Before I Say I Do

by Vicki Bradley

  Lucy thrashed around in the flames. When she’d needed me, I’d doubted her, and now I’d left her to die. I’d never forgive myself; this guilt would burn inside me for ever.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I shouted the useless words to her. I wanted to scream and scream. Anything to block out her howling. Then she started to whimper, and I longed for the screams. The white heart of the fire embraced her, swallowing her up, as my heart ripped in two.

  I dragged Mark up the remaining stairs. The black smoke followed us, thickening the air, making it impossible to see anything. My airways were blocked with it. I kept my head lower, bending down as we reached the top of the stairs. The heat blistered my back and legs. It was like being inside an oven.

  I let go of Mark, he clung to the bannister, and I threw the door open. My lungs threatened to rip with the effort. Fresh air rushed at us as the black smoke billowed out. I staggered forward.

  A punch.

  My head snapped sideways and I sprawled onto the floor. Something warm and sticky oozed down my face. The edges of my vision darkened. I could see Mark at the top of the stairs, reaching towards me, before the cellar door was slammed shut, separating us. I tried to turn my head – it looked like Lucy was standing above me, her eyes filled with tears – but the world flittered away.

  Then there was nothing.

  Chapter 44

  Alana Loxton

  Friday

  The street was deserted as Loxton got out of the car. There was nothing but silence. She tried the front door, but it was locked. She peered through the window into the dark room, but there was no movement inside.

  She knocked again. Nothing.

  ‘No one’s in.’

  Loxton pulled her mobile out of her trouser pocket. She put the mobile to her ear and waited. ‘I still can’t get through to Webb.’

  Kowalski pinched the bridge of his nose. She felt uneasy. Something big was happening and they were in the dark.

  ‘There’s no way in from the back?’ she asked.

  ‘Not unless you want to jump a few six-foot fences,’ Kowalski said.

  There wasn’t time for that. She knocked on the door again. Still nothing. Kowalski stared back at her, the same fear reflected in his eyes. What if they were too late?

  It was the calm before the storm. She peered into the front room again, but all she could make out were stationary shapes. One looked like a tall man playing frozen statues, but as her eyes adjusted to the gloom, the man became a door left ajar.

  She knocked louder; a persistent banging. Her knuckles were sore from hitting the wood too hard. Something was wrong. She tried calling Lucy again but her mobile was still switched off or out of signal.

  Kowalski put his foot against the bottom of the door and it creaked under the strain.

  ‘She hasn’t double-locked it,’ said Loxton. ‘She must be in.’

  Kowalski glanced left and right.

  ‘Wait – what about Winter?’ Loxton said. ‘You haven’t got a warrant. There’s not enough for a section 17 entry.’

  ‘The door was already broken when I got here.’ Kowalski lifted his right foot and then smashed the sole of his boot into the bottom of the frame. There was a crack and Loxton turned away in time to avoid the splinters that flew at her. She turned around as Kowalski put his foot through the bottom edge of the door and it gave way.

  ‘They don’t make doors like this in Poland. Terrible workmanship.’

  Loxton checked around them, but the street was still deserted. It was getting late and the first stars were appearing as the evening closed in. ‘Hurry up, then.’

  Kowalski kicked the door once more, forcing the gap wider, and Loxton squirmed through the tiny space.

  ‘Wait.’ Kowalski was wrenching at the door to make the gap wide enough for his broad chest. She ignored him and ran into the living room and then the kitchen. Nothing. She came back through and Kowalski was in the house, drawing his baton.

  She checked the master bedroom but the door was closed. She took a deep breath and flung it open, charging into the room. She had her arms up in front of her face, protecting herself, but there was no one. She checked under the bed and inside the wardrobe. Where the hell was everyone? She rushed back to the hallway.

  ‘You got anything?’ she said.

  ‘There’s no one here,’ Kowalski replied.

  On the wall was a photo of Talbot and Rowthorn, arms around each other as they beamed into the lens. They were stood in front of a palm tree grove and the sky was a brilliant blistering blue.

  Then it hit Loxton. ‘Webb said something about her boyfriend getting back from Dubai this week. Maybe Webb’s gone back to her address to see him. Talbot might have gone there looking for her when she couldn’t find her at work or here.’ Loxton’s stomach turned. She’d thought they were both staying at Talbot’s flat, so Lucy Webb would be here at least, even though Talbot had disappeared. They needed to get hold of her to warn her Talbot might be looking for her, to ask her questions.

  Kowalski closed his eyes and whispered, ‘Gówno.’

  ‘Come on, we’re not far.’ She rushed to the door and he followed her.

  Once they were outside, they sprinted to the car past a few elderly residents who had come out for the noise.

  ‘Police, don’t worry.’ Kowalski waved his warrant card and the residents relaxed.

  ‘What about the door?’ she asked as she climbed into the passenger seat, pulling the door behind her.

  ‘Call it in on your mobile. Withhold your number,’ he added.

  ‘Innocent passer-by. I like it.’

  ‘Just make up a good name and hope those residents have forgotten we were ever here.’ Kowalski started the engine.

  She punched in 999 as they sped off towards Webb’s house. They’d gone way over the line and it was too late to back-track now.

  Chapter 45

  Julia Talbot

  Friday

  My head span as I opened my eyes. A searing pain throbbed in my left eye lobe, and as I lifted myself into a sitting position, the pain intensified. I reached my hand gingerly to my face while trying to remember where I was, what had happened to bring me here.

  I’d been laid next to a door. There was banging.

  Lucy. Mark. The fire.

  The pain in my eye was surpassed by a ripping deep inside me. They were both dead. Between them, they’d been my whole world.

  There was a rattling noise. The cupboard door behind me was closed. The handle to the basement door was turning repeatedly, a chair jammed under it, stopping Mark from escaping. He was still alive.

  There was a figure in front of me, watching my movements. I looked up and saw an unharmed Lucy, staring down at me, silent. I shook my head, tears of relief making my vision blurry. Was she really here?

  ‘You . . . you died?’ My lungs burnt with the effort of speaking. ‘Down there.’ The pain I’d felt watching her burn, hearing her scream, it had felt like dying. The smell of her flesh. I must be dreaming.

  ‘That was Emily Hart.’ Her fists were clenched. ‘You don’t even recognize your best friend.’ Lucy shook her head at me. She had a large carving knife in her hand.

  A growing fear replaced my sorrow. Lucy was alive but she was different. I’d never seen her like this, with her eyes filled with malice.

  ‘What the fuck’s going on?’ The throbbing in my head became a dull ache. Emily Hart?

  ‘I wanted to see if you’d choose Mark over me, even when it really mattered. I got my answer.’

  ‘What did she ever do to you?’ Emily was Benson’s secretary. Mark had mentioned her a few times, but I’d never met her.

  ‘She was having an affair with him.’

  ‘Were you jealous?’ Fear made my heart thunder in my chest. I thought I’d escaped the fire, but she had been waiting just behind the door. There’d never been a chance that my baby and I would make it out alive.

  ‘Me? Jealous?’ She laughed. ‘You’ve got to be kidding. You have
really awful taste in men.’ Mark was banging on the door. He was going to die if I didn’t do something.

  ‘You’ve got to let him out.’ I tried to stand up, but she brandished the knife at me. I shrank back in fear.

  ‘No. Sit down. He’s not going anywhere.’

  ‘Please, I’m pregnant.’ I put my hands up in surrender. Something deep inside me screamed, Not my baby! ‘He doesn’t even know he’s a father.’

  ‘Pregnant.’ She was quiet for a moment. Why had I told her that? She wouldn’t like it. She didn’t like anything that took my attention away from her. She’d always been like that and I’d just accepted it. Why had I not spotted this anger in her before?

  She moved the knife nearer to my face and I leaned as far away from it as I could, the door against my back. ‘That’s not my problem,’ she said.

  Mark was rattling the handle and hammering at the door now. I could hear his shouting getting frantic.

  ‘Why are you doing this?’ I couldn’t hide the tremor in my voice. The knife was so close.

  ‘This was all for you,’ she said.

  ‘You’ve murdered Emily and Mark’s going to die. You think you’re doing this for me?’ I had to get away from her.

  ‘I can’t believe you sometimes,’ she said. ‘You don’t even know what’s good for you. Mark and Emily would have destroyed you eventually. I couldn’t let you waste your life on him.’

  ‘This isn’t good for me.’ I reached my hand up towards her. ‘Please, Lucy. Stop this.’

  Her voice grew louder. ‘You were going to marry that man. Your life would have been over.’ She slashed at the air in front of me.

  I pulled my hand away from the blade. ‘You’re right. You showed me.’ I tried to hide the tremor in my voice. Make her believe me. I had to live for my baby. Lucy was insane. When she’d gone mad, I didn’t know, but somewhere along the way she’d lost herself. I inched sideways away from the blade.

  ‘I’m always having to sort out your messes,’ she sighed.

  ‘Let Mark go.’ I stood up slowly, trying to keep my voice calm, when all I felt was terror. ‘It doesn’t have to be like this. We can say the fire was an accident.’

  ‘I’ll kill you first.’ She lifted the knife higher.

  ‘You wouldn’t.’ I had no idea what she was capable of. This wasn’t my Lucy.

  ‘You’ll end up like your sister,’ Lucy said.

  Something dark skittered across my mind like a beetle uncovered from a rock. My whole body shook. ‘Please, Lucy. Haven’t I lost enough?’

  ‘She was ruining your life. You said so yourself. You wished her dead daily.’

  There was a tightness in my chest as if my heart had stopped. ‘It couldn’t have been you. You weren’t even there. It was Jonny.’ Blood rushed to my head and there was a roaring in my ears. Why was she talking about Rachel?

  ‘Why did you bring her along that day?’ Lucy asked. ‘Why did you take her into the woods?’

  ‘My parents asked me to look after her. I was jealous of her because my parents doted on her . . . but I never wanted her dead. She was a kid. We were all just children. I didn’t mean any of it.’

  Lucy shook her head at me. ‘You said you hated her. That I should have been your sister.’

  ‘I never wanted her dead.’ I’d wished Rachel dead a hundred times, but I hadn’t meant a single one.

  The ringing in my head grew louder and her voice became muffled. None of it made sense. She was just trying to hurt me. ‘Jonny Cane was convicted.’

  ‘Cane? Please. Why would he kill Rachel? Come on. Someone had to go to prison and it wasn’t going to be us.’

  ‘What?’ Lucy had killed Rachel? But she’d been the reason I kept going after Rachel died. The one who got me through it all. It couldn’t be her.

  ‘Forget Rachel.’ She stepped towards me, the knife coming closer to my face. Cold fury filled her eyes. ‘You just let me burn to death down there.’

  ‘You wouldn’t hurt me.’ I whispered, but tears trickled down my cheeks. Now I wasn’t so sure.

  ‘It won’t hurt,’ she said. ‘Nothing like burning to death anyway.’

  ‘Please . . . the baby.’ I tried to edge away from her but there was the hot door behind my back. ‘Let me go.’ I thought I’d known her. I didn’t know anything. I was going to die.

  ‘I can’t do that.’ She shook her head.

  ‘Why not?’ The tears blurred my vision.

  ‘Because you failed the test. You saved Mark over me.’

  ‘You’ve not been well.’ I reached out my hand towards her, terrified of the blade. ‘I didn’t realize because of the wedding, but I see it now. I’m going to help you.’

  ‘Too right I haven’t been well. Imagine having to watch you run around after that cheating, coke-snorting, soulless dick.’ There was only a weak rattle at the cupboard handle now.

  ‘But you’ve shown me,’ I said. ‘You’ve saved me.’

  ‘Maybe I’m fed up of trying to show you, Jenny. My whole life I’ve been looking after you, putting you first. Helping you to achieve everything you’ve ever wanted. And do I get any thanks? No. You forgot about me. Cast me aside for him.’ She waved the knife towards the door. Black smoke crawled from underneath and started to drift into the space around us. The rattling stopped.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ I wiped the tears from my face. ‘I did forget about you. That was wrong of me. I’ll never do it again.’

  ‘You won’t ever do it again. I’m sick of your endless excuses. When that baby comes along you won’t think twice about me. It’s taken me a long time to realize that no matter what I do, you’re never going to see me. I gave you everything. I was always there helping you succeed. I was convenient. But I won’t be ignored any more. Not by you, not by him, not by anybody.’

  ‘I won’t ignore you ever again.’ It was all I could manage.

  ‘Everything I’ve done for us, all the sacrifices, and you pretend not to remember.’ She jabbed the knife towards me. All I could focus on was the sharp point. The damage it could do. She started to cry.

  It hit me that Lucy had loved me, all these years, and she’d never said a word. I closed my eyes, wishing I could make it all go away.

  Then I had an idea. I looked straight at her. ‘Please. Stop for a minute.’ I had my hands out in front of me. I could try to grab the knife if she went for me, but it would slice through my fingers easily. ‘I love you. Don’t you know that? How can you question what we have?’

  Her face was unreadable.

  ‘It hurts,’ she said. ‘It always hurts. My head never stops banging. I wanted to be happy, I really did, but I can’t be. There’s nothing here for us but pain. Tonight, that ends.’

  ‘I’m not ready to die.’ I was shaking uncontrollably. Smoke surrounded us.

  ‘It’s okay to be scared.’ She moved towards me, one hand in front, as if she was trying to calm a wild animal. ‘I was scared once. But it’ll all be all right. I’m here. Don’t worry.’

  ‘Please.’ My voice croaked. My throat was tight, panic taking hold.

  ‘Close your eyes,’ Lucy soothed. ‘It’ll be quick, I promise.’

  ‘The baby. You can’t kill the baby.’ There was nothing around me to use as a weapon.

  ‘If you’d taken the sleeping pills like I’d told you, you’d have fallen into a deep sleep by now. This would be painless.’

  ‘You were always going to kill me?’

  ‘Only if you failed the test. If you hadn’t, I could have made this look like Mark had killed Emily. A lover’s tiff. We could have disappeared together. But you don’t love me. You wouldn’t have let me die if you loved me.’ Her eyes became dead and her face impassive. She stepped towards me.

  I took my chance and lunged at her, pushing her backwards hard. She hadn’t expected it. Her arms went upwards as she tried to catch her balance, the knife slashing my forearm before it went flying, skittering across the floor. Pain took my breath away.

 
; Lucy regained her balance. ‘You’re going to die in here.’

  My right forearm was bleeding heavily, the pain a cold white heat. She turned away from me, scrabbling for the knife. If she reached it, I was dead. She spotted it a metre from her and rushed towards it, her hand grasping for it.

  I charged forward, grabbing her shoulders and yanking her backwards from the blade. She shrugged me off, flinging her fist into my face before I had a chance to stop her. I staggered backwards, raising my hands to my face, feeling hot blood on my hands. Then pain splintering across my cheek.

  She darted to the knife, reaching down, but I ran into her and shoved her forwards with my weight. We tumbled down, landing hard on the ground. My knee exploded in pain and the wind was knocked out of me.

  Silence.

  I blinked rapidly, the world coming slowly into focus. Lucy was laid beside me, her eyes half closed. Blood pooled around her head. The joy I felt was momentary. The black smoke crawled over her and me, turning everything dark.

  I didn’t know which way was which. Panic made my heart race and my head spin. The smoke was everywhere and my head was getting light. The floor seemed to move underneath me. I scrabbled forwards on all fours to where I thought the cupboard was, trying to ignore the pain in my knee.

  I had to save Mark.

  Chapter 46

  Alana Loxton

  Friday

  Loxton smelt noxious burning petrol before she saw the plumes of smoke darkening the sky. Thick and black it billowed high above her, like a thunderous storm cloud, covering everything below it in shadow. She craned her neck to see where the smoke was coming from. Please not Webb’s address, she thought.

  Kowalski put his foot down, racing towards the smoke. He thrust his radio towards her. If she called on the radio, Winter would know she had been with Kowalski. She pressed the button as Webb’s address came into view. There was smoke flowing through the upper windows.

  ‘Fire at 157 Lower Road, Surrey Quays,’ she said. ‘Unknown casualties, get LFB and LAS running.’

  The car screeched to a halt and she was out, racing up the pathway, Kowalski right beside her. The front door was locked. Kowalski started to kick the stoic oak door but this one was not giving up as easily.