Never Trust a Rockstar

by Sarah Darlington

  At that moment a fan approached our table, wanting to snap a quick picture with us. We’d already been recognized three times here. That was more than the norm, and it was beginning to get annoying. Being as polite as possible, we both smiled for this man’s photo.

  “I’m going to go vomit now,” Dani announced after the person finished getting their picture and left. She stood and disappeared for the bathroom.

  My phone buzzed again.

  Emma: I have a date with Nick tonight. It’s our first in a long time. I’m going to try to take your advice and actually work at getting to know him better.

  Well, fuck.

  This was breaking our normal protocol. Typically, once a day, we’d check in with one another, always taking about my hoodie with a little light flirting. It had been almost two weeks of this same thing. Our texts hadn’t deviated from this easy banter, so any sort of change had my full attention.

  So Mr. Perfect had a name then? Nick.

  Knowing she’d be with another guy tonight made me want to run to the bathroom and vomit myself. It took me a full five minutes to collect my thoughts and emotions before I was able to respond as appropriately as I could.

  Me: Let me know how it goes.

  Emma: I will.

  “What?” Dani asked as she sat back down. She flipped her long hair over one shoulder, scooting in her chair. “What’s with the sour look on your face?”

  I tried to act neutral. “Emma has a boyfriend. She always has. I mean…I’d rather be her friend than not be anything to her. It’s just…just confusing.”

  Dani had always been closest with Luke. They were the same age. And growing up, she was practically his twin. Since the riff between Ollie and I had only continued to grow, Dani had become a closer confidant. She and Ollie never got along. Not even as kids. So we’d bonded lately over our mutual grievances against Ollie.

  “Wow, you must really like her, then,” Dani said to me. She picked up her fork and started eating her eggs benedict as if she hadn’t just vomited in the bathroom. “I guess, my suggestion, just keep being her friend. There isn’t much else you can do while the tour is still going.”

  True. Sometimes the tour felt a little like a prison sentence. Well, a prison sentence we all got paid millions of dollars for. But we were pretty much locked into it, day in and day out, until it finished. It didn’t matter what was happening in our personal lives, the tour always came first. Good thing we had only a couple more weeks left until this one finished.

  “What if you went on ‘vacation’ to her beach town?” Dani stressed the word vacation. “Where was it she’s from?”

  “Kill Devil Hills in North Carolina.”

  “You’re lucky she’s not from some backwoods redneck town—because it gives you the perfect excuse. Once the tour ends. Say something like I need to get away somewhere. Take some time off. That place seems nice. Blah blah blah. I’m sure her small town boyfriend has nothing on you. You go, under the excuse of a vacation, and you show her exactly how great you are. I’ll go with you if you want. Unless you’re so fucking sick of me by then.”

  Dani laughed.

  I laughed, too. Because I knew what she meant. By the end of each tour, everyone in our band would all need a giant break and time apart from one another. Each of us would go our separate ways for a few months, recharge, and then we’d get back together to start making music and working on our next album.

  It was the same process each time.

  But after each major tour our breaks apart got longer. I feared—between Ollie’s growing ego and Luke’s growing depression—there might not be a next album.

  But that was a fear for another day.

  Right now I sat up in my chair, leaned over the table, and grabbed Dani’s head. She squealed as I planted a forceful kiss on her forehead. “You’re a genius. I’ll start looking for places in Kill Devil Hills tomorrow.”

  “Yay,” she said with a touch of sarcasm in her voice. “You’re paying. And it better be big and glamorous. Secluded. With a pool. And a gym. And maybe a few pool boys if you can manage that. And…”

  I sat there, listening to Dani’s list of demands, all the while feeling a lot more hopeful than I had in the two weeks since I’d last seen Emma. I even sent her one more text. Which put us at seven, which was about double our normal daily count.

  Me: Don’t wear my hoodie on your date tonight. He might get jealous.

  ~ CHAPTER 18 ~

  EMMA

  Caleb: Don’t wear my hoodie on your date tonight. He might get jealous.

  I reread his text for about the tenth time today. Obviously, we weren’t really talking about a hoodie each time we spoke. Right? It was just an excuse to keep talking. But this text felt a little different, a little more real, and I had yet to answer him.

  Was Caleb telling me that he was jealous?

  I shook my head. I doubted it. I wasn’t even close to the caliber of woman Caleb likely dated. I bet he dated Victoria’s Secret models in his free time. Which was cool and all, good for him, I was enjoying joking around with him, but I knew not to read too much into these texts.

  Still, somehow, I felt this little spark of guilt. I just couldn’t tell which way the guilt was going. Toward Caleb or toward Nick.

  Just then Nick walked into the restaurant. He’d planned on picking me up at my house first, but there was a small crisis at his work, and he’d had to meet me at the restaurant instead. There was a beached dolphin, which happened occasionally here, that his team had been called to.

  “How did everything go?” I asked him.

  Nick sat down with a heavy sigh. I’d ordered him a water while I waited. And before answering, he swallowed down several gulps. Then he said, “The dolphin had already passed by the time we got there.”

  Well, now I felt awful. “I’m so sorry.”

  He frowned. “I don’t really want to talk about it. Or let it ruin our evening.”

  “Okay.” I squeezed my napkin in my lap under the table. Maybe that would have given us something substantial to talk about, even if the subject would have been bleak, but I wouldn’t push it if he didn’t want me to.

  His family. Ask more about them.

  “So I know I’ve been distant lately,” I started. “I’ve just felt off between my mom and everything going on with her, and I’m sorry I’ve been taking it out on you. I’m sorry I haven’t made plans sooner.”

  “I completely understand,” he said, his expression gentle. “I’m a patient guy. For you, I’ll always be a patient guy.” He gave me a small smile.

  The waitress came up, interrupting, and I sat back in my seat. I was already anxious enough, feeling all this pressure to get to know him on a deeper level. And I could have used another moment.

  After she took our order and left, I tried another attempt at getting a little more personal. “I know your family is from Maine.” Oh God, please let them be from Maine. “But I don’t know much more than that about them and your hometown.”

  Nick ran a hand through his dark, kind of overgrown, locks. “What do you want to know?”

  Anything.

  “Siblings?”

  “I’ve got a brother. A half-brother.”

  “Cool. What’s he like?”

  Nick started telling me all about his brother, Mick. About how they had similar names because his father didn’t know he’d had another kid until Nick was older. Excitement filled his face as he spoke of him. I could tell he really loved him.

  I tried. I tried to focus on the words coming out of his mouth. He had a nice mouth paired with a strong jawline. His eyes were an intense blue, like the ocean when it was at its clearest and brightest, and they seemed to shine when he looked at me. Why wasn’t I in-fucking-love with him? Why was it so hard for me to focus when he started telling me anything personal? Was I as bad as Ollie? Was I with Nick only because he looked a certain way?

  “Would you excuse me?” I interrupted. “I drank too much water and—I’l
l be right back.”

  I stood up and left about as quickly as I could. I hurried in the direction of the bathroom. Once inside the safety of the women’s room, I had my phone out against my ear. I was calling Caleb. I desperately needed his advice. I know that was wrong on so many levels.

  “Pick up. Pick up,” I whispered.

  He picked up. “Emma?”

  “Yeah,” I breathed. “I’m freaking out.”

  “What’s going on?”

  “There’s something seriously wrong with me. Like maybe I have ADD. I’m on this date with Nick and now I’m hiding out in the bathroom. I physically cannot focus when he starts talking about anything serious. And not just tonight, I realized it’s always this way with us.”

  “What about your past relationships? Same thing?”

  Through ragged breaths, I thought about that. My high school boyfriend—and that happened before my mom was ever diagnosed so I couldn’t use that as an excuse—I’d done the exact same thing with him. “Yes. I think so. You were right. I’m just like Ollie.”

  “Don’t even say that,” Caleb said, his tone sharp. Sharper than I’d ever heard him use. “I never should have joked about that. You’re nothing like Ollie.”

  “I feel like I’m worse than Ollie.”

  “No one is worse than Ollie.”

  I chuckled. But Caleb was very serious.

  “You’re putting too much pressure on yourself,” he stressed. “Maybe it would be easier if you did the talking and he did the listening. Um... practice something with me, okay? I want you to tell me one secret of yours that no one knows. Not a big one. A small one you feel comfortable sharing, but a secret just the same.”

  What? Where was he going with this? I went into the toilet stall, locked the door, put the lid down, and sat. There was one secret I’d been holding onto lately. It wasn’t so much a secret just something I hadn’t worked up the courage to share with people yet. I always felt safe spilling my guts to Caleb, thus the reason I’d called him above anyone else just now, so I felt comfortable sharing this with him. “I’ve started doing art.”

  “Like painting?”

  “No, no. It’s a little weird and random. Remember Rhett and Luce? I’ve been having them save bottle-caps for me at work. Now that summer is officially over, I’m barely getting any shifts at Chancy’s Claw, and I’ve been a little bored. Anyway, so I’ve been making these fish mosaic things with the bottle-caps. We’ve got an old shed in the backyard. And I don’t know. I saw one like it at this restaurant way down in Waves years ago. They’re big. Mine are much bigger than the one I saw once. My Pop has been helping me with the wood for it.”

  “That sounds amazing.” I could practically hear the smile in his voice.

  “I know it’s super dorky.”

  “Not dorky at all. It sounds very Emma.”

  I bit down on my bottom lip. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  My heart started to speed. I was having a better time in the bathroom on the phone with Caleb than I’d been having on my date.

  “Okay,” he said. “Now you should go back out there and share all of that with Nick. Let him get to know you a little more. Open up just like you did with me. Then maybe it will be easier for you to let him do the same in return.”

  My heart dropped a little.

  “I’ve got to go,” he added. “I’m supposed to be onstage with the band now. I’ve been locked in my dressing room and Michelle has been beating on my door for the last few minutes.”

  “I’m sorry I kept you.” I felt downright sick all over again.

  “I meant what I said. You can call me anytime.”

  “Okay.”

  “Goodnight, Emma. Text me and give me an update on my hoodie when you get home. I miss him sometimes.”

  “He misses you too,” I whispered.

  I didn’t hang on the line. I quickly ended the phone call. Somehow, I felt worse now than when I left Nick. But I wasn’t going to be rude to Nick a moment longer. I exited the bathroom and returned to our table.

  I told Nick everything I’d just told Caleb about my art. Turns out, he was very interested and supportive of it. The night ended with me showing him all the pictures I had on my phone of my designs. And for the first time, I felt like Nick and I connected. Finally. My mind didn’t wander again with him.

  When I got home later…I didn’t text Caleb like he’d asked.

  I didn’t do it the next day either.

  Or even the next.

  ~ CHAPTER 19 ~

  CALEB

  “He hasn’t left his room for three days straight.” I could hear Dani’s muffled yet exuberant voice just outside my hotel room door. “We have to do something! Tell Michelle to get the maid to give her a key. I am not spending any more time—”

  I opened the door.

  I was aware that my room was a mess, my hair even messier, and that I likely smelled. “Come in.” I threw a hand in the air before retreating back to my bed. I fell down face first into the tossed sheets.

  Dani wasn’t alone. She had Luke and Ollie with her. Shit, I was in for it now! The four of us together outside a stage or a tour bus was like lighting a bomb fuse.

  “What the fuck, Caleb?” Dani asked. I kept my face in the pillows. “We’ve had to cancel two concerts because you won’t leave this room. What happened?”

  Her hand softly touched my back and I flinched, rolling over. “I’m fine,” I moaned with my hands on my face.

  “You sure as hell don’t look fine,” Ollie commented. “Or smell fine.”

  Luke bent over and picked up one of my many balled up pieces of paper littering the floor around my bed. Whenever things went dark for me, writing was my only outlet. I’d tried alcohol and women in the past, after the girl in the rain left me, but those things never made me feel better. Writing lyrics always did. But, judging by my floor, even that bandage had been crap this time.

  Luke read my words on that random piece of paper out loud to the group:

  It’s the color, the color blue, it’ll haunt me

  The cities, they’ll all be duller, the what-ifs burning

  And when I sing, I’ll see your face, and wish for something

  I couldn’t have, I’ll never have, it’s the color

  “Damn,” Ollie said as Luke finished reading.

  “Those were good,” Luke added. “The best thing any of us has written in a while.”

  He reached down and picked up another. This one he silently read. “This one is good, too. The trash on the floor is like a gold mine of potential songs.”

  I moaned. “I wasn’t trying to write gold.”

  “What happened?” Dani asked again, much softer this time. “What happened with Emma?”

  “Nothing. That’s just it. Nothing happened. We spoke on the phone briefly the other night. I tried to give her helpful information about her boyfriend. Her fucking boyfriend. As her friend. And I don’t know what I said or did wrong, but she stopped texting me after that phone call.”

  “So she ghosted you?” Ollie asked, sounding a bit confused. “Damn, this girl is hardcore.”

  “Shut up, Ollie,” I mumbled.

  “And you can’t get out of bed because of it?” Dani squeezed my hand, pulling it away from my face. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

  “I don’t want to sing. I don’t want to be in front of people. I don’t even care that we are losing thousands of dollars because of this. I’m sorry, guys. I can’t tonight.”

  “Alright. Give me ten minutes. I’ll be right back.” Dani left the room. I had no idea what she was up to, nor did I care.

  I knew I was being dramatic. Having a Rockstar hissy-fit, if you will, but I didn’t have the energy to try. I had this overwhelming feeling in my gut that I’d lost something great. I think it was the not knowing that was killing me most.

  I guess until this moment, I never realized how lonely I was. City after city, day after day, I had no one to share my life wi
th.

  Dani came back in the room. She had her computer with her. “Okay I booked it. It’s massive. It’s in the off-road portion of the Outer Banks, whatever that means.”

  I sat up. And took her computer.

  “You booked a beach house?”

  And sure enough, it was huge. Like twenty rooms huge.

  “Yeah.” She sat on the bed beside me. “I think we should make a family decision.” She looked from Ollie to Luke. “We should cancel the rest of our tour. We should all go with Caleb to this beach house. Maybe we all need this. Ollie—you’ve got your head so far up your ass, or more accurately, your head so far up the next groupie’s ass that comes along. And Luke—you’re not even present most days. This family needs a break, a step back. I vote we cancel the rest of the tour. Go with Caleb. Recharge and help him win this girl’s heart. Together, the four of us, we used to be unstoppable.”

  “We can’t just cancel the tour without a good excuse?” Ollie retorted. “Our fans will be outraged.”

  “We say I’m checking into rehab for drug addiction,” Luke said, decided. He didn’t even have to think twice. He was ready to cancel in an instant, and even willing to throw his name under the bus to do it.

  In the end, I didn’t even have much say in the matter. My band, my family—they decide on their own to postpone the rest of the tour. They decide to come with me to North Carolina. I didn’t know if this was a smart decision. I didn’t even know what I would say to Emma when I saw her again. Or if she ever wanted to see my face again.

  But I knew I had to try something, anything, before it was too late.

  ~ CHAPTER 20 ~