Ironspark

by C. M. McGuire

  “No,” I insisted. “You’ve got Ash, remember?”

  “Ash barely talks to me anymore.”

  Right. I barely even managed to greet him in the hall these days. How much harder did that have to be for Jake?

  “What’s going on with him?”

  Jake clenched his jaw. “So, you suddenly care.”

  “Jake, I do care.”

  “Just not enough to tell me anything.” He sniffed. “We were working on a project together. It didn’t go the way he wanted. So he decided to keep doing it on his own. Then the house was gone. He’s pissed. About everything. And you know what? So am I.”

  I thought back to the lost kid curled up in the hall, holding a box of ruined belongings. No. Not just a lost kid. These days, Ash was like a wounded animal who’d bite you even if you tried to help.

  “I’m sorry this has happened. Can I ask what the project was?”

  “No.” Jake ground his teeth, glaring at the wall.

  “Is he getting into fights?”

  “I dunno.” He paused. “He let me bring him some ointment, though, so I guess it’s getting better.”

  I gave him a weak smile. Maybe it wasn’t too late to start bridging this gap. “You know, when I was just a kid and got scared, Mum would sing this song—”

  “Don’t you think it’s a little late to start talking to me about her?” Jake snapped, and it was like a slap to the face. My breath caught in my throat. This wasn’t my Jake. He was the quiet one. He was the sensible one.

  What was happening to my family?

  “I…” I didn’t know what to say. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was too late. But I had to try. “Look, Jake, even when I leave, things are going to be better. Safer. I’ll make sure of it.”

  “Unless you do something stupid,” he snapped. “We know you’ve been doing this for years, Bryn. We just never told because … because we felt safer knowing you were out there. But now we’re going to lose you just like Mom. We just want all of this to end already!”

  It was like whiplash. Jake was upset about me going to college, about Ash, about the danger, about Mum, and God even knew what else. My head spun just trying to keep up with it.

  I took a deep breath. “I can’t promise it’s not going to get scary. These Fae … They’re dangerous. I don’t want you or Ash going anywhere near them. But I’m going to stop them from coming for us again. And then Ash is going to pull his head out of his butt, and everything’s going to be good, okay?”

  Jake bit his lip, but he nodded as he pressed his wet face to my shoulder. I wrapped my other arm around him.

  “I know Ash is being a butt right now, but we’re all going through some stuff. And I’m still here.” I paused. There was a niggling itch in the back of my brain. I was going to be gone this time next year. Dad would never let the boys work with Gooding. Not now.

  We sat like that for what felt like ages until, at last, Jake pulled away and curled up against his pillow. My cue to leave.

  When all this was over, I’d find a way to make it up to him. I’d teach them everything they needed to know.

  * * *

  SLEEPING THAT NIGHT wasn’t easy. A couple of months ago, my life had been so much easier. Now Ash was angry with everyone. Jake was terrified. Gwen was hurt. And I had Dom and Jasika to muddy the waters even more.

  My thoughts circled around to that over and over and every time, all I could do was bury my face in my pillow and try not to groan too loudly. I hadn’t known Jasika even liked girls. Was she a lesbian? Bi? Pan? Did it even matter? It was just a kiss. A stupid kiss, and she’d only done it because she got good news and I happened to be there.

  And yet, all I could feel were butterflies and the echo of her warmth on my skin. I really, really wanted to love that kiss, but all I could feel was guilt. There was no unseeing Gwen’s face in that moment.

  I sucked in a deep breath and grabbed my glass of water.

  “Gwen,” I whispered into the water, willing her to hear me. Willing it to work. The seconds ticked by, and there wasn’t so much as a ripple, no matter how much I wanted one. I scrambled through my backpack, dropping an Altoid and a hardened butterscotch candy in. Still, even as they dissolved, nothing.

  Tiny claws scratched against the stone floor.

  “M-Missy,” Marshmallow said in a small voice. “The water wives will be hiding, Missy. I think the nasty queen saw them before your friend broke the mark on your back.”

  “And they have to protect themselves,” I murmured. I wrapped my arms around my middle and squeezed my eyes shut, but it didn’t stop the feeling of glass tearing up my insides. I wouldn’t have the chance to explain. Gwen was never going to forgive me.

  Tiny arms hugged me with a strength that defied their small size. But all that did was squeeze the tears out of me.

  “It’s okay, Missy,” Marshmallow whispered. “Miss Gwen will come back. You’ll see.”

  But what if she didn’t? Had I finally managed to break her heart after all this time? My oldest friend in this country, and she probably thought I’d gone and dragged some girlfriend to the lake to make out in front of her. Oh God. Oh God, I was going to be …

  The bin appeared almost instantly below my mouth, and just in time. I felt the cool touch of spindly fingers on my forehead and the base of my neck. Made it all a little bit more bearable. But not by much.

  Twenty-Four

  The next morning, I stuffed the backpack with a water bottle and Advil. Marshmallow watched me with wide, glowing eyes. “Missy should be resting,” she warned.

  Right. Lazing around the church agonizing about what had happened was about as helpful as a neon light blazing HEY DAD! FATHER GOODING! GUESS WHAT I’VE BEEN UP TO! Sounded about as appealing as sitting in a stiff plastic chair for seven hours with my back throbbing away.

  “Yeah, well, not much of an option,” I huffed. “I’ll be back when school hours are over.”

  The shadeling wrung her thin fingers, but she didn’t make any move to stop me. She did, however, follow me to the kitchen as I raided the fridge for some milk and a can of spinach, helping herself to the crusty jar of marmalade that had probably been sitting in the door for years. Did shadelings stress-eat? Something to wonder later.

  When I stepped out of the room, however, it was into an occupied hallway. Ash shuffled toward his room, a blanket pulled around his shoulders, a bowl of oatmeal in his hand. He looked awful. Dark bags hung under his eyes, made sharper by his pale face. I doubted I looked much better.

  For a moment, we stared at each other. It was pretty clear we were both skipping school that day. Neither of us could snitch on the other without outing ourselves. Nothing to say. Nothing to discuss. He’d made it pretty clear he didn’t want anything to do with any of us. But he was still my brother. I had to try.

  I almost remarked on his appearance. He was clearly sick. Was it a cold? The flu? Or was he just not sleeping well? That felt like exactly the thing he’d ignore and storm into his room over.

  Then again, that was true of basically everything, wasn’t it?

  “Jake misses you,” I settled on instead. “You should talk to him. And Gooding keeps vitamin C tablets in his office if you need to ask for any.”

  Ash stared at me for a long moment before he slipped into his room and closed the door behind him. I really wasn’t sure what else I’d expected. I swallowed my disappointment and continued on outside.

  The air nipped at my cheeks as I trudged toward the woods. It was hard not to focus on the painful tug of the bandages on my stinging back. Harder still to ignore my surroundings. The whole forest blazed with leaves reddening and browning as autumn stripped them of their vitality. Everything went up in flames, these days.

  Gwen’s pond appeared to be as deserted as Marshmallow had said it would be. Even after I prepared the milk and greens, there was nothing. No ripple, no blond head. No Gwen. I leaned out over the water, my heart in my throat as I whispered. “Gwen. Please, I need to tal
k to you.”

  Nothing. My stomach turned as I curled into my side on the grass. I wasn’t going to be able to make it up to her until all of this was over. Freaking perfect. I swallowed and choked out what I should have said last night.

  “I’m sorry, Gwen.”

  A thousand horrible scenarios itched in the back of my brain. Situations where things with Gwen, things with Jasika, all this chaos didn’t resolve itself. It was Mab’s fault. It was Mum’s fault … but mostly it was my fault. If it wasn’t for me and the damn book, I wouldn’t be stuck in this situation.

  The itching in the back of my brain worsened, an urge I could only ignore for so long until, at last, I couldn’t stop myself. I pulled the book out again and tried reading it, knowing full and well that nothing was going to stick in my mind … until something did. When I came to the knowledge spell I’d used and the healing spell Jasika and I had cast on William, the words just … stayed. They were still nonsense, but they didn’t slide like oil back out of my brain. Was that how it worked? I needed to cast a spell in order to remember it? Was this how it had worked for Mum?

  “Even now, you continue to invite harm to yourself.”

  Gwen! I scrambled to my feet. Gwen stood in the pond, her shift floating out behind her. I wanted to run to her, grab her hands, apologize for everything, but something deep inside told me that I wasn’t allowed to do that. Not today.

  “I’m sorry.” I licked my lips and fumbled for the right words. “I forgot to bring you bread.”

  Gwen folded her hands in front of her. “We both know that isn’t important now.”

  “What I mean to say, um…” I ran my hands through my hair. God, why did I suck so much? “I didn’t know Jasika would kiss me. It caught me off guard, too.”

  “Bryn.”

  “I know it looks bad, okay? I break up with you because I said I didn’t want to date anyone my last year in town and suddenly you see me kissing her right in front of your pond. I swear, I didn’t want to hurt you. I would never want to—”

  Gwen held up a hand. Maybe there was some magic because, like a cork in a wine bottle, the words stopped right there. Gwen took a deep breath.

  “I am not human,” she murmured. “I understand this.”

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  Gwen stared down at the water, her pale hair falling forward, half shielding her face.

  “My sisters have retreated from the threat. I will do what I must to protect them.”

  It felt like a snake had curled around my lungs, tightening and tightening until I could barely breathe. I stumbled forward until my boots began to sink into the mud.

  “What does that mean?”

  Gwen sucked in a shuddering breath. This close, I could see the faint red that lined her lily-pad eyes. She pressed trembling fingers against my cheek.

  “It means goodbye, Bryn.” She brushed a lock of hair behind my cheek, like a dashing romance movie hero. “If all goes well, we might not see each other for some time. Trust in your humans. They have good hearts. And extend my apologies to them as well.”

  “Please don’t go,” I choked. My vision swam. I couldn’t have possibly fucked this up worse, could I?

  Gwen shook her head. “You’re giving your heart to someone else. This should be easier for you.”

  “I don’t want you to leave.”

  Her lips twitched. And, as she had in the summer days we used to spend together, she drew closer, her lips barely touching mine in a kiss as gentle as the small current of her pond.

  “I also have a family to look after, Bryn,” she murmured. “Be careful.”

  My eyes slid shut as she pressed closer, nibbling softly at my lip. And then she was gone. I was alone, shivering and standing in a pond in October.

  Numbly, I stumbled back to the shore and lay against the grass. Tears came and went and came again.

  Somewhere around noon, the texts came. All from Dom.

  Dom: Bryn, are you not in school today?

  Dom: Jasika said you got hurt last night. Are you okay?

  Dom: Bryn, text me back.

  Dom: I’m going to swing by the church after school.

  Dom: If you don’t reply I’m going to assume you’re dying and I’m going to react accordingly.

  It took way more energy than it should have to shoot back a reply.

  Bryn: Alive. Not at church.

  A few seconds passed. I almost turned back to the book before my phone buzzed again.

  Dom: Ok so Jasika caught me up. We’re coming over tonight. I’ve got research to share.

  I sighed. Looked like it was time to face them.

  Twenty-Five

  I wanted to forget. I wanted to pretend the last twenty-four hours hadn’t happened, but every time I saw a puddle of water or a slice of bread, it slammed back into me. Gwen was gone because of my stupidity. For just a little while longer, I refused to dwell on it at all. Beyond just putting it out of my mind. I was determined to stop thinking about it altogether. I’d need to set alarms to wake me before I could fall into too deep a sleep and risk entering Mab’s realm again. Add to the mix the old bottle of caffeine pills tucked into the medicine cabinet in the kitchen and I could stay awake during the day, at least. In a few days, it would all be over.

  Jasika showed up at the convent with her laptop, a two-liter bottle of strawberry soda, and a bag of that pre-popped popcorn they sold in the gas station. Ash and Jake gawked at her, as if I’d never had a friend over before … which, to be fair, I hadn’t.

  “I brought you something for your back,” she said, pulling a Tupperware container with some sort of thick, grayish goop out of her backpack. “Put it on after you’ve showered tonight. Make sure the skin’s dry or it won’t stick.”

  “Thanks.”

  I set the Tupperware on the floor by the bed. She set the laptop on the little bedside table and crawled onto the flat mattress. I sat beside her, and it was like sitting next to a space heater. I couldn’t help but feel horribly, painfully aware of her presence. How close she was. She smelled like jasmine body lotion with the herby undertones of sage and echinacea. Probably what was in the poultice.

  She took a deep breath and smoothed her hands over her jeans. “About yesterday, I wanted to say sorry. I wasn’t really thinking about boundaries and, um … I didn’t mean to make you feel…”

  “It’s fine.” I picked at the old sheets and tried not to look directly at her. “I was just surprised is all.”

  “Yeah, but most people ask someone on a date. They don’t just grab someone and go for it. It’s not really, you know, classy or … um…”

  I blinked and forced myself to glance up. Yeah. Still looked like Jasika. No glamour that I could detect. Which meant this was real. She was really sitting here in my room saying that. My insides hummed to life like someone had just let a bunch of butterflies loose inside.

  “You want to date me?”

  Jasika let out a little puff of breath and tucked her hair behind her ears. “I mean, yeah? I just figured you weren’t interested. You seemed pretty hung up on Gwen.”

  I thought back to Gwen, and guilt stung at my gut. I’d broken things off with her because I didn’t want to be tied down while I was getting ready for college. And now here came Jasika. It was hypocritical how much I liked the idea of it. Just going to a coffee shop or a movie with her. A normal, human thing.

  I licked my lips. The words danced just on the edge of my tongue. Last chance to back down.

  “I really screwed things up with Gwen. And I might screw things up with you, too. But … I’m interested.”

  Jasika’s smile lit up the whole room. “Okay,” she said, nodding. “How about after Halloween? When everything’s over and we know for sure the town is safe, let’s go see a movie together. Just the two of us.”

  “Okay.” And I couldn’t help returning her smile. It was so stupid. We had bigger things to deal with, but it all felt so far away. “So, I guess we can just put things o
n hold and pick up then.”

  “If you want to be all business about it, sure,” Jasika said.

  Still, within an hour or so, I’d curled up on the bed close enough that my shoulder was actually touching Jasika’s while some Korean drama played on the screen. Sitting close enough to smell her jasmine body lotion brought the butterflies back to life, but the vipers in my belly kept fighting them. It took more effort than it should have to focus on the show when my mind wanted to pick apart this new problem. What did Jasika want? Did she want grand, romantic gestures, bouquets of roses delivered on horseback, declarations of love in public, wearing ball gowns? Or was this, right here, right now, eating junk food and watching TV together what she wanted?

  Did I even know how to be a normal human girlfriend? Or was this something everyone struggled with?

  I watched her out of the corner of my eye. The sight of her made it a little easier to push the fear and doubt out of the way. Something about her. The way she bit her lip to hold back a laugh when the heroine did something embarrassing. The way she kept reaching up to toy with one of her dark coils of hair. I just sort of wanted to grab her and kiss her again. Was this the time? She’d initiated before. Were we at a point where I could do it, too, whenever I wanted? Or was the situation still not right? Would I ever be able to tell the difference?

  When the second episode went to credits, there came a distant knock, echoing faintly from the end of the hall. I sat up a little straighter. The hell? Had one of the boys invited someone over?

  Before I could say or do anything about it, Marshmallow popped up onto the edge of the bed in typical shadeling fashion. And in typical human fashion, Jasika shrieked, one hand clapping over her mouth to muffle the sound while the other dug in her pocket for her cross.

  “No no no!” I cried, pulling it out of her hand to toss it on the bed. “This is Marshmallow. She’s friendly.”

  “She—what?” Jasika stared at me like I’d just started speaking in tongues.

  Marsh hung by the foot of the bed, toying with her ear as she glanced between the two of us. I sighed and held out a hand to her. She kept one eye on Jasika but scampered forward, tucking herself into my side.