Tough Talking Cowboy

by Jennifer Ryan

  Adria didn’t want to, but she imagined Chappie suffered a severe injury to his throat. Despite Drake’s own injuries, he’d tried to keep pressure on the wound and save his friend.

  He truly meant to keep Chappie safe and protected, but she had a very bad feeling Chappie bled out and died in his arms. Drake just couldn’t take it. So he relived it, trying and failing to save his friend over and over again. What a torment to have to live with.

  She tried to pull away, but Drake held on tighter.

  She feared struggling too much. It might trigger another flashback. One where he thought he was fighting someone, not saving them.

  Shaking and fighting off her own demons, she prayed he would come back to himself soon. Heart hammering in her ears, her breathing erratic, she fought the instinct to thrash against him and try to escape, knowing he’d probably subdue and hurt her if she did.

  With that disturbing thought, she focused on what she could do to calm herself and get through this without making it worse. For either of them.

  She started with the basics she’d learned in therapy and sucked in a big breath, held it for the count of five, then let it out for the count of five. She did it again. And again.

  Feeling steadier, she kept up the breathing and forced herself to relax, starting at her toes and working her way up to her head until she settled into Drake’s big body.

  She turned the dark thoughts in her mind to happier memories. Riding with her sisters at Wild Rose Ranch. The feel of the horse under her and the sun warming her skin. The wind blowing across her face and through her hair.

  The sound of Juliana’s laughter.

  The smiles on her sisters’ faces.

  Ten minutes later, she was calm and ready to wait out Drake, who had really lost his shit and destroyed her room. To keep her mind busy, she made a mental list of what she needed to replace.

  Drake suddenly shifted behind her and pulled her up his body, pushing one particularly hard part of him right up against her rump.

  And just like that, fear shot through her again. Tense, shaking, she held her breath and waited with anxious anticipation and trepidation about what he’d do next.

  Overwhelmed, she fought to stay focused on reality, the here and now, not the past, assess what was really going on, and not let her mind spin truth into nightmare.

  I’m okay. He’s not hurting me. He’s not that disgusting man. I’m okay.

  While Drake held her, he didn’t do anything sexual. He didn’t hurt her. His hold remained snug, but not painful.

  I’m okay.

  She took a deep, calming breath, letting the fear wash away a little at a time. One breath. Two. Three. She thought about petting the horses in the barn and the welcoming hug Trinity gave her.

  Drake settled along with her.

  She’d kept her hands braced on the arm he had wrapped over her middle. She brushed her fingers over his skin in soothing sweeps, hoping he loosened his hold.

  His big hand contracted on her hip. The fingers wrapped around her throat went loose. He pressed his face into her hair and kind of hugged her before settling again.

  She had a weird feeling his mind had shifted from saving Chappie to realizing he had a woman in his arms. Maybe he was thinking of better times with the ex Trinity told her about when she’d called to let Trinity know she’d made it to the ranch.

  Better to be cuddled than killed.

  That seemed wholly unfair. He hadn’t hurt her. Not really. Scared her, yes, but everything else had been meant to protect his friend.

  It still took her a beat to not let panic overtake her again for something Drake didn’t intend. Yes, he wouldn’t let her go. That’s it.

  He simply held her.

  I’m okay.

  And she was. Now that the initial shock wore off, she let herself feel him surrounding her and pressed against her.

  It wasn’t terrible, even though it wasn’t a good situation.

  It had been a long time since she’d been this close to a man, especially one as big and strong as Drake. She expected his size to scare her more. But the longer nothing bad happened, the more she was able to separate her past from the man holding her while he slept peacefully with her in his arms.

  Trinity had shared her worries about Drake’s downward spiral and debilitating injuries. The scar on his face marked him as a man who’d seen some terrible shit. Adria really couldn’t conceive of Drake having a war raging in his head, his trying to save the world and being unable to save his friends.

  And so she settled in to wait him out because if he needed her to keep the nightmares away for a little while, why not pay him back for all he’d given his country?

  She didn’t want to disturb him, but she needed something to do. Very slowly, she shifted and slipped her phone from her back pocket.

  Drake held her closer, his hand contracting on her neck. Even in sleep, he tried to save Chappie.

  She went still. He held her snug against him. She breathed out and relaxed. He did the same, brushed his nose against her head and hair, then he was out again.

  She pulled up a game on her phone, trying not to make any sudden movements.

  A soft cry sounded from under the bed. She’d completely forgotten about the barking puppy that drew her into the house in the first place.

  She made kissing noises to draw the dog out. He slinked to the edge of the bed and stuck his light brown muzzle out. Light blue eyes locked on her. The Australian shepherd yapped once and pounced out from under the bed onto a pair of her panties, where he promptly peed.

  “Come on,” she whispered. “Add insult to injury, why don’t you.”

  The puppy ran toward her, white-, black-, and gray-speckled ears flopping up and down. His two tan front paws pounced on her thigh, black tail wagging.

  “You’re just full of mottled colors.”

  Talking only made Drake press harder on her neck, so she stopped.

  The puppy climbed up her middle, licked Drake’s hand on her hip, then bounded up and flopped on her chest next to Drake’s arm. She looked down at the puppy, accepted her lick on the chin, then smiled when the pup settled in and fell asleep on her.

  “Everybody wants to sleep with me.”

  Feeling like Drake and the pup’s favorite cuddle buddy, she accepted her fate. She tapped on her game, turned off the sound on her phone so she didn’t set Drake off on another flashback, and played one round after the next.

  After an hour on the floor and pressed intimately against Drake, she immediately sensed the change in him. A split second after he woke up, he splayed his fingers wide and raised his hand an inch off her throat.

  The puppy lying against his arm felt the movement, woke up, crawled up her chest a few more inches, and licked his face over her shoulder.

  “My witch has two more bubbles. I’ll be done in a sec, then I’ll get off you.” She glanced sideways at his very close face and met his shocked eyes. “If you’re ready to let me go.”

  He released the hold he had around her waist and held his hands out wide. Without his hold, she slipped off his lap and landed with a thump on the floor between his legs. She held the pup with her free hand against her chest. He yapped and barked at Drake, who bent his knees, pushed himself up the wall behind them, stepped over her, and shot across the room. He turned to her, eyes wide and watchful.

  She sighed. Not wanting to upset Drake further, and reminding herself he hadn’t known what he was doing, she tried to keep things normal.

  She shot the next bubble on her game and remained sitting on the floor. “So I don’t know what you and the puppy have against my underwear, but you tore it all up and he peed on it.” She glanced up and gave him a lopsided smile, because yeah, now it kind of seemed funny. “He seems to take your side. What’s his name?”

  Drake opened his mouth, slammed it closed, locked his jaw, and stared at her like she’d lost her mind.

  Maybe she had.

  The puppy ran over to him, sat betw
een his widespread feet, and barked at her.

  She leered at the puppy. “You lay on my boobs for half an hour and still you take his side.” She glanced up at Drake. “I’m Adria, by the way.”

  He didn’t move a muscle, except for the one ticking along his jaw.

  “Just thought you’d like to know the name of the woman you slept with.”

  His head whipped back like she’d smacked him across the face.

  “Not in the joking mood. Got it.” She finished her game and held up her phone. “Won another level.” The cute witch jumped up and down on the screen.

  Ass flat and her body stiff from Drake tackling her earlier, she planted her hand on the floor and pushed herself up.

  Drake took two steps back and came up short against the window, where the blinds hung by one hinge. “Did I h-hurt you?” His voice shook and his eyes scanned her from head to foot and back up again.

  She put some false cheer into her voice. “I think you wanted to hug me more than hurt me.” She shifted her weight from one foot to the other and looked at the destruction in the room. “Are you angry I’m staying here?”

  He drew back even more. “No.” He glanced around, his gaze landing on her torn nightgown. “It had nothing to do with you. I never meant . . . I didn’t want . . . I’m sorry.”

  “Trust me, Drake, this is not the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  His eyes went wide at that bold declaration.

  She waved it away. “I’m not mad at you.” She could replace her clothes. She couldn’t take away his pain, no matter how much she wanted to because she knew what it was like to hurt that much. “You don’t need to apologize or be embarrassed or anything. No one got hurt. That’s all that matters.”

  His mouth scrunched and his eyes filled with regret and apology.

  Her stomach rumbled for like the twentieth time. “It’s late. I’m starving. You hungry? I’m going to get something to eat. Take your time, then join me if you want to.” She sucked in a ragged breath and clenched her hands to stop them from trembling. The crisis seemed over, but the tension had grown so thick in the bedroom, it flowed from him to her. She couldn’t get out of there and to the kitchen fast enough.

  She opened the fridge and pulled out the roast chicken, bagged salad, and dressing she’d picked up at the grocery store in town before Roxy dropped her off here because Sonya insisted on returning the rental car. Trinity would drive them around until Adria bought her own car. She set everything on the counter and popped off the plastic lid on the chicken just as the puppy ran in and jumped on her legs.

  “You smell food and all of a sudden, I’m your favorite.” The pup jumped again and yapped at her. “Okay, sweetheart. I get it. You’re hungry, too.” She picked up the speckled puppy and held him close, accepting the puppy kisses on the cheek as she pulled off bits of meat. She held them out to the pup, who devoured his share in seconds.

  The big man in her room remained silent.

  She took several bits of chicken, shared more with the pup, then listened intently as sounds of movement came from the bedroom. If she wasn’t mistaken, he was putting the mattress and bed back to rights.

  “Just leave it, Drake. I’ll clean it up later.” All sound stopped again.

  The puppy barked for more chicken. She handed over another few pieces and waited Drake out.

  He finally appeared in the living room and headed for the door.

  “Did you forget something?”

  He stopped, turned to her, and tried to hide the scars on his face. “I’m sorry.”

  She shook her head. “Nothing to be sorry about.”

  He couldn’t control what happened. She understood PTSD enough to know that. But seeing how it affected him only made her realize how traumatized he actually was. He couldn’t control the past taking over his reality.

  She gave the pup another bite of chicken. “I meant your little friend.”

  “Keep him.”

  She scrunched her mouth into a half frown and eyed the pup. “Rude. He’s just going to give you away after all you did for him.” She turned to Drake. “He protected you. He stood up for you. He’s yours whether you like it or not.” She set the pup on the floor. His little legs carried him right to the big man he so obviously adored. He plopped on Drake’s boot and chewed at the lace sticking out the bottom of Drake’s frayed jeans. “See.”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  She raked her fingers through her hair. “Well, it’s been kind of a shit day.”

  “I’m sorry.” He swept his hand over his hair and gripped his neck in a tight squeeze.

  She tried not to notice the muscles clenched in his massive arms, but damn, they were hard to miss. She could appreciate a good-looking man from a distance.

  She thought about those arms locked around her. He hadn’t used that strength to crush her even though he could.

  It helped her to think about that and the way he held her in order to banish the thought that he, and every man, was like the monster in her mind.

  Drake hadn’t come after her. The second he woke up she saw the concern he had for her.

  “I meant because I had to leave my twin sister at the rehab center. I feel a little lost without her.” She stepped out from behind the counter. “Which is why I get that you feel lost without your squad, or whatever you call them.” She walked toward him, seeing for the first time that he held his broken cane in one hand and stood mostly on his right leg.

  Dark, disturbing things lurked in his narrowed eyes and drew her in even more. She’d been a little girl with all those dark nightmares tucked inside her with no way of letting them out. She had to learn to live with them. He wanted to push them away, but what he really needed to do was accept them as part of who he was now.

  She didn’t want him leaving here feeling like he’d done something wrong and needed to atone for more than he already carried with him.

  She slowly approached him. This time he didn’t step away but stood there eyeing her like she was a lion on the prowl.

  She stopped right in front of him and looked him in the eye. She wanted him to see he didn’t scare her. “I’m sorry about your brother-in-arms. You fought hard to protect Chappie. You almost died trying to save him. I’m trying so hard to save my sister, but she’s slipping away.”

  It took a good ten seconds, but Drake relaxed his jaw and shoulders and his eyes filled with compassion.

  For a long moment, they stared at each other. She felt his strength, his understanding, and gave herself another reminder that he wasn’t a monster but a broken man in need of caring and comfort just like she’d been as a child. She’d had Juliana. He didn’t allow anyone near him, except when his subconscious made him hold on to her in the bedroom, and now when she offered him something he needed and it didn’t come with all the baggage and expectations of his family or friends and loved ones.

  “I couldn’t save Chappie. Any of them.” The gruff words sounded like a forced confession and were filled with such deep regret her heart ached with them.

  He’d been through so much.

  She reached out and placed her hand on his arm. “You tried. That’s all they asked of you. They knew what they signed up for. They knew you had their back. They had yours. They died so all of us back home could live free and happy. They did that for you, too. It may not be easy right now, but you need to find a way to do that—to live—for them.”

  He didn’t exactly shove her away so much as he took her shoulders and held her at arm’s length before he let her go and stepped back again. “I just want to be left alone.”

  “Judging by the way you held on to me in there for over an hour, I’d say that’s the last thing you want.”

  “I didn’t mean to do that.”

  “Yes, you did. Every time I tried to slip free, you held on tighter.”

  “I’m sorry,” he bit out, his whole body going tense.

  She tilted her head and studied his face. He turne
d his head so she couldn’t see the scars. He didn’t know her. He didn’t know that her nature compelled her to try to help, that everything inside her wanted to somehow pull all the bad out of him and take it on herself to spare him. She’d done what she could for her sister when they were little and she’d volunteered to do the bad things, but she couldn’t do it for Juliana’s drug problem. She couldn’t do it for Drake.

  The sense of helplessness she’d felt since leaving Juliana at the rehab center—throughout Juliana’s downward spiral really—intensified, because she didn’t know what to do for Drake, except to be kind and understanding.

  “Trinity must have forgotten to tell you I was staying here for a little while.”

  “She probably told me and I didn’t listen or can’t remember.”

  Adria acknowledged what he didn’t say with a nod. His mind wasn’t all there these days. Trinity had warned her about his volatile temper, but she hadn’t said anything about his inability to focus and his need to constantly be on alert, checking every door and window, looking for an attack that wasn’t coming. He did it even now, while still keeping her at a safe distance and in front of him. She had no doubt he was aware of the puppy attacking his boot and every breath Adria took and movement she made.

  “I’m guessing you use this place to get away for some peace and quiet and to work out your shit without all of them watching you.”

  Drake’s eyes widened. “They stare. They hover.”

  “Blessing and a curse to have a big family. I wouldn’t really know—I’ve just got my sisters, and even that can get intense. Anyway, you want to come here and chill, be my guest. It’s your place. I’m just visiting. Trinity and I will be busy with opening our shop, so I’ll probably only be here to sleep. The rest of the time, it’s yours. Just don’t tear up any more of my clothes, or I’ll be running around here naked.” She gave him a smile to let him know she was joking. His frown deepened. “Deal?”

  “I’ll leave you alone.”

  “I really don’t mind if you want to hang out. Without my sisters, it’s kind of quiet here.” And lonely. “Since I’m not family, it might be easier . . . If you want to talk to someone, I’m a good listener.”