This I Know
Page 6
“Well, that was pointless.”
I jumped at the sound of Ilinor’s voice. “Anything useful?” I asked.
“Not really.” Cora scoffed.
Ilinor sneered at her before gathering her things.
“Cicely, let’s go.” Cicely did as Ilinor bid but not before hugging me and Cora on her way out. After they left, I turned to my friend.
“What’s wrong? Aside from everything that has happened in the past two days.”
Cora looked skyward, then pinned me with a look, making me wish I hadn’t asked. “We need to talk.”
“About?”
“Let’s meditate first. Then we can talk,” she said.
I agreed, sitting in a spot far from where Vero had died. I wanted to tell her about the exile but it would have to wait.
She sat facing me as we relaxed, trying to dampen the fear we associated with the chamber. We drifted into our own meditative states. Every seer connected to the realm of the gods differently, each connection unique and representative of whatever made one grounded. I loved the sun because it was consistent. Rising and setting everyday like clockwork.
Cora began to sing as I fell into the familiar field beneath the sun. Music grounded her, and Apollo was the God of Music. When she sang, he listened. Though we both channeled Apollo in our connection, we still had the ability to call on the other gods in the realm. Though they didn’t always answer.
I looked at the clouds floating through my realm. The sun warmed my skin as I worked on the negative emotions associated with the chamber. I called to fear first. My body trembled. My stomach turned when it wrapped around me, making it harder to breathe. I tried to calm my mind and release the fear, but it gripped me harder. My body shrunk under its hold. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I controlled my emotions. They didn’t control me.
Fright coiled around me like a snake. I took a deep breath, forcing myself not to react to the emotion. The grip it had on me loosened and slithered away, leaving my body exhausted. I pushed on, working through anger and sorrow.
I wanted to scream and weep but resisted feeding the emotions. They faded away. Emotions were powerful if fed, but if ignored, they couldn’t take control. They wouldn’t invade the mind and body uninvited.
I fixated on my sun, gradually letting go. My stomach dropped as the weight of the world rushed back. I resisted the urge to twist away from it. Up there, I was weightless. I almost felt divine. Sometimes I didn’t want to come back to the world. But to stay there meant leaving myself. I doubted the possibility even existed.
I inhaled deeply as the world settled around me, opening my eyes. Green eyes stared into my soul—reflecting the same peace I had found. Cora smiled knowingly. Though we still grieved, we’d made peace with the violence the chamber once held.
Cora stood first. “Shall we go have a drink?”
I smiled. Sweeter words were never spoken.
9
We left the temple, heading toward the Volis’ Kapileia. We walked around the side of the house to the entrance. The smells of wine and food greeted me when I opened the door. We surveyed the room, the dark interior made it hard to find an available space, but we spotted an open couch on the side of the room. We rushed to take it, squeezing past full tables, before the men crowding around had a chance to claim it. Aside from the two of us, there were only a few other women sprinkled about the room.
“Tell me what has been bothering you,” I said once we received our wine.
“When we were in the interrogation room…Apollo sent me a vision,” Cora said.
“Oh.” I set my cup down. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“Shock. It’s the first time Apollo’s reached out to me without being called upon. I thought what I saw might be a hallucination from the stress of the murder. When I got home, I visited the realm and confirmed he sent me the vision.”
“What did you see?”
“I…” Cora paused, taking a drink. “I saw you advising someone as Pythia. I saw the death of seers we know.”
“Me?” I choked out, not surprised by the latter half of her vision. I’d seen the same thing.
“Yes.”
“It doesn’t make sense. The speaker will choose you to be Pythia.” The other two women were no competition for Cora. Neither was I.
“Apollo showed me his truth,” Cora said. “I saw nothing but misery for me.”
“Did you see anything else?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine her leading a miserable life.
“I saw a man saving seers. He carried an older woman as he ran, carrying her away from whatever chased them.”
Seers dying, me as Pythia? “It sounds obscene,” I concluded.
“I know,” Cora said lamely, “but Apollo spoke and gave me this vision. He’s trying to warn me. I keep trying to figure out how it could be a mistake, but when have the gods been this wrong?”
“How does this connect with my vision?” I wondered aloud. “Why would I be Pythia? I don’t want it. What about Ilinor?”
“You’re going to be Pythia,” she said, the fear of the unknown taking over her cool demeanor. Lines of worry creased her face.
“I’m certain it’s a mistake. Apollo would never let harm come to the seers.”
Cora smiled, but it looked forced. “I want to go home. I’m still tired.” She stood. “I’ll see you at the meeting tomorrow.” I watched her push her way through the crowded room, her shoulders hunching in defeat.
The Fates confused me. Why would they turn their back on the seers? If Apollo thought I would be seer, what would Cora do? As far as I knew, she hadn’t made other plans. She had built her life around the fact she would become Pythia, never bothering to pay attention in our other lessons.
Cora claimed divination as her calling after our first lesson. I’d fallen into divination with Cora simply to stay with my friend through the years of specialization. Divination hadn’t come easy, but after a few years of hard work, I learned to love and excel at it. The trade claimed my heart as it had Cora’s. I knew I’d never be happy working in another. That didn’t mean I wanted to be the Pythia.
The door closed behind Cora. Had I caused her loss? Guilt pricked up my spine at the uncertainty she now faced because of me, because of the future she’d seen. I struggled to stop blaming myself; dwelling on things yet to happen would only cause further heartache. I wasn’t sure how much more I could handle in one week. I cursed the Fates and the gods. How had we displeased them? Maybe the cleansing of the miasma would return us to the gods’ favor. They were always satisfied after a cleansing and sacrifice.
The cushions dipped as Zeus sat down hard on the couch. “Didn’t your mother teach you never to drink alone?” he asked. I rolled my eyes at him.
“Delphi was safe until you came along. Are you following me?” I asked, though my shoulders relaxed upon his arrival. His presence made me happy, comforted me in a way I couldn’t explain. Like I’d known him for many years rather than just a few days.
Zeus gasped, clutching his chest. “You wound me, Alex. I thought we were becoming friends.”
“Friends? Do you often become friends with women you drag into your interrogation rooms?” I shot him a questioning look.
Zeus took a drink of his wine, his smile brightening his face. “Hm. No, I’m pretty sure you are the first.”
I laughed despite my bad mood.
“What are you doing alone?” Zeus asked, all traces of humor gone.
“I came with Cora but she left...I should go too.” I started to stand, but Zeus’s hand stopped me.
“Why don’t you stay? The guys are all over there and I really need someone new to talk to.”
I hesitated. Did I want to stay? I started to say no, but something in me lightened when I saw how hopeful he looked. He wanted to be my friend too. What would it hurt to forget for a while? To pretend to be another woman. One who hadn’t borne witness to someone’s death days before.
When I said yes, Zeus’
s smile stopped my heart for a moment. He may not have the glory of his namesake, but he had all the rugged beauty. Too bad I’d seen him ogling the men in the room. I took his extended hand, linking my fingers with his and let him steer me toward the table where Theo, Stefan, and Isaias sat.
Empty goblets lay all over, and they cheered at my arrival. They were drunk. Epius brought over a few plates of food. I grabbed some after I took the seat next to Isaias. I would rather have sat next to Zeus, but he reclaimed his seat next to Stefan.
I nibbled at the food and studied my goblet to avoid conversation with Isaias. I snuck glances at him while he spoke to Theo. He wasn’t as handsome as Zeus, but his eyes were breathtaking. As he talked with the men, déjà vu hit me hard, like I’d met him before but couldn’t pinpoint where or when.
“Stefan is being too nice. The speaker has been issuing exiles without good cause. We have all seen it,” Theo said.
“The speaker is just doing what the council requests of him,” Stefan said. The exiles caused many heated discussions within the community. Ewen had been the first Christian exiled from the polis. At least, according to Milo. The wife’s words bothered me. Ewen’s adamant refusal of Christianity bothered me. The power our speaker wielded over the polis unsettled me.
“You know Ewen wasn’t a Christian just as well—”
Isaias held up his hand. Theo stopped talking.
“We should not speak of these things in public. Besides, I’m sure Alex doesn’t want to listen to us ramble on.” I may not have wanted to talk about it, but I liked listening to the discussions. Isaias fixed his bleary-eyed gaze on me. “How are you doing?”
I blushed as three pairs of eyes appraised me. A small part of me resented Isaias for putting me on the spot and forcing me to revisit all the pain again. I searched for the answer to his question.
“I’m fine.” I glared at Isaias and turned my attention to Zeus. He sent me an apologetic look when Stefan asked him a question. The two quickly became engrossed in conversation. There went my lifeline. I didn’t particularly care to deal with Isaias and Theo on my own. Isaias hadn’t been unwelcoming, but he hadn’t been inviting either. This being our second encounter, I hadn’t yet decided if I liked him.
I sat awkwardly next to him, our legs touching whenever one of us moved. I studied the room, trying my best to ignore him while I thought about leaving. He stared at me. I ignored him until, out of frustration, I asked if he had a problem. Isaias laughed and clapped his hands together.
“There she is! I knew you were feisty after we met in the market. Do you actually think you can practice with us? I am not sure you are up for the task.” He grabbed my bicep and pretended to measure it with his fingers. “You’re so tiny. You aren’t built to fight.” My mortification multiplied when his hand fell on my thigh. “You’re too pretty to carry a black eye. I will train you, but maybe you need a few private lessons first?”
His palm moved farther up my thigh. I tried to pry his hand off but it didn’t seem to faze him. I glanced at Zeus for help, but he and the other two men made no moves to save me. The muscle in Zeus’s jaw twitched in irritation but he still didn’t intervene.
I shuddered at the unwanted advances. Why weren’t they stopping him? As if sensing my fear, Isaias quickly removed his hand. I watched the shift in his demeanor. He no longer leered at me but held me captivated under his scrutiny.
“If you want to train with us, you should know how men will treat you. You will encounter those who will not accept you, dismissing you as a whore. What would you have done if I forced myself on you? Would you have fought me off?”
I thought about what I would or could have done.
“What if we were alone or someplace where women aren’t helped? The men training with us aren’t always honorable... The power goes to their head. They feel they can take what they want. If you plan on working with us, you better be prepared to defend yourself against them. I won’t always be there to save you.”
His amber eyes hadn’t left mine. Who did he think he was? I didn’t need him to save me.
“Would they really treat me as a whore?” I asked Zeus. I’d heard whisperings of women who’d been taken advantage of. The unspeakable things done to them made me shiver. My abilities were good, but overpowering any of the members would prove difficult.
“Some might.” I appreciated his candor. “Don’t worry, Alex, you are in good company tonight.” He smirked at me before adding, “But Isaias is right. Be ready to defend yourself.”
If they were all upstanding, what did I have to worry about? Isaias sensed my confusion.
“When you train with us, other members of the order may come train as well. I cannot guarantee their respect. I will do my best to help you, but should you find yourself alone with someone who wishes you harm...” Isaias paused, searching for the right words. “I need to know you can take care of yourself. Just now, you had no defenses. You need to be ready to act even when out with friends. I’m sorry for being rude earlier, but I had to make sure you understood.” I thought I saw a flush of embarrassment cross his face. He hadn’t meant to scare me.
I accepted his apology but all the worry seemed unnecessary. Though it wouldn’t hurt to prepare for the worst.
“What do you propose?” I asked him.
Theo answered, “You will train with me every morning, before you start your day. At night you will attend the defense classes Isaias will lead.”
My jaw dropped. Twice a day? “Doesn’t it seem like a bit much? I wanted to work with you all when I had time...I didn’t intend to make this a daily task, let alone twice a day.”
“It isn’t your choice. The speaker wants you and your friends to take the night classes with Isaias.”
“Friends?” I asked.
“Cora, the grumpy one, and Cicely.” His lips twitched with amusement. I smiled at Zeus’s clarification and looked away, not wanting to laugh at another’s expense. Ilinor was indeed the grumpy one.
“So why aren’t they coming to the morning classes?” It seemed a bit unfair, me being the only one training twice a day.
“They didn’t seem as eager to train as you did. Plus, I’ve heard you are the most skilled in defense. I won’t waste my time with the others. The men won’t bother the other women because they aren’t as skilled as you,” Theo said.
“If they aren’t as skilled, wouldn’t they make better targets?”
“To the contrary, the members will see them as ladies put in an unfortunate situation. They would want to protect the damsel. The poor women who have to learn to defend themselves because of a senseless murder. But you,” Isaias pointed, “Theo says you can handle yourself. The members won’t view you as a damsel in need of rescue. They will want to teach you a lesson to help you learn your place.”
“Learn my place?” I asked, my face heating with anger.
Isaias’s eyes pleaded with me. “I’m not trying to upset you. I’m telling you what will happen. If you had any sense at all, you would know what I’m saying is true.”
“What makes you think I trust him?” I gestured at Theo before adding, “Or any of you?” I regretted the last part when I saw Zeus flinch. Of all the men surrounding me, he was least likely to want to hurt me and I trusted him.
“I am a man of honor and I raised my son to be the same,” Stefan said.
Isaias nodded his agreement. “I won’t hurt you, Alex.”
“I never hurt my friends,” Zeus said, giving me a warm smile.
I glanced at Theo who raised his eyebrows. “You want me to declare myself a man of honor or promise you no harm? I can do neither, but I only take what’s offered. Unless you plan on spreading your legs for me, I won’t be pushing myself between them. As for the promise of no harm…I seem to recall you breaking my nose. I won’t be treating you like a dainty woman when we train. I will probably hurt you, unintentionally, of course. I can’t promise not to hurt you, but I can promise I won’t force myself on you.”
“So… You sure know how to charm a lady,” I said as we walked.
“Never was my strong suit.” He grimaced. “I hope you heard Isaias. Considering the recent events, I think it will be good for you to take your practice more seriously.”
“I understand. I’m excited to learn.” We fell into step, little pebbles crunching underfoot. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“What happened to Theo? The scar, I mean.” I had been trying to avoid looking at it.
“Ah. Well, I’m not sure I’m the right person to tell the story, but it’s better if I do. I don’t want you getting brave one day and asking him yourself.” A pained expression crossed his face. “When Theo was fourteen, he came across some men taunting a woman. They cornered her and when they got aggressive, Theo lost it.
“He jumped on one of the men’s back and created enough distraction for the woman to run away. The men didn’t take kindly to a fourteen-year-old interrupting their fun and decided he needed to learn a lesson...they held him down while one man took his knife and sliced into his cheek as a warning. Next time, he should turn the other cheek and mind his own business, lest they cut something more valuable.”
“Is it why he joined the order?” We arrived at my house, but curiosity got the better of me. Much to my surprise, I felt sorry for Theo.
“I can’t say for certain, but I imagine it’s part of the reason.” Zeus shrugged and looked at the sky. “I should head back. It’s late. Good luck at training tomorrow.”
“Thanks. Hopefully I won’t need it.”
Zeus laughed. “Oh, you’ll need it.”
10
My stomach was heavy with dread the next morning. That night the speaker would appoint one candidate as Pythia…and Cora’s vision said he would choose me. The whole thing made me sick. I’d planned my entire life around not becoming Pythia. It should be Cora. Everyone else knew she would become Pythia, which didn’t bother me. In fact, I’d rejoiced knowing she’d be chosen over me, but what she had seen changed everything.