Edge of Desire

by Jessica Marin

  That I’m in love with Isla.

  I fell hard and fast for her, not really wanting to believe that this is what love felt like. It feels so easy and natural, that at first, I was in denial that it was actually what I was feeling.

  But it is what I’m feeling and I was a damn fool for wasting all this time on someone who never felt the same way for me.

  I need to tell Isla, as I know she has been feeling insecure with our relationship, especially with coming back into contact with Cora again. But now is not the appropriate time to say it, as I want to make it as special for her as it is to me.

  “Is that Cora?” Isla whispers to me, her mouth dropped in awe as even she can recognize how beautiful Cora is. I nod my head yes and see her gulp. Wanting to put her at ease, I squeeze her hand, turn her chin toward me so that she is forced to look into my eyes, and give her a soft peck on the lips.

  “As far as I’m concerned, you are the most beautiful girl at the premiere tonight.” That rewards me with a smile and another quick chaste kiss, which she wipes right off my lips in order to remove any remnants of lipstick.

  The door to the limo is pulled open, indicating it is now our turn. I smooth out my suit jacket and get ready to exit out of the limo.

  “Ready?” I ask her as I squeeze her hand in encouragement. Her eyes are as wide as saucers, looking like she is a deer caught in headlights. She shakes her head no, takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. She gives herself a thirty-second mental pep talk, and when she opens her eyes back up, confidence radiates out of them.

  “I’m ready to show the world that Sean Lindsey is officially OFF the market now.” I throw my head back in laughter, not expecting that answer, but loving it nonetheless. We get out of the car, ready to conquer this premiere together.

  “Is it just me, or does Cora look like she is high as a kite?” Robert asks, watching Cora from a distance. Robert and I are standing at one of the high top bar tables, enjoying a cocktail before I have to start mingling again. Cal and I don’t usually watch the actual movie at the premieres, so we escorted our ladies straight to the after party, where a lot of the studio executives were waiting. Once the movie ended, the media and other invited guests made their way in for us to talk with.

  I look over at Cora and do notice that her eyelids look droopy, a goofy smile resting permanently on her lips. She is sitting in a booth with Philip, listening to whatever he is saying to her, nodding her head at him. They share a laugh and then clink their glasses together. As if sensing that she is being watched, she meets my gaze, smiles warmly at me and blows me a kiss. I salute her with my drink and turn my attention back to Robert.

  “She’s definitely in a good mood. Maybe she has found the old Cora, because this is the woman who used to be our best friend.” Cora has been happy and calm all night long, a far cry from the Cora who we have seen the last couple of years. She was even cordial to Jenna and Isla when we all met up on the red carpet for photos. Sure, that could have all been for the camera’s sake, but her demeanor has not shown a glimpse of the vicious Cora…yet. I really want to give her the benefit of the doubt, as I am rooting for a healthy Cora who finds love with someone.

  “Why is it taking Isla so long to go to the restroom?” I send her another text, asking her where she is, but get no response. It has been at least ten minutes and while I know the party is crowded, it shouldn’t take her that long. I search out the crowd and finally get a glimpse of her profile. She is talking to some good-looking guy and immediately my blood starts to boil with jealousy.

  “Who is that guy Isla is talking to?” Robert usually knows everyone in the industry since becoming one of Cal’s assistant as well, so I am hoping he’ll know who I have to give fair warning to stay away from my girlfriend.

  “You are like a dog in heat or something, calm it down. He’s some no name actor who she went to boarding school with. And he’s gay, so don’t get your undies all wadded up.” I watch as he whispers something into her ear that makes her laugh. He motions his finger to another room and starts walking in that direction, with Isla following him. Not wanting anyone else taking more of her time away from me, I excuse myself from Robert and decide to go follow them.

  I get into the next room, only to find it empty. I see another door that looks like it leads outside and I am about to reach it when I hear my name called from behind.

  “Sean!” Cora runs in, breathing heavily from trying to catch up with me. “There you are! I wanted to have a quick word with you alone since we haven’t had time to officially catch up.”

  “Now is really not the best time. I’m trying to find Isla, but we can catch up tomorrow when we leave for Paris,” I suggest, really wanting to get Isla and leave. The idea of not seeing her for the next three days makes me eager to get her back to the hotel and worship her body as much as I physically can tonight.

  “Absolutely!” Cora agrees a little to enthusiastically. As I inspect her more closely, I’m now convinced that she is high on something. Her pupils are dilated, her speech is slow, and she isn’t taking the hint that I can’t talk right now. “I just want to thank you, Sean, again for caring about me enough to keep in touch while I was in treatment. Your texts helped me get through some really dark days, so I just wanted to personally thank you.” Before I realize what she’s doing, she throws her arms around my neck and starts kissing me.

  And I don’t mean the friend like peck.

  She starts trying to full-blown make out with me.

  I grab her arms from around my neck and push her away when I hear a loud gasp of shock from behind me. I turn around to see Isla standing in the doorway, hand over her heart, pain blazing from her eyes. Before I can even blink, she turns around and runs into the sea of people in the crowd.

  “Isla!” I shout and run after her, trying to keep my focus on her head as I push and shove people out of my way. By the time I weave my way through everyone to get to the entrance, she is long gone.

  “Fuck!” I scream out at no one, wrapping my hand around the back of my neck and looking up toward the sky. How could this be happening to me? I grab my phone out of my pocket to call her. Her phone goes straight to voicemail. I leave a message, insisting that the kiss was not what it seemed, begging her to call me.

  “Sean!” I hear my name and cringe at the sight of Cora coming toward me. “Sean, I am so sorry! I don’t know what came over me. I missed you so much and was hoping that you missed me as well. I thought maybe we could try to start to be more than friends. I didn’t realize that you and Isla were in a committed relationship.” When I refuse to answer her, she reaches out to touch my arm. “Sean, I’m sorry, I—”

  “Don’t fucking touch me!” I yell, causing her to flinch and snatch her hand back. “Everything you touch, you destroy.” And with that, I run out to the street to get a taxi and go back to the hotel. I keep calling Isla the whole ride back. She still refuses to answer.

  I decide to take the stairs up to our room, not taking any chances of the elevator getting stuck or having too many people on it. When I arrive, the room is empty, everything exactly as we left it. While pacing through the room, wondering how I’m going to find Isla, my phone vibrates with a message.

  Isla: I’m staying at an old friend’s house from boarding school. I need you to leave me alone. You made me fall in love with you, only to shatter my heart into a million pieces. You can go fuck yourself! Enjoy your miserable life with Cora.

  I re-read her text message two more times before hurling my phone against the wall, not caring if it made a dent.

  Living without Isla is not even an option.

  I have to win her back.

  22

  Sean

  The plane ride to Paris is pretty torturous for me, considering my heart is being left behind in London. I barely slept, hoping that if I was up early enough, she would come back to get her belongings and we could talk. Instead, she had Jenna retrieve them and was going straight to the Harrington’s London home
from her friend’s house that she slept at. She continues to ignore my calls and texts. My only ray of hope for right now is Jenna. Brooks was sick last night, so Jenna is not accompanying us to Paris. When I explained to Jenna what happened, she didn’t hesitate in believing me. I know Jenna senses that I have fallen for Isla. She has never seen me act this way before, even with Cora, so she promised she would try to talk with Isla for me.

  I’m pulled out of my thoughts when one of the movie studio publicists sits down next to me to go over the itinerary for Paris and Berlin. The studio chartered this plane for the press tour and everyone who needs to be here is on it — directors, producers, main actors, assistants, publicists, and agents. It is stifling, loud and with my current mood, annoying. I just want to be left the hell alone to think. Cal and Robert get it as they are sitting somewhere else on the plane, away from me. Fortunately, with being in the industry as long as I have, my meeting with the publicist is short since she has confidence that I know what I’m doing. Once she leaves me alone, I go back to brooding while looking out of the window, hoping no one else will bother me for the remainder of the flight.

  My thoughts wander back to Isla and how we’re going to get past the first bump in our relationship. I’m angry that she has given up so easily on us. I’m also disappointed that she didn’t believe me when I said I wasn’t a willing participant in that kiss. I know with my past feelings for Cora and the newness of our relationship, there was still doubt in her mind and unfortunately, I did nothing to squash that doubt. Isla didn’t like the frequency of the texting that was going on between Cora and me, but I made it clear to her that Cora has been one of my best friends, and that I wasn’t giving up on that part of our relationship. I wasn’t going to abandon her like everyone else has in her life.

  Maybe that was the wrong decision.

  Maybe I should’ve reassured Isla of my feelings for her.

  Maybe I should’ve told her I was falling in love with her.

  I would be an asshole if I sat here and didn’t try to think of Isla’s point of view. If the roles were reversed and I walked in on what she did, I probably would’ve done the same thing —except, I would’ve beaten the shit out of whomever was kissing her and then I would’ve told her it was over. I probably wouldn’t be returning her calls or texts either until I had a chance to calm down and think things through. With that in mind, Isla deserves time to cool down, but I’m not going to stop calling and texting her. She can send me to voicemail every time if she wants - I will fill that shit up until it’s no longer accepting messages.

  I text my assistant, telling her I need two bouquets of flowers delivered to Isla every single day while I’m away. Then I send another text to Isla for the fourth time this morning.

  Me: You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I’m not giving up on us.

  “Sean, can we talk for a minute?” Cora asks, interrupting my text.

  Cora is the last person I want to talk to, but she’s right in that we do need to talk about what happened last night. She needs to know that our relationship will always be just friends. She also needs to understand how important Isla is to me.

  I hit send on my text to Isla and jerk my head toward the seat facing me for her to sit down. She cautiously sits on the edge of it, her hands folded neatly in her lap with her legs pressed together. She’s wearing another modest outfit today of a black, button-down long sleeve silk top with taupe colored dress slacks and black high heels. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail and her makeup is light and natural. She is portraying the look of classic elegance, two words that I never thought would be put together in the same sentence to describe Cora.

  “I want to apologize for my behavior last night. As I said, I hadn’t realized you were in a serious relationship considering you weren’t the last time I saw you.”

  “Things can happen quickly in one month. I fell in love and now I’m in a committed relationship, one that I demand you have respect for.” My stare never waivers from hers, hoping she can read that I’m dead serious from my body language and tone.

  “Love?” Her eyes are wide with surprise at my admission. “How can you be in love with her when you have been in love with me all these years?”

  “Easy, since it was quite apparent that I’ve been in love with the wrong person all this time. Isla gives me her love unconditionally and freely, with no strings attached and no expectations, except for the same in return. Something you were never willing to ever give me.”

  “Sean, darling, don’t you think that maybe you are confusing love with lust? I know you were going through a rather dry spell from sex while hanging out at Cal’s house for all those months.” She winks at me, the action making my blood boil at her demeaning attitude toward my new relationship.

  “I’m one hundred percent accurate in my feelings for Isla since they’re much more intense than any feelings I had when I thought I was in love with you.” I stare at her coldly, ready for her to leave me the hell alone. I deliver the punch and see the affect it has on her. She winces and then swallows whatever she was about to say next.

  “That was really hurtful, Sean. I’m just trying to be a good friend. I know you’re angry with me, so I’ll let it slide as you aren’t being yourself. All I care about is your happiness, so if you’re happy, I’m happy.” She gets up to stand, leaving me speechless as to who this person in front of me is supposed to be.

  “I’m truly happy for you, Sean. Maybe after you’ve had a chance to calm down, you can tell me all about her and what the future holds for you.” I watch her walk away and sit down in a seat closer to the front of the plane.

  As the captain announces our descent into Paris and asks us to return to our seats, I can’t help but wonder if he has just flown us into the Twilight Zone.

  23

  Cora

  I keep my smile plastered on my face as I walk the hallway of the hotel to my room, nodding at people who greet me as I walk by them. Once inside and the door closed behind me, I breathe a sigh of relief to have a few moments to myself and not have to act anymore.

  As soon as we got off the plane, Cal, Sean, and I went straight to the press junket to promote our movie. Sitting there for hours on end with journalists who ask you the same questions over and over again, some so stupid and have no relevance to the movie, is emotionally draining. Being a nice person to people is fucking exhausting! All the chit chatter, the smiling, the laughing, the pretending to care about others who don’t give a rat’s ass about you…ugh!

  I look at my watch to see I only have a couple of hours before having to start getting ready for the premiere tonight. With last night in London being considered the world premiere of the movie, our time in Paris is very limited. Similar to yesterday’s schedule, we premiere the movie, go to the after party and then leave for Berlin the following morning. Due to some scheduling conflicts in Berlin, our press junket there is planned out for most of the day, with the premiere being the following day. We get two days in Berlin, whereas here, we only get one. After Berlin, we get almost two weeks off before our press junkets and premieres in the United States. With Cal and Sean going back to London for their time off as soon as we’re done in Berlin, my window of opportunity of getting Cal alone is decreasing by the second. That makes today the day to execute my plan.

  The plan came to me in my last week of treatment. I was having horrible anxiety and insomnia, panicking over how I am going to win Cal when all the cards were stacked against me. The lack of sleep was starting to become evident during my therapy sessions, so they prescribed me Rohypnol to try. Because it is such a powerfully addictive drug, the nurses were in charge of administering my supply. Every night I had to check in at the facility run pharmacy, where they would give me one pill before bed time and make me take it in front of them. The first night of taking it was the best night of sleep I’ve ever had in my life. I woke up the next morning feeling like I was hungover, but as the day wore on, I actually felt well rested
. With my body starting to get use to it on a consistent basis, the hungover feeling started to fade, while the well-rested feeling only increased. I stopped feeling tired and my anxiety was almost non-existent. I was in love with my new magic happy pill and decided to do some research on how I can get more and why it was so powerful for countries to ban it. I was actually quite appalled when reading the stories of despicable people using it to drug others to have sex with them. Why would you even want to have sex with someone who was unresponsive?

  And then the light bulb went off in my head.

  I can lure Cal to my room by himself, a crushed up Rohypnol waiting for him to drink up in a cocktail that I provide. Because it will make him lucid within fifteen minutes, I should have no problems putting ourselves in compromising positions that Danny can take photos of, sell the story and be published all over the world, making Cal look like a cheating bastard.

  The treatment facility just went from being hell to heaven with supplying me the key to my plan.

  Goodbye, Jenna!

  Because of how dangerous Rohypnol can be, I can only buy a tiny supply off the black market from southeast Asia. Fortunately, I received my package the day before the London premiere. In my giddiness to having it back, I decided to crush one up and snort it like I do with my cocaine before the premiere in order to calm my nerves.

  Big mistake.

  I was barely functioning at one point during the night from the high of the drug. Fortunately, I kept pumping water in me, making multiple trips to the bathroom to try to pee it out of my system. I was surprised at how quickly the high hits you when you are snorting it, compared to swallowing the pill as a whole. I think that from now on, I will stick to my good friend cocaine to snort before any public events instead of the Rohypnol.

  My phone buzzes with a message from Danny, alerting me of his arrival in Paris. I send him a response back with my hotel information, telling him he needs to pick up a bottle of high end whiskey for Cal’s drink. Once he has confirmed, I start getting myself ready for the big event. I go to my suitcase to retrieve the lingerie I bought for this specific occasion. I take out a black lace babydoll negligee and slip it on. I then cover myself up with a matching robe that stops at mid-thigh. I keep my makeup on since it was already done for the press junket, but I run a flat iron through my hair to freshen it up. Next, I get my bottle of Rohypnol out of its hiding place in my toiletries case and start smashing one up. But Cal is a much larger person, so two might be best for him. I add the second one and smash it up with the bottom of a glass. Once the pills are in powder form, I pour it into the glass, ready for the whiskey to be added to it.