by Tijan
Sinking into my covers, I didn’t even try to hold back the smile on my face. It felt good to have that excited feeling in my belly.
“Eric!” I would’ve screamed, but I couldn’t. Another gunshot sounded from farther down the hallway. I crouched on the floor and looked down the corridor, holding my breath. They hadn’t come around the corner. There was still time. I reached out my hand. Eric stood frozen over me. He’d started to bend down to help me up, but then that shot went off. He couldn’t move. He just stared right where they were going to come from.
“Eric,” I whispered. My hand reached for his.
He still didn’t move.
I was growing panicked. “Eric! Please.”
One more gunshot.
“Eri—” I started again, but he looked down. The fear in his eyes was stark.
I knew. Even before he started to shake his head, I knew. I felt it in my bones, and it chilled me. He was going to leave me here.
I tried to push myself up from the floor, but I couldn’t. My knee wouldn’t work. “Eric. Please.”
His eyes went flat. His head shook from right to left, and he began to move backward. He almost melted away from me. He moved so softly, like a ghost. I barely heard him when he said, “I can’t. I…I can’t, Taylor.”
“Eric!” I hissed, sitting up as much as I could. “Help me!”
He was my first kiss.
He still shook his head. He was so far away now, almost to the front desk.
He took my virginity.
He was the first guy to hold my hand, the first guy to take me to a dance, the first everything. He was the first one I’d loved.
“I’m sorry, Taylor.” His hand trembled. He paused at the door, just before slipping outside. “Please forgive me.”
He was the first guy to abandon me.
I woke up screaming. I’d thrown off my covers, and my entire body was drenched in sweat. I jerked up to a sitting position and grabbed my knee. I could still feel the pain there. But no, I was in my bedroom. I forced myself to look around. The window was open. A soft breeze whooshed through the room. I drew a shuddering breath as my heart pounded in my ears.
It was a dream.
My mind felt jumbled. It hadn’t been just a nightmare this time. There were other thoughts mixed in I rubbed my hands on my face and rocked back and forth for a moment. I needed to calm down. Pressing my forehead to the backs of my knees, I drew in air. I felt something cool against the backs of my hands. It wasn’t sweat. It was tears; I’d been crying.
No one was home. It was just me.
“Mom,” I whispered to myself. I wanted her here. I wanted to feel her arms around me. I closed my eyes, imagining the touch of her lips to my forehead. No matter the nightmare, no matter my age, she always took care of me. I turned to my side and grabbed the blanket. My hand formed a fist around it, and I imagined it was her hand. She sat next to me. She was still my mom.
But she wasn’t here. She was gone.
ALREADY?
LOGAN
I glanced at my phone on the way home and frowned at the blank screen. Well, it wasn’t completely blank. There were texts there, but none from Taylor. I texted her that morning and a few more times since we started home.
My dick was hard just thinking about her.
If I were someone like Nate, I’d be insecure—worried she must’ve changed her mind or there was another dude. He thought things like that, but that wasn’t me. I glanced down at my man and felt him nod in agreement. We were both confident. It wasn’t me.
Something was wrong.
“What’s wrong?”
I looked over at Nate in the driver’s seat. He volunteered to do the last leg because Sam was sleeping in the back, all curled up with Mason. Both Nate and I knew Mase wasn’t going to drive. It was only three hours, but he was tired, and he should be. He kicked ass on the field. I should know. We coordinated a drinking game that corresponded with anything he did. If he scored a touchdown? Two shots. If he blocked another guy? One shot. It was our fucking luck that he’d had the best damned game of his life.
I was hungover, as well as worried about Taylor.
I put my phone away. “Nothing.”
Nate’s gaze fell to the console between us, where my phone was. “Mmm-hmmm.”
I let out a sigh, leaning back in my chair. “For fuck’s sake, what’s your problem?”
“You texting that chick?”
“The chick has a name, and yes, I was.”
“You falling for her?”
I glared at him, and Nate went back to paying attention to the road. That was when it hit me—fuck, maybe I was. Who gave a shit? I dated Kris, and nothing happened. I could date another girl. It was no big deal.
“Yo,” Mason said as he shifted up toward the front seat from behind us. “Sam’s out cold.” He propped his arms on the backs of our seats and leaned forward so he was almost sitting between us. “What are you guys talking about?”
Nate grinned. “Logan’s girlfriend.”
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
“Been in a month now.” Nate glanced sideways at me. “We’ve hardly seen you for that month.”
I frowned at him. I’d had longer flings, but what was up his asshole? Then I remembered Sam saying he was worried, too. Still. My frown switched to something darker. I was the glue, whatever. That was nice. He still needed to mind his own business. I shot back, “And what of it?”
Nate didn’t answer. He kept driving, his jaw clenching.
Mason looked between the two, then turned to me. “My coach’s daughter? Right?”
I leaned forward, then turned so I could see both of them. “So what? Yeah. Her. I like her.”
Mason held up his hands. “Dude, I’m not raining on your parade. I’m fine with it. I was just making sure you hadn’t moved to someone new.” His eyes shifted to Nate. “I’m thinking Nate hasn’t been completely honest about his thoughts.”
There it was. Mason laid it out. It was Nate’s problem. But Mase had been the one to bring up Taylor a few times, like he had trouble with the situation. I needed to make sure. “You don’t have a problem with it?” I asked him.
He appraised me carefully. “You guys are dating, like a couple dating?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. We’re just going with the flow for now.”
“Would you want to date her in that way?”
I shrugged. “I like what we’re doing. We’re not thinking. We just are, right now. That’s enough for me. We’re still getting started.”
“Then that’s enough for me. Who gives a shit what I think?”
If anyone should’ve been bothered, it was Mason. Taylor’s dad was his coach, and though Coach didn’t seem to be the best father to Taylor, he was a damn good coach to the team.
I nodded my thanks, and Mason turned to Nate. “And why should we give a shit what you think?”
Nate didn’t say anything.
And I blew up. “What the fuck, Nate? Or is that it? You want to fuck her or something?” Enough with the bullshit. I wanted to hear his problem.
“No.” His jaw clenched as he watched the road. His hands were tight on the wheel.
He was going to play the silent card? I didn’t think so. “Nate, come on.”
Mason folded his arms over his chest. “It’s truth time, Nate. If you have a problem, you should speak now.”
“Or what?” He glared at Mason through the rearview mirror.
“Or stop dropping little baits. You’ve tried it before, too, but Logan blew that up in your face.”
“When?”
“The juicer.”
Mason was right. I remembered that morning. “You tried teasing me like I was a little bitch. No way am I letting that happen. If I like a chick, I’m going to bang her. When the hell have any of us needed permission to get it in?”
“Is that what you think she is? Some piece of ass?” Nate’s voice was like gravel.
His respons
e was quick, too quick to have been a random thought he threw out. I straightened in my seat and shared a look with my brother. That was it. That was what was eating Nate.
“Is that what you think? I’m not valuing her enough?”
Nate didn’t reply. He only jerked up a shoulder.
I was floored. “When have you ever cared about a girl I was seeing?”
“So, you are seeing her?” He threw me a side look.
“No—I don’t know. I don’t know. I just went over this. Maybe.” I looked from him to Mason, and spared Sam a glance in the back. She was lying down, so I could only see her feet. “I’ve never gotten so much grief about a girl. Sam got in my face the other day about her, too.”
“Look,” Nate started. “I don’t know what Sam said, but I’m just bringing it up because this girl is different.”
“Because she’s Mason’s coach’s daughter?”
“No.” He rolled his eyes, his jaw tightening again. “Because she’s not like other girls. She’s different. You had her programmed in your phone as Hot Girl before.”
“Nate.”
He added, “Now she’s programmed in as Firecracker. You have your own nickname for her, and it’s not like others. She’s not Girl from Grocery Store, or Call After 2, or even Could Be Stalker.”
“I don’t use girls. You’re making it sound like that.”
“No.” He shook his head. “You don’t, but you don’t smile when you text them, like you do when you’re texting her. Logan, I—”
I was growing tired of the questioning. “You better be real careful about where you go with this.”
“Loga—”
“Real. Careful.” My hand jerked, forming a fist on my leg.
Nate glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. He looked back to the road and sighed. His shoulders relaxed a bit. “I’m not trying to be a nosy pain in the ass, but this girl is hurting. And if I can see it, I know you can, too.”
“You think I’m going to hurt her more?”
“No. I’m wondering if you’re falling for her because she’s hurting.”
Huh? I cocked my head to the side. “Say again?”
“Oh, boy.” Nate adjusted his hold on the wheel and rolled his shoulders back. He looked in the rearview mirror at Mason for a moment. He spoke as his gaze returned forward. “You fall for girls that are hurting. Tate—”
I interrupted, “—wasn’t hurting.”
“Yeah, she was. She had that thing going on with her parents. She was hurting back then, and so was Kris.”
“Kris.” I frowned. She hadn’t acted like it, but he was right. She’d been messed up because of her parents, too. “Okay, I’ll give you Kris.”
“And…” Nate softened his voice. “Sam.”
Oh, fuck. He went there. I shook my head. “There was a brief moment of attraction with Sam, but that was snuffed a long time ago.”
“You’re an asshole for bringing that up,” I said.
Mason was the giant elephant in the van at that moment. The whole question of Sam and me had been dealt with. It wasn’t a problem, yet Nate went there.
“I know.” Nate’s hands jerked on the wheel. “I’m sorry, but there’s a pattern. That’s my whole point. I’m worried that you’re going to fall for her because she fits some pattern for you, but your feelings won’t hold long-term. They didn’t with any of the others.”
The fuck? “I dated Tate for two years, and I was with Kris for one.”
“But you didn’t love them. And this girl, I can see you thinking you’re in love. That’s the problem.”
“That I’m going to fall for her and date her? God forbid.”
Mason started laughing, and hearing it, I relaxed a little. The question of Sam and me had been dealt with two years ago. I didn’t want Nate to spark that back up, judging from Mason’s laugh, he seemed fine.
“No, I’m talking how you think you fall for them, start dating them, and realize later you don’t love them. You hurt Kris a lot.”
I rolled my eyes. “And Tate hurt me. It’s part of dating, Nate. I’m still figuring out why you’re being a nosy punk-ass bitch right now. Do you want to date her? Is that the real issue here?”
“No.” His voice was firm, and he reached up to press his eye before returning his hand to the steering wheel. “I’m just worried about you.”
“Then tell me what you’re really worried about. Stop dancing around the issue.”
“Okay. This is what I think is going to happen: You like this girl. I can tell, and yes, you’re whatever right now. You care for her. It’s obvious the sex is good, and I can see it going somewhere deeper. But I’m worried you’ll do what you’ve been doing. You’ll date her, thinking you love her, and then you won’t. You’ll get sick of her. I’m worried you’ll shatter this girl, and I’m worried that’ll make you even more jaded.” His tone softened. “I’m worried about you. It’s not really the girl.”
“What. The. Fuck?” I stared right at him. “You on crack? Should you be driving right now?”
“You’re jaded.” Nate threw me a hard look. “I’m the one who goes out with you all the time. I see how you talk about girls, how you act around them. You’re hard inside when it comes to relationships. Tate damaged you.”
“Shut up, Nate.”
“Liking Sam, and then realizing she was Mason’s soulmate? That bothered you, too.”
“I mean it, Nate. Shut up.”
“Then Kris. You dated her, and you almost broke her. That girl straight up loved you. I’m talking real love.”
“Nate!” My hands formed fists in my lap, but I pressed them against my leg.
He didn’t stop. “I know it bothers you that you hurt her. You’ve not dated another girl since. You screw ’em, and you discard ’em. I’m wondering how that’s hurting you, too. I think this girl, if you do date her—it’s going to happen again. You’re going to think you love her, but not actually let yourself love her because you’ve got some fucking hard walls up to girls right now. I’m worried about the long-term effects.”
We were nearing the house. If we hadn’t been, I would’ve made him pull over. Nate didn’t know anything. I focused on keeping my hands on my lap because if they came up, I’d hit him. I felt it in me—the need to fight, to lash out. It was like a demon. That motherfucker wanted out of me. He wanted to act up, do some damage.
“Logan—” Nate wasn’t paying attention to me. I could hear it in his voice. He was going to keep going, keep dishing his shit.
“Stop,” Mason cut him off. His voice was soft. I could feel my brother’s eyes on me. He added, “Drop it, Nate.”
“What?” Nate’s voice grew clearer. He must’ve looked over at me. “Oh.”
We drove the last few blocks in silence, but I kept hearing Nate’s words in my head. As soon as he wheeled into our driveway, I was out and rounding the vehicle. Nate just opened his door when I reached in, grabbed him. I yanked him out. No words were spoken. He knew what was coming, and I hit him. I hit him as hard as I could, and after the one hit, I let him go. I turned around, not giving a damn if he fell to the ground or if he was just dazed. If I looked, I’d want to hit him again, and maybe a third time.
Mason came after me. “He’s wrong.”
“No.” I shook my head, acknowledging what Nate said. Some of my anger melted, but it was replaced with bitterness. “He’s not.”