Carnal Secrets

by Suzanne Wright

  “Idiot.”

  “Yeah, but Nick’s a good person. The best. He’ll drive you insane sometimes because he’s stubborn and likes having his own way, but he’ll do everything he can to make you happy.”

  Shaya couldn’t deny that—he’d been doing it since he first turned up, wanting to claim her. He guarded Shaya with a ferocity that was more than protectiveness and possessiveness. It was in his tone, his posture, his gaze, and the way he liked to tuck her into the cradle of his shoulder, sheltering her while communicating “mine.” The intensity of it all made her feel totally safe and secure while still not stifling her on any level. And although Nick wasn’t, by any means, soft-shelled and could be quite cool and remote in general, he could be indulgent, thoughtful, patient, warm, and unselfish with her. He was safe and solid—exactly what a submissive wolf needed, exactly what Shaya wanted. “I have forgiven him. How could I not?”

  “But you still haven’t allowed him to claim you.”

  “Like I told Taryn, I worry he’ll decide he wants a female who matches both his physical and inner strength.”

  Roni considered that for a moment before speaking. “I know you probably won’t want to hear about Nick’s past, but you should know that he never sought out only dominant females; his past flings include submissive wolves too. Status was never something that was an issue for him. He never treated any of those females the way he treats you—never looked at them like they were all that mattered. You could fix him, Shaya. But you could also break him totally. And don’t forget, if he wanted a dominant female that badly, he could have claimed Amber.” She said the female’s name through clenched teeth.

  “You guys aren’t really friends, then?”

  A snort. “No, she hangs around me to get to Nick.”

  “You know what I don’t get? Nick is a really astute, observant person, yet he’s never—until now—picked up that Amber wants him.”

  “Ah, but she’s been clever,” Roni said. “See, he was very clear to all the females that he’d never imprint with anyone. Many of them tried to seduce him into changing his mind, but Amber’s approach has been to become close to him in another way. To wriggle her way in by first becoming his ‘friend’—although if you were to ask Nick, he’d say he doesn’t have friends, because he doesn’t realize that people naturally like and look up to him. Anyway, she obviously hoped they could be friends and it would grow into something more. It hasn’t worked, because Nick doesn’t bond with people easily. He’s grateful that she’s good to me, but he doesn’t realize that she’s good to me just to impress him and earn his loyalty and a spot in his life.”

  Shaya folded her arms across her chest and cocked her head. “Does she care about Nick?”

  “Yes, I think she does. And it can’t be nice to watch someone you care about with someone else. I’d imagine it’s agonizing. But if you mate with Nick, she won’t try to steal him from you. She’s not delusional; she’ll know that the claiming has solidified the mating. And if she cares deeply for him, she’ll back off and wish you both luck. If not…well, just be careful. Whether we like it or not, she’s physically stronger than you, and she’d love to hurt you.”

  Shaya smiled. “That’s okay. I’m good with a bat. And if all else fails, I can always show her my knife trick.”

  Roni grinned. “You and I are going to get along so well.”

  Wondering why Shaya was taking so long, Nick intended to go upstairs in search of her—followed closely by Amber, who was jabbering on about something or other. When he reached the hallway and heard footsteps on the stairs, he was expecting to see Shaya. His mouth dropped open at the sight he found. “Roni?” Reaching the bottom of the stairs, she smiled a little awkwardly, as if unsure what reception she’d receive. He pulled her into a huge hug. “Hey.” When her arms went around him, he swallowed hard. Seeing Shaya smiling at him, he mouthed, “Thank you.” He didn’t have to ask to know that she had something to do with it.

  Shaya was enjoying watching Nick and Roni chattering away and doing that sibling teasing thing…until Amber came to her side, making her automatically tense slightly. Her wolf bared her teeth.

  “It’s so amazing,” said Amber, gesturing to Roni. “We don’t see her in her human form often. Even when she changes, she often keeps to herself. It’s great to have her being sociable like this. Thank you.” She laid a hand on Shaya’s arm, the image of sweetness.

  Shaya patted Amber’s hand a little patronizingly. “You’re so welcome.” Amber didn’t like that. Ha.

  At that moment, Taryn, Trey, Dominic, and Tao entered the hallway and stopped dead, growling. Shaya quickly realized they weren’t too happy to see Nick hugging another female. “Guys, this is Roni.” Like that, the growling stopped. One by one, they each came over and greeted her.

  Then Roni did the oddest thing. She cocked her head at Dominic and slowly made her way to him. Stopping in front of him, she scratched a nail over his collar almost tantalizingly. A mixture of surprised and curious, he smiled. In the same tone Dominic reserved for his cheesy lines, she said, “Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.” After giving Nick a conspiratorial wink, she then waltzed away, presumably to find Kathy. Well, it seemed that Roni was getting some payback for her brother.

  Wide-eyed and gaping, Dominic pointed at her retreating back. Turning to Shaya, he spluttered. “She just—” He shook his head. “Did you hear—?” He exhaled heavily. “Dear God, I hope she marries me.” As he ran after her, they all laughed.

  Nick held Shaya against him. “She’d eat him alive. What you’ll soon learn about my sister is that she can handle just about any guy. I’ve yet to see her tongue-tied or blushing—she’s resistant to charm.”

  “Oh, you don’t need to worry about Dominic.” Tao shook his head. “He’ll tease your sister and flirt with her, but he’ll never touch her.”

  “What makes you so sure?”

  “Because it’s clear that she’s someone he could like as a friend, and Dominic doesn’t sleep with girls he likes.”

  Shaya realized that Tao was right, and she was about to comment when Nick flinched beside her. Seeing his face scrunched up in pain, she asked, “Another headache?” He’d been having at least two a day lately. No doubt it was due to the strain of being unable to locate the preserve or find out the identity of the shifter who was running it.

  He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut against the blinding pain. “It’s okay. I’ve got some pi—”

  “Here, let me help.” Amber stopped in front of him and went to touch his head, but a pointed look from Nick made her freeze.

  “No.”

  She sighed. “Don’t be stupid, Nick. You’re in pain.”

  “It’s no big thing, leave it.”

  “Why would you want to suffer?”

  “I have some pills upstairs. I’ll be fine.”

  She turned to Shaya, huffing impatiently. “Tell him, Shaya. Tell him to stop being silly. You don’t want him in pain, do you?”

  Oh, now that was smart. And cunning. And made Shaya want to kill the bitch. Of course she didn’t want her mate in pain. To tell Amber to stay away from him when she could heal him would be cruel and petty. Shaya was backed into a corner, and there was no other answer she could give. “It’s fine, Nick.”

  “No, it’s not,” he immediately countered. He knew exactly what Amber was doing.

  Taryn stepped forward. “I can heal him, if you want.”

  “Nobody is healing me. Leave it.” Pulling away from Shaya and simultaneously avoiding Amber’s attempt to touch him, he made his way up the stairs.

  “He’d sooner suffer than let me touch him?” Amber’s expression turned sulky.

  Taryn pursed her lips. “Well…I’m liking Nick a little more now.”

  Rolling her eyes at that, Shaya followed him up the stairs. Hearing someone coming up behind her, Shaya turned when she reached the landing. “Everything okay?” she asked Taryn, who l
ooked shifty and unsure—totally unusual for the Alpha female.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Shaya frowned. “For what?”

  “Being a bitch to Nick all the time, and trying to get in the way.” Taryn came a little closer. “At first, I was doing it because I wanted him to put in all the effort you deserve. But then I carried on doing it because I was trying to punish him a little for hurting you. Best friend or not, I had no right to do that to your mate. And I sure as hell would have hated it if you’d behaved like that with Trey.”

  Smiling a little, Shaya rubbed her upper arm. The whole thing had been bugging Shaya to the extent that she had almost snapped at her friend a couple of times. The only thing that had stopped her was the knowledge that Taryn’s heart was in the right place. “It’s okay. I know why you did it. I know you meant well.”

  “That doesn’t make it fair, though. I just hate how badly he hurt you.”

  “Yeah,” sighed Shaya. “But I hurt him badly too. Just like Trey once hurt you badly and Dante once hurt Jaime badly. It happens when you’re in a relationship. They can get complicated and difficult because people can be complicated and difficult. But imagine how different your life would have turned out if you had rejected Trey because he hurt you. You guys wouldn’t be so happily mated, and you wouldn’t have the adorable little boy sleeping downstairs.”

  Taryn nodded. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry, and that it’s going to stop.”

  “Thank you.” Shaya hugged her best friend tightly, feeling a weight fall from her shoulders.

  “You should know something. I talked to him earlier.…He knows you worry he’ll leave you for a dominant female.”

  It annoyed Shaya that her mate was so astute. “It’s only natural for me to worry,” she said defensively.

  “I don’t think it is. You’re an amazing person, Shaya. Why would you think that you’re not good enough for him exactly as you are? Look, I know your mom’s done a number on you, and I know that what Mason did made it all ten times worse, but don’t let it mess this up for you. Don’t let her and Mason make you hold back from Nick. I wouldn’t root for him if he hadn’t just told me he cares about you. You deserve to have that.”

  Shaya scrubbed at her forehead. “I want to trust him. I just…I don’t know how. I honestly don’t know how to totally trust another person. I trust you about as much as I’m capable of trusting someone. But Nick…he’s my mate, and he’ll want more than that, it’s only natural. I just can’t yet.”

  Taryn was silent for a moment. “Okay. Just think about what I’ve said. Oh, and you should probably know something else too. Derren has every intention of making Nick into an Alpha and forming a pack.”

  Shaya smiled a little. “I can’t say I’m surprised.”

  “It would make you an Alpha female, if you mated with him. Would you want that? Don’t say you couldn’t manage that position. You could, and you know it.”

  “I don’t really know how I feel about that yet.”

  “Then I guess that’s something else for you to think about. And now I hear my son crying.”

  “Go. We’ll talk again later.” As Taryn skipped down the stairs to tend to Kye, Shaya trailed after Nick, knowing he had gone into the bathroom to retrieve some of his pills from the cabinet. To her surprise, she found him lounging in the bathtub, eyes closed. His lids lifted when she shut the door behind her.

  “Hey, baby.” Nick tried to play it down as he always did, but his pain was even in his voice, which was undoubtedly what made Shaya wince.

  “You should have let Amber heal you,” she admonished quietly, knowing his hearing was always sensitive when he had one of his headaches. Having kicked off her stilettos, she crouched beside the tub and dipped her hands in the hot water. “I admit I don’t like her touching you. But I prefer that to you being in pain.”

  Yeah, well, he preferred the pain to her being upset at seeing another female touch him, especially Amber. “The headache’s already fading.” When she began massaging his temples, he groaned and closed his eyes again. “Now I understand why my dad used to lock himself in his room when he had one of his headaches.” Every little noise was like a hammer to his head.

  “I don’t like how many pills you take a day. It can’t be good for you.” The feeling of helplessness plagued her and her wolf. “What can I do?”

  “Come here. You’re better than any pill.” Slipping a hand behind her head to tangle in her curls, he gently brought her face to his and slowly took her mouth, sipped from it, licked at it, and sucked on her bottom lip. Tightening his hold on her hair, he tugged hard and, without breaking the kiss, slid deeper into the water, effectively urging her inside the tub. She compliantly followed as he’d known she would, coming to straddle and drape over him. Needing her skin against his, he slid her top up and over her head and removed her bra. Then he flattened her upper body to his, feeling her pebbled nipples stab his chest. Releasing her mouth, he ran a hand through her curls. “So beautiful.” She blushed cutely.

  Massaging his scalp with both hands, Shaya lightly kissed him. Hoping to distract him from the pain, she said, “May I just note for the record that it would be great if you could stop leaving bite marks all over my breasts? Most of them are in spots that are easily visible to others.”

  A self-satisfied smile spread across Nick’s face. “I was marking them as mine. And I like looking at your breasts and seeing my brands right there, just as I like knowing that if anyone else dares to look at them, they’ll know you’re taken.”

  The latter word sounded so final and absolute—a balm to her lingering insecurities and her worry that he would leave her alone again. “It would also be great if you could give the dozens of marks on my inner thighs time to fade before leaving any more. I can hardly wear a bikini when I look like I’ve been assaulted.”

  “You won’t be wearing a bikini unless we’re alone. No, baby, I’ve seen how skimpy your bikinis are. As much as I approve, I’m not going to deal well with other guys drooling over you worse than they already do.”

  “There has been no drooling. That’s just you being paranoid and possessive.”

  She really didn’t see how beautiful she was, and Nick didn’t understand it. “Believe me, they look, and they drool. Not that I can blame them.” He skimmed his hands up and down her back, clutching her close.

  “I’m too thin and pale,” she contradicted, echoing Paisley’s claims. They weren’t insults she hadn’t heard before—her mother informed her of this on a regular basis.

  Nick gave her a stern look. “No, you’re perfect. The most perfect thing I’ve ever dared to touch. Every single inch of you is delectable, especially this.” He slid his hands inside her cutoff shorts to cup her ass. “It’s every guy’s fantasy.” So many females these days didn’t seem to have an ass; there was nothing to hold and clutch and squeeze. But the one in his hands…Perfect.

  “The one who gets drooled over is you,” she insisted. “And it’s freaking annoying.”

  “I wouldn’t know about that. My attention’s always on you.”

  That would have sounded like a pathetic, kiss-ass comment if it wasn’t for the fact that Shaya knew it was true. His focus was always on her. When he did notice another female was ogling him, he would touch Shaya or pull her close, as if to reassure her that she was the one who mattered to him. She hated that she needed that reassurance so much, but a part of her would always be locked away until she felt she could totally trust him.

  As she started to shift away, Nick could feel her emotionally withdrawing a little. “Why do you hold so much of yourself back, Shay?” he asked softly, tightening his arms around her to keep her close. It was another thing he had come to learn about her. “You don’t just do it with me. You can bond so easily with people, but you never give them all of you. Why?”

  It was disconcerting just how well he could read her. “When I was sixteen, I met this guy, Mason. He was ten years older than me.”

  His
wolf growled, not liking another male’s name on her lips. Nick didn’t like it much either, but this was important. “Go on.”

  “He had all the right words, said exactly what a sixteen-year-old girl with an empty space inside her would want to hear. If I hadn’t felt so starved of a connection, maybe I wouldn’t have fallen for it, maybe I wouldn’t have let him convince me we were mates. I wasn’t the first girl he’d done it to. The weird asshole had a thing for virgins. When I realized I’d given my virginity to a complete asshole, I hated myself and I swore I’d never be that naive again. I became pretty distrustful and wary, not intending to give so much of myself again unless it was my true mate—someone I was confident wouldn’t betray me.”

  As guilt and shame slithered over him, Nick’s eyes fell closed. “I don’t know who I’m angrier with—me or Mason.” He kissed her neck. “As much as you avoid deep connections, it’s what you really want, isn’t it?”

  Yes, it was. She had been her own worst enemy, really—craving a soul-deep connection but at the same time avoiding forming one because she didn’t want to risk feeling the pain of losing it. “I want to feel indispensable to someone.”

  His hands framed her face, seizing her gaze. “You’re indispensable to me—essential to me on every level. I wouldn’t be here, suffering the company of your old pack and listening to some pervert constantly hit on you with cheesy pickup lines if you weren’t.”

  She would have chuckled if his mouth hadn’t mashed with hers. “You know, I once shook hands with Jaime on a plan to get a gun and assassinate you.” Without moving his mouth from hers, he laughed. “And I planned on getting ‘Nick Axton Is a Fuck-Ass’ tattooed across my forehead. It was just that…when I found you, it was terrifying and electrifying, pain and pleasure, and then…” And then utter agony when he’d walked away. When he looked about to apologize, she put a finger to his lips. “It’s okay. Roni told me how hard it was for you to walk away that night.”