“Nothing’s up with me. I watched The Proposal but I’m not sure what I was supposed to see other than Betty White is awesome and I already knew that.” I didn’t look up from my sketch. A midnight client wanted a pirate ship on his forearm, which didn’t give me a lot of space for the amount of shading and detail I wanted to give him. “What’s up with you?”
“Nothing much. I just met someone and I’m probably going to marry her on my next day off.”
That had me lifting my head. “You move fast. Congratulations.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re impossible to unnerve. It’s very unnerving.”
“Who am I to judge if you fall in love at first sight?” I’d been hot for the same girl for a decade. No judgment from me, that was for damn sure.
“It’s definitely lust at first sight. I was kidding about getting married. But you never know, right? All I know is she’s hot and I want to spend every second I’m not working with her. That’s a start, right?”
“It is. What’s her name?”
Jana was wearing shorts and black socks that came up to her knees and a Sailor Moon hoodie. She leaned against my chair and propped her head up with her chin. “It’s Brandy. Would it be weird if I tattooed her name on my finger so I can have her inside me when I diddle myself?”
I almost dropped my pencil. I started laughing. Jana was definitely one of a kind. “I get the concept in theory, but don’t you think she’ll find that just a little stalker-ish at this point in your what… one-week-old relationship?”
“You’re so practical it’s gross,” she complained. “Oh, hey,” she said. “Can I help you?”
“I have an appointment with Maddox Malone,” a decidedly female voice replied.
I turned and found a girl about my age standing there. She had dark hair and a retro pinup girl look. “Are you Maddox?” She stuck her hand out. “I’m Johnny.”
So the pirate ship was going on a woman? Shit. Now I was really out of room. A glance at her arms showed they were slim. “Oh, hi, nice to meet you.” I stood up and took her outstretched hand. “I was just given the name John, so I was expecting a guy. Which you’re obviously not. I shouldn’t have made an assumption.”
She laughed. “Nope. Not a guy. Not even close. Though I do like guys.”
I recognized that tone. Mild flirtation. I cleared my throat and let go of her hand. I wanted to stay professional.
Jana was suddenly up next to me in a way she never was. She was practically climbing up my leg. I gave her a “what the fuck” look.
“We’re hanging out later, remember?” she said.
We had exactly zero plans to hang out later but she was trying to tell me something, that was obvious. I cautiously nodded. “Sure,” I said.
Then Jana kissed me, so fast it barely happened. I was so shocked I didn’t pull away. Besides, it was over in a blink. Considering I knew she had no sexual feelings for me and that she was madly in love with a woman she’d just met, I figured she had to think she was protecting me from the evil clutches of Johnny, a woman we’d met two seconds ago.
Which was insane.
I could handle myself if and when Johnny wanted to flirt, but mostly, I thought she was probably just being friendly. You know, in the last thirty seconds. I watched Jana leave, tossing her long hair back off her shoulder.
“Your girlfriend is cute,” Johnny said as I gestured for her to have a seat.
“She’s lost her mind,” I said. I debated telling the truth or not, but decided I didn’t care enough to correct the assumption.
“I think she thought I was going to hit on you. Which I still might,” she said, giving me a sassy grin. “You’re not bad to look at.”
“Thanks. And I could see how you could inspire jealousy.” What? Jana wasn’t my girlfriend and Savannah was dating random guys. I could give a compliment back to someone.
“Is she going to come over here and try to girl fight me?” Johnny sat down in her tight jeans and leaned back into the chair, her tits spilling out of her sweater.
“Jana is scrappy. You never know.” I showed her my sketch. “Now, about your tat. I was told pirate ship but I thought you were a dude, so I may be way off base here.”
She glanced at it and nodded. “I want something way more feminine.” She took her sweater off and started showing me her existing tattoos. Which wasn’t that outrageous in a shop. There was a lot of necessary nudity, and in this case, it would be important for me to see her current tats so I could stylistically tie her new one into the old.
The sad thing was, she had a great body. Her bra was sheer and I could see her nipples. And it did exactly nothing for me because I could have sworn I could still taste Savannah on my tongue.
I had gone too far with her.
And I wasn’t sure how to bring myself back.
After Johnny left I went and found Jana. “Are you done for the night?”
She was cleaning her station. “Yes, why?”
“We’re hanging out tonight, remember? According to you when you kissed me two hours ago.” I crossed my arms over my chest and eyed her.
Anyone else would have the decency to look sheepish. Not Jana. She looked proud of herself. “I had to do something. That girl was a predator. I can’t have you screwing up this thing with Savannah when we’re on the cusp of a break through.”
“I know how to deflect someone’s interest in me,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I don’t think you understand. I’m in love with Savannah. I want to marry her and make more babies with her. I’m not susceptible to anyone else.”
Jana fanned herself. “Growl. I love it. I’m texting you a list.” She was already on her phone, typing furiously.
“What kind of list?”
“Your rom-com moments. I feel like you’re doing well in the confidant category but you stepped out of order with the sex. We need to recover.” She looked up. “There. Promise me you’ll do these things.”
Curious, I pulled out my phone.
Eat ice cream with her
Take her ice skating
Go grocery shopping with her
Buy her a gift, something small
Dance with her at the engagement party
“Why ice skating?”
“Because it’s November in New York City and everyone in every movie ever in the city in November or December goes ice skating at Rockefeller Center. She’ll be eating out of your hand.”
Since I’d been accused of being pragmatic and practical I decided I had nothing to lose by listening to her. “Fine. I’m on it. But this means I get to offer you a practical guide to Brandy, the new love of your life. And it starts with not tattooing her name anywhere on your body.”
“Boo.” Her nose wrinkled. “But I guess you’ve had worse ideas.”
I laughed. “I never have bad ideas, what are you talking about?” Samuel walked past me, bouncing to the music playing overhead. “Samuel, do I have bad ideas?”
“No way, man. You’re the guy to trust.”
“See?” I gave Jana a smug look. “I’m practical and trustworthy. Some people appreciate that.”
“Not people with vaginas.”
There was no winning. “I would have done everything on that list on my own, by the way. Except for the ice skating. But everything else I would have done.”
“Pfft.”
Chapter 10
I stared across the table at Michael, Felicia’s choice for me. I was trying to focus. Apparently, Felicia had been talking to him quite a bit as me and I’d had to read through their dozens of messages to each other. I thought she might have taken the getting-to-know-him thing way too far. A few messages then a meet-up would have made more sense because now she had all this information about him and I was playing catch-up.
It made it feel more forced than it might have otherwise.
“You’re even more beautiful in person than your picture,” he said, smiling.
It was just as pleasant a smile as it had been whe
n Felicia had showed me his profile. “Thank you,” I said, crossing and uncrossing my legs. “You’re a doctor, right? What specialty?”
He gave me a puzzled look. “Um, orthopedics. Sorry, I thought we talked about this. You mentioned your grandmother’s hip replacement.”
What the hell, Felicia? My cheeks went hot. “Right, of course. Duh. Mom brain.” I pointed to my head, feeling like an idiot.
“Oh, right, sure. I understand. Besides, I imagine you talk to a lot of guys, not just me.”
He didn’t say it in a way that was an accusation but it still made me uncomfortable. “I wouldn’t say that.” I wouldn’t. I wasn’t talking to any guys except for Maddox.
“Dating has changed so much in the last ten years. It’s hard to get to know someone when everyone is just swiping like crazy.” Michael lifted his bourbon and gestured to me. “That’s why I appreciate how much you’ve been willing to chat with me before meeting.”
Death to Felicia. I was going to murder her. I felt like a fraud. I was Jennifer Lopez in Maid in Manhattan bullshitting her way through a gala. Without a beautiful borrowed gown.
“It must be hard for you to date with your schedule. I’m sure you’re a very busy man.”
We were in a very nice restaurant—in Brooklyn, because he was considerate—with a hushed, intimate atmosphere and I really wanted to focus on Michael. I wanted to like him. Because he seemed like an actual nice guy.
But all I could think about was Maddox burying his tongue inside me.
It made for a very distracted dinner date.
“Ten years ago that was true. But now I have more flexibility at work because of the heights I’ve reached in the hierarchy. Ironic, because now I have more time and no special person in my life.” He smiled. “Hence, the torture of dating apps.”
I laughed. “Everyone’s doing it. It can’t be that awful or we’d all stop collectively.” I eyed the waitress passing me with a glass of red wine. “I haven’t had a glass of wine in fifteen months. Is it terrible that I just really, really want one?”
“I’m sure you could have a sip or two. Just pump your milk for the next twelve hours.” He gave me a wink. “I’m a doctor. I know what I’m talking about.”
It should be reassuring. He was comfortable with my mom status. With breast milk. Not all men would be. But I was feeling like Michael would be a lovely friend and companion, but not a boyfriend. Which was super premature. I’d been with him for all of twenty minutes.
“My mom guilt is too strong. But that first glass after weaning my son is going to be a beautiful moment.”
He sipped his bourbon. “By the way, does our age difference bother you in any way?”
Did it? I honestly wasn’t sure. It was a little bit like being on a date with one of my dad’s golfing buddies. Maybe that had more to do with his personality than his age, though. He was very polite, and maybe I wanted something more fluid, natural.
Like me and Maddox.
I mentally kicked myself and said, “No, of course not.”
“I was leery about putting it out there I was interested in younger women, because I don’t want to be a creepy older guy, but I really want a family. After my wife passed away I put my head down and just worked. Then one day I woke up and I was forty.” He shrugged. “That’s selfish, I know it is, because women can’t do the same thing. But I want to be honest.”
“Age is just a number,” I said, even as I wondered if I believed that. If I did, I wouldn’t point to Maddox’s age as a reason I couldn’t be with him. It clearly did matter to me.
I stared across the table at Michael and realized I had exactly zero clue what the hell I was doing in my dating life.
“Taste this,” I said, lifting my spoon to Maddox’s lips as he held Sully. “Does it need more salt?”
He obediently opened his mouth and took the pesto. He shook his head. “No, it’s fine. It’s good.”
It was the night after my dinner with Michael and I was making dinner the way I normally did. Maddox and I had fallen into a routine. During the week, I made dinner, we hung out with the baby, talked, watched TV, put Sully down. Then had sex before I retreated to my bedroom. Everything about it was easy, unlike staring across the restaurant table at a stranger. Michael had texted me a very thoughtful “just wanted to make sure you got home okay” text the night before, which I’d answered because only a bitch wouldn’t acknowledge that.
But then he had texted me again that afternoon and I hadn’t responded. I wasn’t feeling it, even though he was the stuff of rom-coms. He was “hold his umbrella in the rain for you” guy. And yet… no sparks.
I turned and my hip bumped Maddox’s. Huh. What a shocker I wasn’t into a perfectly polite stranger when I had a hot muscular tattoo artist/nanny giving it to me every night, right?
So ridiculous.
“Hey, I wanted to let you know in three weeks I need to go back home for the weekend. It’s my mom’s birthday.”
“Okay, thanks for letting me know.” Was that disappointment I felt? That I would lose a weekend with him? Isla was going to shake me if she found out my inner thoughts.
“Oh, and I got you some ice cream on my way home.” Maddox wasn’t looking at me. He was making faces at Sully, who kept reaching for his lips. Maddox pretended to eat Sully’s fingers, making my son laugh.
I opened the fridge after stirring the pesto over the chicken I’d whipped up. There it was. Caramel Core ice cream. My favorite. “You’re the best.”
“I know.” He ran his gaze over me.
I tried to ignore the fact that all he had to do was look at me and I melted like ice cream left out overnight. “Didn’t you get some for yourself?”
“Nope. I’m off sugar. Need to stay in shape.”
“Your shape is fine.”
“You say that now but when a month goes by and I have a gut you’re going to change your mind. Admit it, you like my body.”
“I never said I didn’t. But you’re more than your body.” I did mean that. Maddox was a good man.
“I’m just kidding. I work out for me. I like the way I feel when I’m pushing my body to perform.”
“When did you start working out? I don’t remember you looking like anything other than a standard lanky teenager.”
“Seventeen. I wanted to be strong enough to really control a motorcycle and it just spiraled from there.” He looked in the pan. “Are we ready to eat? I’ll strap Sully into his seat.”
“Ready.” I dished up the food and brought it to my coffee table turned dining table. “It would be nice one day to have an actual table.”
“That’s hard in New York. Space is at a premium.”
“Very. I don’t see myself moving anytime soon either. Though I could get one of those tables that hangs on the wall and you take it down at mealtime.”
“I’m not sure where you’d put it. Sully has taken over the living room with his stuff.”
It was true. It was also true that it was nice to talk to someone about the everyday mundane stuff. Living alone with Sully had been different. Sure, I’d talked out loud to my son, but he couldn’t weigh in on simple things like furniture placement. I was going to miss the companionship when Maddox was gone.
Yes, I was going to miss the sex, but we had become really good friends. “What are you getting your mom for her birthday?” I asked.
“Me. I’m coming home. That’s her gift.”
I laughed. “You can’t be serious! That’s sweet, but not a gift.”
“You don’t think I’m a gift?” He put his hand on his chest. “I’m mortally wounded.”
“I don’t know what you are,” I told him honestly.
“Do you want me to tell you?” he asked.
Equally unnerved and amused, I shook my head. “No. I don’t think so. Get us some plates.”
“Let’s go ice skating,” Maddox said when we were sitting around my coffee table.
“What?” I asked, startled. “You want t
o go ice skating?”
“Yes. We did that once when we were kids, remember? Your mom took us into the city and we skated at Rockefeller Center.”
That was a memory I’d totally forgotten about. I smiled. “Oh, yeah. I was about fourteen, I guess. I could barely skate because I was so worried my outfit wasn’t cool enough for the city. Geez, what a horrible age.” I shuddered. “I have a vague memory of arguing with Steven too, though I can’t remember about what.”
“He yanked your hat off your head and you fell trying to skate after him to get it back.”
I made a face. “How could I forget that? I was so annoyed with him. All his little brother bullshit. Sometimes it was too much.” But I remembered the rest of that story too. “You sat down on the ice with me and pretended like we’d done it on purpose so I wouldn’t be as embarrassed.” Smiling at him, I added, “You were a sweet little kid.”
“Do you still see me as just your little brother’s best friend?” he asked.
The question felt weighty. Important. Wetting my bottom lip with my tongue, I shook my head. “No. Of course not. I see you as my friend too.”
His nostrils flared.
Our relationship blurred so many lines that sometimes I didn’t know what to say to him. He was never short on words or actions. But I found myself feeling more than the words I’d spoken. We weren’t just friends. We were friends and roommates and lovers.
Oh. My. God.
We were dating without dating.
“Friends with benefits,” he said.
Right. Friends with benefits. “Exactly,” I said, as if I had any clue what I was doing. Which I had none. Zero clues. Negative clues. Less than.
Thirty minutes later we were on the couch and Maddox was stealing my ice cream. “Hey! You said you’re off sugar.”
“It smells good.” He licked my spoon and gave me a smile. “Sorry.”
“Ice cream doesn’t have a scent from three feet away.” I took my spoon back. “You’re not even remotely sorry.”
“It’s my reward for watching this movie with you.”
All week I’d been running a Sandra Bullock marathon for Maddox. That night we were watching While You Were Sleeping.
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