I’d been hoping to run into him, but he hadn’t been around as much lately. I went upstairs to see what I could find out.
“Is Caleb home?” I asked Maura.
She shook her head. “I caught him as he was leaving for Veronica’s. He said he was going to spend the night there. He wanted to tell me so I wouldn’t worry. He’s so considerate.”
My stomach sank as I tried to seem nonchalant. “Oh. Okay. He doesn’t normally do that—spend the night there.”
“I know. Things must be getting serious between them.” Maura cocked her head. “How do you feel about that?”
“How am I supposed to feel?” I responded defensively. “Why would I feel anything about that?”
“You and he seem to get along really well. I just wondered if maybe you...”
When she hesitated, I finished her sentence. “If I have feelings for him?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, he’s obviously a very handsome guy. And I don’t know… Ever since that night I walked out and found you two making s’mores, I’ve thought there might be…something there.”
My mouth welded itself shut. I sure as hell didn’t want to admit to Maura that I had a crush on Caleb. But I feared denying it would somehow make it more obvious. So I said nothing. I was really good at that.
“You have always resisted opening up to me,” she said. “There’s not much I can do to change that because the more I try, the more you retreat. But I want to remind you again that I am on your side. You can tell me anything, and I’ll listen, Teagan. I didn’t bring Caleb up to embarrass you. I just sense something between you and thought maybe you would want to talk about it. I know it’s none of my business. You’re nineteen now—an adult. At the very least, if you won’t let me be your mother, let me be your friend.”
There was no reason I had to keep shutting Maura out. I just didn’t know how to let her in.
“I’m sorry, Maura. It’s me, not you.”
“I’ve been worried about you,” she admitted.
Because of Caleb? “Why?”
“I feel like you might be harboring your emotions since the attack. Are you sure you don’t want me to find you a therapist?”
Oh. “If I were going to go to a therapist, I probably should have gone a long time ago for reasons other than what happened in the theater. I really am okay.”
I didn’t understand why I hadn’t been more traumatized by the attack. I’d had one good cry that night—the night Caleb walked in on me sobbing—but I hadn’t experienced anything like it since. Lately I’d mostly been thinking about Caleb, wondering if he was okay, because he’d seemed to be avoiding me since the night he told me about his sister. He’d canceled our last study session for no real reason. I missed hanging out with him but also recognized that my feelings were dangerous.
I needed to end this conversation. “Thank you for always being there, Maura. I know you mean well. And I’m sorry if I come across as unappreciative.”
“I just want you to be happy, Teagan. You’re at a tough age. As long as you know you can come to me about anything...”
“I do. Thank you.”
***
Later that night, Caleb texted, which was odd considering he was sleeping over at Veronica’s.
Caleb: So, when you imagined Maura choking on a chicken bone, was it barbecue or perhaps a buffalo wing?
Oh my God.
Teagan: I was hoping you didn’t remember that admission.
Caleb: I remember everything. So you’re out of luck.
Teagan: Great.
Caleb: So was it buffalo? Maybe some bleu cheese on the side?
Teagan: Teriyaki. LOL
A few seconds later he responded.
Caleb: Sorry I haven’t been around to study lately.
Teagan: Excuses. Excuses.
Caleb: I’ll get back on track this coming week.
My stomach did a little dip at the prospect.
Teagan: What are you doing right now?
Caleb: Veronica’s sleeping and I’m bored. Figured I’d taunt you.
Teagan: Why aren’t you sleeping?
Caleb: Why aren’t YOU sleeping?
Teagan: I had two cups of coffee after dinner.
Caleb: I’m just wired for no reason.
He texted again before I had a chance to respond.
Caleb: I also wanted to say thank you for listening the other night.
Teagan: I was worried that maybe you were avoiding me because you felt ashamed or something.
Caleb: That’s not it. I guess I just needed some time. I know the second I look at you, I’ll start to feel some of those emotions again. Because now you know, and there’s no hiding from it. It’s complicated, I guess. I needed a few days.
The confirmation that he’d been intentionally staying away made me a little sad, but I understood.
Teagan: I get it.
Caleb: I’ve missed studying with you.
I wanted to slap my own face for feeling tingly. I liked hearing that. Once again proof that I couldn’t control my feelings—about a guy who viewed me like a sister. Then I started to overanalyze. It hit me that maybe he liked me because I reminded him of what it would have been like if his sister were alive. She was younger than him. So was I.
I wished I could see him as a brother. It would make things much less complicated. I hated feeling jealous over his sleeping at Veronica’s. But I couldn’t help it.
Caleb: How’s the internship going?
Teagan: I have a new task at the aquarium, but I’m reluctant to tell you about it.
Caleb: Why?
Teagan: Because you’ll laugh at me.
Caleb: I promise I won’t. Tell me.
Just typing the words made me laugh.
Teagan: I have to dress up as a dolphin and give out tickets to the dolphin show.
He didn’t immediately respond. So I typed again.
Teagan: Stop laughing. You said you wouldn’t.
The little dots danced around as I waited for his response.
Caleb: It turns out laughing is involuntary.
Teagan: Sigh.
Caleb: I must come see this.
Teagan: Please don’t.
Caleb: You’re a good sport.
Teagan: I have no choice!
Caleb: You could have fought it. But I’m certain you went with the flow.
I’d been accused of hiding my femininity. But I now knew that nothing makes you feel less feminine than a furry dolphin suit. I definitely didn’t have to worry about getting hit on at work now.
I decided to send him a photo my co-worker had snapped of me in the costume.
Teagan: I figured I’d save you the trip.
About a minute passed. Then he responded.
Caleb: I think I nearly woke Veronica up. That is hysterical.
Teagan: Glad I could make you smile.
Caleb: You always make me smile, even when you’re not dressed in a ridiculous costume.
I wanted to strangle my heart for beating so fast. My own opinion of myself didn’t line up with that.
Teagan: Why do I make you smile? In general, I’m a pretty miserable person.
I waited forever for his response.
Caleb: I don’t buy that. You like to keep to yourself, but that doesn’t make you miserable. When you do smile, it’s genuine. A genuine smile is worth more than a thousand fake ones. You’re not capable of being disingenuous.
He clearly saw something in me that I didn’t.
Teagan: What about you? How often are your smiles real? How often do you pretend?
Caleb: I’ve pretended less since arriving here.
Caleb: And I’ve never pretended around you.
My heart fluttered.
Teagan: I’m glad.
Caleb: I’m not sure I want to go home, but I know I have to. My mind doesn’t wander as much to dark places here.
He’d only been here a few months, but the idea of Caleb leaving already made me anxious. He
made me feel less alone, like there was finally someone in this house who understood me a little.
Teagan: My mind wanders to dark places, too.
After several seconds of nothing, he responded again.
Caleb: Tell me your darkest thought, and I’ll tell you mine. Murky waters are less scary to navigate when not alone.
I didn’t have to think about it. My darkest thought was recurring.
Teagan: My darkest thought is that my mother was right—that she shouldn’t have had me. Whenever I feel out of place or detached from everything around me, I think maybe that’s because I wasn’t supposed to be here.
I could see he was typing something.
Caleb: Our darkest thoughts have a similar theme. Mine is that I wish with all of my heart and soul that it had been me who climbed into that chest instead of Emma. So, you and I are two people who wonder whether we belong here. We have that in common.
Wow. I guess we do.
Teagan: I definitely feel less alone since you arrived.
I hadn’t intended to be so candid. I wished I could take it back until his response.
Caleb: You’re not the only one, Teagan.
CHAPTER TEN
* * *
CALEB
It was about seven in the evening, just before dinner. I’d been looking forward to spending my first night back at the house in a few days and resuming my study sessions with Teagan tonight.
The doorbell rang, and Maura went to answer it. Then I heard my name being uttered by someone with a British accent. I went downstairs to check things out, and the sight of my friend from the UK standing in the doorway nearly knocked the wind out of me.
What the hell is he doing here?
Archie spotted me at the top of the stairwell and held his hands out wide. “Surprise!”
I ran down the stairs. “What’s going on? Why are you here?”
“It’s good to see you, too, mate.”
Maura smiled wide, probably thinking this was a pleasant surprise. It really wasn’t. This was weird.
“I’m just shocked. You didn’t tell me you were coming.”
“I know. It was supposed to be a surprise. Your mum gave me the address. I applied for a three-month work assignment here in the States and wasn’t sure if I was going to get it. I finally got confirmation a couple of weeks ago. And here I am.”
“Who’s this nice young man, Caleb?” Maura asked.
He answered before I had the chance. “I’m Caleb’s best friend, Archie.”
Best friend? That was a bit of a stretch. Archie and I had known each other since childhood, yes. But I’d never referred to him as my best friend. I had a friend back home called Charlie who’d always been given that distinction. Archie was more of a person who always happened to be in close proximity, one I couldn’t get rid of—sort of like a wart.
“You must stay for dinner,” Maura said.
Archie looked between Maura and me. “Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.”
Sure, you don’t.
***
Everyone gathered at the table for Maura’s famous spaghetti and meatballs.
I’d just walked into the dining room with Archie after showing him my room and the rest of the house.
“Nice to meet you, Archie,” Shelley said before I had a chance to introduce him to anyone.
“Who’s this lovely lady?” he asked.
“This is my pseudo-sister, Shelley,” I said before looking over at Teagan, who was already seated. “And this is…Teagan.” I didn’t know what Teagan was to me at the moment, just that she meant a lot more than she had when I first moved in.
Teagan nodded and smiled but didn’t bother to get up or extend her hand. Typical Teagan—guarded and aloof, just how I’d grown to like her. Especially now. I was perfectly fine with her keeping her guard up around this guy. I didn’t want Archie anywhere near her.
Once we were situated in our seats, Maura began asking him questions. The friendly inquisition reminded me a bit of my first night here.
“So tell me about what brings you to Boston, Archie.”
“I graduated from uni last year and got a job working for a biomedical company. We have a client here in Boston. It’s a three-month assignment to help them with the design of a new product.” He looked over at me. “I was really hoping to get it since I knew my mate was here.”
Lorne spoke with a mouthful of pasta. “Where are you staying?”
“Well, my company gave me a stipend, but I’m still trying to work that out. It’s not easy to find something for only a few months. I’d arranged to rent a room from a girl in Dorchester, but she’s having trouble getting her previous occupant out.”
Maura shook her head. “Nonsense. We have an extra bedroom upstairs. It’s just wasting away as my sewing room. You can stay free of charge and keep the stipend.”
I loved Maura, but right now I sort of wanted to kill her—with a chicken bone, perhaps.
Archie looked like a kid on Christmas morning. “Are you sure?”
“You’re a friend of Caleb’s, so you come preapproved, right?”
He turned to me. “That okay with you, Caleb?”
What am I supposed to say? “Yes, of course,” I offered reluctantly.
He looked back over at Maura. “This is amazing. I can’t thank you enough.”
I sighed internally. Being in the States was my escape from home and all of the people there. Archie had blown in here like an unwanted storm. He’d stolen a bit of peace I might never get back.
“So how long have you guys been friends?” Shelley asked.
“We grew up on the same street,” Archie answered. “Lived near each other our whole lives.”
Which was precisely why I didn’t need to be living with him now. I took a deep breath. It wasn’t that I perceived Archie as an enemy. But he was always competitive, constantly trying to upstage me. If my mother enrolled me in a sport, he’d have his mum sign him up for the same team, and then he’d outperform me. It seemed anywhere I went, I couldn’t escape him. And the current situation was no different.
“So I bet you could tell us some fun stories about our boy Caleb.” Maura winked.
“I’ve got some photos from our childhood I could certainly blackmail Caleb with, particularly our tap dancing days.”
Great. Here we go.
Teagan cracked a smile. Figures she’d light right up with that one.
I felt the need to explain. “Archie’s mother was a dance instructor. She always complained that there weren’t enough boys enrolled in the tap classes. She asked my mother if I’d be interested in classes free of charge. My mum thought it was a brilliant idea, so she registered me. Archie’s mum enrolled him, too. So there you go.”
Shelley’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head. “You tap danced? I have got to see this.”
Archie winked. “That can be arranged.”
Teagan, while still quiet, looked more amused than ever.
Archie noticed her softening up and took it as his cue to start talking to her. “Teagan, where do you go to school?”
“I go to Northern with Caleb.”
“Ah. Okay. So obviously you chose not to go too far for university.”
“I considered moving for school, but in the end, Boston just has so many great options, and to not have to worry about paying for housing—this situation made the most sense.”
Archie’s eyes moved down to her chest, and my pulse raced. Teagan was wearing an open plaid shirt with a black tank top underneath. A tiny amount of cleavage peeked through the top. A mole that sat right between her breasts entered my awareness for the first time ever. Of all nights for her to show the most skin I’d ever seen, it had to be tonight?
“I’d love for you to show me around the city one day...since you grew up here,” Archie said. “You probably know where the action is better than my mate here.”
I felt my blood pressure rise. He certainly wasn’t wasting any time trying to
get into Teagan’s pants.
She paused, seeming unsure whether to agree. Then she shrugged. “Sure.”
Archie looked over at Maura. “Again, I can’t thank you enough for the offer to stay here.”
“My mom loves to rent rooms to strangers,” Shelley said.
“Don’t misinterpret that,” Maura said with a laugh. “They have to come carefully vetted. But if we have the space, why not? This city is full of international students and people passing through who need a place to stay.” She smiled. “Anyway, you’re not a stranger like some of the people who have rented a room here.”
“It used to be stray cats. Now it’s stray people,” Lorne cracked.
Archie smiled. “Meow?”
Everyone laughed except me.
The comfort level I’d found here, the feeling that I’d somehow stepped into an oasis away from England, was over. But my hands were tied. What was I supposed to tell Maura? To renege on her offer, because even though Archie and I were friends, he irked me? I couldn’t put her in that position. She’d already offered him a room. He’d already accepted. So now my job was making sure he didn’t lay a hand on Teagan.
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