Series Starter : Firsts in Series Collection

by Kaylee Ryan

  “So you’re willing to take the risk?” I know why she’s asking. She wants to make sure I’ve thought about this. She knows better though.

  “If Kacen is the reward, I’ll take it every day for as long as he will have me.”

  “Hell, yeah! I’m so freaking happy for you! If anyone deserves a guy like Kacen, it’s you.”

  “And what about you? Are you dating? I know it’s only been two weeks, but a lot can change in that time.”

  “Nope. No prospects on vacay either.”

  “You ladies ready to eat?” Kacen asks from the doorway. “I don’t think I can keep them at bay much longer.” He points over his shoulder, and I see the rest of the guys trying to get a glimpse of my girl.

  “Yes,” Stacy and I say in unison.

  Chapter 37

  Kacen

  “She’s hot!” Cole says next to me. We just finished eating and we’re all hanging out by the pool. Logan and Stacy are sitting on the edge, in their own little world. I smile, thinking about her friend being here. I want Logan to be comfortable here. From the looks of it, she seems to be just that.

  “Dude, did you hear me?” Cole asks.

  “Yes, I heard you, and yes, she’s a beautiful woman,” I reply.

  “Are we talking about the same girl? She’s perfect.”

  “Unless you’re talking about Logan, in which case I will kick your ass, I have no opinion.”

  “Well, all right then. I just want to go on record as stating that they’re both hot as hell,” he adds.

  “I love you, bro. We’ve been friends for longer than I can even remember, but she’s here.” I place my hand over my chest. “Don’t fuck with what’s mine,” I warn him.

  “You know me better than that. I just like to get you wound up. You’ve tapped out with her, with Logan.”

  “Yep.”

  “No hesitation, no second thoughts?”

  “Nope.”

  He’s quiet, then says, “I’m happy for you, man. She’s a great girl.”

  “She’s my girl.”

  “What does she have to say about that?” Gavin asks as he and Tristan join us. They had clean-up duty.

  “She knows how I feel.”

  “So she knows that you’re in love with her?” This is from Tristan.

  “I have not said the words, but I alluded to it.” I have yet to take my eyes off her. So when her cell rings and she answers it, I can see something’s wrong. I’m on my feet, and in just a few long strides, I’m next to her. She stands on wobbly legs and bumps into me. I wrap my arms around her, not just to steady her, but to comfort her.

  It’s bad. I can see it in her eyes. “Okay, I’ll be on the first flight home,” she says to whoever is on the other end of the phone. “No, I’m not alone. Stacy’s here and so are Kacen and . . .” her voice breaks on a sob.

  Gently, I pull the phone from her hands, keeping one arm around her. As she buries her face in my chest and cries, I lift the phone to my ear. “Hello, this is Kacen,” I say to the caller.

  “Kacen, hi, this is Jase. I’m Logan’s brother. Listen, I had to give Logan some bad news. Our grandfather just passed away.” I can hear his voice crack, but I can tell he’s trying to remain strong.

  “She’s going to need help getting to the airport. Can you . . . ?”

  “I’ve got her. Don’t worry. I’ll text you her flight information.”

  “Thank you,” he whispers. “Take care of her for me?” he asks.

  “Always, you don’t even have to ask. We’ll talk soon, and I’m sorry for your loss.”

  Ending the call, I slip her phone in my pocket, bend down and place my hands under her knees, and pick her up. “Her grandfather just passed. That was Jase. I’m taking her inside to lie down,” I tell Stacy.

  “What can I do?” she asks.

  “Just hang out for a while. She may not want me; she might need you.” It hurts that I might not be who she needs, but I’ll make damn sure she’s taken care of.

  I carry her from the pool up the back deck. Gavin is at the door waiting for me. He slides it open with a nod of his head. They either heard me talking to Stacy or just assume it’s bad from Logan’s reaction.

  I carry her to my room and lay her on the bed. She holds tighter around my neck when I try to pull away. “Don’t go.” Her voice is laced with sadness.

  “Never, I just want to shut the door to give us some privacy. I’ll be right back.” I kiss her forehead and she lets her arms fall from my neck.

  I rush to shut the door and have to swallow back the emotion that’s clogging my throat. I can’t stand to see her hurting. I slide into bed beside her, and she wraps herself around me. Her body shivers. I’m not sure if it’s the chill of the air conditioning or if she’s in shock from the news. Regardless, I reach for the blanket and pull it up over us.

  “He’s gone and I didn’t get to say goodbye. It’s been over a year since I’ve seen him.” She sobs against my bare chest. “I’m such a bad person. I should have gone home before now to see them.”

  I wrap my arms tighter around her and just hold her. I don’t try to tell her everything is going to be okay. She needs to grieve, needs to work through all the phases of emotions that come with losing someone you love.

  I hold her and she continues to cry. My chest is soaked and my arms are going numb from not moving them, but I hold strong. She needs me and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for her.

  “I’m sorry,” she says once she has better control of her emotions.

  “You don’t get to tell me you’re sorry. Do you think this is a hardship for me? I want to be this person for you, Logan. I’m sorry for your loss, baby, but I’m not sorry you’re leaning on me. I will never pass up the chance to hold you in my arms, hold you up when life beats you down.” I kiss the top of her head. “You are the most important person in my world. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I need to know you understand that. You’ve just lost a loved one, and I need to know that if you need me, you’ll let me know. That you will let me hold you, let me take care of you.”

  “Can you help me book a flight to Cincinnati? I’ll also need a ride to the airport. I can ask Stacy . . .”

  “No, I want to take you.” I take a deep breath before asking her what my head is screaming for me to just do without her permission. “Do you want me to come with you?”

  She’s quiet for so long I think she might have fallen asleep, until she answers, “No, I can’t ask you to do that. I need to go say goodbye, and I’ll probably stay with Gran for a few days.”

  “I can stay in a hotel, just be close in case you need me.”

  “No, you guys have to write. I’ll be fine,” she says.

  I hate it. I hate that she’s going home alone to deal with this. I know her family will be there, but I want to be there. I want to be the one who loves her through this. The words are on the tip of my tongue. I want to tell her my heart is branded with her name, but now is not the time. She’s grieving the loss of her grandfather, and I won’t make it about me.

  “The offer stands. I will drop everything to go with you or to come to you. If you decide you need me there, you say the word and I will get there.”

  “Thank you, Kacen. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

  I hold her until she falls asleep. There is a light knock on the door, and I whisper for them to enter. Stacy sticks her head in. “How is she?”

  “Better, can you sit with her? I need to book her a flight.”

  “Yeah.” She steps quietly into my room and climbs on the opposite side of the bed.

  Very carefully, I slide out from under her and hold my breath as she relaxes into the soft mattress. Leaning down, I lightly lift the hair from her eyes and kiss the top of her head.

  “You’re in love with her,” Stacy’s whispered words meet my ears.

  “Completely.”

  “Have you told her?”

  “No, I was going to tonight. I’d made up my
mind that she needed to hear the words, that if she knew how deep my feelings were for her, she might stop fighting and take a chance with me. But now’s not the right time.”

  “Give her time. He really did a number on her.”

  “She has all of me. She can take all the time she needs,” I say. I place one more soft kiss to the top of her head and leave to book her flight.

  I battle with myself to not book two seats, but she said she didn’t want me to go. If we were together, I wouldn’t take no for an answer, but maybe she doesn’t want me meeting her family. Hell, I don’t know. I do what she asks and only book one, trying to respect her wishes, even though everything inside me is screaming that I need to be with her.

  After I receive the confirmation, I pull her phone from my pocket and text her brother.

  Logan: Hey, this is Kacen. I have her booked on a flight leaving tomorrow at noon. She refuses to let me come with her. I’m going to text you from my phone later on so you’ll have my number. Please let me know if she needs me. I’m sorry for your loss.

  Jase: Thank you.

  I add his number into my contacts and send him a quick ‘this is my info’ text and slide both phones back in my pocket. It’s time to head back to my girl. I want to be there when she wakes up.

  Chapter 38

  Logan

  I wake up warm, and this time I know why. I’m lying across his chest and his arms are wrapped tightly around me. Lifting my head to get a glimpse of him sleeping, I’m surprised to see his eyes are open, watching me.

  “Hey,” he whispers.

  “Did you sleep at all?”

  “Not really. I dozed a little. I wanted to be awake if you decided you wanted to talk.”

  “I’m sorry, you should have taken me to my room.”

  “And pass up the chance to have you in my bed? No, thanks. You’re fine right where you are,” he says. “I got your flight booked. You leave today at noon.”

  “Thank you for taking care of that.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you? I can see if there is another seat, or change your flight, or catch the next one, or, hell, it’s only a five hour drive, I’ll meet you there,” he says, almost pleading.

  “I appreciate the offer, but you and the guys have work to do. I can’t take you away from that. I’ll be gone a few days. I want to spend some time with Gran.”

  He tightens his hold on me. “I don’t care how long you’re gone, baby. Just promise you’ll come back to me.” His voice cracks.

  I don’t promise him. Instead, I just remain quiet. I can’t help but think that if I would have tried harder to find a job in Cincinnati or the outlying area that I would have seen Grandpa more. I would not have let a year’s time pass me by, and now it’s too late. I love Kacen. I know my heart will never belong to anyone else, but I should have been there.

  “Did Stacy leave?”

  “No, she stayed in your room last night. The guys entertained her. She was worried about you, too. They all were.”

  Sitting up, I look over at him. “Thank you for taking care of the flight, and for taking care of me.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks.

  “No, not much to say really. It’s been over a year since I’ve been home, and now I will never get the chance to say goodbye. That’s on me.”

  “Logan—”

  “I need to get ready,” I cut him off. I scoot to the edge of the bed and climb out. “I’m going to have Stacy drop me off at the airport.”

  “I can take you. Please let me.”

  “This way you guys can start working. I know I’ve been distracting you lately. This will be a chance for you to work without having to worry about me.”

  “Logan, just because you’re not here in my house, that doesn’t mean I stop thinking about you. You should know that by now.”

  “It’s fine, really. Stacy will take me. It’ll give us a chance to do some more catching up. Now I need to shower and get packed.” I smile softly, turn, and walk out of the room.

  Chapter 39

  Kacen

  I decide to rush through a shower and be ready in case I can convince her to change her mind. I want to see her off, keep my eyes on her until the last possible second.

  I find the guys and Stacy sitting at the kitchen counter eating donuts. “I ran and picked up breakfast this morning; didn’t want her to have to worry about us. I know she does,” Tristan explains.

  “How is she?” Stacy inquires.

  I shake my head. “She’s upset, blaming herself because it’s been so long since she’s been home. Regretting that she didn’t get to say goodbye,” I list her concerns.

  “She was close to him,” Stacy says. “They’re all actually a really close family. I thought for sure she would move back to Cincinnati after graduation. Then she got this job offer, and she was really excited about it.”

  “Yeah, I remember her excitement in Hawaii about her new job.”

  “It was a chance for her to do something for her, you know? The last three years she spent working her life around Daniel and what he thought was best, what he thought she needed to do. He played with her head.”

  She’s not telling me anything I don’t already know. I’ve seen the jackass first hand and how he tries to manipulate her.

  “What time are you leaving for the airport?” Gavin asks.

  I take a deep breath and close my eyes. “I’m not. She doesn’t want me to go with her, and she’s refusing to let me take her to the airport,” I tell them.

  “Kacen, you have to be patient with her. He was never there for her. She’s used to doing things on her own. She’s scared to death that if she lets herself depend on you that you’ll disappear,” Stacy says.

  “I know that, but I can’t fucking stand the thought of her hurting and me not being there.” I rest my elbows on the counter and bury my face in my hands.

  “Give her time, man,” Gavin says. I don’t reply, instead block the four of them out of my mind. How do I reach her?

  A moment later, I feel a hand on the back of my shoulder and I know it’s hers. “Stacy, do you think you could give me a ride to the airport?” she asks, her voice soft.

  “Yeah, sure. Kacen, you want to ride with us?” Stacy asks. I could hug her for asking.

  “Actually, the guys need to work today. I’ve distracted them enough,” she says with a humorless laugh. “It’s just you and me.” She plasters a fake smile on her face.

  “Okay, well, I’m ready when you are,” Stacy replies.

  Tristan stands and walks to Logan, bending down he gives her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “I’m here if you need anything,” he tells her.

  Next is Gavin. He places his arm around her shoulders and pulls her to his chest. “I’m sorry for your loss,” he says, kissing her on top of the head.

  Cole stands and wraps his arms around her. He whispers something in her ear that causes a sob to break from her chest. I watch as he kisses her forehead and releases her.

  If this were a normal day, I would have given them shit for touching her, kissing her, but not today. I know their hearts are in the right place. They care about her. They know what she means to me, and they just want to comfort her.

  “I’ll walk you out.” My voice is gruff with emotion. I feel like this is goodbye forever, like she’s not coming back. When I asked her to promise me that she was, she didn’t answer me. I know there’s a job offer out there. What if she takes it? What if she really doesn’t come back to me?

  Stacy grabs Logan’s suitcase. “I’m going to put this in the car,” she says, walking out of the kitchen.

  I stand and pull Logan into my arms. I bury my face in her neck and hold her as tight as I can. I can’t speak for the lump in my throat. She wraps her arms around my waist and holds me just as tight. Knowing she needs to go, needs to be with her family, I lift my head to look at her. Those big brown eyes are filled with pain and sadness, and it guts me.

&nbs
p; I cup her face in my hands. I need to make sure she’s looking at me when I say this. “I love you. I know you’re grieving and I’m a selfish prick for telling you at a time like this, but I have to. I need you to know before you walk out that door that when I told you that you own me, I meant it. I love you, Logan. I love you so much my heart literally aches for you. I love you and I’m scared as hell that when you walk out that door, you’re never coming back.”

  She doesn’t say anything as tears run unchecked down her cheeks. I pull her against my chest and stroke her hair from her face. I can feel her hot tears soaking my shirt.

  “I’m so sorry,” I choke out the words. Seeing her like this is tearing me up. “Let me come with you.” My voice is pleading.

  “I’ll be fine,” she mumbles over her tears.

  “I’m a phone call away, do you hear me? You text me, call me anytime, day or night. You need me and I’m there. I’ll always be there.”

  Pulling away, she reaches behind me on the counter and grabs a napkin. She uses it to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “I need to go.”

  I nod, lace my fingers through hers, and lead her outside. The guys and Stacy are standing on the steps talking. The guys all give her another hug, all while I’m holding her hand. I’m not letting go until I have to. They wave goodbye to Stacy and head back into the house. Stacy climbs into the driver’s seat as I walk Logan to the passenger side. Opening the door for her, she climbs in. I kneel down so we are eye level.

  Looking over at Stacy, I say, “Take care of my girl. Make sure she gets off safely.” She nods her agreement.

  “And you,” I say, cupping her cheek, I lean in close, “I meant every word, Logan. Please let me know when you arrive safely.” I softly kiss her lips. Pulling away, I whisper the words, “I love you.” I hear a slight gasp from Stacy, telling me she heard me. I don’t care. I’ll tell the whole damn word. “Be safe, baby.”

  She nods. “Bye.” Her voice is soft.

  I force myself to stand and shut her door. I tap twice on the roof of the car and watch as they pull out of the drive. My heart is in that car. I tell myself I have to have faith that she’ll come back. I stand there staring after them long after they’re gone.