Worth Repeating (Worth It All Book 1)

by Elizabeth Perry

  “If you need to be alone because of what happened between us the other day, Abby, please, just let me explain…”

  She shifts in her seat, an exasperated sigh leaving her beautiful lips. But this time, when she spins to face me, the sadness in her eyes is gone. In its place, is anger, sheer fury brooding in those gorgeous, blue eyes, the same eyes that stared into mine as I entered her body. The same eyes that focused on mine and uttered my name as she came all over me. The eyes that I could easily get lost in, if I let any of my walls down even the slightest bit.

  “Don’t flatter yourself, Liam. We fucked, ok? You gave me exactly what I came to you for, nothing more, nothing less. I needed to feel something for a while, and you helped me with that. Now, I’m perfectly content to go back to the place where I feel nothing. Nothing. And in order to do that, I need to be alone.”

  Something tells me that alone is the very last thing that Abby needs to be right now. Her eyes may be angry, but her entire demeanor reeks of sadness. Something crushed her. Something took away her smile. That isn’t what’s supposed to happen to someone like her. Abby is meant to be the light. The good in the world. Her eyes are meant to sparkle, and her lips are meant to smile so wide that it’s impossible not to smile back at her. Darkness isn’t supposed to surround her.

  My soul is the one meant to be black. Not hers. Never hers.

  “What’s in the box?”

  Her eyes close, and she inhales sharply. She turns her attention to me, staring me hard in the eyes, telling me to get lost without uttering a single word. Instead of folding to her, I just point to the box again. “It’s obvious that whatever is in that box is making you sad. Talking about it might help.”

  “What are you, a shrink or something?” She shoves both the cake and the box in my direction. “You can have both of these if you’ll just leave me alone. The cake is amazing, trust me, it’ll be worth it. And whatever is in the box is probably shiny and expensive. I’m sure you can pawn it at the shop of your choice. I doubt it’s engraved, it never is, so it’ll be easy. I’m sure it’s worth at least a few thousand.”

  She stands abruptly, turning to leave, but I’m faster and stronger. I know that I should just let her walk away. It’s better off for the both of us if I do. The only problem is that, I can’t. I can’t let her just walk away, and I sure as hell can’t let her leave without fixing whatever is broken inside of her.

  I may not ever be meant to have her, and to call her mine, but I sure as hell can’t live with myself if I don’t try to fight her demons. They seem to be swallowing her whole.

  My hand flies around her wrist, locking her in place. She immediately freezes, her breath coming out of her lips in a soft pant. Touching her skin with mine burns. In fact, it sends waves of fire rippling through me, scorching every inch of my body, threatening to burn me alive.

  I know that she feels it too. Her cheeks flush, her eyes dilate, and the anger radiating off of her dissipates, like smoke in the wind. Instinctively, I take a step towards her, not even able to stop myself, and in my next movement, my hand is cupping her chin, my thumb stroking her face, and my mouth uttering sweet words that come from a place buried deep inside of me.

  “I can’t stay away from you,” I tell her, with full honesty. “I know that I need to, but I just can’t. You said that you came to me because you needed to feel something, and I get that, Abby. I really and truly do. I needed you to leave the other day, because the way that being with you made me feel scared me, because for the first time, I felt something good. And I’m not just talking about the sex, I’m talking about you. Being with you, fuck.” I can’t even put it into the right words to truly express how I feel about her. “It feels like winning the lottery. It feels like all of my problems are solved, and it gives me hope for the future. Hope is something that can’t be a part of my life. I know that I need to leave you alone, but damn.” My head just hangs. “I don’t know if I can.”

  She weighs my words, keeping her mouth closed, and her eyes on me, as painful silence surrounds us. I can’t even believe that any of that just spilled from my lips. Talking about my feelings is something that I’ve never done.

  Every therapist that I’ve been shoved in front of for the last ten years would be standing right now and applauding me if they heard me. Each one of them would be patting themselves on the back, thinking that they were the one that finally broke the ice cold exterior that I have been forced to wear to survive.

  But it has nothing to do with therapy. Instead, it has everything to do with her. The woman who has managed to get underneath my skin without even trying. The one who if I fully let in, will wreck me to my core. I have no doubts about that.

  “It’s my birthday.” Her eyes leave mine, traveling back down to the items still sitting on the bench. “It’s my birthday today, my eighteenth birthday, no less. And everyone forgot about it.”

  I still.

  “It looks like someone remembered.” I pull her back down onto the bench, keeping her hand securely locked in mine. “Someone cared enough to buy you a present and make you cake.” It’s honestly more than I’m used to. My birthdays come and go, with little to no recognition. In fact, most of the time, I don’t even remember my own birthday. Sometimes they pass and I realize it a few days later.

  But my birthday is nothing special to celebrate. It’s just the day that I entered the world. This hard, cruel world, that threatens daily to break me.

  “I made the cake.” She stares down at it. “And the gift is from my dad, but he didn’t buy it. His secretary Susan buys my gifts. She remembers my birthday, since she keeps track of my dad’s schedule. She also fucks him on the side, which is disgusting to even admit. He’s in China right now on business, but I guarantee you that she’s there with him. My mom left yesterday for a spur of the moment shopping trip in New York. She didn’t ask me to go with her, not that I would have gone if she had, but that’s beside the point. Then, this morning, she sent me a text telling me that she’s decided to stay until Wednesday. No happy birthday, no anything. Just a quick update about her trip. That was it.”

  I could tell her that I’m sorry and let my sympathy rain over her. But that’s not what she wants. She doesn’t want anyone to feel sorry for her, so instead, I pick up the cake.

  “Well, this cake looks amazing, and it’d be a crime to just let it sit here and go to waste. Is this the…”

  I watch as a smile begins to appear on her face, and then, her eyes roll slightly. “It’s not better than sex cake. It’s a different recipe.”

  “Ah.” I relax just slightly. “Well, it looks damn delicious.”

  “It is. Red velvet cake is one of my specialties. It was my grandma’s secret recipe.” Her eyes follow my movements, tracking me as I pick up the plate and examine is slowly.

  It looks like something that should be in a bakery window. The frosting is thick, and perfectly spread. There are three layers to the cake, held together by frosting that I’m betting is homemade. The second that the fork hits my lips, I groan in pleasure. It’s not just good, it’s fucking amazing. The taste is better than most of the sex that I’ve had in my life. Not better than sex with Abby, of course, but a damn close second.

  She’s starting to change my mind on the name of her other recipe. She actually might be on to something.

  “Holy shit, babe. This is epic.” I don’t usually eat things like this. Mostly, because I barely have money for food, let alone, money for frivolous things like cake. But I can appreciate when something is amazing, and like everything else that is Abby, this cake is off the fucking charts.

  “Thanks.” She breathes a sigh of relief. “I love to bake. That’s my dream, you know? Someday, I want to own my own bakery, spending my days barefoot in the kitchen, baking sweets that are so good, people make that sound.” Her lips break out into a smile, and I swear, that in this moment, everything seems right in the world again. All this day needed was a full blown, Abby smile.

  �
�So, your goal in life is to make people moan?” I raise a brow in her direction and take another bite. “That’s pretty dirty of you, sweetheart. I didn’t have you pegged for a dirty girl, but, I’m pleasantly surprised.”

  “Stop.” She nudges me, her eyes slowly traveling to mine. As our eyes lock this time, the world stands still. It’s the strangest sensation ever, knowing damn well that we’re in the middle of a fairly busy park on a Saturday morning, but in an essence, we’re the only two people here. At least, that’s the way that it feels.

  “You’ve got a little something…” her finger brushes across my lower lip, swiping a drop of frosting from them. When she brings her finger to her mouth and closes her eyes, sucking the frosting off, I just about lose it. Every hair on my body stands at attention, and before I can stop myself, I’m pulling her finger from in between her lips, and pressing my mouth to hers.

  She doesn’t resist me. In fact, she leans into my kiss, a soft moan leaving her and filling me whole. She tastes like the perfect combination of sweetness and sin. I devour her mouth, telling her exactly the way that I feel about her, all in one single kiss. She groans in response to my unspoken words, her hand twisting into my hair, holding my face tightly against hers.

  “Liam,” she breathes, her eyes still closed, as I finally manage to break the spell that has been cast over us, as we sit here, on this bench, the very bench that I watched her sit on, day after day, as I fell in love with a woman that I had never even spoken to.

  “Spend the day with me,” she whispers, her eyes still heavy from our kiss. “Spend the night with me too.”

  It’s mid-morning. The idea of bringing her to a place, where we could lay in bed together all day, exploring each other’s bodies, all while holding each other is my idea of Christmas morning. But even I know that I can’t do that with her. Any more time spent with her is going to wreck each of us. And this fire that keeps igniting whenever we’re together is going to erupt and burn us both.

  “I can’t do that, Abby.” My lips brush against her nose, and I savor her scent, before sliding away from her. And honestly, I can’t.

  I’m not a normal kid my age. I’m not a boy who can act on every impulse that drives me wild. No, in fact, I’m the complete opposite of that. I’m a man. One with responsibilities. One with a family who is counting on him. One who can’t let my selfish needs get in the way of my lot in life. L

  uke and Bianca are at home, behind a shabby door with six locks. Bianca is probably excitedly talking Luke’s ear off about the fact that tomorrow is her birthday. She’s excited for the two dollar store gifts that I was able to buy for her, while Luke keeps his ears open for even the slightest sound of footsteps in the hallway outside of our apartment door, the sure sign that danger is lurking.

  I want to go to heaven today with Abby. I want to spend the day with my arms wrapped around her, learning every single thing about her that makes her the woman that she is.

  But I can’t do that, and no matter how badly I want it, deep down, I know that it can never be. So, whatever this is between us, I have to end it.

  The fire is licking at my heels right now. One more moment with her, is going to be the gasoline that causes the explosion. So, I take a few steps away from her, hoping that the distance will be enough for me to clear my head. But then she also stands, staring me down and testing my every fucking limit.

  “Why?” Our eyes lock, and even though I know that I need to look away, I can’t seem to do it.

  “What is about me, that makes you want to run in the opposite direction?”

  “Everything.” There is no sense in lying about it. “Everything about you threatens all of my defenses. Everything that you are is exactly what I’m not supposed to have. When I told you that you needed to steer clear of me, I meant it. I’m like quicksand, Abby. If you spend too long with me, I’m going to drag you down. Messing around with me will be the end of you. That much, I can promise.”

  “Good,” she counters, steadily closing the distance between us in just a few steps. “I want all of this to end. I want to be done feeling like this, stuck in a world where nobody loves me and I’m all alone. If you’re telling me that you can end this?” She motions out towards the empty space surrounding us. “Then do it. Wreck me. Ruin me. Whatever you’ve got, I’ll take it. With zero hesitation, I’ll take it. Because at least on my way out, I’m going to feel something. I’m desperate to feel something. Anything is better than this.”

  “You’re not in a world where no one loves you, Abby.” Her eyes widen, and as she stares back at me, the words nearly spill from my lips. “I’m certain of that.”

  Chicken shit.

  “But as much as I want to, and trust me when I tell you, that I fucking want to,” I swallow past the lump forming in my throat. “I can’t keep doing this with you. I came here today to tell you, that I’m sorry for the way that I treated you. You deserve so much better than that. So much better than me. And you’ll find it one day, I’m sure of that. But you can do a lot better than some worthless guy from the Bricks.”

  “Liam…” She tries to interrupt me, but I remain strong.

  “I came here today to tell you goodbye, Abs. I should have left you alone to begin with, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t.”

  “Well I’m not sorry.” She holds my gaze. “In fact, I’d do it all again, over and over, in fact. But you just won’t give me the chance, will you?”

  “No.” Staying strong is fucking killing me. “I care about you too much.”

  9

  Liam

  “Any sign of her?” I make it home late from the gym, but luckily, B’s already awake and eating breakfast by the time that I get back. Last night, I had forewarned her that Abby was here, and was spending the night. When her eyes lit up, I had to immediately shut her down, brushing over most of the details, but making sure to hit it home, that her being here did not mean that she was actually coming back into our lives. This is just a little blip in the bigger picture.

  “No. It’s too bad, honestly. I’d like to say hi to her, especially since I won’t be back for an entire week.” Her face falls, and I watch as she eyes her suitcase sitting by the front door with regret. “What a crappy time, you know? Why did my class trip have to be this week? Having her back here is crazy, but I wish that I could actually get to spend some time with her.”

  The fact that Bianca’s class trip to Washington DC happened to coincide with Abby’s abrupt return is actually a blessing in disguise. It gives me time to get all of this figured out, without getting her hopes up that Abby will actually return to our lives.

  My heads a mess, which is basically where it’s going to be for, well, maybe forever. My heads been messed up since the very first time that Abby and I met. But today, it’s more because of everything that Luke said to me today, as I was leaving the gym.

  He wants me to believe that her returning here like this is fate. I could maybe agree with that, but I’d have to put my own twist on it. You know, like fate deciding to kick me in the nuts when I’m already down.

  Either way, Bianca is right. Having her here, sleeping in my house, is pretty damn crazy. I’m hoping to get some more answers out of her today. I plan to pick her brain, in order to get every last detail that she can give me regarding her accident. I just hope that she doesn’t get another killer headache from trying to recall everything. I definitely don’t want to bring any more harm to her.

  Bianca pokes around the house, every so often glancing at the staircase, before finally sighing loudly, and heading off to school to catch the bus for her trip. I pick up the kitchen, and then, begin to pace in the house, until finally, close to noon, Abby descends the staircase, looking rumpled from sleep, and absolutely adorable.

  “Good morning.” Every inch of her is soft from sleep, and her eyes still foggy. This was always my favorite way to see her, although to be honest, I liked it a lot more when she came out of my bedroom wearing nothing except my T-shirt. Even stil
l, I let my eyes appreciate her for a moment too long, and she notices. A hint of blush colors her cheeks, and then, her eyes meet mine. An overwhelming urge to wrap her in my arms takes over me. I fight it, dammit all, I fight it so fucking hard. But the will is almost too strong. My feet move without my direction, stopping only when Abby turns her head and glances out to my driveway.

  “My Uber should be here any second.”

  “Uber?” Yeah, I don’t think so. My gut is telling me not to let Abby out of my sight. My instincts are telling me that something here is very wrong, and that she just may be in danger. There’s no fucking way I’m letting her get into some damn Uber.

  “No. Cancel it.”

  “Excuse me?” Her eyebrow raises, and her eyes narrow. “Who are you to tell me…”

  “Don’t be a fucking pain in the ass, Abby. If you need a ride home, I’ll give it to you. You’re not getting into a car with some stranger. You’re a prime fucking target, single female, shit for memory, and all alone. I’m not letting anything happen to you on my watch.”

  “On your watch?” She snorts. “Liam, listen. I appreciate you helping me last night, and I’m really sorry for having to give you a front row seat to the shit show that is my body, but I don’t even know you, let alone, know who you are to me, since you have yet to fill me in on our past. You aren’t exactly someone that I’m going to let call the shots here. You are not the boss of me. Not by a long shot.”

  I step in front of the door, planting my large body directly in her exit path. She huffs loudly and rolls her eyes, trying to step past me, and yet failing miserably.

  “Seriously?” She glares at me, as I move along with her, as she tries to step past me, towards the front door. I stand directly in her path, blocking her way.

  “This is ridiculous.”

  “Maybe.” I shrug. “But I meant what I said, Abby. Cancel your Uber. I’ll bring you home after we talk.”

  “Talk?” Her arms flap at her sides. “I’m only willing to talk, if you’re the one doing the talking this time. I talked last night, and it messed with my head. I don’t want to talk anymore about what happened to me. That part isn’t what’s important here. I want to figure out who I am, Liam. That’s the entire reason why I showed up here last night.”