Myths and Heroes

by Quintin Fortune

  # # #

  They entered a chamber that looked entirely out of place underneath a church/theater. It was covered in Egyptian hieroglyphics. At the back wall stood the statue of a fierce woman. Laying in her hands was a black club. A portly, balding man was studying one of the walls.

  "Professor Langley, I presume," DG called out.

  The man stopped and slowly turned. "Hello," he asked. "Do I know you?"

  "Your daughter, Vanessa, hired us to find you," Jill explained.

  The professor's face lit up. "She did? Is she safe?"

  "Not for much longer if you don't finish the translations," Hannes yelled.

  "I'm going to enjoy punching him in the face," Our Hero remarked. Jill and Valk nodded in agreement.

  Hannes turned back to Deadguy. "I have had just about enough of your mouth," he said through gritted teeth.

  "Feeling's mutual," he replied. "but seeing as my name's kind of on the title cards, the people have come to expect my mouth." He paused. "Was that an innuendo? Sounded like an innuendo."

  "I said enough," the leader yelled. He felt a slight pain in his brain. To a normal person, it might have been an aneurysm. He couldn't think for a few moments, but the feeling soon faded.

  "Alright," DG spoke up. "Exposition time, Sparky. What's this...thisness...doing here?"

  Hannes grimaced. "If you must know, idiot, then I guess I'll have to enlighten you. Almost two hundred years ago, a man fell out of the sky with that weapon." He pointed to the black club, then motioned to a scene of a man inside a flaming ball hurdling to the ground. "The weapon was found by Hezekiah Marshal, and passed down for generations until it was buried here many years later."

  "A mystical baseball bat fell from the sky," DG asked.

  "That is not a 'baseball bat'," Hannes growled. "It is Sesehkekewey, the Club of Ma'at."

  "That's a bat," he argued. "I bet the hieroglyphics on it translate into 'Louisville Slugger'."

  "It is not a bat," Hannes screamed. His voice reverberated off the walls. His followers started holding their heads in pain. The cult leader cleared his throat and straightened his tie. The followers suddenly snapped back to attention. "Infuriating fool," he remarked.

  Our Hero smirked briefly before Hannes turned back to them.

  "What's stopping you from just taking the ba...weapon," Jill questioned.

  "It's enchanted," Valk answered for him. "Ma'at won't let just anyone use it."

  "Too true," Hannes sighed. "The professor knows how to circumnavigate the problem, he just won't TELL ME!"

  "I've told you on multiple occasions already," Professor Langley pleaded. "The translations say only those with the Heart of a Hero can lift it."

  "I have the heart of a hero," Hannes argued. "What is more heroic than saving the world from the dangers of individualism?" The Heroes traded concerned glances. "With the rise of Conformity, we will wipe out everything that causes humanity so much pain. So many problems. Religion. Politics. Philosophy. Class. All gone. Only pure, simple, incorruptible, equality."

  "Welp, I think I've heard just about enough," Our Hero stated. Jill and Valk agreed with him. "Hannes, do the smart thing. Forget the bat, let the professor and his daughter go, and bury this place."

  Hannes laughed. "Does that ever work," he questioned.

  Deadguy shrugged. "One day it will," he answered.

  "Kill them," the cult leader commanded.

  "You had to start another fight," Jill yelled, punching the first attacker.

  "Anything to put my hands down," DG replied, backhanding one of the guards with his fist.

  Valkadaidan had his blade out, slicing apart the guard's guns. One tried to hit him, but ended up losing his hand as a result.

  Jill looked around as she narrowly avoided a punch to the face, and noticed that a few of the cultist were converging on Professor Langley. "Hey, get off him," she yelled, charging at them. Her command got the attention of the other Heroes, who quickly followed her. They quickly fought off the assailants. "Don't worry," she said to him. "we'll get both you and your daughter out of this unharmed."

  The giant from the earlier battle was back, with what looked to be his brothers in tow. "He has brothers," DG commented. "Of course he has brothers. That's just how my life is." He and Valk started fighting the giant brothers in the small space.

  One of the giant Conformist knocked Deadguy into the statue of Ma'at. As he struggled to his feet, he grabbed what he though was an arm. The fighting suddenly stopped as the haze faded from his sight. Everyone was staring at him. "What," he asked. It dawned on him that he was still holding something. "Don't tell me I just broke the statue."

  "Deadguy," Valk said, pointing at Our Hero's hand. He finally looked down at his hand. The pure black weapon developed glowing green hieroglyphics as he held it.

  It felt light. Lighter than it looked. There was a slight pulse running from the weapon to his arm. He looked over at Hannes and smirked. "Guess who's a hero," he asked.

  "Everyone, take him out," Hannes demanded. "If you can't get the weapon, rip his arm off."

  He gripped the weapon like a bat and swung as hard as he could. The first giant was quickly knocked into the far wall. He laid embedded in the wall, almost like a cartoon effect. DG laughed for a moment before getting punched. All the Conformist cult members tried to jump onto him like a giant dog pile, but he started swinging and knocked them all away as deftly as one would knock away balled up paper.

  "Hero," Hannes' voice spat out from above the chaos. The Conformist stopped fighting and stood at attention. "Stop this now or the girl dies." The Heroes looked over to the entrance to see him holding a restrained Vanessa. Another cultist had a knife to her neck.

  "No, please," the professor cried out. "Don't hurt her."

  "Let her go," Deadguy commanded.

  "Give me Sesehkekewey," Hannes replied in a smoother tone. Our Hero held out the weapon and motioned for him to take it. The cult leader was hesitant at first, then strode across the small temple and placed his hands on the artifact that he had worked so hard to obtain. Deadguy let go, and it fell to the ground as if it were magnetically drawn to it. Hannes fell as well. He looked up at Deadguy as he tried in vain to lift the object off the ground. Our Hero merely looked back with a sadistic grin.

  "This is going to be fun," DG commented, then punt kicked Hannes in the face. The cult leader staggered back as he ran up and punched him a few more time. As Hannes tried to regain himself, Our Hero kicked him in the stomach, sending him flying into a few of his devotees.

  Deadguy grabbed the weapon as a couple of Conformist picked up their bruised and bloodied leader. "You know, Hero," he said. "I think I'll take your suggestion and bury this room." He produced a trigger from his vest pocket as the cultist started helping him out of the room. There was a small explosion as the doorway collapsed.

  "Not a problem," Deadguy said, trying to reassure the group. "I'll just smash through it with my new mythical baseball bat."

  "Bad idea," Valkadaidan stated, examining the room. "The structural integrity of this room is unstable now due to that blast."

  Our Hero looked over to Jill. She simply nodded, her face expressing the fear and panic of being buried alive. "Okay then," he declared. "We need to find another way-" The weapon jerked, then flung up to point at a far corner of the room. "...out."

  The Heroes walked over to see a trickle of water coming from the ceiling corner.

  "Could be a sewer," DG noted.

  "Or it could be an underground river," Jill stated.

  "Or it could be a sewer.," he added. "Either way, this bat says it's a way out, so it's a way out. Everyone, get to the other side of the room." He swung the weapon overhead, smashing it into the corner like an ax. Water burst forth from the area, breaking away parts of the walls and ceiling with it. The wretched smell of sewage quickly filled the room faster than the water. "Alright, gang! Sooner we get through this, sooner we can all get home to take hot showers. Let's mov
e."

  The manhole cover slowly rose and slid away as Valkadaidan climbed out and onto the sidewalk. He scanned the surrounded area. A few confused people, but none of the Conformity. "We're clear," he called down into the sewer. Vanessa was first out, her wet hair clinging to her head. Next was the professor, his glasses soaked and cracked. Jill followed, looking over her tablet and frowning. Finally, Deadguy emerged, weapon in hand.

  As they wiped off the various junk from their clothes, Professor Langley walked over and shook Jill's hand "I can't thank you enough for rescuing us," he said, a long awaited relief in his voice.

  "You're welcome," she replied, not sure how to react.

  Vanessa gave Our Hero a huge hug. "Thank you thank you thank you," she said, tears in her eyes. "If it wasn't for you, I might never had seen my father again."

  "That's why we're the Professional Heroes," he said, hugging her back. "Just make sure he doesn't get kidnapped again, okay?"

  The Heroes watched as the professor and his daughter walked off. "See Jill," DG said, slapping his hand on her shoulder. "You've lived up to our namesake."

  "Yes 'we' did," she agreed.

  "And I got epic loot out of it," he added, holding the weapon. "Needs a new name, though." He looked it over for a few moments, thinking hard. Finally, he held the bat above his head. "I declare that you shall now be known as Masamune," he yelled. The bat quickly fell and whacked him on the head. "Ow!" He rubbed his head. "Great, you're one of those mythical weapons."

  The other Heroes laughed.

  END