by Michael Reid
Your best bet is don’t get dragged. Second best, keep that box cutter in your pocket early because you’re too pretty to be rolling through the mud. Number three, always keep AAA!
DEAR WOMAN,
To think that your heart will never get broken is foolish.
I mean honestly,
how many things have you ever gotten it right on the 1st try?
I bet you don’t even remember.
I bet you do remember that one thing you never quit doing until you got it right.
Right? Exactly.
Look, the truth is, nobody knows a damn thing about love until we’re knee deep in it with the wrong person.
So the question isn’t, “Will you get your heart broken?”
The question is, “What are you going to do after?”
The only 2 things you have on this Earth are your heart and hope.
To give them away is foolish.
To lose them is a sin.
They say learn from your mistakes,
not live with them.
“RAINBOWS”
“One More Time”
I knew she was in trouble when the first thing she said to me was, “I don’t want to fall in love ever again.” It wasn’t so much the look on her face or the tone of her voice that made me nervous. It was when I looked into her eyes and saw that, beneath her lashes, were tears. There were enough tears that as soon as I gave her my shoulder, I could place a bucket beneath our feet to catch the pain. She never cried when she was with him. So when she finally let it out, it was for every text message to his phone from a “friend” at 2am that disrupted both her sleep and her sense of security. It was for every girl that walked past her in the mall and stared just a little too hard, whose body language whispered, “I know something that you don’t.” The saddest part is not that he let her down, but that she held him up so high in the first place. She never asked him to be perfect, just loyal. Loyalty to a boy that doesn’t know its definition or her worth, is like asking for Chick-Fil-A on a Sunday. No matter how strong the desire may be, some things are just beyond your control.
To make matters worse, after she dried her eyes, she asked me a question. She said, “Am I wrong if I still love him?” I replied that love is a feeling that transcends even the people you have it for. It’s the understanding of the definition and applying it to a person, in hopes that the two of you share its responsibilities and its expectations. After that, it becomes an agreement to execute its duties equally. In other words, love is an action word. If there are no actions that can prove the word, then the word itself is just a word.
I asked her why she still loved him. She replied to me that they have been together for years. I told her that when the slaves where finally freed, many of them never left the plantation, not because they didn’t know they were free, but because freedom comes with a responsibility to walk away from everything you knew—the second you knew it didn’t deserve you.
She told me that by the way I was speaking I couldn’t have ever been in love before. I told her love is a road you travel down from the day you are born until the day you die. Every person you meet is an intersection. Some just cross your path; others go along for the ride. If every time someone decided that they no longer wanted to walk this path with you and you decided to follow them, instead of getting to your destination, then you will forever be lost.
Then she asked, “How many times can you get knocked down before you stay down?” From the pain in her voice, you could tell that this wasn’t the first man she had given her heart to who didn’t know what to do with it. I told her that all she has to do is stand up one more time. Heal one more time. Try loving again one more. That’s all it takes: one more time. You’ve got to be willing to invest in love, with the same amount you did the first time. Every time. Love is a gamble, but all it takes is for you to place your bet one more time, and you’ll be rich forever.
DEAR WOMAN,
Sometimes you bite off more than you can chew.
Your eyes become bigger than your stomach.
You knew he was out of your league from the beginning.
You decided to lace up your sneakers and play anyway.
Now you’re mad that you lost at a game you didn’t have any business playing in the first place.
You were just tired of sitting on benches.
When you don’t stretch before you play,
you might not feel it during the game,
but the next morning, you might not be able to make it out of bed.
Before you know it,
you can’t even manage to get them out of your head.
It’s funny because if you would have used your head in the beginning,
you wouldn’t have even been put in this situation.
You dove head first into a pool you couldn’t see the bottom of.
After you got hurt, you blamed him for not being deep enough for you.
Yet, you couldn’t even be responsible enough to check the writing on the wall or the side of the pool.
The funny thing about leading with your heart is that if doesn’t work,
it’s going to be the first thing that gets hurt.
Just because the ball is in your court, doesn’t mean you have to shoot.
You can’t love a player but hate the game.
You can’t expect to beat a professional if you’re so new you’re still just a number without a name.
Now you’re trying to convince yourself it was his fault.
When you stick your hand in a lion’s cage, you lose all control of what happens after.
The scariest part about love is leaving your heart in someone else’s hands.
Understanding that to do it the right way,
you must give up all control.
So, if you wouldn’t give your child to any sitter,
your car to any mechanic,
or the keys to your apartment to someone you’re not sure will leave it just the way they found it, treat love like it’s your last dollar.
If they don’t value your investment enough to turn into $2,
make sure they respect you enough to give your $1 back to you.
You two are either going to get married or break up.
The only question is when?
Summer is going to turn into winter.
One year is going to turn into four.
The top drawer in each other’s dresser
Is going to turn into a 12 month lease,
The cable in your name,
The electric in his,
And a 2-year-old baby girl.
Then,
One day you’ll wake up, roll over
Look him dead in the eye
And realize that this whole time,
You were settling.
DEAR WOMAN,
There comes a point in every man’s life when he finally “gets it.”
Some take months, some take years. All feel like forever.
You just have to ask yourself if he’s worth taking the ride with.
Sometimes it’s the one that has made you cry already
that cares the most about sparing your tears.
There comes a point in every man’s life when he understands
that it’s not about being “the man”; it’s about being “a man.”
It’s up to you to believe him.
It’s up to you to decide what it is you need to fix you.
Do you need love or do you need him?
After you’ve figured that out,
and he’s still an option,
the only question is, are you willing to give him the opportunity?
If there’s still love there, I say go for it.
Love is like college,
what good is going through all these tests, if you can’t one day walk across the stage and have something to show for it?
If you keep switching majors, a lot of the credits you’ve earned aren’t going to transfer.
If the pain is too much for you to deal with, that’s ok.
While he may not deserve an opportunity,
the least you can do is give him an answer.
DEAR WOMAN,
I need you to promise me something.
Promise me that you will never leave your heart
in the palms of a man
who has not made his purpose for you clearer than your grandmother’s bathroom window.
Promise me that who you love
will never be more important than the love you have for yourself.
You cannot give shelter to others,
if you do not have a home of your own.
Promise me that you won’t settle.
No matter how little your job pays,
no matter how small your apartment is.
You are one good man away from being treated like a queen.
No matter where on Earth your castle is,
and despite every man who ever broke your heart—
may their Karma and your peace,
be God allowing them the pleasure
of receiving front row tickets to your rebirth.
“RESTAURANT WEEK”
“Variety is the spice of life!”
What’s your favorite food? Not to cook, but if you were to go to a restaurant, what is your meal of choice? Mine would be Fettuccini Alfredo, extra Alfredo sauce with salmon and shrimp (Thank me later). Anyway, in Philadelphia, twice a year they have this thing called, “Restaurant Week.” It’s when some of the more exclusive and more expensive restaurants in the city open their doors and slash their price so that people who otherwise couldn’t afford or didn’t know they existed, have an opportunity to try something different. Last summer, I participated. Sort of. I did go to places I never heard of to eat. But, guess what I ended up ordering? Yup, salmon and shrimp Alfredo. No matter what restaurant I went to, that’s what I ordered. I didn’t need to see the menu. I didn’t care what your specialty was. I don’t want to know what the soup or the fish of the day was or what the person I was with got the last time they were here. I had a tunnel vision appetite. It didn’t bother me though. It was what I wanted. It was my money I was spending, so it was what I got.
Why that? It was the first thing that I got that I really liked, so I stuck with it. I actually stuck with it for a long time. I became oblivious to everything else.
I wouldn’t go to a restaurant if I knew they didn’t serve it. It wasn’t until I went to an Italian restaurant that didn’t serve Alfredo that my life changed, and I realized how foolish of a mistake I was making. Being forced to step outside of that comfort zone changed my appetite and my life. I fell in love with Chicken Parmesan.
So today I’m going to challenge you to step outside of your comfort zone. Sometimes in love people operate the same way as they do with their food. Assuming you’re single, think about the last 3 men you dated. Ask yourself a question and be honest with yourself:
Did you really date three different men, or did you go to three different restaurants and order the same food?
Finding out what you like in a man is a process. It usually has to do with the first man that you really fall for. Nine times out of ten, it didn’t work with him because it is so difficult to meet someone so early on and you two grow old together. After the breakup most people usually put the blame on the guy, which in this case would be the restaurant, instead of the food, which would be what you’re looking for in a guy. It really puts you in a tough position.
You had this one guy that kind of set the table for what you thought you wanted in a man. So you travel the world trying to find that taste again, hoping that you can get the same Alfredo just from a different place. So like I was, you become ignorant to all the other types of possibilities of food that you can experience. Biggest mistake you can ever make. Why? Exposure to different things can put you in different places. All you have to do is be willing to try something different. The reason I use food as an example is because it really doesn’t cost you anything. There is no long term commitment with dating a different guy, just like there isn’t with trying a different dish. You don’t like it, you don’t have to finish it. You don’t have to take it back home with you, and you don’t have to ever go back there again. You almost can’t lose. Some things you just know to stay away from, both with food and men. So if you’re allergic to shellfish, don’t eat seafood. If you’re not a fan of flashy or overly sensitive guys really aren’t your thing, that’s totally fine. Just don’t limit yourself.
The reason why you might not be able to find true love is because you keep looking for the same version of an old love. There are so many different types of men out here. Good men. Great men. You just have to be willing to say, “You know what, surprise me!” You never know, this could be the best meal you’ve ever tasted, but you’ll never know if you never try it.
EVERY WOMAN LOVES SOMETHING
JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE THAN SHE SHOULD.
FOR SOME WOMEN, IT’S CHOCOLATE.
FOR SOME WOMEN, IT’S SOME MAN.
WHEN IN DOUBT, GO WITH THE CHOCOLATE.
DEAR WOMAN,
Don’t spoil your dinner
Remember when your mother wouldn’t let you eat junk food while she was making dinner?
But you were just so hungry, so impatient
You just wanted something to eat right away.
Love is the same way.
Just like good food, good love takes time.
Where a lot of people mess up is not being willing to wait.
No good food comes prepared.
No person comes into your life perfectly fit for you.
Once you’ve figured out what you have a taste for, gotten all your ingredients, and started cooking, be patient and let your food cook.
In other words, let your love grow to a point where it can feed you.
Now you can spoil it with that bag of Doritos if you want to.
But remember why you started cooking dinner in the first place.
No one could ever survive on just junk food.
“NEW GENERATION, NEW WOMAN”
“When the times change, so must the people.”
Sometimes women get caught up in the fairytales, even though those stories were written a long time ago. It’s a new day as far as relationships are concerned. With a new day, women have to adopt new understandings about how the process of love works.
The days of a man knocking on the door of your parents’ house, telling you that he had a place of his own and how he couldn’t think of anyone else that he wanted to come home to barefoot and pregnant, besides you, are over. You can blame the feminist movement for saying their shouldn’t be gender roles, so now men can be stay-at-home dads and women can work 50-60 hours a week, or you can blame it on the economy and inflation and say that a family can’t survive with only one income anymore. These days, both spouses need to be working every day in order to maintain at least some sort of decent living situation. If you don’t have a clue what I’m talking about right now, that’s okay. We’ll not really—if you don’t have a clue, you should really Google: feminism, gender roles and inflation at some point in the next 30 days. Things can be put even simpler by saying, most of these men don’t have homes of their own, compounded by the fact that most of these women are more lost in the kitchen than watching sports.
No matter how you slice it, stuff has changed. Most of it not in a good way either. I don’t want to rain on your parade, but I would be lying if I told you that you should just keep being patient, and the right man is going to come into your life on a white with horse, keys to some big mansion in tow, and he’s going to pay off all your student loans, fix your credit, give you an endless supply of Mac cosmetics, bundles of hair and will always want to take selfies, so you can post pictures every Monday and Wednesday. That doesn’t even sound possible. The longer you wait for prince charming, you’ll be looking like Queen Elizabeth by the time he gets here.
It’s safe
to safe that you’re going to have to be your own superhero. You’re going to have to get your own place, cook your own food, fix your own bathroom sink and still be able to get cute in the mirror. It’s hard to have these old school expectations with this new generation of guys. Life used to start for a woman when they moved in with their husband. You can wait on that if you want to. I recommend that you get that party started by yourself. Then, if you meet a guy and he’s halfway decent, you just invite him over and tell him to bring the ice.
“You don’t not need a man to come and save your day. Just one who wants to be your favorite part of it.”
That’s your best bet. If not, you’ll be twirling your thumbs waiting for Superman to come rescue you, but he’s bringing ice to Wonder Woman’s house.
DEAR WOMAN,
What if I told you that every morning you wake up a virgin all over again? Would you still be so anxious to get undressed
45 minutes after the sun sets
with a man who knows what your body looks like without clothes,
but has no desire to see you “naked.”
If all the conversations are about coming and going,
you’ll never arrive.
If the only thing that’s getting fed is your body,
you’ll never survive.
If you get on your knees more than he does, you’ll never be a bride.
If the only time he gives you life is when he gives you pipe,
no matter how deep he plunges, this situation is still full of waste.
Friends last longer than lovers
because sex without love is just exercise.
It’s time for you to exercise your right to be done with all the foolishness.
You’re worth the wait, no matter how long you take.
Find the one who wants to mix ingredients instead of just being greedy and wanting a slice of your cake.