Scuba Dancing

by Nicola Slade

  ‘Oh!’ Finn’s glowing smile was answer enough and he blushed with awkward delight. ‘I love orchids. That’s so kind, thank you.’

  Just at that moment the telephone rang and Rosemary Clavering apologised to Marek who was telling her for the tenth time about his bogus marriage, and went to answer it. Only Julia spotted that Rosemary’s expression was one of extreme surprise.

  ‘Listen, people.’ Rosemary called the group to order and told them to sit down. ‘That was the travel agent and you won’t believe what they’re suggesting.’ She had their attention now, so she explained. ‘The chiefs of the hotel chain are going ballistic about this food poisoning outbreak, naturally enough, and they’re panicking because they’ve been inundated by people calling in to cancel their holidays. Apparently the phone lines have been jammed and the volume of e-mails caused a crash. Anyway …’ She paused tantalisingly. ‘Anyway, the agent says they’re absolutely desperate to get tourists back so they can prove to the world that the hotel is up and running, so they’re working down their lists of bookings and contacting people with offers they hope they can’t refuse.’

  ‘So?’ Delia was predictably impatient. ‘Spit it out, Rosemary. What offer have they come up with that we can’t refuse?’

  ‘They’ve offered us …’ Rosemary looked extremely smug, but then, as Delia threatened actual bodily harm, she carried on hastily. ‘They’ve offered that instead of our two weeks at the beginning of next July, we can have three weeks almost immediately, starting on Christmas Eve. And ….’ she shouted down the clamour her announcement provoked, ‘… and, they say, it will only cost us a thousand pounds each – an enormous reduction. Christmas is the most expensive time of all.’

  ‘That’s incredible.’ Julia spoke for them all. ‘Are we all game?’ She smiled as they all shouted at once. ‘I thought so. We’ll leave Bobbie and Delia to do the sums but surely that means we can spread the cost much more evenly and end up with a really decent surplus we could give to charity. The local Age Concern would be my preference, given our slogan, “Comforts for the elderly”. It would be only fair and,’ she murmured in Rosemary’s ear, ‘it would go a fair way to easing my conscience about the whole enterprise.’

  Under cover of the hubbub Charlie smiled down at Finn.

  ‘Do you remember definitely agreeing that we’d go on this holiday with them?’ he asked her. ‘No, me neither. But I don’t care, do you? We’ll never get three weeks in the West Indies for a couple of grand any other way. How about we use this development and set the date for the wedding for two days before Christmas Eve? If you don’t mind a honeymoon with a gang of … what? Eccentrics is probably the kindest word for them?’

  ‘Sounds good to me,’ she assured him, pulling his face down so she could kiss him again. ‘I’ve got to the stage where the prospect of a wedding not attended by pensioners and weirdos is unthinkable. What do we do about getting a licence?’

  He glanced at his watch.

  ‘We extricate the vicar from Bobbie’s clutches and fix the time and date,’ he suggested. ‘She left her mobile behind so Bobbie and Ursula caught her when she came back and last time I spotted her they were having an earnest discussion about whether animals have souls. I think Bobbie was winning.’

  ‘I’d be delighted,’ the vicar told them when they rescued her from the two cat lovers. ‘Twelve o’clock? An excellent choice for weddings, funerals or christenings; time to digest your breakfast and not get too hungry before lunch.’ She stopped joking for a moment and looked at them very kindly. ‘This is the point where I normally try to get couples to consider the implications of marriage,’ she said seriously. ‘But I’ve been talking to some of these good people today and they’ve all been vociferous in telling me of the grace and humanity you’ve both shown in helping out with their activities. It’s my belief that a couple with such kind hearts can be expected to work hard at their relationship and to make their vows meaningful.’

  She smiled at their astounded faces, shook hands heartily and left them to ponder her words.

  ‘I’ll be in touch about the arrangements,’ she reminded them and slid out, after a furtive glance round to make sure neither Ursula and Bobbie, nor Jamie Stuart, were in sight.

  Meanwhile Delia was checking that her troops were ready for battle.

  ‘How will those dates fit in with your term times, Sue?’ she enquired and Sue set her shoulders resolutely and pursed her lips.

  ‘I think it overlaps by about two days,’ she said, then she grimaced and spread her hands in resignation. ‘Makes no difference, I’m still going. If it doesn’t suit the powers that be, so what? I’m thirty-five with a whole world to see. I’ve been a doormat for too long, they can like it or lump it!’

  ‘Well said,’ Delia nodded. ‘Okay, what about passports? Everyone up to date? Anyone need to renew, because if so, we need to get a move on.’

  ‘I haven’t got a passport,’ Ursula piped up and Jonathan Barlow nodded also, looking extremely anxious.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Jamie assured them. ‘We can go into town now and pick up the forms and get your photographs done, then one or other of us can sign them for you and we’ll send them off express. If you like I’ll give the Passport Office a ring and see what the position is, bearing in mind the Christmas postal situation.’

  ‘Excellent.’ Delia made a note and frowned at Ursula. ‘What about Henrietta? She can’t be left for three weeks, can she? Do you need any help with the arrangements?’

  ‘No thank you,’ Ursula said with dignity. ‘A friend of the family will keep an eye on things for me.’ Unseen by anyone else the angel, who had been hanging around the funeral in, as he said, “a professional capacity”, winked approvingly at her. ‘Well,’ he had suggested on his last visit. ‘That’s all you need say, after all, I am a friend of the family, aren’t I?’

  With a doubtful glance Delia made another note, then turned to Jonathan again.

  ‘How will you manage with Pauline? Won’t she kick up an awful stink?’

  ‘She won’t cause a problem,’ he asserted stoutly and refused to elaborate.

  Ursula had a sudden thought and cast a sidelong look at him, then at the angel, who shook his head, golden finger to gleaming lips. ‘Don’t be silly,’ he whispered in her ear. ‘His wife is alive and well and twice as repulsive as normal. His plans don’t include burying her in his allotment, though I heartily approve of what he is intending to do.’

  ****

  Within a few days events were gathering pace. The wedding day and time were set and Finn was starting to think about what she would wear. Her initial plans for something simple were overtaken by the desire of the whole gang for a proper white wedding to start their holiday of a lifetime with a bang. On its own this would not have influenced her, but first Julia and then Charlie started to sigh and say how much they’d love to see her in full regalia. When she argued that, at forty, she would look ridiculous, Charlie gave her a spaniel-eyed sigh and Julia laughed at her so she gave in and started haunting the bridal shops in all the neighbouring towns, looking for something suitable for her “mature years” as Julia termed it.

  Rosemary was surprised to receive a visit from Hedgehog and Bernard, both looking unusually ingratiating.

  ‘Finn told us about the holiday,’ they chorused. ‘Is there any chance we could tag along? Would you mind?’

  ‘But didn’t Finn say you were booked for some religious retreat for Christmas?’ Julia had been summoned across the green for support.

  ‘It’s been postponed,’ Bernard mourned. ‘The leader’s got to go into hospital for a hernia operation, so it’s all up in the air.’

  ‘Besides,’ Hedgehog expanded. ‘We checked up their website and decided it’s not for us. Turns out they’re some militant group, Gay Farmers for Jesus, and that’s no good for us. Bunny’s already as far out of the closet as he’s coming and I was hoping some bird might be full of Christian charity towards a sinner! Go on,’ he pleaded. ‘
Find out, there’s a love, and if it’s all right with the tour people and with your gang, we’d love to come.’

  ****

  ‘I’ve no objection,’ Jamie said at the emergency meeting that night. ‘The more the merrier, those two will enhance the party, I’d say.’

  The others agreed, though it was decided, by unanimous vote, that Hedgehog and Bunny need not be enlightened about the nature of the fund-raising.

  ‘I think they’ve got a fair idea,’ Charlie murmured to Finn as they sat at the back of the meeting in the pub. ‘Wouldn’t bother either of them if they did know, Hedge’s mind is as broad as a dining table.’

  ‘You’re in, then,’ Julia and Rosemary told the new recruits. ‘Mind you,’ Julia warned, ‘they’re a bit puritanical, you know? Might be sniffy about gay couples and that’s what they’ll assume you are, so don’t be surprised to find yourselves allocated Bobbie or Ursula as official room-mates. It’s only for the name of the thing, we’ll sort ourselves out when we get there.’

  At this point Finn and Charlie appeared.

  ‘Good dinner?’ enquired Jamie, shifting up on an oak settle to make room for him.

  ‘So-so,’ Charlie told him. ‘Mind you, it was great to be on our own for a bit; this communal social life gets a bit wearing sometimes.’

  ‘Ah well,’ said his father tolerantly. ‘You’re young-ish yet. Once we get to the Caribbean you needn’t speak to any of us if you don’t want to.’

  ‘Come to any decisions?’ Julia asked Finn who was sitting beside her on the opposite settle. ‘About what sort of ‘do’ you want?’

  ‘Sort of,’ sighed Finn. ‘All we want is a quiet wedding in church and a nice lunch somewhere afterwards. With you lot, believe it or not. I’ve lost touch with my old friends in this country and I definitely don’t want to invite anyone from Brussels. Charlie’s much the same. I don’t think he wants anything that might remind him of last time.’ She watched Charlie talking to Jamie. ‘He says that since he moved here he’s been too busy to make friends apart from his business partner and clients. And I’ve looked at dresses and I hate them all. Why can’t you sew, Julia? It’d make life so much easier if you could just whip me up a little number.’

  As Julia opened her mouth, Rosemary, blushing slightly, interrupted. ‘But I can sew,’ she informed Finn. ‘If you tell me what you want, I’ll come with you to choose material and I’ll make your dress. If you’d like me to, I mean.’

  ‘Brilliant!’ Finn was alight with gratitude.

  ‘Of course,’ Julia said at the same time, ‘I completely forgot you could sew, Rosemary. She does marvellous work,’ she told Finn. ‘I’ll make the cake, though,’ she added. ‘That’s something I can manage very well. Great, that’s two things out of the way, what else? Where to have the reception?’

  ‘Er …’ Hugh Taylor was clearing his throat importantly. ‘Might I offer my drawing room? It’s quite a large room and it opens up, first into the dining room and then into the conservatory; it makes it very pleasant and spacious for entertaining.’

  ‘Oh yes.’ Rosemary gazed at him in admiration. ‘It’s such a lovely room, Finn, it would be perfect. How clever you are, Hugh!’

  ‘And I’ve already offered orchids.’ Jonathan was obviously carried along by the wave of enthusiasm. ‘There will be plenty, for your bouquet and buttonholes, and I’ve plenty of late chrysanths coming along that would be nice in the church.’

  Finn looked helplessly at Charlie who shrugged and mouthed ‘Up to you’, so she thanked Jonathan nicely too and turned to find Bobbie almost jumping up and down on the spot, lifted right out of her customary timidity.

  ‘Oh, how lovely,’ she squeaked. ‘I do love a wedding! Please, Finn, may I do the flowers? I know how to make bouquets and do flower arranging; my mother used to belong to a flower club. It would be such fun!’

  ‘And I could do some cooking for the reception,’ Ursula chimed in excitedly. ‘We must make a list, like we did before.’

  ‘I’ll provide the champagne,’ Delia put in. ‘I’ve got my man at Threshers under my thumb, won’t be a problem. What else do we need, Charlie? What about a best man? Your partner in the business?’

  ‘He’s away till Christmas Eve,’ Charlie shrugged again then started to laugh. ‘It’d better be you, Pa – we might as well keep it in the family, mightn’t we? Who will give you away, Finn?’

  Even as Finn caught Julia’s eye she was aware of Marek standing slightly aside, proud and forlorn as the others all made offers that he was unable to match.

  ‘Marek,’ she said, moving over to take his hand, ‘will you do me the honour?’

  ‘Oh, my dear young lady.’ He capitulated at once, unable to conceal his emotion. ‘The honour will be all mine.’

  ‘I’ll help out with the cooking and the flowers,’ Sue announced hastily. ‘Just in case Delia decides I ought to play the organ or sing or something. I must say,’ she told Finn with a smile, ‘not many brides would let us take over their big day. Are you sure about this?’

  ‘The only thing I’m sure of is that I love Charlie,’ Finn told her frankly with a smile towards him that made the other women sigh for their own lost loves. ‘As far as I’m concerned you’re welcome to arrange everything just as you like.’

  ****

  The 22nd of December turned out to be one of those perfect winter days, beginning with a silver frost that spangled the bushes outside Finn’s window and continuing into a panorama of gold and blue and green, in pale winter sunshine, chambray sky and the verdant prettiness that made Bychurch a byword.

  ‘Just us.’ Finn looked across at Julia who was forcing herself to eat a leisurely breakfast. ‘Like it’s always been.’

  ‘Soppy thing.’ Julia tried not to look as moved as she felt but her eyes betrayed her and Finn jumped up to give her a consoling hug.

  ‘You are happy about Charlie and me, aren’t you, Julia?’ she asked, nuzzling her head against her elder sister’s shoulder just as she had done as a small child.

  ‘Of course I am.’ Julia thought she would break down completely if this went on. ‘Come on, Finn, what mother wouldn’t want her daughter – and you know that no real daughter could have been dearer to me – to be marrying the heir to the throne of England? Specially as he’s such a darling.’ She patted Finn’s shoulder and got up to pour another cup of tea and to wipe away the sentimental tears at the same time. ‘Seriously, Finn, I think he’s just right for you: strong and kind, thoughtful and funny, and dead sexy with it! And don’t worry about me,’ she added. ‘After all, you’ll be nearer, living just across the green than you’ve been for nearly ten years on the Continent. I do think you ought to set about making some other friends, though. As a temporary measure the gang is fine but we might be considered a rather eccentric social circle, mightn’t we?’

  ‘Maybe.’ Finn wandered to the sitting room window to look out over the village green. ‘But they’ve all been so kind, you’d think I was family. Look at Bobbie, she’s decorated the church and made all those flower arrangements for the do afterwards, not to mention taking over and making up my bouquet. And then there’s Hugh – I feel a bit guilty after the way you and I have laughed at him – letting us use his fantastic house like this.’

  ‘You are family to them,’ Julia told her. ‘Bobbie has no near relatives, apart from those cats of hers now, and she said she’s never had a hand in a wedding before. Same with Ursula, though I do worry about her. She insists that Henrietta isn’t making any fuss about her going on holiday for three weeks but she refuses to tell us what arrangements she’s made. And the others: Delia’s in her element, marshalling her troops, providing the drink and so on. Jonathan too, his greenhouse and the allotment have always been his escape from that wife of his and he’s thrilled to be able to bring something positive out of it with your flowers.’

  ‘As for Marek …’ Finn began to laugh. ‘… He’s been on the phone half a dozen times a day, worrying about what the “father”
of the bride has to do. I think he’s disappointed that it’s actually so little.’ She turned away from the window. ‘I wish I knew what Hedgehog and Bernard were planning to wear, that’s the one real worry I have – that they might dress up in something outrageous, specially if Bunny’s drunk and Hedge is stoned.’

  ‘What if they do?’ Julia spread her hands. ‘Will you care? Charlie won’t, that’s for sure, nor anyone else. You can always refuse to let them be in the photographs if they turn up in bridesmaids’ dresses, though I think it might provide that certain something.’

  Besides providing his house and drawing room for the reception, Hugh Taylor was also transport chief; his Mercedes would take Charlie and Finn back to the house. At eleven-thirty he arrived at Forge Cottage in his auxiliary role as official photographer, sporting his Leica. He found Marek marching up and down muttering and Bobbie alternately fussing about the flowers and mopping her eyes from which sentimental tears flowed at any given moment.

  ‘Oh, Hugh, she looks a picture!’ She pounced on Julia who looked in to nod a welcome to Hugh. ‘Come and let’s look at you, Julia. Oh, how lovely! That green velvet suits you so well, and I love the hat, you look so Christmassy.’

  Julia preened in the mirror, admiring the emerald velvet suit with its matching Edwardian-style hat which was trimmed with a spray of Christmas roses, leaves and berries.

  ‘I know it’s a bit over the top,’ she admitted. ‘But hey! I never was a shrinking violet, so why not go for the festive look?’ She heard movement upstairs and her face softened with loving pride as Finn carefully negotiated the dog-leg staircase.

  ‘Oh, darling,’ she exclaimed. ‘You’re so beautiful!’

  Hugh took some photographs until Finn looked nervously at herself in the long mirror in the hall. Terrified of looking like mutton dressed as lamb she had approved Rosemary’s suggestion of the simplest possible dress: moderately low, round neck, long, narrow sleeves, long, narrow skirt, fitted to show off her waist, the whole in soft, ivory velvet.