Before I Say I Do

by Vicki Bradley

  ‘You’ll do the same as you always do.’ Pretend it’s not happening. I didn’t say the last part aloud. Instead I closed my hand around the ring.

  ‘What does that mean?’ David stared at me, making me uncomfortable.

  ‘If you’d told someone yesterday that you couldn’t get hold of him, the police would have had an extra day to find him.’ I couldn’t hide my frustration.

  ‘You can’t blame me for this?’ David pointed at his chest, as if I could be talking about someone else.

  ‘Julia.’ Elizabeth shot me a look. ‘It’s not about blame.’

  ‘We should have been married by now.’ I tried to hold in the tears.

  ‘It’s not my fault he’s run off,’ David said.

  ‘What makes you so sure he’s run off?’ I couldn’t contain my anger. He was keeping things from me, I just knew it.

  David shrugged. ‘What else could have happened? He’s not in a coma in a hospital – Elizabeth’s called them all. He’s not been kidnapped by aliens.’

  ‘Stop it.’ Lucy stood up and looked at David and then me. ‘This isn’t helping anyone.’

  She was right. She was always right. Arguing wasn’t going to make this any easier. I couldn’t look at him or any of them.

  ‘It’s been a long day,’ Lucy said. ‘Everyone’s exhausted. Perhaps we should all try to get some rest? We’re going to need to be strong for tomorrow.’ She caught my eye and I nodded back at her.

  Elizabeth snorted. ‘I won’t be getting any rest tonight, I can assure you. I won’t sleep again until I know he’s all right.’

  ‘I agree we should call it a night.’ There was David, pouncing on the chance to escape. It was fine by me; I couldn’t stand to be around him.

  ‘There’s not much else we can do here now.’ Charles was fidgeting with his mobile. ‘I should go to the office, make some more calls. Make sure no one’s heard anything. If there’s any news, we can call each other straight away.’

  David left first. He didn’t wait for a cab – just walked out into the chill summer evening.

  ‘Elizabeth, I can make up the bed in the spare room if you like?’ I prayed that she’d decline. I wanted some space to breathe and to talk to Lucy in private.

  ‘I can stay over.’ Elizabeth’s face softened. ‘I wouldn’t want you to be on your own.’

  ‘I was planning on staying, so she won’t be on her own,’ Lucy said. ‘If that’s all right?’

  ‘I don’t mind,’ I said. An embarrassed silence filled the room. ‘You . . . you can both stay.’

  ‘I’m going to the office,’ Charles said. ‘Make sure I haven’t missed anything. Julia, the police will find him. Don’t worry. Come on, Elizabeth, Lucy will look after her.’ He nodded at Lucy, grateful that he didn’t have to try to comfort me anymore.

  I waved to them as their taxi pulled away, like I had a hundred times before. It was as if they were leaving after one of their brief visits. I shut the front door and turned around, but it wasn’t Mark standing behind me in the hallway, it was Lucy. Her face was wan and her eyes sad. She put her arms out and I let her hug me, but I felt crowded.

  ‘Where the hell is he?’ I shrugged her off and went back into the living room, but I couldn’t miss the hurt on her face. ‘I can’t believe this is happening.’

  She followed me with her arms dangling by her sides. ‘I know. It’s crazy.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I just miss him so much.’ I sank into the sofa and wrapped my arms around me, wishing they were Mark’s.

  ‘It’s going to be all right.’ She sat next to me.

  I pulled a face at her. I was tired of people telling me that when they had no idea if it was true.

  Lucy sighed. She could see the tenseness in my shoulders. The old worry. ‘None of them know us now,’ she said quietly.

  ‘But they could have found me.’ I tried to make her listen, but her face had closed down. She wouldn’t look at me.

  ‘You changed your name,’ Lucy said. ‘They can’t find you.’

  ‘You only changed your first name. They could have found me through you.’ I pressed my palms into my temples to try to stop the banging in my head. Had Mark known before the wedding? Is that why it had all gone so wrong?

  ‘You’re being paranoid. No one will think we’re still friends, not after all these years.’ Her brow furrowed, but then it softened. ‘I’m going to run you a hot bath. It’s going to be okay, I promise.’

  I was glad she was here with me. Without her I’d feel so alone. I caught a glimpse of myself in the wall mirror. I looked bizarre: sat in my living room, the lace trail of my wedding dress cascading around me, my make-up smeared. I noticed that my hands were balled into fists, as if expecting a fight.

  I opened them and there, in the middle of my left palm, was my wedding band. No longer needed. I slipped it on anyway, next to my engagement ring; a perfect fit.

  Chapter 5

  Alana Loxton

  Sunday

  The police station was deserted. The corridors were black in front of Loxton, the lights flickering on as an afterthought as she and Kowalski set off the motion sensors.

  One solitary corner of the CID office was lit, with four detectives huddled together, a stack of prisoner case files between them. They were the late-turn shift. They looked up as Loxton and Kowalski walked past.

  ‘Nothing for you guys. Don’t look so worried, Kanwar,’ Kowalski said.

  ‘Are you guys early turn?’ Kanwar asked.

  ‘Yeah, we’ve still got a bit to do,’ Kowalski said. ‘Is Winter here?’

  ‘Even on a Sunday he’s still here.’ Kanwar pointed in the direction of Winter’s office and went back to quarrelling with his team-mates.

  Loxton hesitated at Winter’s door. How was he going to react when she told him that this was looking less and less like a groom who’d gone walkabout?

  ‘What’s wrong?’ Kowalski said.

  ‘If it were up to me, we wouldn’t have gone there. We’d have left it to uniform.’

  ‘Well, we can’t worry about all the “what ifs” and the “maybes” in this job. Reality keeps us busy enough.’ He reached over her and knocked on the door.

  ‘Come in,’ Winter said.

  Kowalski motioned for her to go first, and Loxton pushed open the door.

  ‘Has he turned up yet?’ Winter asked. The shadows under his eyes had grown.

  ‘No, sir,’ Loxton said. ‘You were right. There’s more to this case than a runaway groom.’

  ‘Take a seat.’ Winter leaned back in his chair, settling himself in for the story.

  ‘I found a hidden mobile,’ Loxton said.

  ‘Is it his work one?’ Winter asked.

  ‘No, we’ve identified Rowthorn’s work mobile – it’s an iPhone. This one was taped under the bottom of a drawer in his bedroom. There was an unread message displayed on the screen. I saw it when I accidently knocked it.’ Not true – there was nothing accidental about it. She’d been praying the phone was unlocked, but Winter didn’t need to worry about every little misdemeanour that happened on a case.

  ‘What did it say?’ Winter didn’t break eye contact with her.

  ‘It said: “I know what you did and you’re going to burn.”’

  ‘Can I see this message?’

  ‘The phone’s locked, sir. After a few seconds the message disappeared and it won’t come back up now. The mobile could be Julia Talbot’s, although she denied ever seeing it before when I showed it to her.’

  ‘What did the family say about the message?’

  ‘We haven’t told them yet.’

  ‘Good. Let’s see what we’ve got first before we go scaring them. They’re all potential suspects at this stage anyway. I want that mobile taken to the lab and downloaded. Let’s establish that it’s Mark Rowthorn’s and that that message was meant for him. In fact, take his work mobile and laptop too.’

  ‘I’ll do it now.’ Loxton stood up.

  ‘Not you. Get
someone on the late shift to do that. I want you and Kowalski to go to his workplace first thing tomorrow morning. He works at City Enterprises in Canary Wharf. The managing director there is Timothy Benson. Poke around. If the message isn’t from a family member, then maybe a work colleague . . . We could be looking at someone trying to gain access to the bank through Rowthorn or we could be back to the runaway groom scenario. Go with an open mind.’

  ‘Yes, sir.’

  ‘I’ll chase the intel department. Nothing’s coming back on him yet, but they might not have done the full works. Something’s not adding up here.’ Winter glanced out of the dark window. ‘This isn’t going to be solved by morning. The Commander is not going to be happy tomorrow.’

  ‘Have you pinged his outstanding personal mobile, sir, to try to see where he is? He must have it on him.’ She couldn’t help herself – she had to check everything was being done. She was used to directing cases.

  ‘Triangulation of a mobile is expensive, Loxton. But I should be able to convince the superintendent with this threat and the fact that he’s now been missing for over twenty-four hours. How the super will feel about a phone call at ten to midnight on a Sunday, though, I’m not so sure . . .’ Winter looked tired. She realized that he must spend most of his time knocking on closed doors, only to be told there were no more resources coming anytime soon.

  ‘Are you going to call the homicide team?’ Loxton’s throat tightened, making her voice sound strange. She wasn’t ready to see her old team again so soon.

  ‘No, Loxton. He could still have done a runner. I’ll need a lot more than what we’ve got if we’re to push it their way.’

  ‘Of course.’ The tension left her shoulders. ‘But would he have left the secret phone behind if he’d chosen to disappear?’

  ‘Maybe he had to leave in a hurry, or he’s scared he’d be tracked through it,’ Winter said. ‘I’ll assemble a team first thing. You two get yourselves off home now.’

  She headed towards the door. ‘Sir, there’s one other thing.’ She turned back to him. ‘The best man’s hiding something. He was cagey.’ Winter looked at Kowalski.

  Kowalski nodded once. ‘Whether it’s significant, we don’t know yet, boss. I got the impression that he was on Rowthorn’s side though.’

  ‘Time will tell,’ Winter said. ‘Dismissed.’

  Chapter 6

  Jenny Hughes

  Monday 24 July 2000

  Last week at school, before the summer holidays started, Jonny had passed me a note telling me to meet him here. I’d been waiting for today all last week. I still had the crumpled note in my pocket. Maybe he’d ask me to be his girlfriend? All the other girls in my class would be so jealous when I went back to school.

  I’d just known something was going to ruin it, though.

  Rachel.

  ‘Is that all you’ve got?’ Jonny glared at Rachel. We were all hot and bothered. We’d found shelter from the sun under some trees at the beginning of the wood, but the summer heat was relentless. Sweat stuck my turquoise T-shirt to the small of my back.

  Jonny examined a green yoyo from Rachel’s treasure pile. She’d won it at last year’s summer fair. He tossed it back onto the pile. ‘It’s all crappy kids’ stuff. How old are you anyway? Four?’

  ‘I’m nearly seven.’ Rachel’s voice was small.

  Jonny’s hair was shaven and he was twice her size. Rachel was quiet around him; normally she never shut up.

  ‘I don’t want your baby toys.’ He turned away from her and glanced at me. It was meant to be just the two of us, but I’d got lumbered with babysitting Rachel at the last minute. I’d begged Kayleigh to look after her for a few hours, so Jonny and I could be alone, but Kayleigh had refused and gone off to the shops. She didn’t like Jonny.

  ‘Please, I want to see where the children went missing,’ Rachel whined. I still couldn’t look at her without feeling resentful.

  ‘I don’t care.’ Jonny pushed the toys towards Rachel. ‘This is all shit.’

  Rachel pulled Buzz Lightyear out of her pocket; it was her favourite toy after Bunny.

  Jonny snatched Buzz Lightyear and turned the toy around in his tanned hands. ‘I could get something for this. Holding out on me, eh? You’re not as dumb as you look.’ He pocketed the figurine and then glanced at me. ‘Jenny, it’s up to you if I take her?’

  ‘Jenny, please can we go?’ Rachel pulled at my arm, pleading.

  ‘Don’t be such a spoilt baby.’ I shrugged her off. Her bottom lip trembled and I rolled my eyes, remembering too late that I was trying to be a better big sister. It was so hard when she was such a pain. ‘Okay, but if you ever tell Mum and Dad, they’ll never let you out again, or me. Understand?’ Rachel looked like she was about to explode with excitement.

  Jonny scooped up the toys, but I reached my hand out to stop him taking Bunny. For a moment our hands touched, and it felt electric. Rachel’s face fell as she watched him pocket her treasured toys, but she snatched Bunny and held him tightly to her chest.

  ‘What do you know about the children going missing?’ Jonny said.

  ‘It was years ago, before we were born.’ I shifted my weight to the other side, so that I could better keep a watch of the tree line where the wood began. It made me nervous being this close.

  ‘The children were all murdered in there.’ Jonny pointed towards the wood.

  Rachel let out a squeal and clasped her hands over her mouth. Why did she have to scream?

  ‘She’s too young,’ Jonny said. ‘You should take her home.’

  ‘No, she’s fine.’ Rachel was ruining everything. ‘You want to hear, don’t you, Rachel?’

  Rachel nodded, her hands still covering her mouth.

  Jonny paused for a moment, considering, and then leaned into our little circle. ‘My uncle was in one of the girls’ classes at high school. He heard everything about it. He told me everyone in the village was looking for them. The police found them a week later.’

  ‘Were they all right?’ Rachel asked.

  ‘Of course they weren’t, you stupid baby. They’d been murdered.’ Jonny shook his head at her in irritation.

  ‘Sorry.’ Rachel looked at her trainers.

  ‘All three bodies were by the brook. The oldest girl was laid on her front, the top half of her body in the water. She was completely naked. The policemen lifted her out of the water and laid her down on the grass. When they turned her over, one of the coppers threw up.’

  ‘Why?’ I shivered despite the heat of the day.

  ‘Her face was black and twisted in a silent scream.

  She’d been burnt.’

  Rachel let out a sob. I patted her arm. ‘You wanted to hear what happened . . .’

  Rachel sniffed and controlled her crying, nodding roughly.

  Jonny leaned in closer to us. ‘White flowers had been scattered around her body. Their petals were bright against the girl’s burnt skin.’ He finished, intoning the details like a campfire ghost story.

  ‘What had happened to her?’ My stomach was light, and my body was tensing.

  ‘The police said she’d been set alight, her friends strangled to death beside her. Some sort of satanical sacrifice.’

  ‘That’s horrible.’ I held Rachel’s hand. She clung on tightly, her other hand wrapped around Bunny’s neck.

  ‘People said angels had laid the flowers around her, but others said that the killer did it.’

  ‘Did they ever catch him?’ Rachel asked.

  We huddled into a tighter circle despite the heat, desperate not to miss a word.

  ‘Police didn’t have a clue,’ Jonny said. ‘No fingerprints or anything like that. Some people said a demon did it.’

  We breathed out all at once.

  ‘It wasn’t a demon,’ I said.

  ‘But the angels . . .’ Rachel said. I tried not to roll my eyes at her. She still really believed in all that God stuff. I’d stopped going to church last year. Mum was still furious with me.


  ‘There’s no such thing as angels or demons,’ Jonny said. ‘That’s just shit they tell you to make you behave.’

  ‘There are angels.’ Rachel glared at him. I felt my face flush red with embarrassment. He’d think my family were bible-bashers.

  ‘Grow up,’ Jonny said. ‘Santa’s not real either.’ Rachel glowered at him as her lower lip trembled.

  ‘Santa’s real,’ I whispered reassuringly and squeezed her hand to calm her down before she became inconsolable and I’d have to take her home.

  ‘People say the children’s ghosts still wander the woods, waiting for their killer to be caught,’ Jonny said.

  ‘We should help them,’ Rachel said. ‘I bet we can solve the murder and set them free.’

  Jonny craned his neck to look behind him towards Ashurst Wood. ‘My uncle saw two of them walking through the forest. He called out to them and they vanished.’ He lunged forward into the circle and we shrieked. Jonny barked out a laugh. It wasn’t funny, but I laughed along with him anyway.

  ‘It’s all bollocks though,’ he said. ‘My uncle drinks too much.’

  The wood was bathed in sunlight and it seemed impossible that anything bad had happened there.

  ‘I want to go and help them.’ Rachel clapped her hands together.

  ‘I can show you where they died,’ Jonny said.

  I turned towards Rachel and frowned to try to look serious. ‘You won’t tell anyone that we went into the woods, will you?’

  ‘Never,’ Rachel said.

  ‘Swear on Bunny’s life.’ I folded my arms and waited. Rachel looked at her blue-and-white polka-dot bunny. It was a big ask.

  ‘If you tell, Bunny will get it.’ Jonny thrust a finger towards Rachel’s face.

  ‘I swear on my life and Bunny’s.’ Rachel placed her hand on her heart, her face serious. I tried not to laugh.

  ‘Okay,’ I said firmly. Once I made my mind up, I stuck to it. If Rachel got scared, it was her own fault.

  We climbed over the rickety fence that separated the playing fields from the wood. It felt dangerous, exciting. I peered into the darkness between the trees. A branch moved and a dark shape darted just out of sight. My eyes became blurry as I stared without blinking, trying to see if it moved again. The sun was too bright. I had to close my eyes, and when I opened them again, the shadow was gone; it might never have been there.