Catnapped!

by Gareth P. Jones

  “Don’t you like music?” she asked.

  “No, I don’t.”

  “Don’t dragons have songs?”

  “Oh yes, we have songs all right,” Dirk said grimly. “But for dragons, music isn’t for fun. It’s the deadliest weapon of all.”

  “Oh,” said Holly. “Remind me never to go to a dragon disco.”

  “Very funny,” said Dirk, not sounding at all amused. “Come on, there are some stairs coming up.”

  They continued walking until they came to the top of a flight of stairs, which they took downwards. At the bottom was a small stone room. Holly followed Dirk in.

  “Hold on to me,” he said. “And don’t be scared.”

  She started to say that she wasn’t scared but got as far as “I’m not sc—” before she was cut short by a strange growling, muttering noise, syncopated by clicks and barks. Before she could ask what it was, she realized that the noise was coming from Dirk. He was talking but not in a language that she had ever heard before. This, she supposed, was Dragonspeak. Before she could begin to wonder who he might be talking to, she felt her stomach lurch. The room was moving downwards. She grabbed on to Dirk and shone the torch at the doorway. The stairs had vanished, replaced by a solid stone wall, rushing past.

  “It’s a lift,” she said.

  “Of sorts, yes,” replied Dirk as the room took them deeper and deeper into the bowels of the earth.

  “Where will it take us?”

  “To Karnataka.”

  “What’s Karnataka?” The constant motion of the lift was making her feel sick.

  “Who, not what.”

  “Who’s Karnataka then?”

  “Well, until a few days ago, Karnataka was the only other London-based dragon that I was aware of. Only he lives deep down here, underneath the city. He’s a Shade-Hugger so not a big fan of sunlight.”

  “And why are we going to see him?”

  “Because he doesn’t just keep his ear to the ground. Karnataka lives in the ground. If an earthworm so much as wriggles on the other side of London, Karnataka knows about it.”

  The room stopped moving. Holly pointed the torch out of the doorway and saw that they had arrived at a large, dimly lit tunnel in front of a giant door carved in the shape of a dragon’s head, with a huge ring through its nose. The air tasted stale and humid. She followed Dirk out of the lift towards the door. He jumped up, grabbed the huge metal ring between his teeth, pulled it back and let it go. The bang reverberated off the rocks, echoing seemingly forever into the darkness. With a painful creak the door edged open. Dirk entered, followed by Holly, desperately trying to feel brave.

  On the other side of the door was a great hall. Along each wall were giant stone pillars, carved into the shapes of various creatures, each one more terrible and ferocious-looking than the last. Some were dragons, like Dirk, others more serpent than dragon, or strange half-breeds like a cockerel crossed with a snake, or half cockroach, half vulture.

  Each figure sat upright with its mouth wide open, and from each mouth a constant jet of bright red fire lit the great hall.

  “Wow,” said Holly. “Karnataka must be fairly important to live here.”

  “You mistake important with ostentatious,” replied Dirk.

  “What does ostentatious mean?” asked Holly.

  “He’s a show-off,” said Dirk.

  The fire from the pillars died away and a booming voice spoke, each syllable emphasized by a burst of flame from the statues’ mouths. “Who dares enter the hall of Karnataka?”

  “It’s me, Dirk Dilly,” Dirk replied.

  “And what does Dirk Dilly want that he dares to disturb the great Karnataka at his humble home?”

  Holly stared into the darkness. Two large red eyes watched them.

  “Information,” said Dirk.

  “And what payment do you have for me?” said the eyes.

  Dirk pointed at Holly. “I bring the sweetest human produce of all,” he said.

  The eyes reddened with greed, the lights dimmed and then vanished altogether. Holly looked desperately at Dirk but he was staring straight ahead. The room was filled with the sound of echoing footsteps, charging towards her. Holly turned to run but felt a great weight land heavily on her back. She fell forwards.

  “Get off me, get off me!” she yelled, kicking and screaming. “I’m not your payment.”

  “Payment?” said a high nasal voice. “Just give me the liquorice and no one will get hurt.”

  Holly felt something reach in her pockets and pull out the bags of liquorice that Dirk had given her earlier, and then she was free again. She jumped to her feet and the lights flared up, revealing a dragon with a dark brown back and caramel-coloured underbelly, greedily throwing the sweets into its mouth and munching happily.

  “Sorry,” said Dirk to Holly. “Karny likes his grand introductions.”

  “You could have warned me,” said Holly. “I thought he was going to eat me.”

  “I keep telling you, dragons don’t eat meat.”

  “Yes, but—”

  Karnataka looked up from his sweets. “What are you doing bringing a human down here, Dirk?” he whined. “You’ve finally lost it. You know the rules. You know what would happen. You’re risking enough with all that detective nonsense as it is. If you’re not careful, you’ll be sent down.”

  “What happened to your voice?” asked Holly.

  “Oh, that?” said Karnataka. “I was just using a voice echo device. It’s good for scaring away unwanted guests. That and the red-eye projector. You like the flames? The flames are new,” he added excitedly.

  “Oh yes,” said Holly. “I thought the flames were terrific. Really scary.”

  “You see,” said Karnataka to Dirk. “I told you the flames were worth it. Scary, she said.”

  “I didn’t come down here to discuss your Wizard of Oz complex, Karny. I came here for information.”

  “Sure thing,” said Karnataka, throwing the last of the liquorice sweets up in the air and catching it in his mouth. “That stuff really is the best. What can I do for you? Just name it. You have me at your disposal.”

  “What have you got on a V Grandin?”

  Holly had never seen a face lose so much colour in so little time. Karnataka’s yellow eyes whitened and he looked furtively from side to side as though suddenly aware that they were being watched. “I’m … s-s-sorry,” stammered the dragon. “I’ve never heard of anyone with that name. I’m afraid I can’t be of any more help. Thanks for the liquorice.” He turned around and ran back into the darkness.

  Holly and Dirk looked at each other.

  “Bingo,” said Dirk and he walked slowly forwards.

  “Come on, Karny!” Dirk called into the darkness. “Play the game. You got your liquorice.”

  Once again, the large red eyes appeared and the deep voice echoed around the hall. “The great dragon Karnataka is not in at the moment,” it said. “But please leave a message after the tone and he’ll be sure to get back to you. Beeep!”

  “Karny.” There was a taunting quality to Dirk’s voice. “You can’t hide from me.”

  Holly walked by Dirk’s side as he approached the eyes. She had stopped being scared of them now as she could see that they were in fact two glowing lights attached to a funnel, into which Karnataka was talking.

  “Karnataka forbids you to take one step further,” said the voice with a hint of panic.

  Dirk winked at Holly and walked around the strange device. Behind it was Karnataka, shaking with terror.

  “You are trespassing!” the voice boomed. “Trespass not against me or I—”

  “Boo!” said Dirk in Karnataka’s ear, causing the dragon to jump a metre in the air.

  “Leave me alone,” he said in his normal highpitched voice.

  “Come on,” said Dirk. “Do I have to force you?”

  “Dirk. I can’t. I don’t know anything.”

  “Is that right?” said Dirk. “Then let’s change
the subject. How about … say, the Dragon Council’s Welsh gold reserves. Know anything about them?”

  A fresh look of panic crossed Karnataka’s face. “You wouldn’t,” he said. “You can’t prove anything.”

  “The Council aren’t too fussy about proof. Remember what happened to poor Elsinor?”

  “You leave my brother out of this.”

  “They didn’t have much proof on him, did they? And I’m sure they’d be interested to know how you can afford all this stuff,” Dirk said, pointing at the rows of giant sculptures.

  “All right,” said Karnataka, bowing his head in defeat. “But not in front of the human.”

  “She’s with me,” said Dirk. “Whatever you have to say to me you can say in front of her.”

  “But you know the rules.”

  “Since when have you cared so much about the rules?” Dirk challenged.

  “Stealing a bit of gold is one thing, but breaching the forbidden divide is … well, that’s just silly.”

  Dirk bristled. “Don’t call me silly,” he snarled. “She’s only a kid. She doesn’t really count. Just tell me what you know.”

  “All right,” said Karnataka, walking out from behind the funnel into the hallway. Dirk and Holly followed. He stopped between two statues, one of a two-headed serpent and the other a giant snake-like creature with the head of a lion and two enormous wings. He turned around and in a low whisper uttered the words, “Vainclaw Grandin.”

  “Should I know him?” asked Dirk.

  “It’s better if you don’t. It’s safer if you don’t. Vainclaw is a Mountain Dragon, like yourself. Only bigger, older and a whole lot meaner.”

  “I can be pretty mean,” said Dirk.

  “Don’t I know it… But you don’t even come close to Vainclaw. They say he drinks the blood of other dragons in order to steal their powers. This is the dragon who testified against Minertia and made sure that she was banished to the Inner Core. Get in his way, you’re dragon ash. I hear rumours all the time but his name is always whispered. They say he’s got followers too.”

  “Followers?” said Dirk.

  Holly didn’t know what they were talking about but from the tone that they were both speaking in she could tell that it was deadly serious.

  Karnataka glanced around again and said, “They call him the first up-airer, Dirk.”

  “You’re not suggesting that he’s planning—”

  “I don’t know,” Karnataka interrupted him. “But you know what they’re calling his followers? The Kinghorns. They’re back, Dirk. They’re back.”

  “They’ve got something in the Thames.”

  “What kind of something?”

  “Something that knocks you out if you bite into it.”

  “I’ll do some digging,” replied Karnataka.

  “Do that,” said Dirk. “I’ll bring the liquorice.”

  “Thanks. Don’t worry about the coconut ones next time. They give me terrible wind.”

  Dirk turned to Holly and said, “It’s time we left.” He thanked Karnataka for the information and told him what would happen if he mentioned seeing Dirk with a human to anyone – which involved a mouthful of fire and the softer, squidgier parts of Karnataka’s anatomy.

  Holly said goodbye to the dragon and they exited through the great doors, which shut quickly behind them. They entered the small room and Dirk made a strange noise again, which caused the lift to make its way back up towards the surface.

  Making his way across the roofs of London with Holly on his back, under the purplish night sky, Dirk said, “We need to get you home. Your parents will be worried.”

  “They think I’m in my room. I left the radio on and they know not to enter my room without my permission.”

  “Still, it’s getting late,” said Dirk.

  Under the cover of darkness Dirk travelled quickly and it wasn’t long before he was perched on the roof across the street from Holly’s house.

  “You think it’s a dragon in the Thames?” asked Holly.

  “There are bigger, scarier and older things than dragons in the world,” replied Dirk. “I don’t know what they’ve got.”

  “And what’s an up-airer? Who are the Kinghorns? Who is Minertia?” asked Holly. “And what was all that about—”

  “Tomorrow,” interrupted Dirk. “It’s late and it’s a long story.”

  “Shall I come to the office?”

  “You should be at school. They’ll get suspicious.”

  “They’ll get more suspicious if I do turn up. Tomorrow’s Saturday.”

  “OK then. Come to the office at that time when both hands are pointing up.”

  “Twelve o’clock?”

  “That’s the one. And bring something warm to wear and binoculars if you have them.”

  “OK. I’ll borrow my dad’s.”

  Dirk jumped to Holly’s roof. A voice on the radio said, “We’re talking about the ongoing mystery of the missing cats. Where do you think they’ve gone?”

  “Is that your window below us?” Dirk asked.

  “Yes,” replied Holly.

  “Hang on,” he said, flapping his wings, lifting them off the roof and lowering them down level with Holly’s open window. Dirk backed up a little and Holly climbed into the room.

  “See you tomorrow,” she said. “Remember to feed Willow. Her food is in the bottom desk drawer.”

  “Like I have any choice,” said Dirk and he flew back to the safety of the roof.

  The DJ was saying, “One man with a theory is behavioural animal psychologist Doctor Gustav Gunter. And Doctor Gunter joins us now.”

  “Hello, Peter,” said a second voice.” As you know I have dedicated my life to ze scientific study of ze feline form and have known for many years ze truth zat cats are in fact alien beings from outer space sent to spy on us. Zey are simply going home now.”

  “Fascinating. Spy on us for what reason, Doctor Gunter?”

  “I do not know. Zey may have been sent by a giant master cat planning on attacking Earth. However, zis is merely speculation. We cannot be sure as to their motives.”

  “Right, a giant master cat, eh? I wonder what colour it would be…”

  “Most likely, it would be a ginger cat,” replied the doctor.

  Dirk headed back to the office where he sat by the window, knocking back orange squash on the rocks, blowing smoke shapes and reluctantly stroking the cat until he fell asleep with Willow purring away on his soft, green belly.

  The next day, while most of London went about its usual Saturday business, Dirk and Holly travelled across the city’s rooftops under a grey and featureless sky.

  “Are we going back to the warehouse?” asked Holly.

  “No,” replied Dirk. “Today we’re going to find out exactly how many dragons we’re up against.”

  “How do we do that?”

  “Hold on. This bit is tricky.”

  They were on a rooftop of a building next to a busy rail interchange. Six tracks carried trains in and out of the station, while echoey-announcements apologized for delays and passengers stood staring at their phones.

  “This is all about timing,” said Dirk.

  A train was rumbling towards the platform on the nearest track, while another picked up speed in the other direction. Holly felt Dirk’s muscles contract before suddenly springing up and using the two passing trains as stepping stones to the other side. Holly turned to see if anyone had noticed but the passengers on the train were all lost in their own little worlds.

  A couple more big jumps, and Dirk landed carefully on the top of Borough Market. The food smells from the street sellers made Holly’s stomach rumble and she remembered how she had enjoyed a delicious veggie burger there once.

  But Dirk was looking up. Towering above them was a giant needle-like building called the Shard.

  “We’re going up there,” he replied.

  “How? I don’t think you’ll fit in the lift.”

  “Don’t need to. I h
ave these,” he replied, flapping his wings. “Come on, I’d better hold you.”

  Holly slid off the dragon’s back and he grabbed her, holding her securely against his belly.

  “Won’t we be seen?” she asked. “It’s a long way and there are a lot of people down there. Someone’s bound to look up.”

  “Ever heard of a smoke screen?” said Dirk. He cleared his throat and snorted. Grey smoke billowed from his nostrils. Holly shut her eyes tight to keep the smoke out. Dirk spun around on the spot a couple of times, still snorting, until the smoke completely enveloped them. He flapped his wings and Holly felt her feet lift off the roof.

  On the ground below, a couple sat on a bench outside a cathedral, eating supermarket sandwiches in silence. The husband looked up at the cloud of smoke rising above the buildings. “Now, there’s a peculiar thing,” he said, accidentally spitting a bit of sandwich at his wife.

  “Don’t speak with your mouth full,” replied his wife irritably.

  “It looks like a big smoke signal,” he continued. “I saw a documentary about Native Americans once. It said smoke signals were like an early form of mobile phone call.”

  “Pah,” said his wife. “What can you say with smoke signals?”

  “Useful things like ‘Danger’ and ‘All’s Well’.”

  “What if you want to say something more complicated like, ‘I may have accidentally scraped the car this morning when I was parking’?”

  “What?” exclaimed the husband, instantly launching into an argument that caused them both to forget all about the strange clump of smoke that was now level with the top of the building.

  When Dirk reached the top of the skyscraper, he wrapped himself around it and blended perfectly with its mirrored surface. Holding tightly on to Dirk, Holly raised her binoculars and peered down.

  “What am I looking for?” she asked.

  “Dragons,” replied Dirk, impressed by how relaxed she was about being on top of the Shard with a dragon.

  Holly found the warehouse and spied a grey dragon emerge on to the roof and, from it, jump to the next building. It moved quickly and she wouldn’t have spotted it at all if she hadn’t known where to look. “I can see one,” she said.