The Dark of Knight

by Johns, Elizabeth

  “Think about it. If the diplomatic service is not to your taste, then I am pleased to keep you on my staff.”

  Felix gave an absentminded thank you and salute before leaving. He had thought his feelings for Catalina would fade with time, but it had not happened. His feelings had only grown stronger and far more apparent. Nonetheless, was diplomacy the life he wanted? Was it the life she wanted? He knew it was a splendid opportunity being handed to him. Making the transition to the diplomatic service would enable him to still serve England, while saving Catalina from the harsh life of following the drum. It would also allow him to spend some time in England without removing her entirely from Spain.

  It was an offer too good to be true—if Catalina would have him.

  He was not so conceited or confident that just because she had offered him some affection, when they were alone and in a desperate situation, that her feelings ran as deep as his. She might laugh at him – but she might not – and he would never know unless he asked.

  It seemed the thing to do was go to Villa Blanca and test the waters, so to speak. He would sleep on it before he gave Wellington his final decision, but he could already feel the change within his spirits, telling him that it was the right thing to do.

  *

  Catalina was exhausted, in a satisfying way. The house had come to life again during preparations for the visitors, and little Midnight, the puppy, occupied the rest of her time, thus allowing her little left to dwell on her feelings of loss. The pup was finally eating, though Catalina had to wake every two hours during the night to feed him. The rest of the time, he was content to stay next to her in a makeshift sling similar to those she had seen some of the women wear to carry their babies when working in the fields.

  She was utterly done up, but completely in love. She had named the little fellow Midnight as a small reminder of her time with the major of the same name and colour eyes.

  “Will he come?” she wondered aloud. “Will it be strange to see him?” she asked the little pup as he slept close to her heart. She walked down to the stables several times a day to allow him to be near his mother and Toro, but Midnight still seemed to prefer Catalina.

  For the third time that day, they made their trek down to the stables and, as usual, she hoped he would take to his mother. Toro stayed nearby, hovering protectively close and barking if any strangers came in there.

  Catalina released Midnight from his wrap; Toro at once took the pup by his scruff and carried it to the mother. Catalina watched as the little one moved about. The larger siblings were feeding furiously and Midnight made a weak effort to root around.

  “Look at that, Toro!” As she exclaimed, he wagged his tail at the excitement in her voice. She placed a little milk on his tongue to encourage him, and at last, he gently suckled.

  Catalina thanked God for allowing the puppy to live, but she still suspected something might be wrong with him. No matter, she told herself sternly, she would take this victory today. Her heart lifted another little bit; slowly, the layers of depression she had been feeling were peeling away.

  She sat down and stroked Toro as they watched the little pups eat. As she watched, she began to wonder what would happen when she saw Major Knight again. What if he was cold to her?

  “No, he would never be that,” she said to Toro, who took a moment to look at her inquisitively before putting his head back down. “However,” she continued, “he might be indifferent or merely friendly, and that I do not know if I could bear.” She sighed. “I suppose I should return to the house and see how the preparations are coming along.”

  She expected to have more than fifty officers and their wives staying at the Villa, with more billeting nearby. The housemaids were bustling about, airing the bedchambers, making up the beds with fresh linens and setting clean towels on every washing stand. Meanwhile, several more, and three under footmen, were employed in polishing the ballroom to a high shine, from the parquet dance floor to the large chandeliers. The smell of beeswax and lye soap seemed to fill the whole house.

  In less than a week, her quiet life would be turned on its tail again. She did not know whether that was good or bad. As she stroked Toro, she tried to think of a theme that would be pleasing to the soldiers for a night in which they might forget the often dreadfulness of their duties. Since costumes would be too difficult to arrange for so many without recourse to cities and shops, that idea was out of the question. Perhaps she could have dominoes made and hand them out when the guests arrived, she pondered.

  Shivering, although the day was clement, she glanced over her shoulder. It was strange; she had begun to have the eerie sensation that she was being watched again. Perhaps her spying faculties had completely failed her. It was impossible for anyone to be here, and the nightmare with Dion was over.

  Well, mostly over, her inner voice corrected.

  Unfortunately, she feared that episode would live on in her nightmares for the rest of her life.

  “I must go now, Toro,” she said, standing and shaking out her skirts. “I think I shall leave Midnight here for a little while, to see how he does.”

  With a little whine and a huff of indignation, Toro objected to her leaving, but he nevertheless stayed to watch over his new family. She returned to the house with a smile on her face, wondering how big the pups would turn out to be. The mother was half Toro’s weight and size. Would they be a mixture or would some be large like him and some small like her? This miracle of life was fascinating and beyond imagination. Thinking of babies gave her a small twinge of regret.

  It was time for her to marry and continue with her life. She knew the time had come, but she had delayed the decision with the excuse “when the war is over”. Spain was free for now, it seemed, and Napoleon would hopefully be dethroned or at least be forced to stay in France.

  Her father had not truly spoken to her about marriage or expectations, but it was one of the things understood when one was brought up as the heir to a duke. He must have some suspicions about her feelings for Major Knight, but would he object if he thought it more than mere flirtation? She had broken most rules of propriety with her entanglements with the Major. Previously, she had kept her spying skills secret and above reproach. Mostly, it had been a way to avoid the tedium of her existence.

  It had not been her fault that everything had spun out of control, but by some good fortune she had not been ruined. However, she knew she was ruined for other men. Perhaps she could have a marriage of amicability, which was all one could really hope for in her position… yet in her heart, she knew it would never be enough.

  Aunt Esmeralda was sitting in the garden, staring off into nothing. She had no children or grandchildren to keep her company or bring her joy in this stage of life. Perhaps Catalina should have stayed with her aunt instead of following the drum, but she had needed her father when her mother died. It had also seemed so much more exciting than staying at home and watching grapes grow.

  She plucked a rose from a bush and brought it to her nose, inhaling deeply before sitting on the bench beside her aunt. The memories of that first evening, where she had been so determined to prove to Major Knight that she was a worthy adversary, came flooding back. She smiled sadly and handed the rose to Aunt Esmeralda, who still had enough wherewithal to smile at it and smell it.

  Then she patted Catalina, unable to find any words, but it did not matter.

  When her aunt’s maid came to take her inside, Catalina decided to make sure preparations were progressing apace for the guests and so climbed the steps to the terrace, which had doors leading into the ballroom. It was set off from the back of the house like an orangery, with a balcony as its roof. The smell of fresh beeswax wafted from the room and she could hear the maids busy at work. She sat in one of the iron chairs where she and Major Knight had dined, all those weeks ago.

  In her dreams, this is where she always saw him again, walking up from the stables. He would stop on the steps and smile at her and she would know. Without
hesitation, she would run into his arms and he would kiss her. Not like a sister, not like a responsibility, but a devastating caress which portrayed the deep emotion he felt for her.

  “What a peagoose I am!” she chastised herself, using the English term she had stolen. Closing her eyes, she shook her head. Warm tears fell down her cheeks and she let them. Truly, she had not allowed herself to weep and it seemed as though the dam had finally broken and every drop needed to run out.

  A hand wiped the moisture from her cheek, startling her. She had heard no-one approach. It was necessary to blink away the next rush of tears to see his face.

  In disbelief, she barked a derisive laugh and shook her head. “I am so weary of my mind playing tricks on me!” Shutting her eyes again, she leaned her head back to indulge in the fantasy, but… did she normally smell him in her dreams? She wrinkled her brow and then opened one eye to peep at the vision again.

  The dark, handsome face and dark eyes were looking down into hers. She reached out to touch a smooth face. She had never seen him shaven.

  “Are you real?”

  “If I am not, do not wake me from my dream.”

  “I have done nothing but dream of you.” Tension thrummed through her body at her boldness. He was here, by his own accord, and was looking at her as though he wanted to devour her. She wanted nothing more than to be his feast.

  His lips came over hers, upside down, and it was awkward and sweet and… perfect. She could not help the smile that shaped her mouth beneath his.

  He pulled back to look at her. “How was that?”

  “Not precisely how I had envisioned it—not that I wish you to think I am complaining.”

  “Hmm. Perhaps we should try again.” He came around the chair to face her, and kneeling down in front of her, took her face in his hands. He looked her in the eye before he pressed his lips gently to hers. He kissed her reverently, speaking a language of love and devotion, so different from the kisses they had shared before. Catalina felt cherished, and kissed him back with all the passion in her heart. What if this was her only chance to show him how she felt?

  He made a noise at the back of his throat before pulling away and pressing their cheeks together.

  “Have I awakened you, my love?”

  “A little,” she teased.

  “Much though I would love to do this all day, your father is right behind me.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  It had been a long, hard ride here with General Mendoza, and Felix felt as though he had undergone the Spanish Inquisition. Hopefully, he would be judged worthy.

  It had been Wellington’s idea for them to ride on ahead together, to assist Lady Catalina with her preparations. He had also sent a note to the Spaniard informing him of his intention of placing Felix with his brother. Who would ever have guessed that Wellington could rival the matchmaking mamas in London?

  Felix hardly cared where they lived, so long as they were together.

  He told General Mendoza this, and while he thought he saw a hint of approval in the elder man’s eyes, he had nevertheless quizzed him extensively about his family, his prospects, and how he intended to take care of the future Duchess of Riojas.

  In the end, Mendoza said he would not interfere, but it was down to Felix to win her hand.

  Now, at last, here he was with Catalina and she was more beautiful than he remembered. She looked thin and sad. He hoped he had not contributed to it. Her greeting on the terrace was all he could have hoped for, but it did not necessarily mean she was ready to give up all she held dear and marry him.

  “How come you to be here so soon?” Catalina asked, after he had reluctantly stopped kissing her. He was not ready to be seen in such a situation by the general, thus forcing Catalina’s hand. “Do not think I mean to complain, however.”

  “I am very glad to hear it, after that reception!” he quipped. Seeing her about to take him to task, he decided to answer her honestly. “I thought I could give you up. I was uncertain if your regard for me was equal to mine. We were working together and I believe we both felt attraction, but letting you go was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.”

  He dared to glance at her and saw her lips were trembling. Looking away again, he walked several paces down the terrace.

  “As you are well aware, following the drum is not easy for a lady, especially once children come along. I had always vowed never to ask it of my wife. Moreover, as the fourth son, I had no thought of marrying, since I am hardly needed for the succession.”

  He took a few more steps and then stopped. Placing his hands on the balustrade, he looked down over the valley.

  “I thrive on adventure. Would you believe, when I was home last, I actually shunned the domestic bliss my brothers had found?” he asked sardonically. “All of this was me, until I met you.”

  “Oh, Felix,” she said softly, but he still could not look at her.

  “When we first met, I prejudged you to be a vain, shallow beauty.” He laughed again. “You quickly proved me wrong.” Turning his head, he lifted one eyebrow, gazing at her with a passion he could not disguise. “Not about the beauty, mind you.”

  “Why, thank you, sir,” she remarked dryly.

  “However,” he went on, staring once again at the landscape which had also claimed his heart, “we had a duty to perform, and often emotions are high. A few kisses shared in times of duress did not mean an everlasting love.” He heard her emit a small squeak, but he still had to say what he had come to say.

  “After you left, I felt empty,” he said. “I barely cared what happened. Of course, I did not realize this, and I would have gone into battle and done my duty, but I did not understand. I felt hollow and frankly, was in a severe fit of the blue-devils.”

  He felt a hand on his back. When had she crept up on him? He turned to face her, and she had tears streaming down both cheeks.

  “I felt the same. I did not rise from my bed for days. I knew part of it was from killing Dion, but I also knew I would never be the same without you.”

  “Catalina,” he breathed, pulling her into his arms. He no longer cared how Mendoza found them. Knowing she reciprocated his feelings was enough.

  “It will not be simple,” he whispered into her ear as he held her close.

  “It would be harder to be without you,” she replied.

  He closed his eyes and fought back his own, unmanly, tears. “I do not deserve this.”

  “Do not question why God has given us this gift.”

  “No,” he agreed. “Do you have a fancy to be the wife of a diplomat? Wellington has graciously offered to give me to his brother, who is England’s Ambassador to Spain.”

  “Felix, I have a great fancy to be yours, no matter where that may be. I am prepared to go to England or America or India, so long as I am with you.”

  “Have you considered, my dear? You shall be a duchess one day. You have a duty to your people.” That had been drummed into Felix’s head from the day he understood speech.

  “One day, yes… but Papa is hardly in his dotage, and can hopefully return here as soon as Napoleon is gone. Besides, having a spouse experienced in ducal matters might be helpful to me.”

  “I know very little about running a dukedom.”

  “I imagine you know more than you think. Having been raised in one, I am sure many things will be second nature.”

  “I am certain we can contrive, but it is very important to me that you be certain also. Our time together was not exactly… normal.”

  She eyed him as though exasperated and shook her head. “I do not think anything you and I choose to do with our lives will ever be normal, as you say.”

  “I hope not, but I also do not think we will be chasing bandits when we are octogenarians.”

  “You never know,” she answered with a saucy grin. “Or perhaps Papa will remarry and father a son to inherit the title.”

  “Things do not follow that course in England,” Felix said with a shake of his hea
d, thinking matters would be much simpler if either sex could inherit. “In all seriousness, we will now have a few days together and I would like to court you in the proper manner so you may be quite sure.”

  “After everything we have been through together, I cannot imagine changing my mind, although being courted in earnest sounds lovely.”

  A knock sounded on the end of the terrace and General Mendoza’s head appeared around the end.

  “Is it safe to come out?” he enquired.

  Catalina laughed heartily. “Yes, Papa! Come, and I will ring for lunch to be served out here.” She stood and embraced her father. “Thank you for bringing him to me.”

  The general smirked at her. “Do you realize how many letters I have received from the servants, who were most worried about you? Zubiri must have been very busy writing them. Even Esmeralda wrote.”

  “I cannot imagine what she said.” Catalina’s face wrinkled adorably.

  “It was very short and sweet. It said only, ‘Come home now’.”

  Catalina laughed, and it warmed Felix’s heart.

  “I do not suppose she told you she poured water over me in my bed one night.”

  “She did?” Mendoza looked astonished.

  Catalina nodded. “It was not amusing at the time, but I was having a nightmare and I expect she wanted to quieten me. She does not speak, but I do not think all her wits have left her.”

  “I will remember to lock my door at night!” he said emphatically.

  They all sat around the table and a footman served them a light meal of fruits, meats and cheeses.

  “How I have missed this!” Mendoza remarked, rubbing his hands together with evident delight. “You are too thin, mi querida. I can tell you have not been eating. How anyone could not have an appetite for this, I cannot understand.”

  “I am eating better now, Papa. The first few weeks of being at home again were… difficult.”

  He reached over and squeezed her hand. Felix wanted to be the one to comfort her, but it was not the time. “Perhaps I should not have sent you here alone after all. Can you forgive me? I only wanted to protect you.”