Before I Say I Do

by Vicki Bradley

  ‘I can’t pay it today,’ I said. ‘It’ll take me a bit of time to get the money together.’

  ‘Miss Talbot, I suggest you and Mr Rowthorn work out what you can afford and attend court for the hearing, which will be next Monday. The details will be on the court summons.’

  She hung up on me, leaving me alone in my beautiful home which was about to be taken from me. I’d worked so hard to make this new life, to survive my past, and now it was all being ripped from me.

  I dropped the phone back on its stand, but it went crashing to the floor. My hands shook with fear. Mark had been lying to me. How could he do this to us? And what had he been doing with the money I gave him each month for my part of the mortgage? My mind was racing through questions. I was so angry with him, but I felt sick with fear for him too.

  I thought I’d be lying on a beach right now, sun rays soaking into my skin, my head on Mark’s chest, his arms wrapped around me. Instead he was gone.

  The phone – it was off the hook. I scrabbled for it, banging my elbow as I flung the receiver back onto its holder. What if the police called with information?

  I froze. What if they called to say they’d found him – dead? I tried not to retch. I opened a window but the air outside was as warm as inside the flat.

  There was a rapping at the door, and my whole body jolted. I took deep breaths in and tried to calm myself. In my head I wished it was Mark. My Mark. Not this new Mark who lied to me. He’d be standing there, giving me that crooked smile of his. I’d know everything would be all right.

  The rapping became a banging. I pulled myself up but the urge to be sick strengthened and I rested against the sofa to wait for my stomach to steady. The knocking continued, and I managed to reach the door, but my hand was shaking as I struggled to turn the latch.

  It was Lucy.

  ‘Where have you been? You said you’d be back at five,’ I said.

  ‘I told you, I was getting supplies. You need some dinner. You didn’t eat anything yesterday,’ Lucy said. ‘I tried to be as fast as I could.’ She dumped two straining carrier bags onto the floor. ‘I got you some microwave meals.’

  ‘Thanks.’ I couldn’t think of anything worse. A fresh wave of sickness hit me.

  ‘I know, I know, but they’re easy and it beats my cooking.’ She pulled out a bottle of merlot but stopped in her tracks. ‘I thought this might help, but you look awful. You should sit down.’

  ‘The bank wants to repossess my flat.’ I moved over to the sofa and sank into it.

  ‘What?’ Lucy sat down next to me, leaving the shopping by the door, a look of disbelief on her face.

  ‘Mark’s not been paying the mortgage.’ I covered my face with my hands and shook my head. Saying it to Lucy made it real. ‘We owe twelve thousand pounds. I don’t have twelve thousand pounds. We hadn’t even finished paying for the wedding and Mark didn’t take out any wedding insurance.’

  Lucy leaned over the sofa, grabbing the merlot from the shopping, and twisted the cap off the bottle. She poured some into the nearest mug and thrust it into my hand.

  ‘How can you be behind on your mortgage repayments?’ Lucy frowned at me. I could almost see her mind spinning behind her eyes. ‘I thought he was loaded. And what about Julia’s Jewellery? I thought you said your business was booming?’

  ‘I thought so too . . . But I let Mark deal with all the finances.’ I held my breath, hoping Lucy would help.

  ‘You don’t know about your finances?’ The accountant in her was horrified. ‘But you’re a businesswoman?’

  ‘Mark’s the banker. That’s more his strength.’ It sounded weak when I said it out loud. I’d trusted him completely at the beginning. I’d never thought he was capable of lying like this.

  ‘I told you to keep your accounts separate.’ She shook her head. ‘You’re running a business; you need to keep on top of this.’

  ‘We do have separate accounts. I just used to send him money each month for the mortgage.’ I shrugged at her.

  Lucy’s usually carefree face was now creased with worry. ‘I told you to do things properly. You should have paid the bank direct. What the hell’s he been doing?’ She looked angry, but she was doing her best to suppress it.

  ‘I don’t know, but just please stop.’ I covered my ears with my hands.

  She patted my arm quickly, seeing I was at breaking point. ‘Don’t worry, we’ll find a way like we always do.’

  I lowered my hands and tried not to cry.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I know how hard all this is for you.’

  ‘How can you?’ I said. ‘Because James works abroad a lot? It’s not just that I miss him because he’s gone off on some business trip. He’s disappeared. Gone. And he might never come back.’ I felt bad for snapping at her, but I felt so useless.

  ‘I’m sorry, stupid choice of words.’ She poured herself some wine and took a swig. ‘The police will find him.’ She nodded firmly. I wished I could have her confidence.

  ‘I keep thinking what could have happened to him.’ And what had he done with our money?

  ‘You’ll drive yourself crazy doing that.’ She sipped her wine, watching me carefully over the mug.

  ‘What if someone has done this?’ I played with the mug handle, unable to make eye contact with her.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Someone could have hurt him.’

  ‘Who would want to hurt Mark?’ she asked.

  ‘No one.’ I wanted to hurt him for lying about the money. I sloshed the red wine around my mug, watching it rise and fall like waves on a blood-red ocean. ‘But there’s plenty of people who might want to hurt me.’ I stopped playing with my mug and looked at her.

  ‘Like who?’ She folded her arms across her chest, daring me to say the name out loud.

  ‘Jonny.’ She had to see; it made perfect sense. ‘Jonny could have done this.’ It’d been years since we’d talked about him. I’d tried to push him away, but I heard him in my head shouting at me from across the courtroom: ‘You’ll get yours.’

  ‘Why would he come for you now, after all these years?’ She leaned closer to me as our voices became whispers.

  ‘He was only released last year. Maybe all this time he’s been waiting for revenge.’ My throat felt suddenly dry, making it hard to say the words. ‘Jonny might have taken Mark because of me.’

  ‘This isn’t your fault.’ She put the mug of wine on the coffee table, placing her hand on top of mine. I jerked it away from her.

  ‘We need to find out where Jonny is now. Make sure he isn’t involved.’ My stomach twisted in fear.

  ‘No. You’re exhausted, that’s all this is. Forget about Jonny. He’s still dangerous. People like that never change. We should stay well away.’

  I needed her to help me – she was the only one who could. She was the only other person who knew the truth. My eyes began to sting as tears filled them and I looked away from her.

  ‘That’s it.’ Lucy dug into her bag and placed a packet of pink pills onto the white coffee table in front of me.

  ‘What are they?’ I asked, brushing the tears from my cheeks.

  ‘They’re sleeping tablets. You need a good night’s sleep. You take two in the evening. If they don’t work, you can take one more. They work wonders.’

  ‘I don’t want them.’ I pushed them away.

  ‘I know you don’t, but you’re scaring me,’ she said. ‘These aren’t that strong. My doctor prescribed them when I had some trouble sleeping.’

  ‘When was that?’ She’d never told me. We told each other everything.

  ‘A while ago.’ She shrugged as she looked at the floor. ‘It didn’t go on for very long. Those pills did the trick.’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

  ‘It was after you got engaged. You were so happy; I didn’t want to drag you down.’

  Lucy reached over the table and grabbed my hands. I’d been repeatedly hitting the sides of my head without even not
icing. Concern made the fine lines around her eyes stand out.

  ‘This is all such a mess,’ I said. Mark was gone and part of me missed him, but the other part of me was furious at him. I thought I’d known him, but he could still surprise me, even when he was missing.

  She released my hands slowly but kept hers near mine. ‘I’m sure this has got nothing to do with Jonny and the police can’t find out about any of that. Leave it in the past.’

  ‘But what if it’s important? What if it could help them find Mark?’

  ‘Jonny’s not involved, but even if he were, going to the police now would be the worst thing we could do. If it’s Jonny, he’ll make contact, he’ll want to talk to you, and then you’ll know. Then you should go to the police.’ She looked into my eyes; hers were filled with anxiety.

  ‘Okay.’ I didn’t want to have to think about Jonny again. He was dangerous. He could destroy me. I prayed he was just getting on with his life and would stay far away from mine.

  ‘Your past has got nothing to do with Mark going missing,’ Lucy said. ‘You shouldn’t be punished for him going off and . . . well, whatever.’ She looked away, embarrassed when she saw the hurt on my face.

  I kept seeing him in my mind, lying on the floor alone, a deep gash on the back of his head. He was slipping away and I couldn’t help him.

  The phone rang and I jumped.

  ‘Miss Talbot, it’s DC Loxton. Would you be able to come into Walworth police station now?’

  ‘To the police station?’ My voice was unsteady. I hadn’t been in a police station for a long time.

  ‘Yes. We’re creating a timeline of Mark’s last movements. It’s nothing to worry about; we’re getting everyone’s accounts.’

  My mouth was dry.

  ‘Julia, are you there?’

  ‘Of . . . of course,’ I stammered. ‘Have you found anything?’

  ‘We’re working on it.’

  ‘Yes, fine.’ I looked at Lucy, hoping she’d go with me. She shook her head apologetically and mouthed ‘work’ at me.

  ‘Thank you, Julia.’ The line went dead.

  ‘I’ve got a voice conference in half an hour, sorry,’ Lucy said. ‘A client’s insisted and we can’t lose this one.’

  ‘It’s okay. They want me to go through my account again at the police station.’ I wished she could come with me. ‘It’s just they always blame the spouse.’ Although I wasn’t even the spouse. We hadn’t even managed to get married.

  ‘Now you are being paranoid,’ Lucy said. ‘The police are just doing their job; I’m sure it’s just routine.’

  I nodded, but the tightness in my body didn’t subside. I never thought I’d be interviewed by the police again.

  Chapter 9

  Julia Talbot

  Monday

  ‘Thank you for coming today.’ Loxton had faint black circles under her eyes and her long chestnut hair was hastily thrown up in a loose ponytail. ‘I know this is an awful time.’

  ‘It is.’ I tried to keep my voice steady, to hold back the tears.

  ‘Please, take a seat.’ Kowalski motioned to a faded blue plastic chair, which was screwed into the floor. An unwashed musty smell lingered in the windowless room. How could they bear this every day? I sank into the offered seat.

  Kowalski turned on a digital recorder and the room flashed onto a tiny screen. I could see a tiny version of myself, small and alone on my side of the table. They were videoing me. The police had moved on since my last encounter with them.

  ‘Am I a suspect?’ Why did I say that? Stupid.

  ‘No, of course not.’ Kowalski looked surprised. ‘You’re a significant witness in a missing persons case. It’s normal procedure to record your account at this stage.’

  ‘Okay, sorry. I just don’t know what I’m doing. This is all so strange.’

  ‘That’s all right,’ Kowalski said. ‘We know this is hard for you.’

  ‘I don’t want my face in the media. I couldn’t bear them harassing me on top of everything else.’

  ‘This video is just for the police,’ Kowalski said. ‘It’s not for the press.’

  ‘Can you stop the press knowing who I am?’ I was clutching my hands together, turning my knuckles white. I had to keep my face out of the news.

  ‘We can try, but we can’t control the press,’ Loxton said. ‘I wish we could for you. I’m sorry.’

  My heartbeat grew louder in my head and I tried to stop panicking.

  ‘We’ll see what we can do,’ Kowalski said. ‘Perhaps Charles Rowthorn would have some influence too?’

  I nodded. It wasn’t a bad idea. Charles and the police might be able to put enough pressure on the press so that they wouldn’t release my photo or focus on me. I couldn’t risk that happening.

  ‘Are you okay to start the interview?’ Loxton looked concerned.

  ‘Of course. I want to help.’

  ‘I need to explain a few legal things to you,’ Loxton said. ‘Anything you say today is being recorded and could be used as evidence in court in the future. You could be asked to attend court as a witness. If you deliberately mislead the police, you could be prosecuted for perverting the course of justice, which carries a lengthy sentence. Do you understand?’

  This was getting serious fast. ‘I want to help you. Why would I lie?’

  ‘Do you understand?’ she asked, her gaze unwavering.

  ‘Of course.’ Sweat trickled down the back of my neck. I resisted the urge to run.

  ‘Sorry about that.’ Loxton’s posture relaxed and she smiled at me. The smile transformed her face, and I realized that she was quite beautiful. ‘It’s just something we have to make clear. Please, tell us about when you last saw Mark.’

  ‘At about eleven the day before the wedding in our flat. He left to meet up with David.’

  ‘What did you do then?’ she asked.

  ‘Lucy met me at the Silver Tree hotel in the afternoon. That’s the hotel where I was going to get married.’ It hurt to say that out loud. There was a long pause.

  ‘What time was that?’ Loxton said.

  ‘Does that matter?’ I didn’t like her tone, the way she was scribbling everything down.

  ‘We’re trying to get a picture of where everyone was.’ Kowalski leaned back in his seat, as if we were old friends catching up.

  ‘Of course.’ I was perched on the edge of the chair, my shoulders hunched up and aching with tension. I needed to relax, appear innocent. I forced myself to lean back, mimicking his body language, dropping my shoulders. No one suspected me of anything. ‘I got there about two and Lucy met me a little after that, probably two-thirty.’

  ‘Did you speak to Mark?’ Kowalski said.

  ‘No. I didn’t want any bad luck.’

  ‘Superstitious?’ Kowalski asked.

  ‘I know it’s silly, but I’ve not had much luck. I always expect the worst.’ I shook my head. None of this was coming out right. I was starting to sound like a crazy person.

  ‘I understand,’ Kowalski said. I hated that. How could he understand?

  ‘What did you and Lucy do then?’ Loxton asked.

  ‘Ok, well, I unpacked my things. Double-checked everything. I tried the dress on again to be sure there were no problems, like you do.’ There was no ring on Loxton’s slender fingers and no indentation mark. She obviously didn’t know. ‘I had a long bath. I called my wedding planner to double check a few details. Then Lucy and I went for dinner.’

  ‘What time was that?’

  ‘Around eight-thirty I think.’

  ‘Where did you eat?’ Loxton’s pen hovered over her paper.

  ‘A restaurant down the road from the Silver Tree. I didn’t want to eat in the actual hotel in case I saw any guests.’

  ‘So where, precisely?’ Loxton narrowed her eyes at me slightly.

  This woman liked detail. The trick was to be vague about everything until they gave up. It gave you room to breathe. The police could turn the slightest mistake into an adm
ission of guilt, if you weren’t careful. ‘It was a pub, about a ten-minute walk down the road. I can’t remember the name.’

  ‘And Lucy stayed with you after dinner?’ Loxton said.

  ‘Yes, that night she stayed in my room. Tradition again. I had no idea there was a problem until . . .’ I tried to think of something else, but I kept imagining David turning around and Mark not being there. I dug my nails into my palms to try to shift the image. ‘Until he wasn’t at the ceremony.’

  ‘And what did you initially think?’

  ‘I thought he’d been in a car accident, something like that. It’s what I always think when someone’s late.’ I didn’t want to bring up my parents again. Loxton’s pale blue eyes were noting everything.

  ‘Because of your parents?’ Loxton’s face softened. Had she lost someone? Was that something I could use? I nodded my head fast and allowed my eyes to moisten. I was going to have to play this carefully.

  ‘I’m having trouble finding your parents on our system. You said when we first met that they’d been in a car crash?’

  I hadn’t expected the police to do checks on my parents It felt like a sharp kick to the gut. ‘That’s right.’

  Loxton frowned. ‘Could you tell me their names? So I can find them on the system easier.’

  My vision blurred as I tried to think. ‘Their names were Margaret and Philip Talbot.’ I dabbed at my eyes with my fingertips. ‘But I’m not sure what they’ve got to do with Mark going missing now?’

  Loxton handed me a packet of tissues from her pocket. Did she always have them on her for such occasions? Loxton threw Kowalski a look, but he shook his head slightly and remained relaxed. ‘And what do you think has happened to Mark?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ The tears were coming, but I tried to hold them back. I thought of the missed mortgage payments. What had Mark been doing with our money? ‘He hasn’t called.’

  ‘How was he before the wedding?’ Loxton had put her pen down and was staring at me.

  ‘He was stressed, a little uptight.’ It was hard for me to admit, but as the wedding drew nearer, Mark’s mood had plummeted. He’d told me he didn’t like being the centre of attention, that the day had got too big, but it had been more than that. Maybe he’d got into a financial mess, perhaps that’s why he’d been distant.