Nuzzling Ellie against him, Blake fell into a contented sleep. When he woke, he was alone. The sound of the shower drew his attention. For a moment, Blake thought of joining her. He slid off the bed, naked and aroused. Only as a teenager had he ever wanted sex this often. The difference between him at seventeen and him at twenty-seven was he only wanted to have sex with Ellie now.
Finding his boxers on the floor, Blake picked them up. A piece of paper fluttered from beneath them and wafted through the air. He slipped into the underwear, listening to the shower water and imagining Ellie naked under the spray. If he got into the shower, he’d never get to the store today, and he had to at least check in. This meant going home, showering and changing. If Ellie came out of that bathroom, all steamy and fragrant and wrapped in only a towel, as his imagination portrayed her, he’d be lost.
Forcing himself to take a step toward the door, where his pants started a parade of clothes back to the front door, he saw the piece of paper that had fallen to the floor. The closet door was ajar and the paper lay partially under it. Reaching to pick it up, his body stopped in midbend, frozen, paralyzed as the image of Alexis Ferrell looked up at him from a ten-year hiatus.
Cold seeped through him, beginning at his bare feet and working its way up until he was all but shivering. Forcing his hand to move, he opened the door. The paper lay against a box of newspaper clippings.
What...? How...? he asked himself, searching for a reason for this paper to be in Ellie’s bedroom. What did she know about Alexis? The paper was yellowed, old, too old for her to have copied it from someplace, and there was a handwritten date on a neatly trimmed edge. He glanced at the box. It was full of clippings, all of them having to do with the accident, his accident.
How could they be here? He tried to wrap his brain around the fact that she knew. Ellie knew about him and Alexis. But why? Why would she have a box full of clippings?
Unless...
Blake wanted to sit down. He wanted to understand what he was seeing, process everything that was hammering its way like a battering ram into his memory.
The bathroom door opened and Blake turned, the paper still in his hand. Bright lights backlit Ellie and seemed to flash through the mist that surrounded her. Blake didn’t look at her with arousal. He’d been reading the words on the paper. His memory opened, and the accident played its way into the present. He saw the car coming, just as it had in his dream. He heard the impact of the crash, the sound of metal folding up like someone crushing paper into a ball.
Blake said nothing. He opened his mouth only to find he was incapable of uttering a word.
“I can explain,” Ellie said, coming forward.
Blake backed away.
He remembered. The name of the driver of the other car was printed in the first paragraph. He’d forgotten the man was driving with his daughter. Blake had relegated that day and all its hurtful memories to a place deep in his brain. Yet something should have told him. The name Elliana Hamilton should be permanently imprinted in his mind. How could she see him time and time again and not reveal who she was? Even when he poured his heart out to her, after the tears that formed so quickly in his eyes, how could she keep this information concealed?
“Blake,” she started.
He raised a hand, palm out, stopping her from any further speech.
“I remember,” he said. “I remember I told you all about Alexis and the accident. And I remember your tears. The ones I thought were for me, for the loss of a life. But I know now they were for you and your part in killing a young girl.”
He looked at the clipping as if it were a flesh-eating virus and threw it at her. The paper fluttered in the charged air. Blake turned and left the bedroom. Picking his clothes up as he went, pushing his arms into his shirt and legs into pants, he hopped through the house and out the front door, slamming it hard enough to shake the foundation.
Inside the car, he pushed the button and the engine roared to life. Blake threw the car into gear, but kept his foot on the brake. After a moment, he slammed his hand against the steering wheel and stared through the front glass at the tree-lined street.
Why hadn’t he adhered to his policy? Why had he allowed Ellie, Elliana Hamilton of all people, to get into his blood? After last night, he was ready to ask her to marry him. Blake’s head fell forward onto the top of the steering wheel. The hard plastic bit into his skin. He ignored it, needing the pain, the solidness of it, of anything, to get perspective on his life, on his next action.
He didn’t know how long he stayed there. Ellie could be looking at him from an upstairs window. He didn’t know and refused to look. Finally, he settled back, put the car in gear and let it slowly roll away from the curb.
The hurt squeezing his chest was incomparable to anything he’d ever felt before. He thought that losing Alexis had been painful. He knew now that he and Alexis hadn’t been in love. What Blake felt for Ellie was life changing. His life had changed tonight, and it would never be the same again.
Blake laughed at himself. He’d wanted the night to end with a bang, a detonation. And it had happened. However, it hadn’t ended. The chain reaction had started and continued without stopping. As long as there was fuel, it would never end. And he was at the center of the mushroom cloud.
Day one, Ellie thought when she got up that morning. She’d survived her first night after Blake left. All she wanted was to crawl back in bed and pull the covers over her head. But she couldn’t. She had a scheduled lunch. The last thing Ellie needed today was to have to smile at people, but she’d promised the kids working at House of Thorn that she would take them to lunch. It wasn’t something she could back out of. She called Judi for support and also to have another person to help carry on a conversation.
They were supposed to meet in the store’s restaurant, but Ellie couldn’t do it. She couldn’t be that close to Blake and maintain the fragile facade that was barely holding her together, and she had no wish to run into him. Ellie was sure he didn’t want to see her again, either—maybe never again. The thought caused her physical pain.
And it was her fault.
If she hadn’t had to wear those pearl-encrusted shoes, she never would have pulled that box down, and she wouldn’t have left it sitting on the floor of her closet. Being in a hurry, Ellie hadn’t noticed that a page had slipped out and lay in plain view. Surely, she wasn’t noticing scraps of paper when she and Blake entered her room. Her eyes, hands and attention had been solely on him.
“Hey.” Judi slid into a chair next to Ellie. “I called your name three times and you didn’t even look up. What’s happening?”
“Blake and I had a fight.”
“Oh?” Judi’s tone had a lifting quality at the end of the word, turning it into a question. She waited for Ellie to go on. “Too bad you’re expecting teenagers, since I get the feeling this should be a liquid lunch.”
No sooner had she said the words than the three teenagers entered the restaurant. With cell phones in one hand and backpacks slung over one shoulder, each epitomized the American teenager uniform of their generation. Will pointed toward them and smiled. The three walked over and took the available seats. Backpacks thudded to the floor and cell phones were placed within easy reach.
“Hi,” Judi said. “I’m Ellie’s best friend, Judi Burns.”
She shook hands with each as Will, Patty and Gloria introduced themselves.
“I hear you all work at House of Thorn. How’s that going?” Judi had already commanded the conversation. Ellie knew her friend was giving her time to pull herself together.
“I love it,” Patty said. “My mom is thrilled that I get a store discount.”
They all laughed, including Ellie.
“Mr. Thorn is such a good person. He listens to us, lets us express ourselves and he follows through on his promises,” Gloria said. “I wish my dad was more like him.” Realizing
how her comment sounded, she continued, “Oh no, my dad is great. He’s just busy and doesn’t always listen like Mr. Thorn does.”
Ellie reacted to the mention of Blake’s name. Memories of him smiling, of his telling her jokes and her leaning against him, came into her head.
“How about you, Will? Do you still like Security?” Ellie asked, needing to get her mind off Blake.
“It’s really good working back there. It’s like being backstage. At first I felt like a Peeping Tom, but now I know there is a real need for security.”
Ellie wondered if he was thinking of his own experience with being caught shoplifting.
“There’s also the trust Mr. Thorn puts in me. I never would have allowed someone who stole from me to come work in my store.”
“And he cares about us,” Gloria said.
“Wonderful,” Judi chimed in. “Now that we’ve shared the greatest traits of your employer, what are you guys up to? How are things in school?”
Ellie listened to them talk. Will, who’d previously been sullen and uncommunicative, had cracked the shell he’d built around himself. Ellie felt she was working behind a wall, keeping hold of her emotions while smiling and listening.
After the meal, which for the kids was comprised of burgers and fries, came dessert. They opted for ice cream sundaes or chocolate cake. Ellie was surprised she could get anything down, while they seemed to be hollow inside. Ellie and Judi only ordered coffee to complement their meals.
“Do you miss the horse farm?” Ellie asked after the waiter set down plates large enough to be a full meal in front of each teenager.
“I miss some of the people I made friends with,” Patty said, “but I felt like the farm was work. At the store, it’s fun.”
Gloria concurred with her. “I’m so glad Mr. Thorn chose me.”
“Me, too,” Will said. “I was so hostile to him, I figured he wanted to make an example of me, but he’s not that kind of guy.”
Ellie felt Judi grab her hand and squeeze it in assurance under the table.
“And I’m learning so much,” Will continued. “The older guys tease me some, but they’re behind me. Not only am I learning about security, but they’re teaching me some computer programs.”
“And I’m sure you’re teaching them video games.”
He smiled, confirming her suspicions.
When the last one finished dessert, they thanked Ellie and said goodbye.
“We’ll have to do this again,” she said.
The three of them stopped and looked at her.
“My mom says we should do something for you,” Patty said.
“You’re already doing it,” Ellie told them.
When she and Judi were alone, Judi looked at her. “Time to dump the coffee and open the wine.”
After leaving the restaurant, they went to Judi’s. She lived alone in a condo overlooking the San Francisco Bay. Judi wanted none of the responsibility of home maintenance. Although she grew up on a farm and knew how to fix things, her usual comment was been there, done that, not doing it again.
Ellie didn’t want to be in her house. Blake was imprinted everywhere she looked.
Judi handed Ellie a glass of white wine and placed a small wheel of cheese, fresh fruit and crackers on the coffee table, despite the fact that they’d already eaten.
“Now, start at the beginning,” she said.
Ellie sipped the wine. It was her favorite. She took her time, mulling over where the right place to start was. Using Blake’s arrival at her house as a jumping-off point, she related the story. Omitting only the segment of them making love, she told her everything, even the truth about the car accident that took the life of Alexis Farrell. Ellie expelled a long breath when she finished.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Judi said. “He can’t blame you for something that wasn’t your fault.”
“He’s blaming me for concealing that I had a part in the story and I kept it secret.” Ellie took a moment to blink, forcing herself not to allow a single tear to escape her eyes. “And he’s right.”
“What?”
“He told me about the accident. He explained everything he knew, before he went into a coma. I listened, but I didn’t tell him I was part of that story. I kept it to myself.”
“Why?”
“I thought he’d leave, and I didn’t want him to.”
Judi’s face changed to compassionate. Ellie didn’t have to say she was in love with Blake. It was apparent in the crack of her voice. But now he was gone anyway. She knew that had to happen. It was the only outcome, the only resolution to the secret she held.
Ellie took a sip of her wine, then set the glass on the table. Wine wasn’t the answer. Blake was a question that had no answer, a mathematical uncertainty. But wasn’t that what love was? Something with no logic, no formula, no method of predicting an outcome?
Ellie had to face the truth. She was in love.
And love hurt.
* * *
A week later, Blake lay on the sofa of his condo. His drapes were closed, blocking the strong sunlight that glinted off the bay in the distance. He was still in his pajamas and had been for two days. He hadn’t brushed his hair or his teeth.
This was the first time in ten years that he’d taken two days off in the middle of the week. When he got up, he knew he couldn’t go in. It was too much of an effort. That newspaper clipping kept falling through his mind like some film set on repeat. Elliana Hamilton had been in the other car. And she hadn’t told him. She knew, and she’d kept it a secret. The jarring headline stated it was her fault. Her fault, and she’d walked away with only a scratch, while Alexis had...
Blake blamed her. But she wasn’t the driver. What had she done to distract the driver?
His phone rang. Blake jumped at the alien sound. Checking the display, he expected to see someone from the store calling. Instead, the gala photo of his mother filled the screen.
He didn’t want to talk to her, but she would know something was wrong if he rejected her call.
“Mom, is anything wrong?” He didn’t expect that there was, but going that route was better than trying to be cheerful.
“Yes, something is wrong, and I want to talk to you.”
He sat up, swinging his legs to the floor and giving her his full attention. Had something happened to his dad or one of his brothers?
“What happened?”
“I’m not going to tell you on the phone. I’m in the lobby.”
Lobby? Here?
She was here, in San Francisco?
“You’re here?”
“I just said that.” Her voice was impatient.
Blake looked around. The cleaning crew had been here two days ago, and except for the mess he’d made since then, the place was presentable, even if he wasn’t.
“Come on up.”
While he calculated how long it would take for the elevator to reach the top floor, he rushed to brush his teeth and pull on a pair of pants. He got both of them done, but the shirt he already had on would have to do. It was gray, wrinkled and had a logo for an athletic gym on the front.
The doorbell rang, giving him no time to move the array of pages and clippings about the accident from the dining room table. He partially covered them with a dish towel.
He padded to the door on bare feet and he opened it. Katherine Thorn, dressed in royal blue, from the hat on her head to the heels on her feet, stepped inside.
“You’re a vision,” he said as he hugged her and closed the door.
She looked around the room and walked to the windows. “Mind if I open these? I love the view.”
Blake picked up a remote control from the littered coffee table and pushed a button that retracted the curtains. Light flooded the room, emphasizing the concealed papers, at least to Blake’s mind. The bay ca
me into view, and for a long moment, his mother took it in. Then she walked to a chair facing the sofa and sat down.
Blake got a bottle of sparkling water from the kitchen, along with a glass for his mother. He’d drink his from the bottle. Returning to the living room, he sat in the chair opposite her.
“You said something was wrong. Is anyone sick?”
“I don’t know. Are you?”
Blake was taken aback. “Me?” He stared at his mother for some sign as to the point of this conversation.
“Yes, Blake Thorn. It’s you I’m here to talk about.”
“Why? I’m fine.”
“Not from what I hear.”
“Mom, you’re not making sense.”
“All right, I’m here about Elliana Hamilton.”
Thankfully, Blake was sitting down. Elliana Hamilton were the last two words he expected her to say, and the two he was most unprepared to hear.
“What about her?”
“You must have discovered who she is by now.”
Realization dawned on Blake. He stared at his mother. Unable to keep his seat, he stood up and walked around in a large circle.
“You know?” It was more an accusation than a question.
She nodded. “I know who she is.”
“How long have you known?”
“Since I hired her. She told me who she was.”
“And you still hired her?” He frowned, only keeping his voice a shade below a shout when his brain reminded him that it was his mother sitting there in blue.
Katherine nodded. “She was highly qualified, and at her interview, she told me who she was. She didn’t want me to even consider her if I had an issue with her past.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Frankly, I didn’t know what you would do. I know Alexis’s death changed your life.”
Blake didn’t respond. Alexis’s passing had had a profound effect on him, but he wasn’t willing to discuss it with his mother.
Love in San Francisco ; Unconditionally Page 15