“What do you think?” he asked me, his bag no longer on his shoulder. He must have dropped it in a room while I’d been admiring the pool and view. He’d also lost the hoodie, hat, and glasses. With them on, it had been a little easier to be myself around him, to pretend he wasn’t ‘Caleb Mills’ and instead just some regular guy. Without them, I had a new bout of tension rush over me.
“This is amazing,” I told him truthfully. “I can’t believe this is your life.”
“It’s not all glamourous.” He walked up beside me, his arms crossed over his chest, taking in the view with me. “I wanted to drive your car because, like I said before, I haven’t for a couple months. I haven’t been to a grocery store. Or to the movies. Or really done anything since the tour started. We leave at eight in the morning to get on the road for our next stop tomorrow. Once we get to the next city, I’ll just do everything I did today all over again. Different city, same day. Our schedule leaves no room for flexibility and it can be exhausting.”
“At least its different city, same day. You should try, same city, same day, same shit.”
He studied me for minute. In general I tried to be a positive person, I was blessed in so many other ways beyond my family’s financial situation, but for a moment I’d just been super honest with him. And I could tell he was about to ask me to elaborate, but I spoke first.
“Can we order some food? I’m really hungry.”
He gave me a small smile. “Of course.”
“Thank you for sending me the tickets to the concert. Thank you for letting me stay with you here. Tonight has already surpassed my night in Tennessee at the gala by miles. So thank you.”
He rubbed a hand over the heavy stubble on his face and swallowed. “Sure.” After a moment he broke eye contact and went to go find the phone to call for room service.
Not long after, we had an assortment of food, none of which was on my mom’s plant-based diet. Caleb even ordered a movie for us to watch on the big screen TV in the suite’s living room. We sat on opposite ends of the couch. It was very platonic and safe. I wondered if he wanted more or really only wanted to be ‘just friends.’ I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted myself.
He had a mellow personality, which was very calming—I liked it a lot. I had to admit, when he sang on stage, he was the sexiest guy on this planet. I also felt this rush of adrenaline every time we made eye contact. But, honestly, I was kind of glad he hadn’t tried to kiss me or anything like that. I had a boyfriend. One I still hadn’t figured out my feelings for. Not only that, I’d been pretty damn certain I was in love with Ollie only a few weeks ago. So it was better that nothing had happened. The last thing I needed was something equally confusing with Caleb. Because even if something did start between us, I knew deep down, I should never trust a Rockstar.
Still…Caleb did look really nice in his jeans. I especially liked the way the distressed material hugged his hips. And sometimes when he moved, I’d get a small glimpse of his muscular stomach underneath. Like right this moment. He moved to hand me what was left of the cheesecake. “You want the rest?”
My heart began to beat a little faster. Weekend at Bernie’s was playing on the TV, and as much as I loved that movie it wasn’t lessening his presence at all. I nodded and took the cheesecake from him. But I didn’t eat it.
He had his eyes on me. And I knew...I knew there was something there between us. Something in the way his stare had my whole body feeling numb.
I could have asked him to get in the pool. The idea popped in my head. I wondered what he would look like all wet with only a swimsuit between him and the water. My mind started to wander to places I wasn’t prepared for, and I suddenly blurted out, “I have a boyfriend.”
Wow.
Talk about a bucket of cold water on the moment.
But Caleb answered without pause. “He didn’t want to come to the concert with you?” If me having a boyfriend bothered him, he didn’t show it.
“I didn’t ask him.”
“That’s why I sent the extra tickets. So you could bring family or friends or whoever.”
I let out a breath. “I’m in this weird limbo state with him. I never ask him to do things like this with me. And he always seems cool with it.”
Caleb reached out for a piece of popcorn from the bowl of gourmet kettle-corn he’d ordered with our dinner. He popped it in his mouth. “Are you sure he’s cool with it? Maybe he just acts like he’s cool with it when he really isn’t.”
I wasn’t sure. I hadn’t thought of that.
“And what did you mean by limbo?”
“Well…I mean that he’s perfect. Like someone created him in a lab. He comes from a great family from Maine. At least, I think he’s from Maine. He works for the Aquatic Preservation Society of North Carolina. So he surely loves animals, too. Even my family loves him. And they’ve never liked anyone I’ve brought home in the past.”
“Is he good looking?”
I gave him a look—because I once read a “is Caleb Mills gay?” rumor on Twitter. I’d never gotten that vibe from him before, so his question confused me.
“What?” he scoffed. “I’m asking because if he’s all those great things, but you aren’t attracted to him then that explains everything.”
Oh. I shrugged. “He’s attractive.”
“Like on a scale of one to ten. He’s a...”
“Ten,” I answered quickly. With his dark hair and blue eyes, there was no denying Nick was good looking.
“Then what’s the problem?”
I couldn’t believe Caleb and I were discussing this so openly. But also, for the first time all night, I’d relaxed completely. The pressure was off now.
“I just don’t know. We started dating right around the same time my mom’s cancer came back. Maybe that has a lot to do with why I keep him at arm’s length.”
“Hmm.” He ran his hands over his thighs, the muscles in his forearms tensing. “Here’s what I’m hearing. He’s good looking. He checks all the right boxes for you. But something is missing. How’s the sex?”
I think my face turned fifty shades of red. Heat crept all the way up to my ears. “We haven’t.”
“Okay.” He didn’t press further, thank God! “But I’m also hearing you say ‘I think’ a lot. Like you ‘think’ he’s from Maine. What do you mean, you ‘think?’ How come you don’t know where your boyfriend is from? Maybe you haven’t taken the time to get to know him. Maybe you’re like Ollie who only listens with his eyes and never really hears the details.”
My jaw dropped open. “Hey, don’t compare me to Ollie.”
He smiled, a big contagious grin. “I was kidding. But seriously, I think you should spend some time getting to know him better. Maybe that will break the limbo thing.”
His straightforward advice floored me. It was exactly what I needed to hear. “You might be right.”
He rested his head on the back of the couch, his eyes on Bernie. “I usually am.”
“What about you? Girlfriend?”
“Nope.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
I knew that couldn’t be it. I wanted to know more, but I didn’t push him. I watched the movie with him for a little while longer, but I could feel sleep starting to hit me. “I think I’m going to go to bed.”
He lifted his head. “Okay. Thanks,” he said to me.
“Thanks for what?”
“For the break from my brothers. For the company tonight.”
“Anytime. Goodnight, Caleb.”
I left him, my heart racing and my head spinning. I think I had a crush on Caleb now, too. Oh God, I was a mess.
~ CHAPTER 15 ~
CALEB
I listened to Emma’s soft footsteps as she disappeared into her room. She has a boyfriend. I dug my fingers into my hair, staring up at the ceiling. She has a boyfriend. Every ounce of me wanted to leave this couch and follow her into her room, take her into my arms and kiss her. More
than kiss her. She has a boyfriend.
Apparently Mr. Perfect, too.
But if he was so perfect, she wouldn’t be here with me tonight. She wouldn’t be in “limbo” with him. She wouldn’t be confused. I couldn’t give her the advice I’d really wanted to give her—dump his ass—because if I learned one thing today it was that Emma was worth waiting for.
Mr. Perfect obviously already knew that. Fuck, I think I’d known it myself the second I first saw her across the lobby of the Union Station Hotel in Nashville. She had curly hair. Like really curly hair. I’d only seen a glimpse of her that first time. The night of the gala and tonight her hair had been straight. Thinking back on it now, I feel like maybe it was all part of a facade. And I wanted so desperately to know the Emma that no one else knew. That even Mr. Perfect had yet to meet.
Was that crazy?
It was so fucking crazy.
I was Caleb Mills. I could have any girl I wanted, really, for the most part. And yet this one girl, one I barely knew, was driving me wild.
***
The next morning I was up before the sun. Our tour bus was scheduled to leave at seven. There was no messing around when it came to that schedule either. I wasn’t planning on waking Emma before I left, so I was up, showered, and working on a note to leave behind.
Writing this was harder than writing lyrics. I’d already been through five drafts. I needed the note to be friendly, charming, and to ensure that she would call my number at the bottom.
I had this fear, still, that I might never see her again. We came from two different worlds and it wasn’t like our paths would naturally cross again. I had to make them cross. And if I didn’t say the right thing in my note, I might never hear from her again.
It was so much fucking pressure.
“Oh hey,” I breathed, caught off guard.
She was awake and coming into the kitchen of the suite. “You’re leaving?” she asked.
I already had my duffle bag over my shoulder. “The bus leaves soon.”
“Okay. I can leave then, too. I’m ready.”
She did look ready. In fact, she looked exactly the same as she had the night before. Like she hadn’t slept. Or if she had, she’d been careful about it. Her makeup wasn’t smudged under her eyes. Her hair wasn’t out of place. This reconfirmed the facade thing in my mind. But this time, I realized, maybe the facade was only for me. Maybe because I was “Caleb Mills” she wasn’t letting me see any of her imperfections. I actually saw it frequently from the women I’d slept with in the past, and we hadn’t even slept together to warrant the same behavior. When some women thought I was still sleeping, they’d hop out of bed before I woke up just to fix their hair or their makeup or brush their teeth. I didn’t want a girl like that. I wanted someone to be real with me. To wake up with me instead. Even if we were only ever going to be friends, I didn’t want Emma to feel that way around me.
“You can stay if you want,” I offered. “I don’t think the hotel check-out is until eleven.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Order breakfast. Enjoy the pool. Whatever you’d like.” I wished I could stay with her. When it came to Emma, I was beginning to wish for lots of things I would never have.
“Where’s your next tour stop?”
“Cary, North Carolina.”
She nodded. I’d thought about sending her tickets to Cary instead of here. But both places were the same distance from her home, and the band wasn’t spending the night in Cary. Tonight I’d be sleeping on the tour bus. This sinking, cement sludge of a feeling settled into my stomach as I knew it was time to say goodbye. And a flash of heat spread over my shoulders and back—it wasn’t a good feeling.
“Goodbye, Emma.”
“Goodbye.” She moved around the kitchen counter to come give me a hug. She stood on her toes and wrapped her arms around me. I hugged her back equally as fully. And dammit it if her petite body didn’t feel nice in my arms. Like she was made to fit there against my chest. Holy shit, I thought as we broke apart, I did not need that to add to the awful feeling swelling in my gut.
And because I couldn’t just let her go without doing something. I picked up the pen once more and wrote my number on the next piece of paper from the hotel notepad. I peeled it off and handed it to her. “If you ever need anything. Relationship advice. Tickets to one of our concerts. Any-fucking-thing. You call me.”
We were standing close enough that she could likely hear the stampede that was happening inside my rib cage. I had to be appearing desperate as hell.
But she said, “okay,” and she took my number.
And I left the hotel room, feeling worse than I had walking away from any other woman before her. Even the girl in the rain.
~ CHAPTER 16 ~
EMMA
As soon as Caleb left, I went immediately back to my room and crashed on the bed. I set the alarm on my phone and went straight to sleep. I hadn’t slept all night. I’d been so worried about my foundation getting messed up against the sheets, so worried about letting him see my freckles underneath.
I didn’t have a normal number of freckles. A cute speckling across my nose and cheeks would have been nice. No, I had a massive amount of them. All of my nose, my cheeks, my forehead, even some on my lips—covered in speckles and clusters of them. And the summer, living at the beach, had only brought out more of them. People back home—they already knew about my freckles. It wasn’t like I could hide them every day. Not when I’d grown up with these people.
But the night of the gala I’d covered them. And then I’d done the same again tonight. It wasn’t like Caleb and I were more than friends, but the contrast between clear skin and my skin was so great, I just didn’t know how to undo something I’d already done.
It didn’t matter.
Would I ever see him again?
When I woke up a few hours later, I felt better. I scrubbed my face clean in the bathroom. Then as I was just about to leave, I noticed on one of the chairs, he’d left his hat, hoodie, and glasses from yesterday’s disguise. I grabbed them and wondered if he’d cared if he left them. Like maybe he had enough money not to care about something like that.
I had his number now, which I’d already pocketed, and I had this temptation to call him already. He’d been pretty clear that I could.
My heart picked up speed as I made the decision to just do it and see what happened—see if he picked up.
I had my phone out, against my ear, surprised I had enough courage. But I liked to think we were friends now. I didn’t feel completely awkward doing so.
It rang and it rang and then he picked up.
“Hi, it’s Emma,” I blurted out. “You know, Emma Winchester from the hotel last night.”
He chuckled softly and I could imagine that easy grin of his. “I know who you are, Emma.”
“Right.” I paced the room. “You left your hoodie, glasses, and hat here at the hotel.”
“Oh okay. Well, you can keep them. Or leave them. It doesn’t matter.”
Well now I felt a little foolish for calling.
“Alright then. So I better get going. It’s almost eleven and I’m supposed to be at work in four hours.”
“Where’s work?”
“Chancy’s Claw. It’s a restaurant. It’s about as exciting as it sounds.”
I heard shuffling noises on his end. He must have been busy. Actually, it had been four hours since he’d left here. Maybe he was already in Cary and already doing stuff. What the hell had I been thinking calling him?
“Actually,” he said after another moment, “Would you keep at least the hoodie for me? It’s a favorite of mine, and it will give me an excuse to see you again one day.”
I suddenly didn’t feel so foolish.
“And text me when you get home,” he added. “You know, so I know my favorite hoodie made it safely and all.”
I breathed out slowly. “Sure.”
“Bye, Emma Winchester.”
“Bye, Ca
leb.”
The line went dead.
For some reason that one phone left me feeling jittery all over.
The drive home was long and boring. But as soon as I was out of the car and inside my house, as I was about to scramble to get ready for work, I sent him a text.
Me: Your hoodie is home, safe and sound, and in my closet.
His response came a moment later.
Caleb: Thanks. I trust you to take good care of him. As if he were your own.
Me: You can count on me.
~ CHAPTER 17 ~
CALEB
Me: How’s my hoodie doing today?
I sent out my first text of the day and knew I’d be on edge until I got a response.
“Who are you texting?” Dani asked. She and I were having breakfast at an outdoor restaurant right on Miami Beach, a couple blocks from our hotel. Our concert last night had been crazy. There’d been some sort of drug bust right in the middle of it. Cops were everywhere. We’d ended two songs shy of finishing our full set.
I opened my mouth to answer Dani, but my phone buzzed distracting me.
Emma: I took him out for a run this morning. So he’s a little sweaty now. Don’t worry, I’ll wash him later.
I smiled wide. I loved that Emma had moved on to wearing my hoodie now. This wasn’t the first time she had.
Me: I’m sure he thoroughly enjoyed getting sweaty with you today.
“I’m running out of creative ways to ask about a hoodie,” I confessed to Dani, setting down my phone.
“You’re still talking to Emma?”
“Just texting.”
“I’d ask what you meant about a hoodie, but my head is pounding like someone is beating it with a hammer.”
Dani had gold sunglasses over her eyes and an overpriced mimosa in her hand. She’d gone out partying after the concert last night, probably spending the night in some stranger’s bed. Something she liked to do from time to time. Sometimes I worried about her. She lost her first boyfriend young, when we were all still in high school. He’d been in a car accident and died on impact. She never talked about Alexander. And she’d never dated, at least not long-term, since him either. It had shaped her into the no-nonsense, no-relationships person she was today. It made me a little apprehensive to talk about Emma with her.
Never Trust a Rockstar Page 6