You're Only Dead

by Jack Parker

  "Fuck!" he yelped above him. "Fuck! Ah!"

  Emery was still pinned under the merciless throes of his peak as Kurt came. He could feel the hot liquid overflowing, spurting down his leg as the thrusting continued, filling him up so much that he could sense the warmth of it all the way to his fingertips. His own cock was still pumping away short spurts onto the bedspread but he was a miserable, whimpering wreck by that point. Kurt was making the sorts of noises he imagined one made as they died an agonizing death and it was fitting. Emery felt completely dizzy. He wheezed and shuddered hard when Kurt pulled out, pulling with him a great gush of his release that drizzled wetly onto the sheets. Emery struggled to hold back stunned sobs. Nothing had ever felt that powerful. It scrambled his emotions. The moment Kurt leaned forward and stroked his hair the tenderness pushed him over the edge. He broke down into hiccupping tears and Kurt bent down to fuss over him with more concerned and loving touches. "There now…"

  "I thought I'd lost you…" he choked.

  "No…Never…Ich lasse dich nie allein, Emery. Nein."

  Emery managed to roll over and curl up onto his side and Kurt collapsed down to gather him up into his arms.

  * * *

  It was sadly temporary, but for these blissful few hours, Kurt was utterly stress free. When Emery calmed down and sat up to wipe his wet face Kurt ruffled his hair and slipped off to the bathroom to relieve himself and clean the drying mess from his groin. It was incredible how much better he felt. Clearly he relied more on the comfort of sex than he ever realized. He returned to see Emery sitting in the middle of the bed, back turned to him, sheets pooled around the waist of his lovely naked figure as he stared down at the great wet stains around him. Kurt quickly climbed back onto the bed and moved so that Emery was seated between his legs, his back pulled up to Kurt's chest. It had been too long since he could heap attention onto Emery the way he so loved. To compliment him and stroke his ego until he was blushing with pride. He'd missed absolutely everything, from the lovemaking all the way down to the bickering. Kurt wrapped his arms around his partner's body and buried his face into his hair, breathing in deeply and relishing the home-like scent of him. "You have such an incredible body…" Kurt purred in his ear.

  Emery chuckled softly.

  "You do. And your sweet, handsome face…" he stroked the back of a hand along one cheek while kissing the other and Emery snickered some more. "I'll never grow tired of looking at you."

  "I'll be old and horrid one day, you realize."

  "Nonsense. Your looks merely get more distinguished as the years pass."

  "That's a nice word for it."

  "Mm, it's true."

  Emery sighed and sank back into him.

  Kurt began to carefully massage Emery's right shoulder, thoughts turning gradually serious. "I'd heard about your shoulder…"

  "Ah. That. It was bad, I won't lie," Emery said, wincing for a moment before giving the touch his full trust. "But it'll be alright."

  Kurt was silent for a long moment as he rubbed it. "Victor told me what happened. To your stepfather."

  Emery stiffened slightly.

  "We won't talk about it if you don't want to. I just wanted to say that I'm…so sorry for what you've had to go through. Again."

  Emery swallowed and wriggled a little in his spot. "It's fine, I…I needed it, I think. To face him one last time. To be assured that it was really, truly over. But I…"

  Kurt waited patiently.

  Emery sighed again, roughly. "I didn't think he'd do that. Kill himself. That's not what I wanted. I don't…feel right about it. It hurts in a brand new way now and I…" he paused, a hand smoothing the hair from his eyes. "I just feel as though I can't have anything. I can't have an explanation for what he did, I can't have back the things he took from me, and I can't even be glad that the man who ruined me is dead. Because I think…I think deep down, in a way, I ruined him right back."

  Kurt's lips parted slightly in surprise. "It's his sin, Emery, not yours. You were a child. His role was to look out for your wellbeing and instead he preyed upon you."

  "He didn't see it that way."

  "I expect not. Most abusers would rather rationalize their actions than consciously vilify themselves, but it doesn't make them any less wicked."

  Emery was quiet.

  Kurt gently traced a hand down his spine. Emery's good heart would be his own undoing. That he could still have sympathy for even someone as corrupt as his stepfather made Kurt angry. Angry at himself for being unable to defend Emery from his own damaged conscience, angry at Hunter Eaton for managing to torment his victim from beyond the grave, angry at Thompson for costing him the opportunity to be by Emery's side when he was most needed. His fingers stopped on Emery's tailbone and he shook his head. "For the second time I've failed you in this. I should have been there."

  "You've never failed me." Emery looked over a shoulder at him with soulful eyes. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. It's over now. For good this time."

  Kurt drew his arms back around him and rested his chin on his shoulder.

  Emery reached up, gripping one of Kurt's forearms and rubbing his thumb back and forth along the skin there. It was comfortably quiet for a moment before Emery snorted lightly. "What were you doing in a jeweler's shop, anyway?"

  Kurt closed his eyes. "Hm?"

  "Where you were last seen, I…well I stumbled across there and that's how I got my lead you might be in England. The last person to see you was the jeweler, but why were you there when you were supposed to be at work?"

  Kurt's eyes opened. He stared off, lips parting to respond, but the words caught before he could speak them. He then tightened his hug, forcing a dismissive chuff. "Just…thinking about finding you another watch for Christmas. Not very original, I know." He smoothed his hand down Emery's arm, pulling it up and furrowing his brow. "Although it seems it would have been warranted. This one's broken."

  Emery pulled his arm back to his chest. "Oh, it's just the glass is all. A little cracked. I'm getting it fixed when I can."

  Kurt stared down absently at the watch, throat feeling tense from the lie. This wasn't the time or place to bring that up. He couldn't tell Emery what he'd really been doing there. He couldn't invite that discussion with how many other distractions and worries they had at the moment, he didn't want to muddy things all up. If he explained that now it would destroy any future plans he might make to do the asking proper. …And he realized, with wonder, that he very much still desired that. Perhaps now more than ever.

  After a bit they got up and went to the shower. Emery washed him thoroughly and Kurt reciprocated, unable to get enough of moving his hands and lips over that body. To prove he was really, truly there in front of him, that the smoothness of his muscles and the salt of his skin weren't figments of his imagination. Emery was quickly again spurred to action and dropped to his knees where he revived his unreal talent for oral sex. It didn't take much before Kurt was coming again. Afterwards Emery remained there and clung to him, face nestled into his crotch, arms wound tightly around his thigh. Kurt reached down to massage his scalp and leaned his head back against the wet tiles of the shower wall. It was so bloody good to reconnect. Like shedding the cast from a broken limb that had healed up and realizing that you were finally whole again. Even his most vivid memories hadn't done this feeling justice while they were apart. This would not happen again, Kurt vowed to himself. He would not part with this man. Not for anything.

  When they were dry and clothed again Emery forced Kurt to sit at the table while he heated up a bowl of soup and demanded that he eat it all. Kurt did so without hesitation, hunger finally catching up with him. Emery brought him another, but halfway into it the caffeine had worn off and he suddenly felt like all the weight in his body had shifted to his arms. The exertion of intercourse, the sleep deprivation, and the full stomach had wiped him entirely. He knew he couldn't last, but didn't like the idea, so he stood up, trying to shake it off.

  "Come on, com
e lie down," Emery demanded, pulling at his arm. "I didn't walk through fire to find you just to watch you die of exhaustion."

  Kurt almost fell over when Emery lightly shoved him at the bedroom and was quickly snatched back upright.

  Emery cringed. "Shit, I'm sorry. Oh, you poor devil…come on."

  Kurt did as he was told and went in to sit on the bed. Emery followed him in and pushed him over onto the pillows, reaching down to find a blanket. "Wake me in an hour," Kurt said.

  Emery laid the blanket over his body. "I'll do no such thing. You need rest and I'm seeing that you get it."

  "Can't afford to…" Kurt muttered, vision strangely blurry.

  "Yes you can. It's alright, Kurt. You haven't got to handle everything alone. Let me take on a little of the load here and there. I'll keep us safe."

  "Mmf," Kurt attempted to protest, but his eyes closed involuntarily when a hand began lightly scratching his head.

  "Hush now. I'll wake you if anything comes up, I promise. Just rest. …There…that's it."

  Frazzled and defeated, Kurt could do nothing else. He sank heavy into the bed and his world began to fade out, only able to register the fingers playing in his hair and how nice it was to finally, finally feel warm again.

  Chapter 23

  As Victor surveyed the group of people standing around him at a metal table in the privacy of an abandoned warehouse guarded at all ends, he couldn't help but notice that this fucking crew just got more bat-shit by the minute. He didn't know how all these people could possibly work together in a cohesive unit. Who was the leader here, anyway? What was preventing this encounter from dissolving into chaos? Victor's eyes continued to shift nervously between Ludkov and the remainder of his people, who stood armed at doors and roamed the outside. They began to sit. Victor decided to remain standing when he heard Emery suck in a fast breath, having paused just as he sat down with a shocked look on his face. Victor lifted an eyebrow in confusion before he caught Kurt's strangely guilty expression and…oh. Welp, time to pretend that didn't just happen.

  True to form, Emery quickly recomposed and was the first to break the ice. "How likely is it to get Hennessey on his lonesome?"

  Ludkov shrugged. "This depends. His people are always underfoot, but mindless. Easily distracted."

  Emery nodded. "Could some of us run interference whilst I have my chat, then?"

  Ludkov simply glanced at him without reply, pulling a cigarette carton from his pocket and tapping one out.

  Emery thought for a moment before straightening up. "So where does the chap frequent? Where are we going to find him?"

  "I do not keep tabs on that fat idiot," Ludkov muttered indifferently, taking a puff. His attitude was a little touchy today. Victor subtly took a step away from him.

  "We could approach his people," Georgie said. "I know several of their faces. It's possible that they'd consent to a meeting if the sell was good enough, but it's just as possible they'd attack on sight, and we don't have the numbers to make a defense."

  Victor rubbed the growing hair on his neck and absently wished he'd shaved, trying to think his way into this fiasco. There had to be a way to find Hennessey somewhere low key. Somewhere public. He glanced over as a noise caught his attention to find Dave leaning against the corner of the table, twirling his keys around one finger idly. He glared for a moment before Dave noticed and stopped, sticking the keys back into his pocket. "Okay," Victor said. "So no one knows where this guy usually hangs out? Does anyone know where he lives?"

  "Approaching him in his own territory is sure to be received poorly. It's got to be on neutral turf," Georgie replied.

  "Is there neutral turf in this city anymore?" Victor huffed, throwing up an arm. "Because every time I turn around there's some jackass from one team or another trying to kill me, so how much lenience can we afford to give personal bubbles here? If we want Hennessey, we're gonna have to go in and get him."

  Emery leaned forward. "Couldn't there be a way to get a message to him? Send in a messenger? Someone he knows?"

  Georgie sighed. "Yes."

  The others turned to look at her.

  Her eyes flickered between Emery and Victor before she went on. "Me."

  "You?" Victor and Emery echoed.

  "This was just what I was going to suggest. Hennessey knows who I am. He also knows I work for Mr. Ludkov, but some of his boys have always been, shall we say, a bit keen on me. There's a slim chance that if I sought them out I could actually get through to him. Convince him to meet."

  "What? Just you on your own?" Emery asked, brow furrowing.

  "It'll look better that way." Georgie leaned her hands on the table, chancing a glance at Ludkov next to her. "It's the best option, really. Their guard is more likely to stay down if it's just one little woman walking in on them instead of the rough and ugly crowd we all make. It also offers us the lowest casualty potential if I fail."

  Victor curled a lip. "You mean if you're fucking murdered."

  Georgie nodded.

  "No," Emery stated firmly.

  Georgie opened her mouth to defend herself and he met her with a hard look.

  "I will absolutely not allow it."

  "With all due respect, Mr. Fletcher, I don't answer to you," she reminded.

  "She has a point," Ludkov added with a blank expression. "Hennessey will have no respect for her, but neither will he consider her a threat."

  "Because she won't be," Victor pointed out. "Look, no offense Faraday, but I don't care how good you are at running guys over and shooting people in the face—if you walk in alone on Hennessey's rowdy fuckwits they'll eat a woman like you alive."

  A loud snort drew everyone's attention. All eyes went to Dave, who was looking off, twirling his goddamn keys again. Victor narrowed his eyes and eventually the idiot realized silence had fallen and he was in the spotlight. The color drained from his face as he stared at the group like a deer in headlights. Emery lidded his eyes from across the table, clearing his throat. "Did you have a thought, David?"

  "Did it hurt?" Victor couldn't help but add.

  Dave glanced between them and flapped his lips uselessly before finding words. "Oh, uh, i-it's nothing. I just agreed is all."

  "With what?" Emery prodded.

  Dave used his hand to gesture and accidentally flung his keys to the ground. "I dunno, I mean Hennessey's gang being pricks and all. A bunch of regular cunts. They always manage to muscle me and mine off all the birds and hog all the good seats at the pubs and whatnot. Friday nights me and my mates used to go to Deidre's for darts and Guinness until Hennessey and his lackeys started showin' up every week. Now there ain't no point. It's as good as took over."

  Victor and Emery shared a look before Victor looked back at him. "So you're telling me that you know a place Hennessey himself frequents, out in public and drunk, every week?"

  Dave nodded dumbly and bent over to pick up his keys.

  Victor held out a hand at him in disbelief. "And you didn't think to fucking mention this earlier?"

  Dave looked up with utter vacancy behind his eyes and shrugged. "Why?"

  Emery covered a hand over his forehead with a smirk and closed his eyes. "Where's this pub, Dave?"

  " 'Bout four blocks from my flat, I reckon." Dave stared at the ground for a long moment before looking back up, holding up a hand in sudden revelation. "Wait a minute, why don't we just confront him there?"

  "Brilliant," Emery replied. He tapped Kurt's elbow and they both stood. "Show us the way, then. I want to get a feel for it."

  "I'll drive," Georgie said, stepping over with them.

  Dave obediently scurried over and Victor moved to follow suit but Emery stopped him with a hand gesture. "Stay here, Victor. It's the safest place for any of us at the moment and I need you to contact me if there's any trouble out here."

  Victor froze where he was leaning against the table as he processed this. Oh Christ, don't leave me alone with—

  The four of them were already ma
king their way out the door before Victor could protest and his stomach sank, eyes slowly crawling over to the silent Russian on his right. Ludkov didn't seem to notice, blowing smoke from one side of his mouth with a cigarette sticking out of the other. His gaze was distant and uninterested, but at least he didn't seem to be upset by Em taking charge like that. Victor cleared his throat, feeling incredibly awkward. What the hell are you supposed to say to an infamous mobster who once tried to kill you?

  "Your friend is very sure of himself," Ludkov murmured into the silence.

  Victor shrugged stiffly. "Yeah, he's uh…" …Stupid? Cocky? Awesome? Victor didn't know what he even meant to say, but that was apparently all he had.

  Ludkov said nothing else.

  Victor tapped his fingers idly on the table next to him and waited for a long moment, looking across the warehouse at the men patrolling before carefully turning his head back to Ludkov. "So…is it true you killed a guy with a hyena?"

  The hint of a smirk flickered across his face. "Katarina."

  Okay, sure. People named spiders apparently—why not hyenas?

  Ludkov scratched his throat and looked off distantly. "She was a drug mule. Part of a chain of cocaine smuggling many years ago in which they would plant drugs in exotic animals. Once they were collected here they were slaughtered and the drugs retrieved. The hyena drew suspicion. I was told to house the beast until I received further orders, so this is what I did. There seemed to be obstacle after obstacle keeping this filthy cur in limbo. For weeks I stared at that animal through the bars of its cage as it watched me work. I suppose familiarity is inevitable. It grew hungry. Restless. I took pity and fed it scraps, but its appetite was never sated. My brigade was attacked shortly after. The matter was not related, but a gunman caught me unarmed. I struggled with him. He shot me in the shoulder and I picked the only option for survival that there was. I opened Katarina's cage. And though I lay bleeding within her reach, it was not my throat that she went for. …Did you know that a hyena can devour the entirety of a grown man? I would not have believed it if I had not seen it for myself."