Convincing Bet

by K. S. Adkins

  Just like that, I knew happiness was possible for me again.

  Deep and sure, that forever feeling hit me. A few hours ago, I still had myself convinced life wasn’t worth living but he was right, it was. This change hit me hard. I wanted it all but was terrified of it too. We brought something out in each other that I couldn’t explain. It wasn’t just this, sex and the forbidden it was…more.

  Speechless, I watch him take care of me. Kissing my neck, my ear and running his fingers over me all while he pumps me slowly. We were making love and it was hands down the most poignant moment in my life. When I feel another orgasm come on I wrap my legs around him as tight as I can and take the first step toward forgiving myself.

  “Say it for me, little Bet.” This was it, that first step in accepting an alternative to dying. “I want to live,” I whisper through the bliss of having him inside me, connected to me in real time. So when the tears came, he watched each of them fall with the most perfect look on his face.

  At that moment, those four words made Rio the happiest man on earth.

  Picking up his pace a bit, he brings me onto his lap. The position made no sense to me at first until he leaned me back and unties me. Letting both arms fall, I wait for the numbness to pass but focus on how he feels inside of me like this. Bringing my hands up and sinking them into his hair, I take his mouth hard.

  “Missed those hands,” he moans into my mouth.

  “If we do this, promise not to leave me without saying goodbye.” I beg of him.

  “I ain’t leaving,” he growls, “Neither are you, we’re doing this. Now come, woman.”

  Taking me to my back then flipping me onto my side, he slides back in and buries his face into my neck. Still making love to me but with more urgency now, he grips my hip and groans, “Say the words again,” he orders me, “Need to hear it.”

  “I want to live,” I choke out. Because of him I did want to live, more than I wanted anything in six long years. Spanking me much harder than I was prepared for, my body bows and a loud gasp leaves me. “Looks like you want me to live too.” I gasp.

  Pumping into me with more force, he tilts my head back and gives me his tongue. “Need you alive to love you, little Bet,” he groans, “Gonna love you forever.”

  My final orgasm blisters through me like fire. His words sent me to a place I’ve never been. Though I didn’t voice it because I simply couldn’t find my words, I wanted to say it back. Instead, when his own orgasm hit him I helped him ride it out until we were both too destroyed to move after.

  One step forward, ten fucking steps back.

  After getting her to say the words the weight of the world fell from my shoulders. Telling her I loved her was a driving force I couldn’t stop, she had to know. When her mouth opened and closed, I knew she wanted to say it but she physically couldn’t. Instead of getting pissed, I called on my patience. Getting Bet to say the words was priority one, getting her to love me back was happening, just not as quickly as I’d like it to. Pushing her to say it wouldn’t work, she had to do it in her own time.

  She fell asleep first, I stayed awake, content to watch her breathe. At least I was until she woke from a nightmare and completely shut down on me, hell on herself. Her eyes were open but she was…void.

  No emotion, no comprehension and no movement.

  Hours go by and she refuses to acknowledge me. Not when I offer her food or when I try to engage. The only time I can get her to even blink is when I try moving her to which she starts kicking and screaming until I let her go. Maybe this meltdown had been a long time coming. She said she usually drank herself into a coma for them two days, did I fuck up the healing process for her? Honestly, right now I was so strung out over her behavior I didn’t have an answer. It ain’t like I have experience with a female losing her shit like this. I could handle Bet taking a swing at me, I couldn’t handle…this.

  Having no idea what time it was because truthfully I was afraid to look, I crawl into bed next to her hoping my presence would bring her back to me. Careful not to touch her, I stay above the covers and then I start talking. About everything, nothing, and even some shit I made up. The quiet was getting to me. Making me nervous and riling me up at the same time.

  Finally out of shit to say, I get up to take a piss and sprayed the God damned bathroom wall when she starts screaming her fucking head off. “Bet!” I yell to get her attention. Nothing. Grabbing her she immediately goes buck wild somehow managing to toss me off the bed.

  Before I can get back up she rips the bedding clear, breaks the lamps, throws the remote straight through the TV, chucks her phone at the door wall and then does the unthinkable. She tries harming herself. Scratching at her face, neck, arms and stomach I kick into gear tackling her to the bed. I wrestled for about a semester in school and pretty much figured out how to hold her down without hurting her. Finally running out of steam, she went from thrashing and screaming to…sobbing.

  The sobbing undid me.

  If you told me two weeks ago crying for hours was possible, I’d call you a liar. But that’s what she did, she cried her fucking eyes out for hours upon hours before losing her voice and passing out for good. Carefully releasing her, I grab a bottle of wine and sink down the wall until my ass hits the floor.

  Emotionally and physically exhausted, I felt my own eyes build up but it wasn’t for me it was for her. In all my life I’ve never seen utter despair. When Senior died, Rion had a few breakdowns but nothing like this. Then again, she lost her old man but Bet lost every fucking person she loved in her life at that time.

  When she whimpers, “Indie,” in a broken voice, I feel the first tear run down my cheek. Wanting to go to her, comfort her, I stay put hoping she’d call out for me. She didn’t and for some reason that hurt too. When morning hit I stretched my crooked neck and back out heading over to the bed to check on her. With closed eyes, she clutches her daughter’s blanket and weeps silently into it.

  Not able to take it another second, I crawled in next to her and covered her as best I could. In hushed tones, I let her know that I was here, that she was safe and that I loved her. I begged her to open her eyes, to look at me and promised her somehow I’d make it better. When she stilled I worried she was about to flip again but she didn’t.

  Instead she turned toward me, opened her tear-stained puffy eyes and said, “Hi.”

  When it’s your time to lose it, it’s your time to lose it.

  Six years ago, I learned to never say never. Plans change, people change and priorities change. I suppose you can fight it but eventually it’s going to happen whether you like it or not. Events will happen that are out of your control. People will always surprise you in good ways and in bad. Just when you think you’ve got life figured out, that ending it would be easier, you meet someone who convinces you to try again.

  That’s what prompted this overdue breakdown or rather breakthrough.

  Rio had looked me in the eyes and told me he loved me. With pleasure zinging throughout my body his words combined with ecstasy took me over the edge. At the time I was emotionally over charged, having just said I wanted to live and meaning it, to hearing I was loved while he fucked me, it was pure bliss. But once I came back down to earth, fear crept in and thoughts of losing him like I did them, briefly stole my sanity from me. So easily comes loss right? By car, disease, a gun or even by choice. This man found me in my darkest hour and made me believe again. How could I cope if he ever left me for any reason? The fact was, I couldn’t. At that reminder, my mind and body went on auto pilot. Yes, I was aware I was being destructive but I just didn’t care. All of my losses blended into one catastrophic meltdown.

  Suddenly he was there, wrapping me up in safety, saying things I couldn’t understand but wanted to. I was sick of crying, of being weak and unstable. Clinging to his stability I did what I was good at and fought my way back. I said the words, I even meant them so I had to soldier on and trust that I was strong enough to do this with or without hi
m. Yes, I wanted him. Desperately. But to get on with life, I had to do this for myself, no one else. It wasn’t Rio’s job to help me function; it was my job to do it. But it helped to know that I could call on him if it got too hard.

  Taking a deep breath, I roll over to face him. Immediately, I see he’s been crying too and I knew, I fucking knew the decision to trust in this, in him was the right one. “Hi,” I whisper.

  “Where you been, little Bet?” he asks sniffling.

  “I wish I had an answer that would make sense,” I offer.

  “I’m so sorry for putting you through that.”

  “Why’d you come back?” he asks.

  “For you,” I whisper kissing his cheek. “I came back, for you.”

  “You scared me,” he confesses. “Thought I lost you, I didn’t know what to do for you.”

  “You’re doing it,” I tell him as joy slowly flows through my veins. “You stayed. You matter to me, Rio, and the thought of losing you made me feel---”

  He cuts me off by rolling over to straddle me. Securing both arms over my head, he leans in and kisses me perfectly hard. “Losing you would ruin me,” he says panting. “Do you got any idea what thinking you know what love is only to find out what it isn’t feels like? That didn’t come out right,” he mumbles shaking his head. “You’re my second chance, little Bet, and I’m yours.” Oddly enough I knew exactly what he meant. What he thought was love with Rion wasn’t. What I thought was love with Alan wasn’t either. What we were feeling wasn’t familial like it had been with them, this was love that you couldn’t live without because it was true.

  “I thought I loved Alan,” I tell him. “I tried so hard to love him how he deserved. He was safety for me, Rio. I can say I did love him for that but I wasn’t in love with him and that eats at me. He died knowing I didn’t love him.”

  Taking a deep breath and watching as his eyes soften, he eases his grip. “I thought I loved Rion, too,” he says. “I got confused about it, all them years with her needing me. She was my one constant and even though it was my job to protect her, she was safety for me like he was for you.”

  “I struggle with grief, I probably always will and I know that. But it’s not just grief but guilt, too. Alan was robbed of a future because I wasn’t strong enough to let him go. Because of me he paid the ultimate price.”

  “Your husband loved you, little Bet,” he says pulling me up and into his lap. “Pretty sure if he could do it all again, he wouldn’t change shit. He got to have you for a time, Indie too. A man knows when he’s hit the lottery.”

  “So does a woman,” I whisper into his neck. “Rion loves you, Rio, she’s your family. Please don’t run from your family, she loves you unconditionally.”

  Clearing his throat, he leans me back so we’re face to face. “We’re good then?” he asks.

  “We’re good,” I smile up at him.

  “You still wanna live?” he asks.

  “You still want a woman with emotional issues?” I counter.

  “Turns out I got a thing for fucked up females,” he says giving me a light spanking.

  “Mmm,” I moan. “Turns out I got a thing for alpha males. Hey Rio?” I ask.

  “Yeah?”

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For loving me at my worst.”

  “If this is your worst, I’m going to enjoy the fuck outta your best.” He laughs pulling me from the bed and pushing me into the bathroom. “You smell like salt,” he says. “Wash that shit off and come have breakfast with me.”

  Giggling into my hand, I turn back to him once more. “Hey, Rio?”

  “Yeah, Bet?”

  “Wash my back for me?” I ask with a smirk. Like a shot he plowed into the bathroom closing the door behind him.

  “Wasn’t hungry,” he says backing me into the stall. “For food anyway.”

  Like the previous night was an old memory, we moved forward. After the shower, which was sadly quick because the hot water ran out, he grabbed more wine, plus the cheese and crackers then fed me on the couch. By late afternoon, I was still exhausted from losing my shit the night before and fell asleep in his lap while watching the one working television. For a moment I felt guilty that we couldn’t watch it in bed because I sorta broke it, but he said this TV was better anyway and I went with it. At some point, I felt him carry me to bed where he climbed in beside me and true to his word, he never let me go.

  It was the second best night’s sleep I’d had in six years.

  Letting her sleep, I wait at the front desk to see when the first ferry off this island is scheduled. Turns out the storm was the worst we’ve seen in twenty years and shit was seriously behind schedule. Checking my messages while I wait, I see two from Rion, one from Loyal, and a dozen from Adrian. Right now with a naked Bet in our room I don’t want to talk to any of them, especially Adrian. Twenty minutes later, I’m told the first available ferry is in two days and knew we’d be on it, together.

  Heading down the hill for coffee, it doesn’t seem possible that an overcast day could be beautiful but it was. Even with everything soaked from the storm, I enjoyed the view. This was freaky shit because until her I never noticed the weather one way or the other. We’ve been holed up in that room for nearly a week and despite dozens of orgasms we both needed fresh air. Honestly, I wanted the people on the island to see the woman who wants me and wants to live. I wanted to show off my good fortune.

  Every mother fucker on this island wanted coffee today, so while waiting in line when Adrian calls again, I answer. Whatever he wanted was going to have to wait, now was as good a time as any to tell him that. “What?”

  “Are you avoiding me?”

  “No,” I tell him handing the barista my cash. “My signal sucks and I have to walk into town to use my phone. I’m in town, hence why I answered.”

  “I checked the weather, the storm passed and ferries depart in two days. You’ll have her on the first one out?”

  “Yes, mother. I told you I would bring her back, you got trouble hearing me?”

  “Oh no,” he laughs, “I hear you, I just don’t necessarily trust you. The Rio I know would have had her privileged-ass back here within twelve hours and stole her wallet. The shit you’re pulling don’t add up. Get her here.”

  “She ain’t who you think she is,” I growl, “Ever think of that?”

  “She’s got you snowed; you’ll see exactly who she is soon. Clock’s tickin’, partner.”

  When my name is called, I grab both drinks and nearly dump them all over her when Bet startles me.

  “Whoa,” she says taking a drink from me. “Who was on the phone?”

  “An old friend.”

  “Who ‘isn’t who he thinks she is’?”

  “A chick he used to deal with,” I answer vaguely. Walking out onto the street I’m sweating, wondering how much she heard and afraid to find out. “He wants her back.”

  “He wants your help?”

  “Something like that.”

  “What if she doesn’t want to go back?”

  “She doesn’t have a choice, little Bet,” I say taking a seat on a hard ass concrete bench. “They got business.”

  “The first ferry runs Wednesday morning,” she says absently sipping her drink. “I figured we’d take the eight thirty.”

  “That works for me.”

  Leaning her head on my shoulder she’s quiet for a moment. Then she speaks and everything in me stills. “You wouldn’t be trying to fuck me over would you, Rio?” she asks in a steady voice. It’s that boardroom voice, the one that says if you answer wrong you’re going to be out of a job and possibly beheaded. “I’ve already got a long list of people who want to see me fall, if you’re one of them, please tell me now.”

  Swallowing hard but not hesitating, I pull her even closer to me. “Not sure what you’re talking about, again you’re only hearing one side of a conversation. Helping out a friend is all, little Bet. They got some shit
to settle, but it’ll work out. Just repaying a favor is all.”

  “Okay Rio,” she says quietly, “I’ll trust you. Let’s head back, the sky’s about to open up again.”

  Kissing the top of her head, I close my eyes in thanks for her buying it. Bet made me the happiest man in the world when she said the words. I wouldn’t betray her, not to Adrian, not to anyone. I just have to figure out how I’m going to get her back and keep her out of his reach until I figure something out.

  I had to figure something out, I couldn’t lose her.

  Maybe killing Adrian was the way to go. No one would miss his ass and the city would probably thank me. It would be worth it as long as Bet was my payoff.

  We spent the rest of the day snacking and chatting indoors. It was easy and the only black cloud was his phone call. I didn’t get to where I am now by being trusting. I hated that with one quick call my trust in him was shaken, but it was. The fact is, back on dry land I don’t know Rio and he doesn’t know me. Whoever he was speaking with had him on edge. And this favor he was doing wasn’t sitting well with him either.

  I’m not big into the mantra everything happens for a reason. Humans are calculated and they can be cruel. He knows my reasons for being here; I however, don’t know his. If I was venturing into a future with this man, I had to know exactly who I was getting. While he showered, I emailed a man I do business with and asked him to do some background work on Rio. He said to give him a few minutes and until I heard back from him, I was reserving judgment. Once he was out, I headed in to take my own shower but I kept my phone out of his reach. Taking it with me into the bathroom, I played music so he wouldn’t question why I wasn’t parting with it.

  If he was sent here for me, he would pay for his betrayal.

  If his presence on an island he clearly hates is coincidence, I’ll punish myself by eating low fat foods for a month. Bottom line, something felt off and I trusted my instincts.