Hidden (The Scions Book 1)

by Gemma Weir

  “I did, like the dead. All night.”

  When he doesn’t speak again, I pull away from the curb humming happily along with the music. The buzz lasts all day. When he pulls me to him against my locker between classes I go willingly. When he drags me onto his lap and kisses me breathless at lunch, I kiss him back with just as much gusto. Now it’s the end of the day and his fingers grip the back of my neck possessively as we discuss plans for the rest of the night. When we all agree to go out for pizza then hang out at our house, I’m not dreading spending time with him.

  The night is fun, he laughs and smiles and it’s so unlike the Valentine I normally see. He’s even more gorgeous when he’s smiling, and for the first time, I think I get a glimpse of the boy my brothers are friends with.

  He pulls me into his lap as we eat, his thumb rubbing circles across my thigh as we devour pizza and fries. When we get back to our house, he pulls me close to him on the sofa in the basement, turning my face so he can kiss me sweetly as the movie plays.

  By the time I fall into bed, I’m happy and relaxed, and when I fall asleep, I dream of sweet kisses and mind-blowing orgasms.

  The weekend passes in a blur. Monday morning I pick him up and we ride to school together. We walk hand in hand down the hallways, sit together at lunch, and make plans with our friends after school.

  In fact, I almost forget that he’s still essentially blackmailing me into appearing to be dating him. Being with him feels real, like he’s my boyfriend, and I don’t think I’d have a problem with that. I was attracted to him from the moment I first saw him and if it hadn’t have been for the instant hatred he felt for me, I would have said yes if he’d have asked me out.

  But he’s not my boyfriend and none of this is real. We aren’t together; we aren’t dating. This is all a game to him and sooner or later he’ll change the rules and either me, or my friends and family will be the ones to suffer.

  We’re stood with Zeke, Griff, and Emmy, by the side of our cars and I stiffen against him. His grip tightens on me in response. I’ve been so lost in the way he quietens my loud mind that I’ve forgotten that he isn’t my savior. He isn’t touching me to help me find some peace; he’s doing it because he can, because it makes him feel good to exert his power over me. All of the touches and kisses we’ve shared over the last few days, have been because he orchestrated them and wanted them to happen for reasons only he truly understands.

  I’ve enjoyed being with him for the solace he grants me, but I need to remember that it’s all fake, all a pretense, just like everything else about me. Am I so far down the rabbit hole of delusion that I’ve forgotten that my life is fake? That I’m fake; just a mirage created through expectation?

  As if on cue my silent mind bursts into life and all of the thoughts that have been kept at bay by him, explode into action. Clamping my eyes tightly shut, I wince from the overload of emotion.

  Do they see?

  Do they know?

  Who should I trust?

  Should I run?

  Can I run?

  Can they all see me?

  Can I hide?

  The urge to run becomes almost overwhelming and if it wasn’t for the feeling of Valentine’s fingers holding my neck, grounding me, I’d run away and see if I’m faster than my own mind. The world around me becomes a blur and the bright afternoon sunlight starts to blacken at the edges.

  Is this it? Is this the moment when it all becomes too much and I lose myself to my own head? I’ve worried that I’m losing my mind and right this moment it feels like I am. My arms and legs are heavy and numb, and I try to wiggle my fingers only to find the movement slow and sluggish, like I’m dragging them through thick mud.

  Perhaps it’s better to just go mad. Maybe embracing the darkness would silence the panic that’s threatening to overwhelm me.

  Someone speaks and the sounds are familiar, but I don’t recognize them as words. When fingers slide over my cheek, I look up into Valentine’s beautiful, vicious face. His lips are moving, his eyes hard and narrowed, maybe even worried. No. Valentine isn’t worried about me, he hates me.

  When his lips press against mine, the world suddenly speeds up. The light feels brighter, the noise of the kids leaving school and the cars driving off the lot louder and suddenly everything snaps back into focus and the buzzing in my ears is replaced with the sounds of life happening around us.

  A sharp sting of pain pulls me fully back to the moment. Valentine’s teeth sink down into my bottom lip, biting me until the taste of blood slides across my tongue. I flinch, then feel his arms band around me, pulling me into his body, smothering me as close to him as he can get.

  My thoughts, doubts and worries lessen, and everything shrinks down to just me and him and the way his lips feel pressed against mine.

  “Jesus, you pair need to get a room.” I hear Zeke say with a laugh. The intrusion of the people around us seems to make Valentine stall.

  His grip of me loosens and his lips pull away from mine. One of his hands slides into my hair and he holds me to him. But the way his fingers are stroking along my scalp doesn’t feel hard or possessive, it feels soft and comforting.

  While the others arrange who will drive who to the movies, I stay nestled against Valentine’s chest. I shouldn’t be allowing him to comfort me like this, but outside of his embrace the world is too loud, too angry and I don’t want to be brave. I’ve only been under his control for a matter of days, but I’d rather be his plaything than deal with the reality of my decline into madness. He makes it better, and although I know this will all end with my ruin, I’m prepared to take the destruction, to embrace it. Because the hits he inflicts might break me, but at least there will be something of me left to shatter into pieces.

  Valentine takes my car keys from me and opens the passenger door for me to get in. I know I should probably protest at his high-handed expectation that I’ll let him drive my car, but I just don’t care enough to argue. The others climb into Zeke’s and Griffin’s cars and we wait for them to drive off.

  “What the fuck was that?” He demands, the moment we’re alone, with no one to witness.

  “What was what?” I ask, forcing my voice to sound nonchalant.

  “Don’t try to pull that bullshit with me. You were fine and then you went rigid, your eyes glazed, and I could feel the tremors and the way you flinched. I thought you were going to throw up or pass out. So, I’ll ask again. What the fuck was that?”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I didn’t move until you kissed me.”

  “Don’t fucking lie to me, Nova,” he roars, and I jump under the assault of his anger. “Tell me what the fuck happened.”

  I fight the urge to cower, but what’s the point in hiding from him. He wants to ruin me, so I might as well give him the ammunition. What else can he do that will make me feel worse than my own mind already does?

  “I have these meltdowns,” I say, my voice small and weak.

  “What?” The anger has calmed some in his voice, but he still sounds frustrated and maybe even worried.

  “I… I… sometimes I go a bit psycho. My head… I get these… I get these thoughts that are so loud that I can’t breathe.”

  “Explain,” he demands.

  “I’m trying; it’s hard to put into words. I- I just... Thoughts and questions, they overwhelm my head and it’s all I can think about, all I can hear, and I can’t cope. It’s getting worse and I’m pretty sure I’m losing my mind,” I admit, a sob wrenching up from my throat and bursting out on the final word.

  “Does anyone else know?”

  I shake my head. “Only Zeke.”

  “You need to tell someone; your mom or Brandi or someone.”

  “No. I’m not going to see a shrink. Everyone would know. The moment I walked through that door, everyone would know.”

  Valentine barks a hard laugh and his eyes narrow into slits. “You really are as shallow as you look, aren’t you?”

  “You
don’t understand.”

  “Oh, I understand it all. You love being the Princess, the most popular girl in the whole fucking school. I thought just for a minute that I was wrong about you, but you’re exactly who I thought you were the first time I laid eyes on you. You’re a stupid little bitch who thinks looks and popularity are more important than being a real person. You just told me you think you’re losing your mind and you won’t get help because you’re worried what the people at school will think.” He shakes his head, pulls open the driver’s door and climbs out.

  Grabbing for my own handle, I climb out too. “What about you? You play with me, blackmail and manipulate me. You’re a hundred times more psychotic than me, but you think it’s okay to judge me for not wanting the entire fucking town to be talking about how crazy I am behind my back.” I shout at him, glad that we’re the only students left in the parking lot.

  “I wanted to teach you a lesson,” he hisses. “I wanted you to know that everyone else might be taken in by you, the perfect little fucking princess, but I’m not. Fuck, even your brother doesn’t see who you really are. I thought after the other day there might be more to you, but God, just, just go. Go home, go tell your mom about everything that’s going on with you, and stop being so fucking pathetic.”

  With those final words he turns and walks away, across the parking lot, toward the exit and the long walk home. What the fuck just happened? I told him about how fucked-up I was, and he shouted at me for caring what other people would think of me. He just doesn’t understand, or maybe he’s right, maybe I am being pathetic.

  Climbing into my car again, I sit in the driver’s seat and stare at the steering wheel in front of me. I told him about being crazy. I told him and he walked away. He shouted at me and now he’s gone. I don’t know if this means that he’ll leave me alone now, or just that our deal is off.

  Emotion clogs my throat, but really, what did I expect? Did I think he’d pull me into his arms and tell me everything was going to be okay? That’s ridiculous. He hates me, he said himself this was all about teaching the princess a lesson.

  Mission accomplished in more than one way. I wait for my mind to start to swirl again, but it doesn’t. Instead, a numbness that’s almost as scary as the noise descends over me. I don’t know how long I sit in my car, but eventually the janitor knocks on my window and asks if I need help.

  I don’t remember driving home, or texting Zeke to tell him that I won’t be meeting them at the movies. The sound of my cell buzzing lulls me to sleep, but I’m plagued by memories of my argument with Valentine playing on repeat in my dreams. By the time my alarm goes off the next morning my body is sluggish and agitated.

  Rolling out of bed, I take a shower then braid my wet hair into two plaits against my head. I pull on a pair of shorts and a Sinners t-shirt and grab a coffee and a banana as I head out the door, not speaking to anyone.

  I don’t turn the radio on as I drive to Emmy’s house, needing the silence to soothe my ragged mind. Today everything feels raw and on edge. I can feel tears threatening to spill from my eyes, my stomach is roiling, and I feel like I’m coursing closer and closer to the edge of my sanity.

  A wayward thought at the back of my mind says I shouldn’t be here, that I’m dangling precariously. That I should go home and talk to my mom, take some time to find a balance between crazy and normal. But I ignore it all and instead plough forward.

  Today is the first pep rally of the year, the whole school gets to miss second and third period to help celebrate the football teams and build school spirit for the upcoming season. I have very little spirit, but as Zeke and Griffin are on the Varsity team and the twins both made JV despite them only being freshman, there’s no way I can get away with not going to cheer with everyone else.

  It’s still early when I pull up to the curb outside Emmy’s house and I reluctantly turn off my engine and walk up to the front door. The house is unusually quiet when I let myself in. Just like at our house there’s usually someone shouting, or the hustle and bustle of people getting up and dressed before school and work.

  “Hey,” Emmy says when she steps into view. “What are you doing here?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well you’ve ridden to school with Valentine the last few days, so I wasn’t expecting you. I actually planned to drive myself today; riding in the car with your brothers is disgusting. Zeke’s car is filthy and boys smell,” she says, grimacing.

  “I’m sorry, it’s just that…” I trail off, unsure what I should tell her.

  “You and Valentine wanted to make out in your car before school. I totally get it. I was a little pissed to get ditched the first day or so, but honestly, I have my own car. It’s not like I can’t drive myself.

  “No. No, it wasn’t like that.”

  “I’ve got to say I was a little shocked the day you came out. I mean you told me all that crazy stuff about him climbing into bed with you and all that, and then the next day you’re making out in front of everyone.”

  “Emmy,” I shout. She stops and turns from where she’s standing at the counter pouring juice into a glass. “It was all fake.”

  Her head tilts to the side and she just stares at me, like she has no idea what I just said. “What do you mean? What was fake?”

  “Everything, all of it was fake.”

  Pacing forward, her hand wraps around my wrist and she tows me to the table, pulling me down into a chair.

  “Explain.”

  I focus on my hands, twisting them together on top of the table as I tell her everything. “The first time anything happened, he found me, pinned me against a wall, shouted at me then kissed me. Everything just sort of escalated from there. After he ruined my date with Henry, he told me to kiss him and I refused. I wasn’t going to kiss him just because he demanded. Then everything happened with Brit and when we ended up alone together, he told me that he orchestrated Brits and my friendship falling apart. He caused it all, then he gloated about it. He told me that was nothing, that the next time I disobeyed him, he’d go for you or Zeke, or Griffin or the twins.” Swallowing thickly, I look up to find her eyes wide.

  “He said that if I did as he told me to, he’d leave you guys alone. So I did. I kissed him, I let him touch me in public, kiss me in front of everyone, because I thought he’d leave you guys alone. But we argued and so he told the principal that you were cheating.”

  Her gasp of shock makes me feel sick and guilty that I was the reason she was hauled into Principal Gerard’s office and accused.

  “I didn’t know what he was going to do. I swear I didn’t. But after that, I just did whatever he told me to. I couldn’t risk him lashing out at anyone else I love. It’s me he has the problem with, not any of you. I’d rather he focus all of his anger on me.”

  “Nova, you need to tell someone. Your Mom or Dad, or maybe just Zeke. You can’t let him use you like this. What happens if he wants you to have sex with him? You can’t let that happen.”

  “I don’t think it matters anymore. I liked it, Em. I liked it when he touched me, and I think that I might like him. Maybe I’m stupid, but I’d thought that he’d stopped hating me so much. The other night he’d been almost caring, but then last night after you all left for the movies we got into an argument. He said the deal was off and I have no idea what he’s going to do. He’s so angry and I really don’t know how far he’ll take this. He said he wants to ruin me, and I believe him.”

  Her hand snakes across the table and she covers my fingers with hers. “Tell Zeke. Even if he can’t do anything, at least he’ll be prepared if he tries something with him or the twins.”

  I nod slowly, but I know I’m not convincing her.

  “Why don’t you want to tell your parents?”

  I lift my eyes up until they’re locked with hers and swallow past the lump in my throat. “I don’t know. But for a minute and maybe it was just a stupid, idiotic minute… But for a minute I thought I saw something and he made me f
eel…” I trail off knowing that I probably sound ridiculous. “It doesn’t matter. I was wrong. Let’s just get today over with, then maybe I can avoid him for the rest of the week.”Em bites her lip, her big expressive eyes sad and worried.

  “I’ll either tell Zeke or my mom tonight. I promise.”

  She nods cautiously and squeezes my hand again.

  I expect to see Valentine with my brothers when we pull into the parking lot, but he’s nowhere to be seen. I don’t know if I’m relieved by his absence or not. Walking to my locker, I try really hard not to scan the faces of the kids in the halls, but without even realizing it I’m searching for him in the crowd. Seeking out his angry gaze.

  The familiar buzzing in my head escalates the moment I feel the first pointed looks in my direction and all of my anxious doubts burst to life, plaguing my thoughts. Suddenly the hallway feels too loud and cramped. My fingers curl into fists and it takes all of my concentration to pull in slow even breaths as the air in my lungs threatens to suffocate me.

  I feel every single set of eyes on me, as the sea of kids parts allowing me an easy path to my locker and my heart twinges with need. I need Valentine to make the noise stop. I need the controlling feel of his hand on my neck and the overwhelming way he possesses me and makes everything else going on around us fall away.

  Knowing that he doesn’t care, knowing that he was only ever trying to torture me, to teach me a lesson, doesn’t lessen the way I’m craving him. Somehow, I know he could make me forget everything awful he’s ever uttered to me, and I’d forgive him, just to have him here to protect me from my own mind.

  Grabbing my books, I slam my locker shut and rush toward the restroom, my chest feeling tight and the familiar feeling of a meltdown rushing over me. I make it into a stall before the thoughts get so loud, so confused, that only one thought rises to the top and allows itself to be heard.

  You should run, you should hide.

  Over and over the sound of my own voice echoes around inside my head and I sink down, crouching over. I bury my head into my knees, as I cover my ears with my hands and attempt to silence my taunting brain.