“Nope.” He was calm, collected and utterly rational. That only served to irritate me more. “I keep trying to put myself in your position. I wonder what I would be feeling in your shoes ... and I can’t come up with an answer because it’s so surreal.
“It’s hard enough for me to think about what it would be like to grow up in the foster care system, to be shuttled from home to home with nothing to serve as an anchor,” he continued. “To not have any memory of where you came from is too much. When you add the magic you have to the equation, I can’t imagine the things you must be thinking.
“The thing is, I have to imagine it because you won’t confide in me. You won’t tell me what you’re feeling. What happened with Fred is ... well, it’s all kinds of messed up. It’s not fair.”
The final three words snapped me back to reality. “Life isn’t fair,” I reminded him. “That’s not the way the world works. I need to get over my shock and stop freaking out. That’s not going to help anything.”
“It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours,” he noted calmly. “I think you can freak out for a bit longer. In fact, I’ll sit here and not say a word while you freak out. It might be cathartic.”
That sounded painful. “No.”
His forehead wrinkled as he held my gaze. “You can’t shut everyone out and internalize everything ... especially not for longer periods of time. I know that’s how you’ve gotten through life so far — and I get it, I really do — but I’m not going to let you shut me out.
“I care about you,” he continued, laying himself bare. “I want to help you. I need you to trust me. I’m not so stupid that I think it’s going to happen overnight, but I’m determined to see it does happen. So, I think it would be best for both of us if you tried to give voice to what you’re feeling.”
I worked my jaw, annoyance bubbling up. “I said I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You’re going to talk about it. You need to talk about it.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’ve now said that so many times this morning that the words have lost all meaning. I don’t believe you. You’re pretty far from fine. I’m not going to let this go. We’re going to talk.”
I didn’t like his bossy nature. “You can’t make me talk.”
“Oh, no?” This time the emotion flitting through the depths of his eyes was something akin to amusement. “Groceries were delivered to your porch five minutes ago. I called in a favor from Bonnie. We have eggs, pancake batter, sausage and that syrup that already has the butter mixed in.”
My stomach growled at the mention of food and I wanted to curse it for being a traitor. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“I’m cooking you breakfast,” Gunner replied without hesitation. “You’re going to take a shower and brush your teeth so there won’t be any weird complaints about kissing, and I’m going to tackle breakfast. Once we’re done eating, you’re going to tell me how you feel.”
I had news for him. That was unlikely. “I don’t feel anything. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. We’re doing things my way this morning. I don’t want to hear a word of complaint. Is that understood?”
“You’re not the boss of me.”
“I’m the one with the sausage.”
Despite the serious nature of the conversation — and the fact that I realized what he was really trying to say — I couldn’t stop myself from laughing at his unintended double entendre.
He clearly tried to hold it together, but ended up joining in the laughter. “That didn’t come out quite right,” he admitted.
“Agreed.” I rubbed at my eyes. I hated to admit it, but a shower — and then piles of food — sounded good. “I don’t know what to say to you about this. I’m genuinely at a loss.”
“Then tell me that.” He leaned closer and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Go brush your teeth. I’ll handle my teeth in the kitchen while I’m cooking. You need some fuel.”
I couldn’t argue. “Okay, but I’m not going to simply spill my guts because of your ... sausage.”
His grin turned mischievous. “I guess we’ll just have to wait to see.”
”
I FELT REBORN AFTER TWENTY minutes in the shower. I tilted my chin up, let the hot water beat against my face until all the grime and crusties were gone, and allowed the dregs of the previous day to wash away. By the time I joined Gunner in the kitchen, he’d fed Merlin and was busy working on the pancakes.
He spared me a glance when he heard my bare feet on the kitchen floor and smiled at my jogging pants, oversized T-shirt and wet hair. “You look better. Your skin is glowing.”
“I think you’re just saying that to make me feel better.”
“No. You’re beautiful.”
His response was so earnest I went warm all over, my cheeks flushing. “I ... um ... .”
His grin widened. “You’re cute.” He had a spatula clutched in his hand and leaned over to give me a proper kiss. “Don’t worry. I brushed my teeth.”
I gave in because it felt good to be near him, although I was still reticent to talk about my feelings. By the time we pulled apart, I felt more relaxed. I wasn’t expecting his presence to be a calming influence on the ragged edges of my life, but apparently he was magical as well.
“I’m starving,” I admitted, shuffling to the coffee pot. “How much longer?”
“Not long. Sit at the table and I’ll bring your plate over.”
I arched an eyebrow. “Now you’re going to wait on me, too? I’m not sure I deserve all this special attention.”
“Something tells me you’re worth it.” He gestured toward the table with the spatula. “Sit ... although there’s juice in the refrigerator. You should probably have some of that, too. You need the vitamin C to boost your immune system. In fact, why don’t you pour a glass for both of us?”
I was caught off guard by the suggestion. “You don’t have to do this. I mean ... you don’t have to go all out like this.”
“Fifteen bucks’ worth of groceries isn’t going all out. I could’ve taken you to Mable’s for breakfast, but that would’ve cut into our private time. It’s going to be hard enough to get you to talk here. Just get the juice and don’t complain.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You’re kind of bossy.”
“Then that makes us the perfect couple because you’re kind of bossy, too.”
“Not as bossy as you.”
“We’ll have a competition later. Get the juice.”
Because juice sounded good — and not because I wanted to appease him — I poured two glasses and settled at the table. Merlin finished his breakfast and hopped on the chair to my left. He seemed intrigued by the morning ritual.
It didn’t take Gunner long to finish cooking, and when he brought over two plates heaping with food, my stomach almost wept in relief.
“Oh, that smells really good.” I leaned over my plate and struggled not to drool. “I didn’t know you could cook.”
“It’s the one useful thing my mother taught me before she tried to kill me.”
I stilled. “I’m really sorry for that, by the way. I can’t imagine dealing with that.”
“No?” He arched an eyebrow and cracked the top of the fresh bottle of syrup. “I think we all have different trauma. I survived what happened to me so it’s simply part of my past. To you, it sounds terrible. You’ve survived other things, and they sound terrible to me.”
“I guess.” I accepted the syrup from him. “I forgot to ask ... did Raisin make it home okay?”
Gunner smirked. “She did. I believe she’s in trouble. Irene grounded her. She’s allowed to go to and from her play rehearsals but that’s it. Rooster sent out an email warning all of us that Raisin is basically under house arrest for the next week. If we see her, we’re supposed to call Irene.”
I was horrified at the thought. “He wants us to tattle on her?”
Gunner chuckled, the sound low and warm. “I can a
scertain your feelings on the situation. Yes, you’re supposed to tattle on her. I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad idea. We need to make sure that Raisin doesn’t follow us on random whims. She could find herself in a lot of trouble if she shows up in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
I hadn’t really considered that. “Okay, but I feel dirty acting as an informant to ‘The Man.’ I just want you to know that.”
“Somehow I think you’ll survive,” he said dryly.
We lapsed into amiable silence, the only sound consisting of our silverware clinking against the plates as we shoveled in food. Finally, once the edge was off my hunger, I decided to speak.
“I’m not sure the woman is dead.” I didn’t even know I was going to volunteer that information until it had already escaped.
Gunner wiped the corners of his mouth and took a sip of his juice before responding. “You’re certain the woman from the spirit realm is the same one you’ve been dreaming about?”
I nodded. “Yeah. She ripped a hole between worlds to get to Fred. That seems to indicate she’s still alive.”
“Or she simply had a greater distance to travel. She might call a different realm home. Did she look different from what you remember?”
That was a good question. “No. She looked the same. I guess that means she has to be dead, right?”
“I don’t know. Is it possible you saw what you wanted to see? Maybe you were so surprised to see her you only thought she looked the same.”
“I don’t think that’s true.”
“Can you tell it to me? All of it, I mean.”
I opened my mouth to deny him and then thought better of it. He was right. I needed to talk things through. He was the person I trusted most in Hawthorne Hollow. Heck, I was starting to think he was the person I trusted most in this world. That was a sobering thought. Either I’d held people at arm’s length so long I thought it was normal or he was particularly good at getting around my defenses.
It was probably a mixture of both.
“Fred denied knowing me, but he was lying,” I finally volunteered. “He didn’t seem excited to see me. He acted more annoyed than anything else.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Gunner said. “Fred was here for years. The fact that he was related to you ... it doesn’t make a lot of sense. In hindsight, when I look back at Fred’s time here I can’t help wondering if he was always waiting for you.”
That was jarring to think about ... and then some. “How could he know I would end up here?”
“I don’t know. You’re powerful, though. Maybe people in your family are equally powerful. It’s possible you have powers you don’t even realize.”
“Like what? The ability to see the future?”
He shrugged and shoveled a huge forkful of pancakes into his mouth. That gave me the opening to spear a sausage link.
“I just wish they wouldn’t play games.” I bit into the sausage and started enthusiastically chewing, speaking again before I swallowed. “She said it wasn’t time for me to get the answers I needed. Do you think that means there will be a time when all the blank spaces in my memory are filled in?”
When he didn’t immediately answer, I turned and found him watching me with a wide smile and unveiled delight. It made me feel self-conscious.
“What?” I swallowed the sausage and glanced at my shirt to see if I’d dropped food down the front of it when I wasn’t looking.
“You’re just a really classy eater,” he teased, using his napkin to dab at the corners of my mouth. “I really like the fact that you talk with your mouth full of food.”
I scowled. “Oh, don’t give me grief.”
“I’m not. I’m serious. You’re adorable.”
I cringed at the word. “I’m not adorable. I’m a badass. You need to remember that.”
“You are a badass. You’re also adorable. I don’t think there’s a rule about being an adorable badass.”
“There should be.”
“Perhaps. Eat your breakfast.” He inclined his head in the direction of my plate. “You need your energy.”
“For what?”
“For the day we’re going to spend working around here.”
That was news to me. “Why are we doing that? Shouldn’t we be tracking down Fred’s killer?”
“We don’t have any new leads on that right now and you need a break. I figure it’s best if we spend the day isolated from others.”
“This is just an elaborate way for me to talk about my feelings some more, isn’t it?” Oh, I knew what he was doing. Despite the show I was putting on — fake annoyance on full display — I was thrilled with the notion of shutting out the world for twenty-four hours. It sounded absolutely heavenly.
He winked at me, not bothering to deny it. “I just thought we could be productive. I have no hidden agenda.”
He wasn’t fooling anyone. Still, I was grateful. “Thanks.” I stared at my plate so he wouldn’t see my embarrassment. “For all of it, I mean. Thank you for all of it.”
“You don’t have to thank me. There’s no place I would rather be.” He brushed my hair from my face. “I had stuff to make sandwiches for lunch delivered.”
“Bonnie must love being your delivery service.”
“I fixed her bike last week and she owes me. Besides, it’s not that far out of her way. She was fine with it.”
I was glad to hear it. “What are we going to fix today?” I was eager to change the subject.
“I was thinking we would do more work on the roof. We did a haphazard job the first time and we need to get into the nitty-gritty.”
“That sounds like a plan.”
He held my gaze for a long beat and squeezed my hand. “Once we’re up there, it’s going to be harder for you to run from my questions. It will be good for both of us.”
I stilled. I hadn’t thought of that. “Maybe we should pick a different chore.”
“Too late.”
“I don’t know how much sharing I can take. I might be at my limit.”
“I guess we’ll have to see. I think you’re just getting started.”
Ugh. I hoped he wasn’t right. The day would be endless if that were true.
Seventeen
Gunner wasn’t afraid to work up a sweat. We had that in common.
I was a student of life and took the opportunity to learn various skills at the myriad foster homes I’d been lodged with. Roofing happened to be one of those skills and I needed zero instruction before we buckled down and started hammering.
Within an hour the heat was beating us down. I hadn’t yet expanded on my feelings, or delved deeper into what happened, but Gunner seemed comfortable letting me open up on my own timetable.
“It’s going to be hot,” he announced as he stripped out of his shirt and moved to a different section of the roof. “I don’t know how long we’ll be able to keep this up without taking a break.”
My mouth went dry when I saw his chest gleaming with sweat. He was a ridiculously attractive specimen of a man, which seemed somehow unfair given the circumstances. I hated how “girly” I felt in his presence. It made me feel weak, something I absolutely hated.
“Scout.” He snapped his fingers in front of my face, confusion lining his chiseled features. “Where did your head just go?”
I scowled. There was no way I was answering that question. “I was just thinking about the heat,” I lied. “I think it’s going to knock us down before we finish.”
His lips curved. “I believe that’s what I just said.”
“Oh, well ... .”
“Do you like what you see?” He flexed his muscles, causing my scowl to deepen. “I don’t blame you. It’s pretty impressive. Before you ask, I work out five times a week. None of this is genetic.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m glad you don’t suffer from self-esteem issues. There’s nothing worse than a guy who is humble.”
“I agree.”
I let loose an exaggerate
d sigh and shifted when I heard the telltale sounds of tires on the gravel that led to the cabin. I shielded my eyes so I could study the vehicle — an older model Ford that had seen better years — but I didn’t immediately recognize it. “Do you know who this is?”
He nodded. “Irene. I hope nothing is wrong.” He moved toward the ladder we’d leaned against the cabin. “If Raisin has gone missing, I’m going to supply Irene with a pair of handcuffs to keep that kid under house arrest.”
Irene, Raisin in tow, was already out of the Ford when I joined Gunner on the ground. Raisin made no attempt to hide her interest in Gunner’s bare chest as Irene greeted me with a worried smile.
“I’m glad to see that you’re up and about,” she offered. I had the distinct impression that she was choosing her words carefully because for some reason she thought I was fragile, which ranked high on my personal annoyance meter. “I was worried about you last night.”
“You didn’t need to be,” I reassured her quickly. “I was perfectly fine. Just a little ... surprised ... at what happened.”
“You looked more than surprised.”
“You threw up ... a lot,” Raisin added, wrinkling her nose. “It was gross.”
“Now I’m doubly glad I made you brush your teeth before I allowed you to kiss me,” Gunner teased.
Slowly, Raisin’s gaze traveled back to Gunner’s smooth chest. “How long did you guys kiss for?”
“Not long,” I replied, pinning Gunner with a pointed look. The more time we spent together, the bigger the charge he got out of driving me crazy. He knew exactly what buttons to push ... and he wasn’t afraid to push them.
“She wanted it to be longer, but I thought we should be productive with our day,” Gunner supplied, winking at Raisin. “I hear you caused a bit of trouble last night, Missy. My understanding is that you’re grounded.”
Now it was Raisin’s turn to glower. “I still maintain I’m being punished for nothing.” She folded her arms over her chest. “I was just curious. There’s nothing wrong with being curious. You told me that, Gunner.”
“There is nothing wrong with being curious,” he agreed. “You still have to follow rules.”
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