Tangled Up in You

by Samantha Chase

  “I understand,” he said with a small pout. “I just hate the thought of saying goodbye.”

  And wasn’t that just incredibly sweet? “Me too.”

  They ate in silence for a few minutes before she decided to broach some sensitive subjects. Mainly because she didn’t believe in avoiding them. “So what did you find out about the shooting last night?”

  He sighed and slid his plate away. “It was a traffic stop. The driver exited the wrong way out of the arena parking lot—drove over cones, cut people off, nearly ran over one of the cops directing traffic. When they pulled him over a block away, he got out and opened fire.”

  She gasped. “Oh, my gosh! That’s…that just seems so random!”

  He nodded. “And senseless.” Raking a hand through his hair, he continued. “I know him. The officer who was shot. He’s a rookie, a good kid. His injuries are serious but not life threatening and…I don’t know, it just makes me so damn angry that shit like this happens.”

  Suddenly her appetite was gone. “Is this really what you face every day?”

  He nodded.

  “I mean, I’m not stupid. I realize law enforcement is a dangerous career, but I guess I’m just naive. I thought it was only dangerous if you went into dangerous situations. This was a traffic stop. He pulled over someone who’d gotten fed up with sitting in a traffic jam. That officer had no idea what he was up against.”

  “None of us do,” Bobby said grimly. “It goes with the job, unfortunately.”

  Teagan thought about the conversation last night, about Savannah’s questions.

  Wouldn’t you prefer to be doing something safer? Something that wasn’t about putting your life on the line?

  And how Bobby had never really answered. He’d just deflected to talk about his medical clearance. Which meant he wouldn’t rather be doing something safer. He was clearly okay with putting himself in harm’s way no matter what the cost.

  Just like Logan.

  Her heart squeezed hard in her chest. By moving forward with this relationship, she would be facing this sort of thing on a daily basis. With Logan, she’d lived with it when he was deployed, but then he’d come home and she knew everything was okay. He was safe. Bobby would never be safe. Every time he walked out the door she would know this fear, this blinding panic, that he might not come home.

  Swallowing hard, Teagan knew she had to leave. She needed time to think. She couldn’t just blurt this out to him, not right now. And the longer she stayed, the greater the chance that she would.

  As casually as she could, she stood and gathered their breakfast plates and carried them into the kitchen. Bobby followed and they cleaned up together. After a few minutes, he gently wrapped his arms around her waist and forced her to look at him.

  “Hey,” he said softly. “You okay? You got real quiet.”

  “Just thinking about all I need to do this week. We’re not used to this year-round school thing and going back to work soon has me feeling a little frazzled. I guess I sort of zoned out there. Sorry.”

  Liar. Hadn’t she just been thinking about how she didn’t like to avoid the tough issues? So why was she doing it now?

  She moved out of his arms and put some distance between them. “I’m lying,” she said ruefully. “I was thinking about your job and the dangers that come with it, and comparing it to…”

  “Logan,” he said quietly.

  Why deny it? “Yes. I hated when he got deployed. It only happened twice, mind you, and the second time he didn’t come back.”

  “Teagan—”

  She didn’t let him finish. “All I can think of is how I worried each and every day that he was gone. The first time, he was gone for seven months. I was sick to my stomach every day for seven months, and you know what? For most of it, he didn’t see any combat. There was no threat to him.” She let out a long breath. “And when he came back, I was so damn relieved. Because he was safe, and he was home, and everything was just better.”

  “It’s not the same.”

  Shaking her head, she said, “No. What you do is worse because it’s every day, all the time. There isn’t a time limit, there isn’t a date to mark on the calendar when you won’t be in danger anymore.”

  “What happened to me had nothing to do with my job,” he said, his voice low and gruff and a little shaky. “I was just an innocent bystander. It can happen to anyone at any time. There are no guarantees.”

  Her eyes stung with unshed tears but she knew she had to be honest—had to tell him the truth even as it was just coming to her.

  “While I know that’s true, Bobby, I don’t think I can willingly be in a relationship where fear is going to be present every day. I know there are things we can’t control. Accidents happen all the time, I get it. But Lucas and I have already lost so much. I can’t do that again.”

  The panic on his face almost made her take her words back.

  “What—what are you saying?” His words were barely audible.

  “I need to think. I need time,” she said, her heart breaking with every word.

  “You knew this is what I do,” he said carefully. “You knew my career when we met.”

  “I know,” she said sadly. “But we’ve been living in this sort of limbo where I knew about it, but it wasn’t real. That could all change this week and, like I said, it all just…hit me.”

  He slid his hands into his pockets and took a step back. “So, um. I don’t…I don’t know what I’m supposed to say here. Are you telling me I have to quit my job? That if we’re going to be together I have to find another career?”

  It was on the tip of her tongue to say yes, but she knew it wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair.

  “I’m not—” She stopped and tried to collect her thoughts. “I just need some time to think, Bobby.”

  Expecting an argument, she was surprised when he didn’t say anything. What he did do was walk out of the kitchen and into the bedroom. She followed a minute later and was surprised to see him making the bed and straightening up the room. Part of her wanted to talk even though she knew it would turn into an argument. Crazy as it was, she almost wanted that. Instead, she finished packing up her bag. Once she was done, she found him back in the kitchen wiping down the countertops.

  “I guess I should go,” she said slowly, bracing herself for…something.

  Nodding, he tossed the sponge into the sink and walked over to pick up her bag. “I got this.”

  Silently, Teagan followed him to the car. She stood back and watched him place the bag in her back seat. When he shut the door and faced her, his expression was completely closed. It wasn’t hard to understand why, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

  “Text me when you get home so I know you made it okay,” he said flatly.

  All she could do was nod.

  When she reached for the driver’s side door, Bobby grabbed her and spun her around. She gasped as he planted a searing kiss on her lips before quickly releasing her.

  Then he stepped back and waited for her to get in the car and drive away.

  Which she did.

  Quickly.

  And less than a mile away, she pulled over to the side of the road and let herself cry.

  * * *

  It was dark and Bobby wasn’t sure how long it had been that way. Was it hours, or was it days? Between Teagan’s words on Sunday and his disappointing appointment on Monday, he’d stopped paying attention to the time. He’d come home, shut the door, shut the blinds, and simply…sat.

  His doctor’s words echoed in his ears.

  “I’m sorry, Bobby, but there’s no way I can sign off on you going back to work. Not in the same capacity you were in before. The nerves are still healing and there’s no way of knowing how long that will take. I will send in my report recommending that you return to work in an office position at t
he precinct. I know it’s not what you wanted to hear, but at least we’re moving in the right direction.”

  Thinking back, Bobby wasn’t sure how he had even gotten home. He’d been so angry he was nearly blind with it. He clearly had made it home in one piece, but the trip would always be a blur.

  His phone was on the coffee table in front of him, his notification light flashing. There’d be texts and phone calls waiting for him, but he ignored them all. No doubt none of them were from Teagan. Not after the way things had gone down on Sunday. She’d texted, but just one word—home. Yeah, she was pissed, but so was he. She was giving him an ultimatum. As much as she might not want to admit it, that’s essentially what it was.

  Look, he understood where she was coming from. He did. Not everyone was cut out to be involved with or married to a cop.

  That didn’t make it any easier on him.

  He loved what he did. His whole life, he’d only ever wanted to be a cop. Now he was going to lose that job. Either to his injury, or to Teagan.

  How was that fair?

  It wasn’t, not any of it, and in that moment he felt dead inside. It would have been better if the damn bullet had killed him, because this wasn’t the life he wanted to live. He was alone, his career gone and…he groaned, his head rolling back on the sofa. This—this despair—was all so foreign to him. At any other time in his life, he would go home to his folks and that would be enough to make him feel better.

  Then again, he’d never dealt with this kind of life-crushing news.

  The thought of going home now was supremely unappealing. No one would understand what he was feeling. Everyone he knew was happily married with a houseful of kids or happily married with an empty nest after years of family life. And what did he have? Nothing.

  Why would he want to surround himself with the kind of people he only wished he could be?

  Wished he could, and probably never would.

  Great, could he possibly come up with any more depressing thoughts on his life?

  “This isn’t good,” he murmured.

  Not that it changed anything. He was still sitting alone in the dark with no idea what day it was. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had anything to eat. His stomach growled loudly, right on cue, but the last thing he wanted to do was cook. Reaching for his phone, he called in a pizza order for delivery and then took the time to scroll through his notifications.

  Four calls from his parents.

  Two calls from his captain.

  Two calls from his sister.

  Followed by six texts, also from her.

  His heart racing, he kept scrolling, kept searching, hoping for one from Teagan. Nothing. And that had him spiraling right back down into the dark. Which is where he stayed until the doorbell rang with his pizza delivery.

  Once he had his order, Bobby finally turned on some lights. When he sat back down on the sofa, he looked at his phone a little more closely.

  Wednesday.

  Shit.

  He’d been sitting here for almost three days just…existing. Breathing in and out and nothing else.

  For the moment, it was all he could do. That and eat some pizza. Maybe drink a beer or two. It was all too overwhelming. Eventually, he’d call his family, then he’d probably call his captain. Beyond that, he couldn’t say. Life was going to be a one step at a time sort of thing.

  Halfway through the pizza, his phone beeped with an incoming text. This time he did look at the screen and saw his sister’s name.

  And then another notification followed by four more.

  Tossing his slice down, he picked up the phone and read the messages.

  Anna: WTH?

  Anna: If you don’t answer me soon, I’m coming down there.

  Anna: I’m not kidding. Mom’s keeping the kids because she’s worried too.

  Anna: This is your last warning.

  If nothing else, his sister was tenacious. Not that he was scared of her. Maybe Anna coming here was exactly what he needed to get out of this funk.

  The phone beeped again.

  Anna: Quinn’s volunteered to drive down now to check on you.

  Oh, hell no. There was no way he could handle Quinn right now. Wasn’t Bobby dealing with enough already? Didn’t anyone get that?

  With a sigh of resignation, he decided to make the call. No more, just this one.

  Anna answered immediately. “What the hell, Bobby? We’ve all been trying to reach you for days! Do you have any idea how freaked out everyone is?”

  “Yeah, uh…sorry.”

  Liar.

  She was silent for a minute and he knew she was waiting for him to elaborate. Instead of talking, he picked up his half-eaten slice of pizza and took a bite.

  Anna’s loud huff of annoyance almost made him laugh.

  “Fine. This is how you want to play this? Let me guess. The appointment on Monday didn’t go as planned.”

  He didn’t respond.

  “So, what now? You’re just going to hole up in your condo and not talk to anyone ever again? Is that your plan?”

  Again, he didn’t respond.

  This time when she sighed, he could tell she wasn’t quite as angry as she had been a minute ago. “Bobby,” she began wearily, “come on. I know you’re disappointed, but you can’t hide out. Come home. Come visit. I know Teagan couldn’t possibly want you sitting there by yourself.”

  “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” Damn. He hated how his voice just about cracked as he admitted it.

  “What do you mean?”

  “We’re not…I mean, she’s kind of not speaking to me at the moment.”

  “Oh, dear Lord. What did you do?”

  “How do you know it was something I did?”

  “Seriously? You’re seriously asking me that? You’re my brother, Bobby. I know you.” The huff of frustration was back. “I can’t believe you messed it up with Teagan.”

  Yeah. Neither could he.

  Mainly because he still couldn’t understand how his job was suddenly an issue now when she’d known about it all along.

  “Are you going to tell me what happened?” she demanded.

  “No.”

  “Fine. I’ll just go and talk to Teagan. She’ll tell me the whole truth.”

  There was no way he was taking the bait. He knew exactly what she was doing—goading him into giving his side of the story—and she’d be going to talk to Teagan no matter what.

  “Problem solved,” he said miserably, tossing the crust of his pizza back into the box. Suddenly he wasn’t feeling so good. Maybe after not eating for almost two days, an entire pizza hadn’t been the best choice.

  “You’re really not going to talk to me about this?”

  “Nope.” He paused. “Look, I gotta go. Tell Mom you talked to me and I’m alive. I’ll call her this weekend, okay?”

  “No, it’s not okay, Bobby! You need to talk to someone about this! It’s not healthy for you to hide out. Please. Come home and just—just be around people who care about you.”

  It was tempting. He’d done just that in situations less devastating than this, and it had helped. But right now, he didn’t want to be helped. He couldn’t be helped. All he wanted was to sit in his misery and be left alone.

  “I gotta go, kiddo. I’ll talk to you soon.” He hung up before Anna could say anything else and tossed the phone on the other end of the couch.

  It was better this way.

  Maybe if he just stayed where he was, he’d know that Teagan and Lucas could be happy. They’d suffered enough. Even though the thought pissed him off, because he’d really seen a future with her, her happiness and peace of mind meant more to him than anything else.

  Who knew, maybe one day they could be friends. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that, thanks to their family con
nections, they’d be seeing one another at family functions for the rest of their lives. For now, he’d keep his distance and make things easier for her.

  As for himself…he had no idea what he was going to do. A desk job was akin to being tortured. There was no way he could sit in the station all day and watch other guys go out on calls—or even just out to do their patrol. It would kill him.

  “And we’re back to square one,” he muttered, rising from the couch. He stretched and picked up the pizza box, tossing it on the kitchen counter on his way to the bedroom. His limbs felt heavy and his stomach was in knots, but he was starting to smell. That made him drag his ass to the master bathroom to take a shower.

  Standing and waiting for the water to get hot had him remembering being in here with Teagan. How she had cried out his name over and over, how he’d lathered her body up from head to toe…and how much he’d loved loving her there.

  “Great. Now there’s an image that’s going to stay with me.”

  Stripping, he stepped under the hot spray. It stung his skin and he hissed out a breath, letting the water beat down on him for a few minutes. Unfortunately, the longer he stood there, the more images of Teagan played in his head. Cursing, he grabbed the shampoo and soap, doing a half-assed job of washing himself. Turning off the water, he stepped out and realized he hadn’t remembered to grab a towel. The words flying out of his mouth would have made a truck driver blush. He pulled a towel out of the linen closet and hastily dried himself off before tossing the towel on the floor and stalking into his bedroom.

  The room was already dark, the bed unmade, and Bobby crawled between the sheets. He closed his eyes and tried to block out the knowledge that he could still smell her perfume—and how it was all he was going to have left of her.

  * * *

  “Thank you so much for having me over,” Teagan said, setting a tray of brownies down on the counter. “Lucas was so excited to come and hang out with Kaitlyn.”

  Smiling, Anna put out a tray of lemonade and glasses for them. “Oh, I know. It’s all she’s been talking about today. I’m just glad you were free!”