As Time Goes By

by Anne Bennett

  ‘Mmm, the rent might be high,’ Angela said. ‘Could you manage that on your own?’

  ‘Just about,’ Daniel said, ‘but it would be fairly easy to find a flatmate, or I’ll take a lodger. Young teachers are always looking for places and don’t usually earn enough to pay much rent.’

  ‘Has it been so dreadful living with me?’ Stan asked Daniel, but he was smiling as he said it.

  ‘You know it hasn’t,’ Daniel said. ‘And it’s been a great way to really get to know you, but when you and Angela marry, Connie and I think you deserve a place of you own.’

  ‘That’s very considerate of you, Daniel,’ said Angela.

  ‘Yeah, I can be when I set my mind to it,’ Daniel answered with a smirky grin.

  ‘Come on,’ Connie said, getting to her feet. ‘If everyone’s finished, we’ll clear away. Give me a hand, Daniel, and if we’re quick enough, we might go out and look at this house you heard of.’

  ‘We’d need to make an appointment.’

  ‘I don’t mean inside yet,’ Connie said. ‘I just want to look at the house and the area.’

  Angela guessed Connie was trying to give her and Stan time alone. Angela sighed, knowing she had to bite the bullet now, before her nerve failed her altogether.

  Stan gave a rueful grin and said, ‘Is it my fertile imagination or was Connie a bit too anxious to leave the house tonight?’

  Angela was going to laugh it off, saying Stan was imagining things, but she stopped herself. This was no time for flippancy or lies. To do this properly, she had to be straight with Stan from the beginning, so she said, ‘She wasn’t just anxious to leave the house. She really wanted to give us time alone.’

  ‘Well, I’m not going to argue with that,’ Stan said with a broad smile at Angela, ‘but was there any special reason for leaving us alone?’

  ‘Yes,’ Angela said. ‘It’s because I must talk to you about something very serious – so serious that you might decide not to marry me when you hear it all.’

  ‘I doubt that very much,’ Stan said determinedly. He caught up one of Angela’s trembling hands and held it tight. Angela swallowed the hard lump in her throat and began to tell her story. She would have liked to have glossed over what happened, but that wouldn’t really have been fair to Stan. Nor would she make excuses for her behaviour, though she did say truthfully that she had been incredibly lonely, for she hadn’t allowed herself to make many friends at the time when Connie had been busy with her schoolwork. ‘I thought I knew this Eddie McIntyre,’ she said. ‘I mean, I had served him in the bar for months. He was funny and charming and very popular, but when he asked me out the first time, I refused him.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘I don’t know really,’ Angela said. ‘I suppose it was all mixed up with sort of betraying Barry. I mean, Eddie wasn’t the only one to ask me out. Many did initially, but I refused them without a thought, because the majority were married men. I mean, I know a lot of their wives, but apart from that, married men are not available, in my book. Oh, I don’t know … It was the Larkins – you know, they used to run the pub. Do you remember them? They urged me to go out with Eddie in the end. They said I was a young woman, and I should have a little fun in my life. They were sure Barry wouldn’t begrudge me doing that. All of a sudden, I knew he wouldn’t. He wasn’t that kind of husband.’

  ‘No, he wasn’t,’ Stan said. ‘Barry truly loved you, Angela.’

  ‘I know he did,’ Angela said sadly. ‘And I loved him too, with all my heart and soul. So why, feeling this way, did I fall hook, line and sinker for Eddie McIntyre?’

  ‘Did you?’

  Angela nodded her head. ‘I did. I would like to say he forced me, because maybe I would look better in your eyes, but certainly he didn’t. When I started drinking alcohol what he was trying to do didn’t appear as outrageous as it had seemed when I’d been sober.’

  ‘You mean you got drunk?’ Stan said, for he had never seen Angela drink anything but lemonade. And at Angela’s nod he cried, ‘That man took advantage of you! It’s obvious. Tell you the truth, I despise men like that. They go out of their way, plying girls with drink till they don’t know whether they are coming or going, and then take advantage, and afterwards claim it’s all the girl’s fault. And perhaps they even threaten to tell others about it.’

  Angela gasped. ‘That’s exactly what he did.’

  ‘It would be,’ Stan said. ‘That’s how they work. They are despicable, and you are not to blame.’

  ‘But I didn’t have to drink the alcohol. That’s what Connie said.’

  ‘Connie’s young yet, and the world is black and white to the young,’ Stan said. ‘I know how easily these things can happen. I just want to ask you one question: Do you love me now?’

  ‘Do you have to ask?’

  ‘Humour me.’

  ‘Stan, I love you with everything in me,’ Angela said earnestly. ‘If we had been friends, the episode with Eddie would never have happened. I want no other man while I have you. You are everything to me.’

  It was enough. Stan’s arms went round her, and she snuggled into him and sighed in contentment. Stan dared a kiss, and Angela kissed him back with a passion so deep and sensuous, he was taken by surprise but also filled with delight. The kiss told him clearly that Angela loved him as he loved her, and he bitterly regretted the barren years they had spent apart.

  Angela was surprised that Stan seemed able to forgive her for drinking too much and allowing Eddie McIntyre such liberties and assaults on her body. She was very glad, though, that she had confessed all to Stan, for if Eddie did try to drip poison in his ear, nothing would come as a shock, because she had told him everything and found he still loved her in spite of it.

  Stan wondered what Angela would say if he told her that he too used to drink too much, to numb the pain of thinking he had lost her. Daniel had felt the rough edge of his tongue more than once and he hadn’t exactly lived like a monk either. One day he would confess all this to Angela. He thought it odd that if people had been aware of his behaviour at the time, most would have shrugged their shoulders and not thought him any the worse because of it. It was monstrously unfair that many of those same people wouldn’t feel the same if they found out a woman did these things.

  Eddie McIntyre could have destroyed Angela, ruined not only her reputation, but also that of those connected to her, like Connie. The worst of it was, he couldn’t seek this man out and trounce him for his behaviour towards the woman he loved, because if the police became involved, it could open a whole can of worms that could impinge on Angela. So if he was to meet this excuse for a man, he had to keep his hands off him, and while that stuck in his craw, he knew that’s how it had to be.

  ‘Connie, what’s the matter with you?’ Daniel asked as they found a seat on the tram as they returned from looking at the house.

  ‘What you on about?’

  ‘You. Don’t bother saying “nothing’s wrong”, because you have been peculiar ever since you came home.’

  ‘You’re imagining things.’

  ‘No, I’m not,’ Daniel said. ‘And then you asked your mother to go and look at something in the bedroom. What was all that about?’

  ‘Is that really any of your business?’

  ‘I don’t know. I mean, we are getting married.’

  ‘Yes, just that – married, but not yet joined at the hip,’ Connie retorted, though she knew in her heart of hearts she had no justification for snapping at Daniel. Really, she was just worried about what he’d say if she plucked up the courage to tell him the truth about her mother.

  Daniel suddenly looked very downhearted, and Connie felt ashamed of biting his head off. He turned to her with confused eyes and said, ‘Connie, what are we fighting about?’

  ‘Nothing,’ Connie said. ‘Or at least, nothing we need to concern ourselves with.’

  ‘But …’

  ‘I can’t tell you any more at the moment without betraying a confidence, but
as soon as I can, I will – I promise. I’m sorry I have been so distracted.’

  They alighted from the tram on Bristol Street and went up Bristol Passage to Bell Barn Road. Sometimes, after a major row, there is still tension lingering in the air, but stepping into the house, Connie noted that there was none. And while there was no sign of Stan, Angela was in the kitchen, as she usually was, and she smiled when she saw Connie and Daniel. ‘Oh, there you are,’ she said. ‘I’ll make a cup of tea and you can tell me what you thought of the house.’

  And that is exactly what happened, and Angela talked and asked questions about the house they had viewed and listened to the answers. Connie allowed herself to relax a little, but she couldn’t be totally sure her mother and Stan were still as together as they had been until she spoke alone to her mother. Angela knew this too and when Daniel finished his tea she said, ‘Daniel, I gave your father a shopping list to get some things in the shops on Bristol Street, but he’s been away hours. Would you go and look for him, and maybe give him a hand getting the stuff home?’

  Daniel nodded, though he knew it was a ploy to get him away and give Angela time alone with Connie, but he made no protest because he thought that Connie’s strange mood might in some way be linked to something Angela had to say to her daughter. Connie was well aware of what her mother was up to, and watched Daniel leave with slight relief, knowing now she would find out how it went between her mother and Stan. Barely had the door closed behind Daniel when Connie faced her mother and said, ‘Did you speak to Stan?’

  Angela inclined her head. ‘Of course. I promised, didn’t I?’

  ‘Yes, but did you tell him everything?’

  ‘Everything,’ Angela said. ‘There is nothing McIntyre can tell Stan that he doesn’t know about already. And if he tried,’ Angela added with a smile, ‘he might find himself spreading his length on the ground.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because Stan thinks McIntyre took advantage of me when I was alone and lonely and vulnerable. He said he’s known men like him before – men who prey on women in my position. He despises men like that and called McIntyre a predator. He has, however, promised not to beat him to pulp, as he would actually want to do. In fact, he promised not to lay a hand on him, because of the implications falling on us too, if the police became involved and started looking through past files and talking to people. Well, let’s just say I’d rather not take any chances, and I’d like it better if they never got to meet at all.’

  And then, seeing Connie’s brow puckering in concern, she said, ‘None of this is anything to do with you, and I will do all in my power to keep it that way. All you have to worry about is what to wear to your party on Saturday.’

  ‘And whether to tell Daniel about McIntyre, or not?’

  ‘He knows nothing?’

  ‘No. How could I tell him anything when I didn’t know how it had gone between you and Stan?’

  ‘Fair enough,’ Angela conceded. ‘But now you know how it went, Daniel must be told without delay.’

  ‘You think so?’

  ‘I know so.’

  ‘But …’

  ‘Connie, you were the one who said I had to trust the man I was marrying,’ Angela said. ‘Do you trust Daniel?’

  ‘Of course I do,’ Connie replied and went on, ‘and I do see what you’re saying. It’s not fair not to tell Daniel, and I will tell him as soon as I can, and certainly before the party, when he might actually meet the loathsome McIntyre in person.’

  FOURTEEN

  Connie met Daniel from the tram that night and, as she’d never done it before, he was surprised – pleased but surprised. ‘More family secrets?’ he asked with a smile.

  ‘There’s just one thing, and it concerns Mammy and a man called Eddie McIntyre …’

  ‘Go on.’

  ‘Well, it was after Mammy and your father fell out.’

  ‘Because your mother shuddered, because she felt she couldn’t tell my father about the baby she’d left outside the workhouse,’ Daniel said.

  ‘Yes, but neither of us knew that then,’ Connie said. ‘All I remember is being friends one minute, and then a great silence. It was like a hole in my life, and because no one explained anything, I suppose I blamed my mother. Anyway, she said she was lonely, and she probably was. I know I was.’

  ‘So where did she meet this man? What did you say his name was?’

  ‘Eddie McIntyre,’ Connie said through gritted teeth. ‘He was an American over here on business, he said. And the thing is, she didn’t meet him – not really. She knew him, or thought she knew him, because she worked behind the bar at The Swan. He was a regular and he asked her out, and the second time he asked her, she went.’

  ‘Connie, I know that probably upset you,’ Daniel said, ‘but your mother was doing nothing wrong. It wasn’t as if she was hurting anyone.’

  ‘She was!’ Connie cried. ‘She was hurting me because it was as if I didn’t exist. All she seemed to care about was Eddie and pleasing him. It wasn’t just that they went out together. I mean, this Eddie encouraged her to go into pubs and to drink, and she came home unsteady on her feet, with her clothes all messed up. She didn’t seem to care. She’d say it was none of my business, and then do the same again the next night. He hurt her too, sometimes, but she didn’t seem to care even about that.’

  Daniel hid a smile, because his father had reacted in a similar way. He had never seen his father drunk before the great silence between him and Angela, but he saw it a good few times after. Daniel thought he was hurting because of what had gone wrong between him and Angela, and this was his way of dealing with it.

  ‘Never mind. All that will stop now, and Angela will settle down to married bliss with my father.’

  ‘And Eddie McIntyre?’

  ‘If this McIntyre needs dealing with, my father and I can deal with him, but you said he’s here on business.’

  ‘Yes, Maggie told me that.’

  ‘Well then, when his business is concluded, he will, I’m sure, go back to America, and hopefully stay there, and neither you nor your mother need worry your pretty little heads about him any more.’

  ‘Oh Daniel, I do love you!’

  ‘And I love you too, my darling girl,’ Daniel said, and there in the middle of the street, he put his arms around Connie and held her tight.

  FIFTEEN

  Connie’s party was planned for the following Saturday, and Angela and Stan said it was a good way to also celebrate her sixteenth birthday, which was only ten days away. They’d given her a beautiful watch, and then her mother said, ‘I have something extra,’ and gave Connie an envelope. Inside the envelope was her father’s medal and the letter from his commanding officer.

  Connie was speechless for a moment with pleasure and amazement. ‘You kept it all this time?’

  ‘I didn’t,’ Angela admitted. ‘I should have done, but it was your granny who kept it safe. I was so upset, I said to her, I didn’t want a letter or a medal – I wanted a live husband. And Granny put it away in case you wanted it. I knew she’d done it – she told me and asked me to give it to you on your sixteenth birthday. But she never told me where she’d put it. I was going through her personal effects a few days ago, and there it was amongst them.’

  Connie read the letter for the first time. She read of a brave and dedicated soldier who was a credit to his unit. The officer went on to say that the loss of such a man, who was a husband and father, must have been a heavy one to endure. Tears were in Connie’s eyes as she folded the letter up and put it back in the envelope. Overcome with emotion, she put her head in her hands and, for the first time, wept for the father she had never really known.

  Angela was so nervous of meeting Eddie that she told Stan she didn’t think she could face the party.

  ‘Not go to Connie’s party?’ Stan said incredulously. ‘Connie will be heartbroken if you don’t go. You are the most important person in her life.’

  ‘Eddie McIntyre will almost ce
rtainly be there,’ Angela said. ‘Muriel and Noel see no harm in him.’

  ‘You can’t blame them for that. So if we take it for read that he will be there, why are you so nervous?’

  ‘You can ask that?’

  ‘Yes, I can, because this time I will be by your side,’ Stan said. ‘And I will not leave you for one minute. We will both face your demons together.’

  ‘Do you really think that’s best?’

  ‘I do,’ Stan said firmly. ‘It will be good for your self-esteem. And don’t worry – though I have a great desire to send the man’s teeth down his throat, I will not lay a finger on him.’

  ‘Thank you, Stan.’

  ‘This may help you stand up to the bully,’ Stan said, producing a ring box from his pocket. Angela gasped with pleasure when she saw the sparkling ring inside. It wasn’t too ostentatious – he knew Angela well enough to know she would have hated that. But it was very beautiful, with a central diamond and five smaller diamonds clustered around it.

  ‘It’s lovely,’ she said. ‘Truly lovely.’

  ‘You’ve already agreed to be my wife,’ Stan said. ‘This is to show everyone, including this Eddie McIntyre, that we belong together, that there is no room for anyone else.’ He slipped the ring on as he spoke, and as Angela turned her hand this way and that, Stan said, ‘It looks good on your hand, and it will look even better joined by another ring the day we get married, which I hope is not too long away.’

  ‘Not if I can help it,’ Angela said, delighted with the ring. ‘This is the first I’ve ever had, for Barry and I never bothered with an engagement ring. It was a lot of money for us at the time, and I thought it a bit unseemly. I mean, planning a wedding was bad enough, with his two brothers only dead a few months. But there was a reason for that, but sporting a very beautiful and expensive engagement ring didn’t seem the right thing to do.’

  ‘Maybe it wasn’t then,’ said Stan, remembering back to those sorrow-filled days when the story broke about the big ship’s impact with an iceberg that sent it to the bed of the Atlantic Ocean, and the few passengers who had escaped a watery grave. ‘For those who drowned on the Titanic and their families, it was a tragic and very sad affair,’ Stan agreed. ‘But we cannot change history, though we can perhaps learn lessons from it. Now it is absolutely the right time to wear this ring, which I bought to show my love for you.’