by Michael Reid
THE WORST THIEVES AREN’T THE ONES THAT BREAK INTO YOUR HOME AND STEAL YOUR TELEVISION,
THE WORSE THIEVES ARE THE ONES YOU LET BREAK INTO YOUR HEART AND STEAL YOUR JOY.
DEAR WOMAN,
What good is being a trophy if you never leave the case?
A princess that never leaves her castle
can never be a ruler.
At best, a Rapunzel.
Don’t ever let love leave you all dressed up
with nowhere to go.
When it’s real,
you’ll never have to worry about him hiding you from the world.
You’ll be his favorite part.
Any man who wins the lottery
yet doesn’t want to spend the money,
either doesn’t appreciate the blessing,
or
They are not capable of handling the attention it brings.
Either way,
this place isn’t the place for you.
What good is him giving you the world,
if he doesn’t have “space” for you?
Some men are hunters,
but no woman should ever be prey.
“TRAPPED IN PARADISE”
“Sometimes, heaven is not where you go, but what you make of where you are.”
Do you remember the movie Pretty Woman? It’s a classic, right? If you don’t know, after you’re finished reading this book, you should go check it out. Without giving too much of it away, there was this woman going through life, flying by the seat of her pants, just floating in the wind, looking for her next “adventure.” Along the way, she meets this very handsome, very rich guy, who ultimately offers to give her the world. I know, I know, every young girl’s dream. The movie itself is a little bit more complicated than that, but you’ll have to find out for yourself. What I want to talk about is how that offer can sometimes not be a good thing.
Along this long walk into womanhood, you’re going to meet many different types of people. Hopefully, you will be diverse enough in the men that you select that you’ll get a sample size of the many different varieties there are. You’ll meet foreign guys and local ones. Tall, short, brown, black, pink, blue, smart, not so smart, rough, smooth, shy, bold, broke and RICH.
Let’s talk about these rich guys. Now, I’m not picking on them at all. Who doesn’t want to be rich? There are many people who are not willing to do some of the things that some people do to become rich, but there isn’t a person on this Earth that, if given an opportunity to have enough money to do whatever they please for the rest of their life and not have to change one thing about themselves, wouldn’t do it. Period.
“Money is like a spare tire, it’s not a necessity, but when you need it, you’re glad that it’s there.”
To push the envelope even further, I’m going to ask you to not be intimidated by men who have money. All men with money aren’t bad. The fact that a man has money isn’t bad, it’s what he wants you to do for it, where he wants to take you with it and what he makes you leave behind that is usually what destroys a weak woman. Be cautious of a man with more money than morals. Money makes him rich, but it doesn’t make him loyal. Nonetheless, just like any other man, he, too, deserves opportunity.
If you’re a good woman you might be exactly what that man needs. It’s so hard to find a good woman when it is no secret that you’re financially stable. The other side of that coin though is the fact that not all men think this way. The multitude of problems usually present themselves in one of two ways: the Investor and the Collector
You meet this guy and he seems decent enough for you to be able to engage with him socially. You two go out, have a pretty good time, his financial situation allows for you two to enjoy some pretty nice things, eat in some pretty nice restaurants and experience life in a way, depending upon how you lived previously, you couldn’t even dream of. First things first, don’t get caught up on all the lights and cameras so much that you get blinded. Make sure you’re able to look past all of that stuff and see him for who he really is. Where it gets tricky is his purpose. He might be the type of guy who uses his money and his affinity for women together to form a dangerous combination. Dangerous because none of these things make you unique, which means that, eventually, he’ll find a new project or “hobby” to experience. Then, that limo will pull back up to your studio apartment and your fantasy ride will be over. The good news then is that it’s over; the bad news is that it shouldn’t have happened in the first place. You need to understand for yourself and make him understand that you were doing just fine before he arrived and that you would much rather prefer a sidekick than a savior.
Next, which is a far more dangerous situation than the first, is that many rich men’s wives, girlfriends and children’s mothers live with their men for years, sometimes decades, before they final break free. This is because the man is a hunter.
The hunter is one of the most silent and deadly men out there. Silent because he’s not as easy to spot as an outwardly abusive person or an unfaithful person. He’s the one who won’t don’t too much of anything wrong as it pertains to how he treats you. It will be more about how he doesn’t treat you, after he has you. Let me explain.
So, you meet this collector. He has all the same qualities as the Investor, but what makes him more dangerous is the fact that he won’t ever get bored like the investor would. He will use all of his “resources” to make you feel as comfortable as he can. It will almost be an infatuation with you; you two will begin hot and heavy, see each other all the time, and if you’re not face to face, you’ll be phone to phone or fingertip to fingertip. He will make you feel like you are the most important thing in his life. He will make it seem like he doesn’t know how he managed to function without you, and you will be so amazed that someone with so much going for themselves is so “caught-up” on you. The prefect combination. What girl doesn’t want to be feel wanted? That’s probably one of every woman’s top five feelings that she wants to feel from her partner.
In any event, the infatuation will continue. What started off as dropping you off around 3-4am, will turn into you packing an “overnight” bag. Weekend getaways will turn into you having your own set of keys, “just in case” along with the top 2 drawers in his dresser.
DEAR WOMAN,
I feel bad for you.
Every day you wake up,
You are one step closer to dying.
If that’s not depressing enough,
Every night your pillow is wetter than Miami summers,
melting Popsicles,
and swimming pools.
No matter how much you hate to admit it,
You are in love with a person who’s not even trying.
Who doesn’t do anything exceptional except lying.
It’s killing you.
Faster than aggressive cancer.
Sadder than strong grandmothers with Alzheimer’s.
While you put up more of a fight
than addict mothers in rehab,
trying to get clean for their babies.
Baby, love doesn’t work like that.
Some battles are won by not even going to war.
The loudest thing you can ever give is your silence.
The problem with arguing with a brick wall
is that it cannot hug you after it’s over.
DEAR WOMAN,
Sometimes you’ve got to ask yourself some tough questions:
“What do I bring to the table?”
“What makes me worthy enough to be with the man I desire?”
“Would I be happy,
if I were the woman your son brought home?”
Some of these women want kings, but they aren’t queens.
A clock that doesn’t tick is just decoration.
Being a house wife
is knowing how to care for your house and your husband.
Any woman can be the dessert.
Can you bring home the bacon?
Do you k
now what to do with it?
Before you create a list,
ask yourself what you’re looking for in a man.
Ask what a man will see in you?
How complete are you?
Are you waiting for a man to save the day?
A real woman would save herself.
Ask yourself what you bring to the table.
Then, figure out who you’re going to eat with.
DEAR WOMAN,
Some of them are going to hate you regardless.
So, let your grind speak for itself.
Social media be your toilet.
Show no mercy.
The rules say be humbled, not dead.
You don’t have to let them know who and what you’re doing—
just that you’re not lonely but well fed.
Let them keep their eyes on you.
You just keep your eyes on your own paper,
until you can wake up one day and have to get in your car to see your next door neighbors.
A lot of these women just have too much time on their hands.
Not you—
you’ve got your grind on your hands.
Be so busy clocking your accomplishments
that you don’t have time for a man.
A woman who can feed herself will have men eating from the palm of her hand.
“FUEL”
“What people say about you says a lot more about them than it does you.”
It is perfectly alright to broadcast your blessings. Under no circumstances should you ever, in a million years, downplay your greatness because you don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. It’s a tough job, but somebody has to do it. You just make sure you do it with style and class. Don’t be sorry for what you do have, be sorry that they are more worried about what you have than what they don’t. You can’t spend your life walking on other peoples’ eggshells, especially when everything you’ve gotten thus far has been from hard work, dedication and good genes.
If you have a good job, a nice apartment, a great sense of fashion and a dope smile, you need to share that with the world. You know why? For every hater, there is another girl you can inspire. For everyone who has something negative to say about you or what you do, there is someone willing to go to bat for you. If people have taken the time out of their day to speak about you, then you must be doing something right. Right? So, keep doing what you’re doing. They are going to watch anyway, so you might as well give them a show.
When dealing with hate, the only time you lose is when you lose your composure. When you get off your thrown to address a peasant, you give them the satisfaction. Satisfaction is a term you should reserve for the people who are inspired by you. If you don’t have any, find some. You have to learn how not to keep your ear so close to the ground because you won’t be able to hear God tell you how proud of you He is. Let them talk. As long as they keep guessing, they’ll never know.
If you had a choice between spending a day signing autographs and a day answering hate mail, which would you do? Some of these bullies only bother you because you allow yourself to be bothered. Let your actions and your transactions speak for themselves. Nine times out of 10, the person that’s keeping score usually isn’t winning. So you keep racking up the air miles.
DEAR WOMAN,
The worst ones are the ones who get used to it.
If you eat too much of anything, you’ll begin to love it.
A woman dies every time she replaces “forget you” with “forget it.”
You keep a bird in cage too long,
eventually, it will forget how to fly.
You keep hurting a woman in the same way,
eventually, she’ll forget how to cry.
“He keeps calling,” she said.
Even bad men love love, too.
It’s not a question of whether or not he loves you,
it’s about how much disappointment comes with his “I love you.”
You think the devil is just going to let you walk out of hell without a fight?
He’s going to do whatever it takes to keep you.
It’s your job as a woman not to confuse DESERVE with DESIRE.
Some bridges are meant to be burned.
They’re just waiting on you to light the fire.
“THE DRAG”
“Life isn’t over when you die; it’s over when you stop trying to live.”
There is a distinct difference between a man who wants you and a man who doesn’t want to see you with anybody else. Never forget that. How do you know? It’s simple. As a woman, your presence should be appreciated at all times. It shouldn’t take for you to leave, or even for you to threaten to leave, for a man to give you reasons to stay. The most dangerous word in the dictionary is love, especially when what you love or who you love doesn’t love like you love. This is when your love gets used against you. You have to pay attention because the really good ones—not good as in good, but good as in bad—they don’t just run up on you and rip your crown off your head. That’s too obvious, and any woman can see that coming a mile away.
What do they do? They chip away at your crown until there is nothing left. Then, you’ll feel like it’s you and not them. It’s so deep of a thing that I’m surprised some men are so good at it. Then again, they put a monkey on the moon, so at this point anything is possible. I’m going to do you a favor and let you know how it goes down:
It starts off with an infatuation that peaks your interest. I mean, what woman doesn’t like to be desired? In reality though, that’s his way in. It’s so much easier to rob anybody of anything when you’re on the inside.
Once he’s in, the changes will be subtle. It will be more of a test the water type of thing. Like when babies test their parents to see how far they can go before they get in trouble. It’s done to see how much control they have. Step two is getting in and taking control. That’s when you begin to chip away. You know that saying about how some men only want you until they’ve got you. It’s sort of the vice versa when it comes to some men. We are the first to fall in, and you women are always the last to fall out.
He’ll notice where he can get over on you, and that’s where the chipping begins. It’s sort of like when we talked about the “holes in your armor” a couple of pages back. What messes most women up is that there is a give and take component that comes with the chipping. He will give you b.s. and then take you shopping. It might not be shopping—it could be whatever he knows your weakness is. Eventually, the take will become more and the give will become less. Unfortunately, the same things that make some women better than some men will ultimately be your downfall. It will be your level of understanding and compassion, mixed with the fact that this isn’t your first rodeo with a man that falls short of your expectations. You’ll just chalk it up as “men being men,” and pray that one day he gets it. What you need to understand is that you must make sure he “gets it” before he “gets you.” Otherwise, you’ll be in what’s known as “the drag.” That’s when everything goes downhill.
The drag is the point in a relationship where a man does exactly that to a woman: he drags her. More specifically, it’s when he knows he’s got you, and he doesn’t even have to keep doing what he did to get you to keep you. Make sense? Basically, the only thing keeping you there is your loyalty, your love and your stupidity. I tried to think of a nicer word, but I couldn’t. The drag is the point of the relationship where you’re literally hanging on while he’s taking you wherever he wants to go, and those three words are like the rope that ties you to the bumper of the car. Every so often, he might pull the car over and cut you some slack, but that’s because he doesn’t want to pop the rope. He’ll pull over long enough to take you some place nice, have one of those pep talks with you about how he’s trying and how he needs you to be more understanding. You’ll feel motivated, but it’s false hope. This will happen roughly 3-4 times a month. More than likely, it will end with him having sex with you. While you’r
e asleep, he’s went and got himself some fresh rope, tied you up and by the time you awake and come to your senses, you’re back on the drag again.
The crazy part is, the whole time, you had a box cutter in your back pocket. Who knew? That box cutter is your pimp juice; it’s your swagger. You discover it in that moment when he went just a little too far. It will be the equivalent of him rolling over some rocks while dragging you and you’ve bumped your head. Sometimes you’ve got to be drug through it to get through. The good news is, now you’ve come to your senses. Then what do you do?
To be honest, some women won’t cut the rope and run the other way. That would be too much like right. The insecure ones will cut the rope off and just sit in the middle of the road, waiting for him to realize he’s traveling a little bit lighter. They’ll wait for him to catch on and come back. Sadly. Sometimes it’s because she thinks that now that he knows she can get out of the drag, he might not drag her anymore, or it could be that wherever he was dragging her to, is way better than where she came from, so she’s got to wait for him to come back. She just hopes that maybe she can go in the trunk instead. Either way, she’s screwed.
The other type of woman is the one that pulls out the box cutter, cleans herself up, stands on the side of the road, shows a little leg and picks up some guy, telling him to follow that same car she got dragged from. Not only that, when the car pulls over, she hops back out and ties herself back to the rope again. She doesn’t want him to know she knows how to get away or that she a new little “AAA” friend came to her rescue. Trust me, it happens. Why? Maybe she thinks that one day he’s going to get tired of dragging her. In the beginning, he was a good guy, so she might just want to stick around thinking that one day he might come to his senses. It never happens.