Unattainable

by Madeline Sheehan

  For a moment neither of them moved, then Tegen’s mouth opened and Cage internally winced, waiting for her to lay into him. But instead of speaking, her breath shuddered heavily from her chest and her mouth closed. Opened again. Closed.

  “Okay,” she whispered and he could see the fear in her green eyes. It matched the fear inside of him, the fear that he was making the wrong decision, that they didn’t work together, that this would end up in a catastrophe of fucking and fighting.

  Only thing was…the happiness he felt far outweighed his fears.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Muttering curses, Deuce continued quickly down the back hall until he reached Jase’s room. Grabbing the knob, he twisted and pushed open the door. As soon as it closed behind him, he shrugged out of his cut and pulled his T-shirt over his head, then flung both garments across the room. Still cursing, he reached for his belt buckle, stopping when a pair of small, soft hands covered his own.

  Eva’s big gray eyes met his. “Baby,” she said softly. “You need to calm down.”

  “Yeah,” he muttered, pushing her hands away. “Not gonna happen, babe. I’m the stupid fuck who knocked your ass up again. Already got enough fuckin’ problems, don’t need to add losin’ you to my fuckin’ list.”

  “You wanted more kids.”

  Shoving down his jeans, Deuce stepped out of them and, turning away from his wife, headed for the bathroom.

  “Yeah,” he mumbled to himself. “’Cause I fuckin’ look at your ass and get hard. Fact remains that you shouldn’t be havin’ babies.”

  “Hey!” Eva snapped and he stopped walking and turned to look at her.

  “Plenty of women have children when they’re older than I am.”

  Snorting, he shook his head. “I ain’t just talkin’ about you. I ain’t callin’ you old, babe. I’m callin’ me old. Almost sixty, Eva. What kinda fuckin’ father am I gonna be to that kid? Be teachin’ him or her how to ride when I can’t even fuckin’ walk myself?”

  Eva burst out laughing. “Can’t walk?” she said between gasps. “You? Baby, you are more in shape than half your boys! I mean…” She trailed off and Deuce watched her eyes roam slowly down and back up his body. Her eyes darkened and her expression changed.

  “You’re beautiful,” she whispered, meeting his gaze.

  His nostrils flared. “Don’t start your shit with me, bitch,” he said, his voice low, his eyes shooting toward where his youngest daughter lay sleeping on the couch. “When you can’t fuckin’ finish it.”

  Eva’s answering grin caused his body to tighten. Even now, he was almost sixty and her pushing forty and he still couldn’t fucking get enough of her. Or that crazy way she looked at him. Soft. Needy. Full of everything he lacked inside of him. It was the same way she’d looked at him when she was sixteen years old, sitting on a picnic table, ready to throw away her entire life…for him. A beaten down, bitter criminal eighteen years older than her.

  “Bathroom,” she said, pointing.

  He shook his head. “Only thing I’m gonna be doin’ in that bathroom is washin’ the stink off my old fuckin’ body.”

  Eva’s nose wrinkled. “I’m pregnant and horny and you are so, so, no fucking fun.”

  Laughing softly, he resumed walking. “Told you, babe, I’m fuckin’ old.”

  “Old-fashioned,” she muttered, following behind him.

  Inside the bathroom, Deuce bent down over the tub and turned the shower on while Eva pushed herself up onto the bathroom counter top. Leaning back against the wall, she placed both her hands on her still small but swollen stomach and sighed.

  “It’s a boy,” she said, smiling fondly.

  Deuce’s eyes flared. “You fuckin’ found that shit out even after I told you I didn’t want us knowin’?”

  Smiling cheekily, she shook her head. “Nope. I just have a feeling.”

  Shaking his head, he dropped his boxers and stepped inside the tub. Leaving the curtain open, he watched Eva watching him.

  “He looks like you, you know.”

  “You got x-ray vision?”

  Laughing, Eva shook her head. “No. Cage. Cage looks just like you at that age.”

  Deuce grimaced. “Fuckin’ great. Too fuckin’ bad he ain’t got his head on straight.”

  Eva lifted her shoulder. “Tegen may change that,” she said, studying him.

  Closing his eyes, Deuce tilted his face up under the steady stream of hot water and breathed out a sigh. “’Bout fuckin’ time those two worked out their crazy fuckin’ bullshit. Now maybe we can all get back to livin’ instead of dwellin’ on bullshit none of us can fuckin’ change.”

  “I think it’s more than that,” Eva continued. “Mick told me how upset he got when he found out about ZZ.”

  Grabbing the bar of soap on the ledge, Deuce ran it quickly up and down his body. “Better not be,” he grumbled. “Bitch like Tegen ain’t cut out for this life. When I pass that fuckin’ gavel, Cage is gonna need an old lady that’s gonna stand by him, not be bitchin’ ’bout every little thing.”

  “Cut her some slack,” Eva said. “Look what happened to her mom.”

  Deuce’s eyes cut in Eva’s direction. “Babe,” he bit out. “No fuckin’ shit. I feel for the kid, you know I do. Been takin’ care of her as much as she’ll let me but the truth fuckin’ stands, she ain’t old lady material. Her endin’ up with Cage means she’ll be where you are now and she ain’t got the right attitude for it. She’s still spittin’ mad, probably always gonna be too. Can’t have my club and my boys’ families fallin’ apart ’cause Tegen don’t know her fuckin’ place.”

  “She loves your son, Deuce,” Eva said softly. “Always has. Doesn’t that count for something?”

  Cursing, Deuce slammed the water off and stepped out of the shower. Reaching over the counter, Eva snagged a towel from the rack and tossed it in his direction. He dried off quickly and tossed the towel to the floor. Crossing the small distance between them, Deuce placed his hands on either side of Eva and leaned forward.

  “Don’t count for shit,” he said gruffly. “Not here, babe. You love the man, you love the life. Simple as that. You know this fuckin’ shit.”

  “And what if he loves her, too?”

  Deuce paused. “You fuckin’ shittin’ me? Cage? You think he’s hard up for that little shit?”

  Eva shrugged. “I think he could be. From what I saw, I think he’s nearly there.”

  Not good. The last thing he needed was his only son falling balls-deep into something with a crazy hippie. Next thing he’d know, Cage would be running off to San Francisco wearing flowers in his hair or some stupid shit and then what? He’d be handing his club over to Ripper?

  Fuck that bullshit. Ripper got his baby girl and that was all that fucking asshole was getting.

  If what Eva said was true, that Cage was about to get caught up in a pussy full of quicksand, he was going to squash that shit. Right the fuck now.

  “Come here, babe,” he said, hooking his hands underneath Eva’s arms and sliding her forward. “You want dick, you gotta five-minute window before I start snorin’.”

  Eva pressed her lips together and her eyes danced with laughter.

  “I love you,” she said, giggling.

  He snorted. “Babe. Yeah.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  At the edge of town, the drop-off point, Dirty shut off his engine but remained seated on his bike. He wasn’t sure he was going to be able to keep his shit together. Not when he came face-to-face with Mooresville. Not after spending an entire weekend and then some seeing Ellie smile, listening to her laugh, watching her sleep from his makeshift bedroll on the floor, just taking it all in. Her light snoring, her sleepy-sounding murmurs and leg twitches, her kicking the sheets off, allowing him to see her T-shirt riding up her body, exposing her smooth stomach.

  He hadn’t slept in days, afraid of having another nightmare and attacking her again, but he didn’t care. He was too wrapped up in her, shocked, confused, ou
t of his mind, thinking constantly about the sound of his real name, the movement of her generous mouth as she said it, the feel of her wet skin under his hands, the pleading look in the alleyway.

  He wanted to fuck her so bad it hurt. It hurt because he was terrified. Scared to death.

  He’d been raped by a woman, raped by a man, and he’d raped women.

  He’d never been with a woman. Not in the way other men were with women.

  And he’d never kissed a woman.

  Ever.

  Fuck him, forget kissing, he couldn’t stand being touched. The thought of Ellie touching him…like that…gave him an erection from hell even as his skin crawled, rippling with disgust.

  Yeah. Fuck that shit. Him and Ellie; that was never going to happen unless he dosed her. Which he was not going to do.

  What he was going to do was make sure Mooresville either went to ground or kept his motherfucking distance.

  Because, the one thing he did know for certain was that he didn’t want Ellie to leave. He wanted more smiles. More laughter. He just wanted to be around her. Or at least in the same town as her.

  Maybe he could take her for a ride sometime…on the back of his bike.

  “Fuck you!”

  Dirty glanced over and found Cage up in Cox’s face, shoving the brother backward.

  “Fuckin’ touch me again, little boy,” Cox growled. “And I will end you.”

  Cage’s nostrils flared wildly. “Fuckin’ end me, you stupid spic motherfucker, fuckin’ do it!”

  “I’m gonna end both of you if you don’t shut the fuck up!” Deuce roared.

  Dirty rolled his eyes and looked away. Cage had been straight-up out of his mind ever since he’d woken up Tuesday morning and found that Tegen had snuck out in the middle of the night. He’d been drinking excessively ever since, picking fights and just plain being miserable.

  Fucking women drama. Dirty shook his head. Maybe he should be glad he couldn’t be in any sort of normal relationship with a female. If the couples around him were examples of what relationships were like, he sort of felt lucky. He damn sure wasn’t emotionally equipped to deal with crazy bitches like Kami, Tegen, or even Danny, because as normal as she seemed, she’d killed a woman. Put two bullets in Ripper’s ex-girlfriend. Something like that definitely constituted as woman-crazy.

  “Dirty.”

  He glanced up to find Deuce standing beside him.

  “Prez?”

  “Dumbass is shitfaced,” Deuce said, jerking his thumb over his shoulder in Cage’s direction.

  Well…duh. Cage hadn’t stopped drinking since yesterday morning.

  “Need you to sit ’im, bitch, and take his ass home.”

  Dirty’s brow hit his hairline. “Now?

  “Yeah, fuckin’ now. You think I need him actin’ like this once Mooresville and his boys show up? Or how about for the fuckin’ drop-off. Tension’s gonna be high, everybody’s already expectin’ a fight. I don’t need my fuckin’ kid actin’ crazy ’cause he lost his brand new pussy.”

  “I can fuckin’ hear you,” Cage slurred. “And I ain’t ridin’ bitch no-fuckin’-where.”

  They both ignored him.

  “Find someone else,” Dirty said. No way was he leaving, not before he saw the chief.

  “No,” Deuce said. “I’m givin’ you an order, Dirty. Which means you fuckin’ do it.”

  “Don’t do this, Prez,” Dirty said quickly as he jumped off his bike and got to his feet. “I need to be here. I need to make sure—”

  Deuce grabbed his jacket collar and yanked him over his bike, then with a hard shove sent him stumbling backward.

  “You think I don’t know what you fuckin’ need?” he yelled, advancing on him. “I been takin’ care of everything you needed since you were just a damn kid! Didn’t matter what or who you fuckin’ needed, I’ve always taken care of it, yeah?”

  Dirty’s hands fisted at his sides. “You don’t fuckin’ get it, this isn’t—”

  “I DON’T FUCKIN’ GET IT?”

  Deuce’s thick arm shot out and his hand wrapped around Dirty’s throat. “I get it, Dirty,” Deuce growled low, bringing them face-to-face. “I fuckin’ get it. It’s you who ain’t gettin’ it. We got a lot of bank rollin’ our way tonight and if this shit gets screwed up ’cause you’re feelin’ a woman for the first time in your life, I will put your sick and twisted ass into the ground.”

  Dirty’s adrenaline skyrocketed, causing his blood to race through his veins, his heart to pound harder, and his hands to shake. Deuce had never talked to him like this. Never.

  “I’ve been lettin’ you run wild since I brought you here, doin’ whatever the fuck you felt like doin’, but it ain’t fuckin’ happenin’ tonight, not with the motherfuckin’ Russians. We need this shit to go down, the club needs this, and the fuckin’ Demons need this to go down without any bullshit. I get you’re givin’ a fuck about Ellie, I give a fuck too, but I give way more fucks about my boys and my family than I do some bitch that nearly got her ass killed ’cause she got drunk with the wrong fuckin’ man.”

  “Prez,” he rasped, struggling to get a good breath. “He’s gotta go to ground.”

  Deuce’s grip on his neck tightened. “Why?” he demanded. “’Cause he fucked with some bitch you’re feelin’? How many bitches you fucked with, Dirty? You need to go to ground too?”

  Dirty stared into the eyes of the lone person who’d ever shown him any sort of kindness, who’d given him a family, friends, and a life, a man he respected and loved. A man he’d gladly die for. A man who, if he killed him, Dirty would consider it an honor to die at his hands.

  “Yes,” he choked out. “I do.”

  Deuce’s nostrils flared and his grip on Dirty’s throat fell away. Dirty immediately backed away, grabbing his neck and coughing. But before he could regain his bearings, Deuce’s fist cracked into the side of his face and right before he dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes, Dirty could swear he felt his brain hit the top of his skull before settling back in its place.

  “That’s once,” Deuce spat out, standing over him. “You say it again and I’ll break both your fuckin’ legs. Now, get your sorry ass up and get Cage the fuck outta here.”

  Deuce reached down and offered him an arm. Dirty grasped forearms with the man and allowed himself to be helped up. Once on his feet, Deuce shoved him in the direction of his bike where Cox, Cage, Tap, and Mick were all staring at them.

  “Stop standin’ around like a bunch of assholes,” Deuce growled. “Dirty, get my drunk fuck of a kid home and Cox, get your fuckin’ ass into sniper position.”

  Dirty looked to Mick, who gave him a hard look that said to Dirty, “If you don’t get your ass into gear, I will beat you the fuck into the ground and then piss on your grave.”

  “Let’s go,” he said, shoving Cage toward his bike. “But you fuckin’ touch me, asshole, and I will boot you off the back and run you the fuck over.”

  “Who the fuck would wanna touch you?” Cage muttered drunkenly. “You think a shower and shave makes a fuckin’ difference?” Cage burst out laughing. “Bitches don’t give a fuck about any of that shit…and they’re all bitches. Fuckin’ whores, actually. Don’t give a fuck ’bout anybody but themselves. And you ain’t gonna know it ’til it’s too fuckin’ late, ’til you’re tellin’ ’em stupid shit and thinkin’ it’s the same for them but it ain’t and then they’re gone and then—”

  “Brother,” Dirty growled as he straddled his bike. “Shut the motherfuck up and just get the fuck on.”

  “Fine,” Cage slurred. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  “I won’t,” Dirty muttered. “Believe me.”

  • • •

  Ellie uncrossed her legs then immediately re-crossed them and began tapping her foot on the floor. Again.

  Dirty had been gone for over an hour, gone to meet with Daniel and whoever else they were meeting. For what, she didn’t know, and Dirty wouldn’t tell her. All he wou
ld say was that they had some club business to take care of and that he would make sure Daniel never came near her again.

  She swallowed hard. What if something had gone wrong? How long did club business usually take in such a small town? Better yet, what exactly was club business?

  Never mind. She didn’t want to know what club business was. If she were ever arrested as an accessory to…whatever, she wanted to pass her lie detector test.

  Glancing around the room, she couldn’t help but wonder how everyone else was so calm. Weren’t they afraid for the men who’d left? Ellie focused on Kami, who was talking animatedly with Eva, complaining loudly about a pair of shoes as if she didn’t care one bit that Cox had left to go do…club business.

  The same went for Eva. And for Mick’s wife, Adriana.

  They all seemed like being locked up inside a heavily protected building for a week, only to have their men suddenly up and leave to “fix” whatever business needing fixing, was a perfectly normal, everyday occurrence to them.

  “You okay, girl?”

  Ellie glanced up as a black-haired woman with extraordinarily fair skin took the seat beside her on the couch. She looked to be in her midtwenties, was beautiful, curvy, had an arm full of skull tattoos, wore far too much eye makeup, and had disturbingly long fingernails, painted bright blue and filed to a menacing point.

  “Christina?” she asked. There were so many people here, she couldn’t keep track.

  Snapping the wad of gum in her mouth, the woman nodded. “Yup. I’m Bucket’s girl,” she said, pointing across the room to where Bucket stood. “When he feels like havin’ a girl.”

  Ellie wrinkled up her nose. When he felt like having a girl? What did that mean?

  Christina smiled knowingly. “You ain’t feelin’ the life, huh?”

  She nodded.

  “Yeah, girl, this shit ain’t for everyone. I mean, Bucket ain’t no saint and his dick ain’t eighty inches long, but he does this curlin’ thing with his tongue…”