Beautiful

by Kiexiza Rodriquez

“So are we going to just sit and look at each other today?” the therapist questioned Tierra, who had been there almost twenty minutes, without saying more than two words. She called him to make an appointment, since it had been a few weeks since her last visit. She was still hiding out from everyone, after the big showdown at JC’s. There was so much she wanted to say, but when she arrived at his office, she suddenly couldn’t say anything.

  “Something is obviously on your mind, or you wouldn’t have called. So let’s get into it before your time is over, shall we?”

  “I suppose so.”

  “How has Aquarian’s recovery been? We haven’t talked about him in a while.”

  “Well, I’d say he’s doing just fine. In fact, the last time I saw him he seemed to be quite well” she replied sarcastically.

  “That doesn’t sound like your last meeting was a good one?”

  “Well, he was yelling at me.”

  The therapist was silent waiting for Tierra to fill in the rest of the details. She sighed deeply. She was embarrassed at her actions, and the last thing she wanted to do was tell this, stranger, all be it professional, what she had done.

  “I was drinking. He showed up, came in my house without being invited, and had the gaul to take my wine bottle from me. I was doing just fine, drinking away my broken heart.”

  That news made the therapist pause and look up from his notepad, with a raised eyebrow.

  “It seems Malcolm was the jerk everyone but me perceived him to be. Everyone saw it, why didn’t i?” she asked once again reverting to raised legs tucked under the bottom on his sofa. “He was at JC’s with some other woman and had apparently proposed to her. She was wearing the same ring he had given me. Who does that? What, does he have like a vault of 5-carat engagement rings? So, I called him on it, and before I knew it, he had his hands on me and was actually going to beat me down in the restaurant.”

  “WOW, that’s interesting to say the least. I’m sorry you had to go through that,” he said sincerely.

  “Thank you. I was there because I had just left a message on Qu’s machine telling his he better show up or I was breaking into his house. He’d been avoiding me ever since he left the hospital. Funny thing was, I was planning on asking him, if there was more to him and I than I knew, and then the Malcolm thing….,”

  “So you didn’t ask him anything?”

  “Well, he must have seen Malcolm about to go Rambo on me and he caught him before he could connect his right, with my face. I was so embarrassed. I just walked, no, ran out of there, and went home. That was about almost three weeks ago.”

  “So when did he, Qu that is, yell at you?”

  “I yelled at him first, to be totally honest. He came by to check on me. I was feeling so sorry for myself. He said he loved me. That’s what set me off, I guess. I didn’t want his pity. I yelled at him so badly, and told him to get out. I haven’t talked to him since,” she said all in one breath. She took in a deep breath, held it, squinted her eyes, and then waited for the therapist to give his response.

  “So, you found out Malcolm wasn’t as true as you thought him to be. You drowned your sorrows in a bottle of wine. Qu tried to help you, and you threw him out? Does that about cover it?” he asked, writing in his notebook.

  “It was several bottles of wine! And he said he loved me, don’t forget that. Oh, and I announced to the entire club that I was raped.”

  “Well that you definitely left out of your story. And you haven’t called him to apologize, because….”

  “I guess I’m too embarrassed. Sean, Jade, Qu, Malcolm hell a bunch of strangers now all know my dirty little secret.”

  “Tierra, do you really think that matters to Qu?”

  “I don’t know?”

  “What’s more important Tierra, your pride, or Aquarian’s friendship?” The alarm beeped, and Tierra sighed with relief, she really didn’t want to answer that question.

  “Tierra,” her therapist began, “don’t wake up one day and realize you let more than a good friend get away because you were too embarrassed to admit you made some wrong choices. His showing up at your place says he is committed to you, even if just as a friend. His taking the wine from you, says you are special to him, and he cares about you. You said Shireece told you Beautiful wasn’t his fiancée. Maybe it’s more than time you find out who exactly she was to him, and what he really feels for you. Do it now, before he gives up and moves on.”

  Tierra smiled, made a new appointment and walked out his office. She thought about the therapist’s words, Pride or Friendship ? Before she knew it, she had her Blackberry in her hand and pressed the #3 button, to dial Qu. She shook her head and closed the phone. She wasn’t ready to face up to how she acted just yet. Besides, if Qu was such a good friend and cared about her so much why hadn’t he come back by to check on her since that day? She put the phone back in her purse.

  “I guess for now its pride that wins.”

  “Where to, Miss?” her driver asked her, as he opened the door for her.

  “Just drive.”

  I seek your Guidance

  “Pastor Norwalk, I know I haven’t been to service in a while, but I really need to talk to you. Do you have a minute?” Tierra asked her pastor, who was in the sanctuary getting thing prepared for a special nights service.

  “Sure. You are a lifetime member, Tierra. Come sit.” he smiled as he motioned for her to sit down next to him in one of the aisles. “What’s going on? Your presence has been missed here.”

  “I’ve missed your messages as well. Things have just gotten way out of control for me, and I feel so lost,” she admitted. “Last month I caught Malcolm, I guess, cheating? He proposed to me just before Aquarian was in that accident? But I guess while I was busy nursing Aquarian back to the land of the living, he moved on and actually proposed to someone else.”

  “I see.”

  “There was a huge altercation that almost ended on a violent note, and luckily Aquarian showed up, stepped in and saved the day. After that day I went into a depression or denial, or both, I don’t know. But, I drank myself stupid every day. I haven’t talked to my mom, my Abuela, or any of my friends since then. All I do is work and home. I was so rude to Qu when he came by my apartment to check on me. I don’t know if I will ever be able to face him again.”

  “Tierra, you know God forgives you. All you have to do is go to him in prayer, confess, and repent.”

  “Pastor, not to cut you off, but I have. I know God forgives me, but what about man, my mom, Qu?”

  “Tierra, man’s heart is more complex. If you are truly loved by these people though, I am quite confident that you will be able to gain their trust and forgiveness. As with God though, you may need to first go to them and repent. That is, you must admit what you did, and ask their forgiveness.”

  “I thought you might say that.”

  “I’m sorry Tierra. There is no specific prayer for this, and you should address this one,” Pastor Norwalk said, placing his hand on her shoulder. The young pastor finished by offering to pray for Tierra, after which she thanked him for his time and he went to continue with his preparation.

  She sat on the pew, closed her eyes, and said her own prayer, asking for forgiveness of her recent actions. She asked that God grant her the strength to go to those she has wronged and seek forgiveness. When she finished she stood and turned to head up the aisle and noticed a familiar silhouette in the door frame. Taking a deep breath, she looked up, “Dag you just don’t waste any time do you?”

  “Umm, hello,” she stuttered, looking down at the brown carpet.

  “Hey,” Qu replied.

  “How, how you been?”

  “Cool, and you?”

  “Hanging in there. It’s getting easier every day now,” she said, playing with her fingers.

  Qu smiled and began to walk past her, down the aisle.

  “Qu, wait please… I’m so sorry,” she paused and took a breath. “I acted like such a jerk. I was
drunk and foolish and, well, quite the bit…,” she paused, quickly putting her hand up to her mouth realizing she was about to swear in the church. She threw her hands up in the air, let out an aggressive breath and turned to leave.

  Qu took her by the arm and smiled, “Ti, wait…”

  “I don’t expect your forgiveness, but I had to tell you I was sorry. You’ve been good to me my whole life. You’ve always looked out for me, been there for me when I needed you and… the way I… don’t let me get over that easy. Please yell at me or something.”

  “Tierra there’s no need for me to yell at you. I get it. Yelling at you isn’t going to make it better for me or you,” he placed his hand in hers. “Malcolm was your first real attempt at a relationship, and he betrayed you in the worst way. Maybe I should have given you a few more days or not thrown away your wine, but I just…”

  She put her finger to his lips. “Qu, you don’t have to apologize. You were right, and I was so wrong. I needed you at that moment, and as always, you were there. I’m sorry my pride wouldn’t let me say that to you weeks ago,” she gave him a hug and kissed his cheek. “Thanks for being a good friend, even when I wasn’t,” she whispered in his ear.

  “Well, I have an appointment with Pastor Norwalk, so I have to go, but I will talk to you soon, okay?”

  “Yea, sure OK,” she said and turned towards the entry way. As she walked out the sanctuary she noticed the woman in white, who just smiled, as Tierra waved while walking out the front door. The sun blazed as she walked down the front stairs.

  It was a new day.