Enough About Me
Page 18
“Yeah, I guess…,” he said, trailing off. His mind went elsewhere, probably back to the Earth where he had a lot more going for him than he did here. He’d told me before how he had no idea what he’d do when he got out of juvie, with no family to return to and a bad reputation to live down. That other Earth, though, was a different story.
“So,” I said. “You want to go back or what?”
He snapped out of his daze. “What do you mean?”
I felt around for the fizz, which came roaring back. My time in the Rip and a few hours of sleep had fixed whatever damage the origami drive had done to me. Better than fixed—I felt fizzier than ever. I got a vision of the origami key to the Earth where he’d gone, a tube-nosed fruit bat. After folding the shape in my head, I pushed it out just like I’d done before. Lil Battleship’s mouth fell open as the portal grew before him.
I didn’t know how long this doorway to a different life for my friend would stay open, so we didn’t have much time for goodbyes. “Thanks, man,” he said, stepping through. “And next time you go sleep-peeing, think of me.”
After he left this reality, I noticed the origami octopus on the shelf next to my bed, just the way Meticulous folded them—decent, but lacking any soul. Well, maybe a little more soul than his earlier attempts.
Inside was a simple note in his writing. Our writing.
You’re welcome.
Ours sincerely,
Me
Now I understood. Meticulous had dug up all the dirt on Youth Development while he was sneaking around. He’d even found the time to send all that evidence to the authorities. How had he pulled that off while still hunting down a caveman and a woolly dodo and keeping an eye on the Rip?
I had one way of finding out.
The fizz hadn’t left me yet, so I focused it on Meticulous. A vision came to me of him standing outside the Me Corp. building. He carried a cardboard box full of origami. At his side in a matching colonial suit, Caveman tried to mimic Meticulous by holding Barbra. The bird was having none of it, squirming and snapping to get free.
Hey, how’s it going? I thought at Meticulous.
“Wha?!” said Meticulous, dropping the box.
Caveman hooted in excitement.
“Oh, it’s you,” said Meticulous. “Nifty trick. When did you develop it?”
Just now.
Meticulous nodded his approval. “Me-to-Me transdimensional communication. Brilliant. Next time, though, maybe you should develop a ringtone so I have the option to pick up or not. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll probably pick up. Probably.”
Fair enough. What’s Caveman doing there?
“A cosmic screwup,” said Meticulous. “I guess not everything got put back where it came from. We may need to look into that. But in this case, neither Cave nor myself is complaining.”
Cave barked in agreement, until Barbra bit his thumb and wouldn’t let go no matter how hard he shook. Some pedestrian about to pass them on the sidewalk made a beeline for the other side of the street.
So what’s the box for? I asked.
“Oh, I’ve been kicked out of the building and terminated from my position as CEO.”
No way! That sucks!
Caveman and Barbra grunted their agreement.
“Yes, they kicked me out, and Dad too,” he said in the same matter-of-fact tone you’d use to recall a walk to the mailbox. “I was away too long, and Dad narked them off by taking a leave of absence to search the world for me. He was right pleased to see me. Rather touching, I don’t mind saying.”
That’s great. You seem pretty chipper about getting fired.
“Oh, it’s a relief not to have to run a big corporation anymore,” he said. “Don’t ever tell her, but some of those things Resist said about big business being rubbish rang true with me. Dad and I are chuffed to start something smaller this time around. Maybe we’ll even focus on making things that will help the planet. While turning a handsome profit as well, of course.”
Caveman brayed like a mule.
Meticulous grinned. “And you too, Caveman. We’re excited about starting over from scratch. And I’m overdue for some family time with Father.”
Nice. So what’s this about me getting out of juvie? Did you have something to do with that?
“Oh, you know, during some downtime I found certain records that the establishment didn’t want found, and I thought the proper channels should see them.”
I don’t know how to thank you.
“Don’t embarrass yourself. Listen, I’d better go. Lots to plan and all that.”
Caveman grabbed a few origami from the box and shoved them into his mouth. Barbra snapped her beak at him, demanding her fair share.
Maybe after a little while we can check in again, if you want, I said. Just so you can make sure I’m staying on the up-and-up, avoiding the life of crime that landed me here in the first place. You can be like my Good Deed Tracker.
He laughed. “I may be able to clear space in my calendar.”
That was as close as we’d ever get to goodbye, but it would do.
I shut off the vision and came back to reality. I felt drained, but in a good way. As soon as I could, I’d check in on Motor, and Resist, and Hollywood, and every Me I knew, to make sure they’d gotten back all right. I’d try to track down None of Me too. Now that I knew for sure that I could make portals whenever I wanted, maybe I could visit some of them. Maybe we could see about helping Earths, the way Prez wanted.
Maybe I’d even go visit Meticulous.
“This is a good deed,” said the MeMinder X.
I called up the menu and deactivated the Good Deed Tracker. Something told me I wouldn’t be needing it anymore.
Acknowledgments
Remember those raccoons I mentioned before? The ones who scared me into a state of hyperawareness on my early-morning jog? This time around, I’d like to thank the suburban coyotes who took their place in the predawn wildlife time slot. Just like the raccoons they drove away, these scrappy rabble-rousers helped me dream up some of the ideas in this book, because there’s nothing that gets the imagination going quite like stumbling within biting range of a carnivore in the moonlight.
Otherwise, I owe more of my undying gratitude to many other life-forms across the multiverse:
Diane Landolf, who has to be the most patient, understanding, and perceptive editor of at least a hundred Earths, if not all of them
John Rudolph, easily the greatest agent of all the John Rudolphs working as agents across every dimension
Aleksei Bitskoff, an artist so good that I strove to write better in a desperate bid to be worthy of his work
Erin, Wilson, and Oliver, plus the cats, the bearded dragon, and, I guess, the snake too (shudder)
Dani Martineck, Tavia Gilbert, and Dan Zitt at Listening Library, plus all the folks at Penguin Random House Audio
Barbara Bakowski and all the other awesome people at Random House Books for Young Readers
Yoni Brenner and everyone at Lionsgate Films
Matthew, Nicole, Jamey, Kim, Mike, Daphne, Nikki, and Dennis
Mom and Dad, Julie, Debbie, Clay, Skye, Kaley, Ken, Maggie, Willow, Aefe, Steve, Pam, Eric, and Anna
And a special shout-out to my collection of pandemic face masks, which let me walk around in public mumbling plot points to myself out loud without getting the usual looks
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