Beautiful

by Kiexiza Rodriquez

  ***

  About a year ago, just as he began his job in California, he confessed to his parents that he had begun to look for his birth mother. He was doing online searches for adoptive parents looking for their birth children and vice versa. He went back home to Virginia since that’s where it all began to see what he could dig up. He made absolutely no progress with the adoption agency, due to his adoption status being changed to “closed” status when he was ten. The online searches also brought more disappointment than any real leads. He was ready to give up. He decided to pray and fast seeking guidance.

  One Sunday before he was due to return to California, there was a guest preacher at Love Faith and Hope Church, his home church. The guest preached on the makeup of a family and how God can use others to guide us when our own parents don’t have what we need to get us to where God wants us to be. How God can touch anyone of us, to be a mentor to someone else. He told a story of a woman in his congregation back home in Hartford, Connecticut, and how her heart was broken for many years because she was forced to give up a baby born to her at a very young, some thirty years prior. She remembered the one time she held him, right after he was born, for about five minutes, even though the hospital warned her against it. He talked about her inner struggle with her faith, because she thought that God was ignoring her pleas for forgiveness. But, through prayer, study and a mentor, she learned how to love herself again and to allow God to work on her in his own way. If she never met her son, it was God’s plan. ‘We may not always like God’s plan. ’, he said, ‘ we as humans have our own plan, and we get upset when God’s plan is different than ours, but we have to trust God in enough to let his plan be our plan. Not our will, but God’s will,. ’ he finished softly.

  After service, Qu talked to his pastor and told him he thought there was a chance that the woman in the guest speaker’s story could be his mother. His pastor arranged a meeting before the guest speaker left town and the three of them sat down and talked. The guest speaker promised to pass the information on to the woman when he returned up north to his congregation. Qu pulled out an old picture of himself as a baby and one when he was ten, remembering that his birth mother hadn’t seen him since then. He entrusted them to the guest speaker hoping this woman would recognize them.

  Unfortunately, he had no choice but to return to California, his vacation was up and he was only driving his pastor and parents crazy with questions no one could answer about the mystery woman. So, once he returned, he decided to throw himself into deep into work and leave his obsession alone. After not hearing anything for several weeks, he grew impatient and prayed that God heal him from the need to know the woman that birthed him. He asked that God give him the strength to accept that it wasn’t in his plan for the two of them to meet. To finalize his prayer he logged onto his computer with the intention of going to the adoption site and deleting his account. Instead, he saw an email, the subject heading read; “My pastor told me to contact you.”

  “What the…” he yelled, sat up straight on his bed and pressed the read button.

  “Hello Aquarian,

  My pastor asked me to contact you regarding your adoption. I’m not sure what to say. This feels very strange, to say the least. But, I have been searching for twelve years, and have written many letters like this too many young men who thought they were my child. I regret asking the adoptive parents to discontinue sending me pictures of him. It’s been twenty years since I last seen a picture of my son. In fact, I began to ask God to heal me from this need, and allow his will to be my will. I was on vacation for the past two weeks, and when I arrived at prayer service last night my pastor informed me of his visit to Virginia. It’s funny because I thought that for certain the family would have moved away from the area, so I never did any searches in my old hometown. From what my pastor told me, you sound like the closest match to my son that I have ever come across. You’re his age, from the same town, same area and have a close story to tell. The picture you gave him closely resembles one that I have from my son’s birth and the last one I received of him. So… what do we do now?

  Prayerfully hopeful, Beautiful. (That’s my name, REALLY)

  Qu smiled at the computer screen. He ran down the hall of his condo excited and called home. He was so excited he forgot about the time difference, it was 11pm in Cali but 2am back home.

  “What is it, Son?” his father asked, in a sleepy, groggy yet concerned voice.

  “Oh dag Dad, I’m sorry, forgot the time change! OK, quick then I’ll let you go. What was my birth mothers name?”

  “What is it?” his mother whispered.

  “Your son is calling us at…” he looked over at the digital clock on his night stand, “2AM! It’s 2am, and he wants to know what that girls’ name was,” he replied to his wife, irritated that Qu was still searching.

  “So tell him so we can go back to sleep.”

  “Beautiful, her name was Beautiful, son, ok. Now goodnight!”

  “WAIT DAD! I found her!” Qu screamed, hoping his father hadn’t hung up before he could tell him.

  Trent Skeene sat up in his bed, “What did you say, son?”

  “Yeah Dad, I found her.”

  Qu explained to his father, how he had given up hope, and then suddenly, there she was.

  “Wake up woman!” Trent insisted, nudging his sleeping wife.

  “What is it, Trent? Didn’t you tell him her name?” she asked, reluctantly sitting up.

  “Woman, the boy said he found her!” he reached the phone out for her to take it from him. He rubbed his hand over his head, in disbelief.

  “Hey Mama,” Qu sang joyfully, “I haven’t talked to her yet, so don’t ask me any questions. She just sent me an email, but how common could the name Beautiful be right? She said she was from Virginia. Her son was born the same year, month, date, everything as me, it all matches mom. She’s been searching for me too!”

  Mrs. Skeene remained quiet.

  “Ma, don’t worry. You and dad… you raised me. You wiped my nose, held me when I was sick, spanked me when I got out of line. You told me God gave me to you. But if he brought us back together, there must be a reason for it,” he paused, unsure if he had hurt his parents, by pursuing this search. “Are you ok?”

  “Baby,” his mother final spoke, “whatever God puts in your path that is between you and God. I know you love us, Aquarian. I am not worried, your father on the other hand…” she smiled, looking over at a still tearful Trent, “but I know God gave you to us. If you need me, I’m here.”

  “Thanks Mom, I love you. Tell dad I love him too.”

  After hanging up with his mother, he took a deep breath, went back to the computer and wrote her a reply.

  After a few weeks of emails back and forth they agreed to meet face to face with the help of a mediator that deals with this type of thing. They met in a town between where they both now lived. He couldn’t believe he was planning to meet the woman who could be the missing link in his life, his birth mother. Suddenly he wished he had someone to tell, to share this news with. He instantly thought of one person, Tierra.

  When he and Beautiful met, they talked about his family, and all that he knew about his birth mother, and she talked about her family, and all she remembered about the adoptive parents.

  “The woman took me to church once before I was showing and before I moved away. She said she wanted her baby to hear the word of God even while in the womb. I had never been to that kind of church. It was definitely different than what I was used to. My parents church was then and is now, way quieter,” Beautiful said, fiddling with her fingers. “But I enjoyed myself there. I guess I got my Gospel roots from her,” she laughed.

  “Qu, do you have anything to ask her?” the mediator asked.

  “Honestly Sir, I don’t. God has already told me that this woman is my mother, my birth mother,” he corrected himself.

  “Hold up there Son. There are tests that have to be conducted, and all before anyone can
go around claiming they have found someone,” the mediator pointed out.

  “I don’t mean to sound rude or out of order. But my faith is strong, and God has never told me it was blue when it was white. I have been praying that God either lead me to my birth mother or deliver me from wanting to meet her. In fact, the day I heard your pastor’s sermon I was going to my pastor to ask for his guidance on getting over the need to find you. Instead, God lead your pastor to our church and that led me to you.

  When I read your email, I had just finished praying, that God take this need away from me. So, you can do whatever tests you need to do in order to make your eyes see what God has already told me is so. It’s not like there is money or something at stake here. I am very well cared for, and my career has afforded me a very good life,” Qu looked at the mediator as he spoke very mater-a-factly.

  “The tests are just formality, Qu,” Beautiful spoke in a quiet calm tone. “Please don’t be upset over them.”

  “I am not upset. I just don’t need a test to tell me what God has already confirmed for me. We all get our messages in different forms. Some may need to SEE, all I need is to hear his word. It is not a big deal,” he assured her with a warm smile.

  To satisfy everyone though, Qu took the required tests and they had the results sent to each other’s homes. Once proven, Qu called his parents and told them, he had in fact found his birth mother, Beautiful, and he had the test results to prove it.

  “Father, I know my thoughts are not yours, but I really don’t understand why you took her away so soon. Why lead us to each other, why answer my prayers, only to take her away? Please reveal yourself to me,” he silently prayed. He straightened himself up at the piano, closed his eyes, and let his fingers express his pain.

  It Is, What It Is.

  Nicole Rodriquez had been with her daughter for two weeks. She would wake up early and cook breakfast before Tierra left for work, and have dinner ready in the evening, when she returned home. It had been a long time since Tierra had so many hot meals, she welcomed the transition. She realized how much she really missed her mother. It was a good thing though, that she wasn’t dating, between the new accounts at work, and attending to her mom, she had no extra time. Besides, her mother convinced her to begin to attending Wednesday night prayer and bible study service at the same church Qu tricked her into showing up at. Surprisingly enough, it was beginning to grow on her.

  “Tierra, I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Nicole inquired, standing in the kitchen, glaring over her prescription glasses at her daughter, “I thought you said you had reconnected with Qu? Funny he hasn’t called, since I’ve been here? He’s not afraid to call because I’m here, is he?” she joked.

  “Why would he be sacred? He loves you. You know you’re his second mother,” Tierra knew her mother was just prying, and it was hilarious. She hadn’t questioned Tierra in such a way, since her teenage years. “He spent just as much time at our house as he did at his own. Heck, strangers thought we were twins, we were together so much,” she chuckled.

  “So, have you talked to him? Lately, I mean?”

  “No, now that you mention it, not for a maybe a few weeks. Not since the day I read the letter he left me, that lead me to that church,” she reluctantly admitted. “Well he did call one night, to see if I liked Bella. Other than that, I haven’t talked to him,” she replied lifting Bella up off the floor nuzzling up to her.

  “That was three weeks ago wasn’t it?”

  “Yeah, I guess, pretty much so.”

  “You aren’t going to call him?”

  “He can call me,” she said giving Bella to her mother. She grabbed her briefcase, rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth. She kissed her mom on the cheek, Bella on the head and headed towards the front door. “Oh, don’t cook anything for me tonight Mom. I have a business dinner after work. I’ll be back, but just long enough to get changed,” she paused, realizing her mom would be home alone. “Have you gone to see Shireece lately? You know she spends all day up in that condo alone. And, she’s been dying to take you shopping. I’ll call her when I get to work, does that sound ok?” she yelled, walking out the door before her mother could answer.