by Gemma Weir
“Err, it’s okay,” I mutter, a little embarrassed by his obvious embarrassment.
The bed jostles as he clambers up and off, scurrying to the other side of the room. “I’ll see you in a bit,” he mumbles as he opens the door and leaves.
Well that was weird. Maybe he had morning wood and didn’t want me to see? I have a brother, I know all about the weird and disgusting things teenage boys do. Shrugging, I snuggle back under the comforter and grab my Kindle.
Two hours later, I pull my black sweater over my head, slide my feet into my fur lined Dr. Marten boots, then push open my bedroom door and head into the sitting area. It’s nowhere near as cold in Alabama as it was in Minnesota and Iowa, so although I’m still in boots and a sweater, I’m not freezing to death in a blizzard.
The sitting room is empty, but the smell of freshly brewed coffee fills the room, so someone must be awake. As if on cue, Nova’s door opens and she steps out wearing a blue check shirt that I know belongs to Valentine; black skinny jeans; and short, black suede UGG boots. Her hair is braided back into two tight braids against her head and she looks as effortlessly stunning as always.
“Morning,” she says through a yawn.
“Morning.”
“You want coffee?”
“Always,” I say, scoffing and following her as she pads to the kitchenette and retrieves two cups from the cabinet. She makes us both a coffee and slides one cup to me, before bringing the other to her lips and sipping.
Her sigh is audible. “God, I swear I don’t know how I functioned before I became a caffeine addict.”
“Are the others up yet?
She nods as she lifts the cup to her lips again. “Zeke’s dressed; he went for a run at some ungodly hour this morning. Valentine’s just in the shower, and I’m not sure about Griff, but I heard someone moving around a couple of hours ago, so maybe he went to hit the hotel gym or something.”
For a moment I consider telling her that he fell asleep in my room last night, then I decide not to. I don’t really know why. It’s not like she would care, we’ve all shared rooms in the past. But for some reason this feels like one of mine and Griffin’s secrets, something that’s just between the two of us, like the secrets we had as kids.
The door to his room swings open and Griff emerges, dressed in fitted jeans with rips across the knees and a gray, long-sleeved Henley that’s stretched across his ridiculously huge arms. “I’m fucking starved, what are we doing for breakfast?” he demands, his tone more brusque than I’m used to.
“There’s a buffet downstairs. Zeke went down to see if we have to make a reservation,” Nova tells him without lifting her eyes from the coffee in her hands.
The suite door opens and Zeke strides in looking fresh-faced and awake. “Morning. The buffet looks delicious, let’s go eat,” he says, resting his arm against the doorjamb.
“Valentine, dude, breakfast,” Griff hollers in the direction of their room as he hops around pulling on sneakers.
“Yeah, I’m coming,” Valentine says, emerging from the room, his head down, his eyes barely open. He’s dressed in his usual black jeans; white t-shirt; and scuffed, black leather boots.
“What the fuck’s up with you?” Zeke says with a laugh.
“He’s not a morning person,” Nova says brightly, jumping up from the couch and bouncing over to her boyfriend. “Come on, sweetie. There’s coffee and bacon downstairs.”
Valentine nods, grabbing a hoodie from the back of the couch and letting Nova lead him out of the room.
The breakfast is amazing and I fill my plate with waffles and drown them with maple syrup, washing it down with a latte and freshly squeezed orange juice. With my stomach full, I lean back on my seat and watch as the others eat. Nova is leaning against Valentine and his eyes are on her, smiling down at her as she sips her coffee.
Another pang of want hits me. I want what they have. I want someone who looks at me the way Valentine looks at Nova. I want all of that, and until this moment I hadn’t realized just how much. Guys have never really been on my radar. I’ve had crushes and the occasional date in middle school, but since the start of high school when the reign of the Scions began, I’ve shied away from guys. The doubt over their reasons for paying me attention has always stopped me from engaging, but in college all of that will change.
No matter which school we pick, no one there will know who I am or who my family is, and that thought is blissful. Any friendships I make will be genuine, any boys who ask me out will be asking me out, not asking Emmy Devereaux, daughter of the Doomsday Sinners MC’s president out.
Excitement ripples through me and I feel a smile spread across my lips. “I have a good feeling about this place.”
“Yeah?” Griff asks, looking up from his plate and grinning at me. “Why’s that?”
“I don’t really know; I just feel like this might be the one.”
Twenty minutes later, we walk outside, stepping onto the sidewalk in front of the hotel.
“It looks like a nice day; shall we walk over to campus?” Nova asks, practically jumping up and down on the spot with barely restrained excitement.
I nod and she rushes forward and links her arm with mine. Our hotel is in the center of the small town of Hayhurst and as we walk, I eagerly take in every detail of the town.
“Okay, so on our pro list for Hayhurst was the small-town location,” Nova reads, pulling the list we made the other night from her purse.
“It’s pretty. I like it better than being in a big city like Wilson Hill was,” I admit, eyeing the cute stores and coffee shops, full of what I guess are probably students judging by their age and appearance. Hayhurst is not that much bigger than Archer’s Creek, but unlike the town we live in, it feels more metropolitan, or perhaps it’s just that we don’t know anyone here and they don’t know us that makes it feel like a much bigger world than the one we inhabit now.
My excitement from earlier builds as we meander through the quiet, tree-lined streets. Rows of brownstones line one side, while restaurants and bars fill the other. It’s a Friday, and even this early in the morning, the whole town feels alive and eager for the day ahead. The feeling is addictive and with each step I take I feel more invigorated, as if the place is seeping into me and settling into my core.
Hayhurst is definitely not a big city like Minnesota, nor a remote hideaway like Addington, but it’s new and somehow it already sort of feels like home. People talk about you having the opportunity to reinvent yourself at college and as my feet move me forward, I really feel like it’s true. Here I could simply become a face in a crowd.
When Nova’s illness was first diagnosed, she admitted that she felt desperate to blend into the background and I understand that need completely; only in Archer’s Creek that’s never been an option. Hayhurst has a freshman class of around a thousand students. If we were to come here, I could be no more special than anyone else. I could just be normal.
When we reach the college campus my step falters as I take in the impressive iron archway with the words Hayhurst College shaped into the curving metal above us, marking the entrance. Butterflies burst to life in my stomach and a glimpse of my future flashes before my eyes. I scan the green lawns and manicured cream gravel paths that weave their way across the grounds and up to the impressive pale gray stone of the college’s buildings. Mature trees, bare of leaves, are dotted here and there, with wrought iron benches placed every so often. Even before spring kicks in and makes it green and lush again, the place looks idyllic.
Stepping beneath the archway, I feel like I’m passing through to another world, and maybe in a symbolic way I am. A gasp slips from between my lips as I take in the almost castle-like structure ahead of us, with narrow curved windows and turrets that seem to burst from the roof. It’s stunning, an architectural masterpiece that blends effortlessly with its surroundings, content in its place and ready to stand tall for the next hundred years.
A sense of rightness settles over me.
All of my worries over making the right decision about school dissolve and right here in this moment, with my feet barely inside the campus, I fall in love with the place.
Nova’s fingers entwine with mine and I squeeze her hand lightly. She squeezes me back, then with a giggle she pulls me forward. “Come on, let’s go and have a look around.”
Following behind, I let her tow me along the path, but I don’t really need to look any further. This is it; this is the school I want to go to, now I just need to hope that the others feel the same way. One by one Nova lists the pros and cons we thought of, but we easily dismiss each shortcoming, all of us equally impressed with the thought of what our lives would be like if we went here.
My feet barely seem to touch the floor as we explore, and being here makes me feel hopeful, like this is exactly where I’m supposed to be, with exactly who I’m supposed to be with.
By lunchtime, my feet ache, but I haven’t stopped smiling. I think we’ve explored every inch of the place and even sat in on a modern English literature class. No one looked at us with more than passing curiosity and it was blissful.
I slide into the red leather booth at the student bar we found not far from the campus and watch as the others follow suit.
“I love this place,” Zeke declares once everyone is sitting down.
“Me too,” I say, enthusiastically, looking between the others, trying to gauge their reactions. I’ve no idea what I’ll do if they don’t all want to go here. It’s only been a morning and I already have my heart set on moving here in the fall.
I catch Griffin’s eyes and his dance with excitement as his lips spread into a wide grin. “Me three.”
We all turn to Nova and Valentine expectantly. His gaze is firmly fixed on her, the look in his eyes saying that he doesn’t care which school he goes to, as long as it’s the same one as her.
“I love it,” Nova says, her lips spreading into a wide grin.
“Oh my god,” I cry. “Are we doing this? Are we all going to go to Hayhurst?”
“Are you guys sure?” Nova says, worrying at her bottom lip with her teeth.
“I am,” I say quickly. “I want us all to stay together, at least for the next few years. I’m not ready to lose you guys yet.”
“Neither am I,” Griffin says. “You’re all my family. I don’t have that much left anymore so I’m keeping you. And I’m not talking distant, ‘postcards on the holidays’ family, I mean ‘walk into each other’s houses, know each other’s business’ family, the nosy as fuck kind that drive you crazy but that you couldn’t go a day without talking to.”
Zeke’s bark of laughter echoes through the bar. “Hell yeah,” he says, holding his hand up to Griff for a high five.
Nova looks over her shoulder to Valentine who’s beside her. He nods at her and she smiles at him before turning her head back to me. “I love you guys. Let’s do it. Let’s all go to Hayhurst.”
“Yes,” Griff hisses, dropping his arm over my shoulder and pulling me close. “To Hayhurst,” he says, lifting his glass into the air.
“To Hayhurst,” I say, mimicking Griff’s action and lifting my glass up. The others quickly follow suit and we clink our glasses together.
The waitress arrives a moment later and we all give her our orders. When she leaves, Griff speaks, garnering all of our attention. “Where are we going to live? I didn’t see any co-ed dorms and the girl’s dorms are on the opposite side of the campus to the guys. I don’t like the idea of you girls being so far away from us.”
I open my mouth to argue with him, to tell him off for suggesting that Nova and I aren’t capable of looking after ourselves, but Valentine speaks first. “Maybe we could get a place off-campus,” he suggests. “I could look at buying a house for us.”
“Firstly, Nova and I will be absolutely fine in the dorms, and secondly, I’m fairly sure my dad’s head will explode if I tell him I want to live with three guys,” I admit on a laugh.
“Nah, Prez would rather you live with us and have us keeping you safe, than live on your own or in dorms,” Zeke says, waving me off.
I turn my incredulous eyes on Nova. “Are you hearing this? Do you think your dad will seriously let you live with Valentine?”
Nova shrugs. “He’ll probably say no at first and he definitely won’t like it, but once he has a chance to think about it, like Zeke said, I think he’d rather we all live together than alone.”
“But will we really get the full college experience if we don’t live in dorms? What about all the parties and mixers and camaraderie of dorm life? If we move into a house off-campus we’ll miss out on all of that,” I say, watching as the others all turn to look at one another.
“I’ve lived in plenty of group homes and dorms at school. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Communal living with strangers is ugly; people are noisy and dirty and you have to share a bathroom with strangers. Plus, it would be cool for us to live together,” Valentine says quietly.
Valentine is the newest member of our group. He doesn’t share the history the rest of us do and honestly, if he didn’t love Nova as much as he does, I’m not sure any of us would still be speaking to him after the shit he pulled when he first moved to town. But now, watching as his hopeful eyes scan our group, then soften when they land on Nova, I exhale a sigh. He’s here for her, prepared to follow her to whatever school she picks, but he wants us along for the ride too.
“We don’t have to decide right away,” I say.
Nova smiles at me, before looking back at Valentine, a happy grin gracing her lips as she lifts her face up to him for a kiss. He obliges, leaning down and pressing his lips against hers. It’s not a heated kiss, not a prelude to more. It’s a loving, adoring, infatuated kiss and I wonder what it would be like to share that with a guy.
After our food arrives, we excitedly chat about the campus, what the university offers and the classes we could take. Every word is full of excited hope and it energizes me. What a difference a day makes. Wednesday night in my room I was worried about the future, about making the wrong choice, but right now I’ve never been more certain that Hayhurst is the right decision.
With my certainty comes a confidence I’ve never really felt before. We leave the restaurant as a group, but each step I take feels full of possibility. This town will be our home, this school our future and I’m ready.
Fuck, we actually picked a college. Hayhurst seems like a great school, but more than that Emmy loves it and even if I hated the place that would be enough to convince me this was the best place for us all to attend.
I swear she spent the entire day smiling so widely I bet her jaw was hurting, but I love seeing her so happy. I want her to be happy. It’s really happening, we’re all going to be together for at least the next four years. We’re not losing her, I’m not losing her, and I feel like I can breathe for the first time in months.
Until last summer I didn’t realize how dependent on my friends I am, but fuck, Emmy distancing herself and Nova having her meltdown has made me realize that I’m not me without them.
It’s codependent and messed up, but who I am is so intrinsically linked with them that without them I have no idea what I’d do. Some people might think that would make me want to give myself a chance to explore who I am on my own, but I really don’t care.
Growing up, I learned that family can be the people you choose, just as easily as the ones you share blood with. Emmy, Zeke, Nova, and now Valentine are my family by choice and I can’t think of a single reason why I’d want to be alone when I can be with them.
I watch Emmy’s face as she talks about living in the dorms and for a split-second I feel guilty that she won’t get that experience if we all live together off-campus. None of us would stop her if that’s what she really wants, but I hope we can change her mind. We’re her roots, a little taste of home in this big new world and selfishly I want to keep a part of her with us while she starts her new life.
College Move-In day.
“Are you sure you have everything you need?” Mom asks me, her lower lip trembling with emotion.
“Yes, Mom. We have more stuff than an Ikea store. You guys got us everything we need and just as much stuff that we’ll never ever use,” I say on a laugh.
“Don’t be a smart-ass,” Mom mock scolds, as she pulls me in for yet another hug. “I’m going to miss you.”
“I’m going to miss you too, but we’ll be home for Thanksgiving and you can all come down for parents’ weekend to make sure we’re still alive.”
Mom hugs me tighter, eventually releasing me and turning me into Dad’s waiting arms.
“Be safe, baby girl. The boys will look after you, I’ll kill them if they don’t, but I need you to be smart too. No parties, no boys, no drinking.”
I laugh against his chest. “Okay, Daddy, because I spend so much time drinking at parties with boys.”
“You’re still my baby girl. I don’t like you growing up this quick.”
That had become obvious with the amount of time it took him to debate between whether I should live in dorms or with the boys. Living with the boys won, after he’d told them all in no uncertain terms what would happen if they didn’t protect me. I loved him dearly but sometimes he could be soooo embarrassing.
“I’ll always be your baby girl,” I say, stifling the tears that are threatening to fall.
“Always,” Dad says, his voice gruff and full of emotion.
Eventually he releases me, pulling my mom into his chest and rubbing her back as she cries silently. I look around me and see Auntie Liv sobbing while she clings to both Nova and Zeke, Duke slapping Griffin on the back in a tight ‘bro’ hug, and Auntie Brandi openly sobbing.
“I only just got you. It’s not fair that you’re leaving us so soon,” she cries, her fingers gripping Valentine’s shirt tightly.
“I’m only going to college, Brandi, not leaving forever.” Valentine says.