Logan Kade

by Tijan

  “What are you doing here?” Claire had a similar glass of red liquid, and I leaned forward, taking a sniff.

  I didn’t have to get too close. “Is that Merlot?”

  She nodded. Her cheeks were flushed like the other girl’s. “You want a glass? One of the chemistry guys brought an entire case from his family’s winery. It’s potent stuff, but it’s so good.”

  I was a beer girl, and from what I remembered, Claire had been a shot girl in high school. I shook my head. She didn’t seem to care though, a goofy grin on her face. She linked our elbows and moved us around to a hallway, where we could spy on the kitchen, but the people packed in there couldn’t see us.

  She leaned close and whispered loudly in my ear. “You remember Ben, right?”

  There were three guys and a girl in the kitchen now. “Malia?” Then I remembered the guys, too. It was the same group from the food court. Ben was the leader, and the guy Claire was crushing on. “I remember.”

  A good whiff of Merlot mixed with something citrusy overwhelmed me as she sidled in close, her body almost pressing me into the wall. Her arm clamped around mine.

  “So Ben’s the one who was invited to this party,” she said. “He’s friends with the guy who lives here, who runs the Honors Study Group, but I can give you the four-one-one on that guy another day. Ben wasn’t supposed to bring all of us because we’re not in the group. He’s allowed one date, and he asked me to go, but then Malia found out and threw a fit, so now all of us crashed the party.” She glanced around. “I think a lot of people crashed the party, but back to Ben. He made a move earlier,” she squealed.

  “Really?”

  Her eyes lit up with excitement, and her head bobbed up and down. “Can you believe it? I’ve been hoping for so long, and I didn’t know when it would happen, or even if it would happen, but it did.” She bounced up and down with her toes still on the floor. “I’ve liked him for so long, Taylor.”

  “How long?”

  Her eyes sparkled. “Since last year, since…” Someone turned off the lights inside her. The sparkle vanished, replaced by a dull, blank stare, and her hand lost its grip on mine. “Since a month after you came back.”

  Eight months then. I felt a pang in my chest. “So, a long time, huh?” I squeezed her hand. “That’s great, Claire.”

  “Oh, Taylor.”

  I winced. Her pity slapped me in the face. “No, stop. I wasn’t really present even though I was here after it happened. I’m good. I mean it. I just wish I thought to ask you earlier than now.”

  “You had other things going on.” Her fingers interlaced with mine. “And I’ve been a little absent this last week. I’m sorry.”

  I waved off her apology. “Don’t worry. You and Jason checked in on me so much after I came back. I think I took you both for granted.” I moved to face her and squeezed both her hands. “I’m happy you have a guy to crush on, and I’m happy he kissed you tonight. I really am.”

  Her eyes closed. A tear trekked down her cheek. This was how we used to share our secrets. If we were bursting with news, we’d link our hands together. The last time we stood like this was when my mom was buried. I cried that night, and Claire held my hands. Jason stood behind me, pressing his forehead into my back.

  “Taylor—” she started.

  I rocked my head back and forth. It was my turn to be there for her. “Nope. No apologies. I want to hear all about Ben.”

  “I will tell you all about him, but not tonight.” Her hands grasped my arms, and she laughed, pretending to shake me. “What are you doing here?”

  I opened my mouth, but it was then that I realized I really shouldn’t be there. They weren’t my crowd. An image of being at a certain bar, filling out an employment application flashed in my head. I didn’t want to think about that, but I knew this wasn’t right either. “You know, I’m actually going to go.”

  “You sure?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. I’ll see you later, though?”

  “Sure. Yeah. Let’s do lunch.”

  Lunch sounded great, and I slipped out of the apartment. Maybe I should’ve sought out Jeremy, said my goodbye, but as I headed down the sidewalk, my thoughts weren’t on my professor’s assistant. In fact, they were on someone that I really didn’t want to think about at all. So, of course, when I first heard him, I thought my mind was playing a trick on me.

  Nearing my car, I pulled my keys out, and that was when I heard him again. “You were at that party?”

  I stopped. Was it—yes, it was.

  Logan Kade stood with his hands in his jeans pockets, looking back to where I’d just come from. When his eyes met mine, I saw a touch of hurt.

  He added, “You’ve been avoiding me.”

  THE BAD’S BACK

  TAYLOR

  “What are you doing here?”

  Logan gestured to the side where a taco shop was. “It’s the closest one to school.” He twisted back around again and looked at the group on the steps. “Whose party was that?”

  “No one’s.”

  Then I heard my name being called. Jeremy was hurrying toward us. When he saw Logan, he paused a few feet away. I couldn’t help to compare the two. Logan was taller, leaner, and his shoulders were wider. He wore a black T-shirt and jeans, and with his hands in his pockets, his jeans slipped down to offer a peek at his obliques, the defined ridge where his stomach muscles and hips met in a downward V. It was tantalizing, a temptation I was already feeling. Though he was handsome, next to Logan, Jeremy looked drab in his jeans and polo shirt. He couldn’t compete.

  Logan was confident, with a hint of darkness. Jeremy was academic, with a hint of snobbery.

  “Jeremy,” I said. “You didn’t have to come after me.”

  “Claire said you left…” He trailed off, glancing to the side at Logan.

  Logan lifted an eyebrow and turned to sit on the trunk of the car next to him. He looked comfortable and almost carefree. I caught a spark of interest in his gaze and knew he was anything but, and his attention was fully directed at Jeremy.

  “Hello.” Jeremy held out his hand. “You are?”

  Logan looked at his hand, but made no move to shake it. He gave Jeremy a half-grin. “Like you don’t know who I am.”

  A flush wound its way up Jeremy’s neck, reddening his cheeks. “You know Taylor?” He withdrew his hand, stuffing it into his pocket.

  Logan nodded. He didn’t speak, just watched.

  Jeremy cast a quick glance at me. “Well, huh.” He ran a hand through his hair, upending the strands. They’d been perfectly combed to the side, but the slightly messy look suited him better, made him less stuffy. “Taylor.” He moved toward me, angling away from Logan with the same movement. “I wanted to make sure you were okay, and to thank you for coming even if it was for a short while.”

  Logan scooted over on the car, moving closer. He looked between us like he was a spectator enjoying the show.

  I fought against rolling my eyes. He was trying to get underneath Jeremy’s skin, and it was working. I suddenly felt sorry for Jeremy. “I’m fine. I just wasn’t up for a party after all. I’d thought maybe I was.”

  “Oh.” His head lifted and moved down again. “That’s good then. I’m glad you’re not sick or anything.”

  “I’m fine.”

  Jeremy was still giving Logan the side-eye. Logan stared back at him without reservation. My pulse quickened. I’d never seen Logan in action, and I didn’t think this would come to fighting, but I still felt something dangerous in the air. Logan almost reveled in making him nervous. Instinct told me to remove Jeremy from the situation or he was going to be humiliated, so I gestured to my car.

  “I’m—uh. I’m actually going to my car—”

  “I was hoping to talk to you,” Logan said, his eyes meeting mine.

  And there it was. I couldn’t leave now, and there was no doubt about Logan’s purpose here. Jeremy straightened.

  “Oh,” he said. His face twitched, then clear
ed. He gave me a smile. “I’ll, uh, I guess I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

  “Yeah.”

  He nodded to Logan, then headed back, his shoulders slumped a bit. I felt a twinge of sympathy for him.

  “Don’t do that.”

  I turned to Logan. He shook his head.

  “Do what?” I asked.

  “Feel sorry for that pretentious prick.”

  I pressed my lips into a disapproving line. “You don’t know he’s like that.”

  He scoffed. “You do.” He gestured to my face. “It’s written all over you. And you feel sorry for him because of what? I’m the big, bad asshole, and he came off looking like a regular nice guy next to me? Please.”

  He stood up and ran a hand through his hair. His hadn’t been combed perfectly like Jeremy’s. It was already messy, and when his hand dropped back to his side, it was even messier, which added to his already dangerous allure.

  “Don’t be fooled by that guy,” he said. “If you were in a bad spot, a guy like that wouldn’t save you. He’d save his own ass. But me?” He stepped closer, softening his voice. “I’ll always save you.”

  “Eric!” Someone was screaming in my ear. I didn’t know who it was, but as Eric looked at me, I realized it was me. I reached out. He could pull me to safety. I looked for my mom again. I didn’t know where she was.

  A gunshot boomed from down the hallway.

  A second scream started in my throat, but I slammed a hand over my mouth. I couldn’t let it out. They’d find me…

  The flashback ripped through me. Everything lurched inside me and I clenched my eyes shut, lowering my head. I didn’t want memories. I couldn’t handle them. Even now, I was trembling, my teeth rattling against each other.

  “Hey.” Logan’s voice was low and soothing. He stepped even closer. I could feel his body heat, and his hand touched my arm. “What just happened?”

  I reached up to move his hand off me, but found myself holding it instead.

  “Taylor?”

  I concentrated on breathing. That was what the counselor had said to do. One breath. Hold. Five, four, three—I counted down and exhaled, repeating the countdown. In through the stomach, out through the lungs. I cycled through the process, and when I was done, my forehead rested on Logan’s chest. His free hand held the back of my head, keeping me in place. His other hand tangled with mine, our fingers laced together.

  When the pressure began to ease, I looked up to blink at him, clearing the tears that had come with the panic. I felt ridiculous.

  He shook his head. “Don’t.”

  “What?”

  “Don’t be embarrassed by that. I can see it on your face. You had a small panic attack just now?”

  It was a flashback, but I nodded. It was easier to let him think it was a panic attack. “You get them?” I asked.

  “I used to, when I was little. I had a few.”

  “Someone helped you through them?”

  “My brother.” His eyes lowered, shielding him. I couldn’t see into him anymore. He’d put up a wall.

  I stepped back, and his hand fell from my neck. The shield he’d projected brought me back to reality. I didn’t know him—not like I knew Claire, not like Jason.

  I lifted a shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

  His jaw hardened, and he looked past me. “Don’t be. Shit happens.”

  Apparently. I wanted to ask what shit happened to him, but held my tongue. He didn’t want to tell me. That was obvious. Still, if he hadn’t held me, I’d still be stuck in the flashbacks. When they came, they were like a tornado, circling through me over and over again. Instead, Logan eased me out of it. The tornado only came through once this time.

  “Okay.” I looked to my car. “I should get going.”

  “Wait,” he said. “I wanted to ask you something.”

  “Yeah?”

  The wall fell away. “Why’d you stop going to class?” he asked softly.

  Oh. This. I should’ve had an excuse at the ready. I didn’t. “I switched sections.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Why?”

  I shrugged, looking away. “It just worked better with my schedule.”

  “Nope.” He laughed quietly. “I don’t buy it. I think you’re avoiding me.”

  “Really?” My lip twitched. “I’d change my entire schedule around because of one guy? Who I’ve only known for a couple of weeks?”

  His smile appeared, stretching to show the dimple in his cheek. “I’m Logan Motherfucking Kade. I’d switch classes, too. I mean, shit. If I were a chick? I’d be all over me. I couldn’t keep myself away from me.” He let out a whistle. “Bring out the handcuffs and bullwhips. We’re going the BDSM route.”

  I grinned, feeling some relief. “You don’t have a self-esteem problem. That’s for sure.”

  He grunted, his eyes growing serious again. “Why would I?” He gestured up and down himself. “I’m awesome. No one can forget it.”

  I laughed out loud, shaking my head.

  His grin dimmed, and he gazed back toward where Jeremy went. “Are you really not in the party mood?”

  “Why?”

  “You answer first.”

  I thought for a moment. I hadn’t felt like being at that party tonight. I went because—I couldn’t remember anymore. It had been nice to talk to Claire, though. I smiled at that thought, and then I knew he had me.

  “Come on.” Logan’s eyes darkened, a promise there. I felt it pulling me in.

  I shouldn’t…but I heard myself saying, “I might be—in a party mood, that is.”

  A grin stretched on his face, and he reached for my hand. “Leave your car and come with me.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “I’m going to take you to a real party.” He led me across the road to his Escalade. Once we sat inside, he pointed over his shoulder to Jeremy’s apartment. “It’s not going to be like that, I promise you.”

  “No wine?”

  “More like kegs.” He started his vehicle and pulled onto the road.

  I shouldn’t be going with him, but I heard myself talking again. “No cheese trays?”

  “Only for holidays and when I’m in my thirties.” He grinned at me. “Expect lots of beer, pool, beer pong, maybe some nudity.” He winked at me. “If you’re lucky.”

  Resting my head back against the seat, I laughed with him. “Sounds wonderful.”

  And it did, which surprised me. That should’ve been a nightmare, but I was going with Logan. Everything was different with him. Everything would always be different with him. I felt that realization deep in my core, and something fluttered inside of me, but I couldn’t identify it.

  I didn’t want to.

  HE’S A GOD.

  NO, REALLY.

  TAYLOR

  I was in trouble.

  As soon as Logan pulled into the driveway, I realized this was the same house as the first college party I came to with Jason and Claire—the one where I’d seen Logan for the first time. Unlike last time, when a large crowd had formed in the backyard, tonight almost everyone was inside. When we stepped through the front door, I felt all eyes on us. They went to Logan first, as if they’d been waiting