The Redemption of River

by Eli Easton

  River turned his back and slid the card through the card reader. Brent’s throat stung as disappointment crashed through him. He started to apologize. But then the door was open, and River took his hand and led him into the room.

  * * *

  River

  River let the door swing shut, then backed Brent up against it. He’d left a bedside lamp on, and the soft light played over Brent’s features. His eyes were worried and wanting. He was tense, as if ready to flee. He was shaking.

  And River just wanted to take care of him.

  He cupped Brent’s face, thumbs caressing his cheekbones. He gazed into those nervous green eyes. “You want to be with me? As a lover?”

  Brent nodded energetically, but he didn’t speak. Maybe he couldn’t speak. His eyes said yes and please and held a depth of desire River wasn’t sure had ever been directed his way.

  That gave him pause. This had potential for heartbreak. They were playing with fire and, very probably, with Brent’s heart. Still, the moment felt inevitable, as though their lives were two meteors moving through space, their arcs on a collision course, despite the two of them being from entirely different galaxies.

  Hadn’t Brent been different from the start? Like visiting a home River was sure he’d lived in before, only he couldn’t quite remember when.

  And, selfishly, River simply wanted him. He’d been half-aroused all day. The pull he felt toward Brent had grown undeniable. Despite their being so different on the surface, the material things that ultimately didn’t matter, and the life trajectories, which mattered very much, their energy simply worked together, the yin and yang of them.

  River had tried to allow himself to feel that attraction, to enjoy Brent’s company, without becoming attached to the idea that they had to happen, that he needed to make it to happen. But now that the moment was here, a warm joy spread through him, and it felt just that—inescapable. He was already falling from the plane. He couldn’t stop it if he tried.

  And, God. He didn’t want to.

  He traced down Brent’s cheeks with his thumbs and caressed the corners of his lips. He let that joy pass through his gaze, feeling the energy that was always there between them build and grow hot. Brent relaxed against the wall, his eyes softening, his will melting to River’s. His breathing grew deep.

  “This isn’t about just getting off for me,” River told him. “I want to be intimate with you.”

  “Okay.” Brent’s voice was raspy. “Yes. Whatever you want. I just want to be with you.”

  So River kissed him. Slowly he explored, pressing his mouth to Brent’s again and again, soft and sensual, learning the texture of Brent’s lips under his. He closed his eyes and felt the moment, the moment Brent McKay became his lover.

  The stars realigned and the Earth stopped its spinning. At least, in River’s universe, they did. Something new was born.

  Brent moaned, a simple sound that sent a rush of liquid desire through River, pulsing and pooling low in his belly, expanding his Svadhishthana chakra and engorging his penis. Brent’s hands came up to hold his waist and then moved up his sides. The touch left tingles in its wake, but the shirt between them was an irritant. River wanted to feel Brent’s hands on his skin. He broke the kiss so he could pull his shirt over his head and drop it to the floor.

  Brent watched him. A deep flush crawled down his neck and disappeared into his button-down shirt. He was breathing hard, his eyes roaming over River’s bare chest and shoulders. Then he blinked, as if realizing he should be doing something. He straightened from the wall and started working on the buttons of his shirt, fingers clumsy and trembling.

  River used the moment to center himself. How were they going to do this? He couldn’t go back to the way sex had been before tantra, getting naked and a quick suck, fuck, or hand job until they both came. Intimacy meant more to him now. He craved a deeper connection.

  At the ashram, tantric sex had been long and ritualized, with both parties practitioners who used desire and touch to build up energy. But Brent had only ever been on the receiving end of that, he wasn’t ready for full tantric sex. And now was not the time for lessons, or for any words at all.

  River would just have to play it by ear and do what felt right.

  His shirt now off, Brent looked up, biting his lower lip. He reached out and traced a finger down the center of River’s chest, down to the start of his fuzzy happy trail. “I haven’t been with anyone except Kathy since I was eighteen years old. And never with a man. So I apologize in advance if our first time isn’t great.”

  Our first time. The words reassured a last tendril of doubt in River’s mind and warmth bloomed in his heart. “How about we strip down to our underwear, get on the bed, and just explore?”

  As if the words were a key that unlocked the next step, the uncertainty evaporated and the heat of anticipation returned, sparking from Brent’s eyes directly to River’s belly. They removed the rest of their clothing unhurriedly, watching each other with soft smiles. Brent’s underwear showed the tenting of a full-blown erection, and River’s groin ached.

  He sat on the bed, cross-legged. Brent joined him, mirroring his pose, their knees touching. If this were a tantric session, they would begin with deep breathing and gazing into one another’s eyes to initiate a connection. But it felt like they were already past that, already so aware of each other it hurt.

  So River cupped the back of Brent’s neck and leaned forward to kiss him.

  This time, the kiss was passionate. Lips parted and mouths sucked greedily. Brent’s hands settled on River’s bare thighs where they sent heat and electricity into his groin. He was already hard, but the waves created a steady pulse of want there. He pushed the sexual energy up his spine and it radiated out through his entire body, giving him a natural high and feeding back into his lover. Brent made sounds deep in his throat, became more and more pliant under River’s hands as he went into a deeper state of consciousness.

  As before, it was the yin energy, the feminine, that rose in Brent, the pull force that called out to River to push. His dominant side came forward, heady and strong.

  He guided Brent down onto his back and lay over him, breaking the hypnotizing kiss. River stayed propped up on his hands, elbows straight, gazing down at Brent. Like this, his hips on top of Brent’s, Brent’s erection throbbed against his own through their underwear. River had to stop himself from rutting against it.

  He wanted a moment to look into those green eyes. He was already breathing hard and it felt natural to go into tantric breath, letting everything he felt radiate throughout his body. Brent’s pupils were huge and his face and chest rosy with desire. He looked drunk with it. He looked ten years younger.

  His hands slid up River’s sides, then tugged gently in invitation. Lay on me. But River stayed where he was, holding that gaze.

  Brent swallowed. “I don’t even know what this is. What I feel with you,” Brent whispered. “It’s like… like…”

  “Intoxicating,” River supplied.

  “Yes. Is that you? I mean…” Brent licked his lips. “Do you have this kind of chemistry with everyone? Is it a tantric thing?”

  River shook his head slowly. He wanted to say, It’s never been as strong with anyone as it is with you. But that seemed too much, revealed too much, promised too much. “You and I—we sync together very well.”

  Brent’s smile was blinding, so proud and pleased. But it was only momentary before his expression grew lax with desire again as he moved his hands over River’s chest, fingers gliding over his nipples.

  River took a deep breath at the surge of pleasure, let it out.

  Encouraged, Brent’s hands skated down River’s belly to where their hips were flush. River’s hips were a little higher up than Brent’s, and the tip of his cock peeked above his underwear.

  Brent gave a low moan when he saw it. His fingers went to it, brushing across the slit lightly, finding stickiness there. Another shaky breath and his hips pushed up, n
eedy. “Please, River.”

  A fresh, hot wave of sexual energy went through River, and he let it take him, lowering onto Brent fully, reclaiming his mouth hungrily, and grinding down his hips. He rode the wave, setting up a rhythm that sent pleasure spiraling tighter and tighter, then stopping when Brent’s thighs began to tremble and he got close, or when River himself needed a moment to pause and push the energy up his spine, away from imminent orgasm. The pleasure was intense, hot and sweet and rich. River filled up to the brim with it.

  After a long while, he rolled them onto their sides so he wasn’t crushing Brent any longer. Brent’s face ended up in River’s neck. His ragged breathing caused goosebumps to break out.

  “Jesus. You really know how to torture a guy.”

  River smiled and ran soothing hands up and down Brent’s back. “You okay?”

  “Huh? Yeah, fantastic. I just… I want… Can I touch you?”

  “I would love it if you touched me.”

  As if shy, Brent kept his face in River’s neck as one hand crept down. It slipped under his waistband and circled his cock, squeezed.

  River let out a long breath, surprised at the swift rush of pleasure that almost made him come. He breathed deeply, eyes closed, as Brent experimented, running his palm down to cup River’s balls, then sliding up his shaft. He made a twisting motion up and around, a move River had used on him during the lingam massage, rubbed his thumb over the frenulum.

  River took another deep breath, let it out. “That feels so good.”

  “I’ve never done this.” Brent’s tone was apologetic. “Well, not to someone else.”

  “You’re a natural. But, just to let you know, I don’t want to come.”

  Brent pumped him lightly. “You… really?”

  River sucked in a breath as Brent squeezed his head and chuckled. “In tantra, the goal is not to have an orgasm. It’s to build sexual energy and spread it to the higher chakras. When I get close, I prefer to take that explosion that would normally occur outward and turn it inward. It’s an amazing sensation, a total buzz. And it leaves you feeling energized instead of tired. I can teach you, if you want. But not tonight. Or not at all, if you prefer. It’s fine if you want to come.”

  Brent squeezed him again and then cupped his balls, running a thumb over them as if memorizing the texture.

  “It feels so sexy to touch you like this. I wanted to before… during that last session we had. I’ve never had that urge with a guy. I’m not sure I know myself anymore. But I do know you’re the sexiest thing I can imagine. All of you. Especially this.” He laughed a little, even as his hand worked River so sweetly he couldn’t help but press into it with his hips.

  “Mmm. Just let yourself feel what you feel. Don’t try to define it.”

  Brent raised his head to peer into River’s eyes. “I’d like to try to do that… get you to that point where you’re close. Should I just use my hand, or—?”

  River pulled down a pillow. It was a long one and he moved it under both of their heads. Then, lying facing one another, and staring into each other’s eyes, River placed his hand over Brent’s and showed him the rhythm that would take him to the point of orgasm.

  He let go and moved his hand up to Brent’s shoulder as Brent continued to pleasure him. He traced the line of Brent’s jaw as the energy coiled tighter in his belly, coaxed up and up and up by Brent’s stroking hand. Oh. Oh yes. River’s breath grew deeper and louder, a machine that he used to move the pleasure up his chakras. His eyes wanted to flicker closed at the intensity of the sensation, but he kept them fixed on Brent’s.

  Brent’s face tightened as he moved his hand faster, up and down, thumb and forefinger circled, the way that drove River crazy, the way that felt so good. Brent’s expression grew pained as if it was his own orgasm he was chasing. The energy built and flowed between them. It felt like they’d been lovers for years, as if there were no barriers between them at all.

  River’s thighs shook and he panted loudly as the crest rose up in front of him. He grabbed Brent’s hand, stilling it, as the pleasure peaked. Using his breath and his will, he turned the ecstasy inward and up—up, up his spine, lighting up the chakras, until it expanded in his heart and flowed out the top of his head.

  It was so much better than a physical orgasm, the feeling of happiness, the rush of endorphins, the lightness of being. And River stared into Brent’s eyes for all of it.

  A smile spread across his face as his heart rate slowed down.

  And the best part of all? He softened only a little. He could go again. But Brent was not ready for an eight-hour lovemaking session. River was suddenly aware of Brent’s erection throbbing against his leg.

  “Wow,” Brent said. “That was amazing.”

  River let out a laugh of pure joy. He sat up and flipped Brent onto his back. He felt incandescent, buzzing with energy—like he could lift Brent over his head if he wanted to. But he had a better idea.

  He moved to kneel between Brent’s legs, parting them with a firm touch and pulling down Brent’s blue boxer briefs to reveal a very engorged penis. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen it, of course. But it was different now. Now it could be an object of desire. Now he and Brent were… well… equal. In this together.

  Brent gazed at River and licked his lips. His hips tilted up ever so slightly in supplication.

  River bent down and took the tip into his mouth, suckling lightly. Brent gave a choked sound and grabbed the comforter in both fists. “Oh my God. Yes! I didn’t… does tantra….?”

  River gave the shaft a long lick before answering. “Do oral? Oh, yeah.”

  “Oh my God, I’m dead,” Brent whispered.

  River proceeded to prove the point, edging Brent until he was begging him not to stop, to let him come. It was so sexy to have a man in his mouth again, stiff and throbbing. River became the receptacle, moving into a softer yin energy and encouraging Brent to thrust and take his pleasure. When he cried out and spilled his release, River took it all, his own member stiff and throbbing in sympathy.

  Brent slumped afterward, a smile on his face, his eyes sleepy. So River pulled down the comforter and nudged Brent into the bed. He didn’t ask if he could stay, and River didn’t offer. It was simply going to happen that way. This wasn’t only sex. It was connection, and even if they didn’t make love all night, River wanted the intimacy.

  He wrapped his arms around Brent and lay there floating in a deep well of peace.

  Chapter 22

  Brent

  They slept late, their bodies still on the wrong time zone. When Brent opened his eyes and looked at the bedside clock, it was eleven. He was groggy for about thirty seconds until his brain caught up to the fact that he was naked in bed with River. They’d made love. They were lovers.

  That woke him up fast.

  Before he could turn to face the warm body behind him, River was up. He stood next to the bed and stretched his arms to the ceiling, completely unselfconscious in his nudity. Brent stared. Wow, what a body. River’s long hair was down and it flowed to the middle of his back. Broad shoulders, lightly muscled delts, trim waist, long legs that were beautifully shaped, neither skinny nor bulky, and an ass that made Brent want to stick a knuckle in his mouth and bite it, like Austin Powers.

  River’s ass was more meaty than pert, nicely rounded, with clear indentations on the side where the muscle attached to the hips. It was an extravagant ass, and Brent’s stomach warmed just looking at it.

  River laughed. Brent glanced up to see River was looking over his shoulder, bemused. “See something you like?”

  Brent grinned. “Always been an ass man.”

  River raised one eyebrow knowingly, and Brent got a strange little thrill in his chest.

  Oh shit. Right. Last night he’d had sex for the first time with a man. And yeah, maybe the ass thing should have been a clue.

  “You doing all right?” River asked, his voice and expression softer now.

  “I’m fucking
fantastic. I’d be even better if you got back into this bed.”

  “Nope. We’ve just got time to hit the breakfast buffet before it closes. How about we do that; then we can come back up here and lounge?”

  Brent’s stomach reminded him that there was, in fact, more to life than sex. He hopped up and got dressed.

  Over breakfast, Brent tried not to stare at River too much across the table. His mind was a jumble.

  He’d had sex with River. Were they a thing now? He wanted to be a thing. He wanted it all. He knew he was getting ahead of himself, but that was just who he was. As much as Sean encouraged him to play the field, insisting this was his opportunity to sow some later-life wild oats, etc., that just didn’t appeal to him. Not when he felt such a strong attraction to, and connection with, River. How could some random person at a bar compete with that?

  Did it bother him that River was male?

  No, it did not. He’d met River in, what, March? Now it was mid-June. He’d gotten used to the idea. He liked River, full stop. So apparently he was bisexual. He had no problem with that. What mattered is that it felt right. Being with River felt incredible.

  Honestly, last night he hadn’t even thought about the fact that he was interacting with his first not-his-own penis. He’d been so turned on. He’d just wanted to touch River, be with him, in every way possible.

  Hell, now that Brent thought about it, he hadn’t even given a moment’s thought to his previous blockage or performance anxiety either. It had been green lights all the way.

  “That smile is a textbook example of cat-who-ate-the-cream,” River noted with amusement after polishing off his toast and eggs.

  Yeah, Brent could feel the grin on his face. He tried to remove it. It didn’t work. “Feeling pretty good this morning.”

  “Good?” River asked skeptically.

  “Smug,” Brent admitted.

  River chuckled. “Well, I suppose you’re entitled to a little smugness. What do you want to do today? We talked about taking the bus to Pune.”