate us. I don’t like it. I’m mad at them for sneaking around, and I’m disappointed in them.
“All the upheaval has shaken Elliott’s confidence. And I’ve been thinking. You and I still have ties to our families of origin, right? Like if I were sick or hurt my parents would be at the hospital for me in a heartbeat. And you have that too. I mean, your family is huge.”
“Tell me about it.”
“El doesn’t.”
“Aaron doesn’t either. Not anymore.”
“Right, well, I can’t speak to Aaron, that’s your call. And I know we both tell Elliott he’s our family. But maybe he needs—deserves—more than words?”
“Like what?” Jake turned back to the shelf he was assembling. “Hand me the Allen wrench?”
I handed over the tool and puzzled over the instruction sheet again before answering the question. It was easier to put the unfamiliar longing into words if I didn’t have to make eye contact.
“I was considering a commitment ceremony? For all three of us. But that’s just more words, right?”
“Right,” Jake said. “Now I need the rest of the short bolts with their washers.”
I fumbled in my pocket for the little box and added its contents to the fistful of hardware I handed to Jake next.
“So, I figure, we can do that, but then I might propose to him. So he has the choice to bind himself to us under the law, you know? Give him the official family he lost? Obviously we can’t both do it legally, but we could look into name change stuff, so it matches?
“Make our family official and binding. Because watching you and then him withdraw the past few months has been hell, Jay. And I can’t do it again. I’m thrilled that things are working out with Aaron. I like him. But I hate seeing Elliott hurting.”
“I thought you didn’t believe in marriage,” Jake said, as he fit a washer to a bolt in one of the pre-drilled holes.
“No, I don’t want a traditional monogamous relationship. Doesn’t mean I don’t believe in us. In making a family with you guys. Aaron included.”
I hadn’t expected to be nervous talking to Jake about this. But I was. Because I was comfortable with our relationship at it stood. Marriage was not my jam. And yet, here I was considering it.
I never wanted Elliott or Jake to doubt their place in my life again. And this was the best way I could come up with to show them I planned to have them as a part of my family for keeps.
Jake did a double take as he went to assemble the next bolt and washer and instead found the custom ring. He held it up and looked at me with a strange expression. Incredulous mixed with pleasure.
“So, is this you proposing?”
I snorted a choked off laugh, because, yeah, it was. It wasn’t the most elegant way to ask, but I needed to run it by him before I asked Elliott. Make sure he understood I was asking them both.
“Yeah, big guy, I guess it is. What do you say?”
“I’m in.”
“Cool, because I already got the rings,” I gestured to the jewelry in his hand. “It’s custom, so you know, no returns.”
Jake was examining the piece, and he chuckled softly. “It’s engraved.”
“Yeah, an anchor with two chain links. You can get a third added for Aaron, I asked about it when I got them.”
“You got one for El too?”
“Yeah, one for each of us. And they can make another for Aaron if that’s the direction you’re going with him.”
“When were you planning on asking Elliott?”
“I didn’t have a plan. Wasn’t sure I’d even use them, to be honest. But today I learned that Elliott feels a dog would be a better incentive for us to stay together as a family than he is. So, I suspect he needs this.”
“You’re sure you want to make that kind of commitment?”
I laughed. “I gave him my heart and soul six years ago. This is just me using language he understands to make that clear to him. But I needed to be sure you understand this doesn’t put you on some lower relationship status tier. On paper, it might be between Elliott and I, but in every other way, it’s about all three of us, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I mean it, Jay. Okay? I’m serious.”
“I know. And I understand what this means to you. I want to commit to you and Elliott too. I am all in. It’s funny, I was considering making the same offer.”
“Yeah?” I grinned at him.
“Yeah. I hated thinking I was losing you. I never want to experience that again. Just, Aaron might need extra reassurances that this doesn’t ch
ange he and I either. Because it can’t. I need all of you.”
“Understood.”
“And I want to give Aaron a ring too. Not now, but soon. Make him feel like part of the family. Does that work for you?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Now, you get the pizza ordered while I finish this bookshelf.”
“Not so fast! I proposed, don’t I get a kiss?”
Jake kissed me, a gentle promise of things to come. “Love you, Caleb.”
“Love you, too. Now, hand over the ring so Elliott doesn’t see it before I can ask him.”
Jake guffawed and handed back the ring.
“So when will you ask him? I should talk to Aaron about it first, give him a heads up so he can prepare.”
“About that. I talked to him about this before I purchased the rings. Things were going so well. I didn’t want to risk freaking him out by springing it on him.
“So I figured including him in the ring shopping might help him feel involved instead of threatened, is that all right? I wasn’t sure what order to ask you all.
“I considered bringing it up to you all at once. But well, I figured Aaron deserved a chance to veto it before I got Elliott’s heart set on something that would only make the situation harder.”
“How did he react?”
“He seemed excited. It was a nice bonding experience. He helped pick the design. And, no I didn’t ask about getting one for him while he was there, that decision is between the two of you.”
“You really care about Aaron too, huh?”
“Well, yeah. You love him, the least I can do is to try not to hurt him, right?” I asked.
“Right,” Jake gave me another deep needy kiss. And I considered where that might lead, but later. When Elliott was with us too.
Now I had decided to propose, the rings seemed set on burning a hole in my pocket. I longed to have this last proposal behind me. Jake broke off the kiss.
“Much more of that and we’ll be christening the apartment without Elliott,” he said in a mild tone.
Not that Elliott minded us fooling around without him these days, but still. I wanted to take advantage of our new, more private, room tonight. Jake seemed in agreement. He set to work with the tools and I ordered our dinner.