Did it bother her how this woman seemed to know things about her?
Hell yes.
Nodding, Teagan said, “Yes. I’m the new guidance counselor.”
“That’s awesome! And your son’s just starting kindergarten, right?”
With a swift and annoyed glance at Bobby, she replied, “Yes.” Then, before she had to make any more small talk, she pulled her phone out of her purse. “I really need to get going. I have about a dozen more stops to make. It was nice to see you again, Bree.” And with one last glance at Bobby she walked out the door, her heart beating wildly the entire time.
Her hand was shaking as she took out her keys and tried to unlock the car door.
“Teagan!”
She didn’t even bother to turn around. She’d know Bobby’s voice anywhere.
“Hey,” he said a little breathlessly.
Door unlocked, she opened it and tossed her purse onto the front seat before looking at him.
“How are you?” he asked.
Seriously? Now he wanted to talk? It would have been easy to make a snarky comment, but she didn’t believe in being petty.
No matter how much she wanted to be.
“Fine. And you?”
When he didn’t answer right away, she didn’t know what to do. Her eyes greedily drank in the sight of him. He looked tired and sad, and everything in her ached to reach out and caress his face.
Instead, she moved back until she was practically in her car. She wanted to ask why he had followed her out here, why he hadn’t called her, and what he was doing with Bree, but again, she didn’t.
“Like I said in there, I really need to go,” she said lamely. Looking over his shoulder, she spotted Bree standing beside the door to the coffee shop. “And it looks like Bree’s waiting for you. You shouldn’t keep her waiting.”
He didn’t move. Hell, he barely seemed to breathe.
Why? Why here? Why now? she wanted to demand of the universe. Why did she have to fall in love with someone she couldn’t have? And why did she have to watch him moving on so quickly?
Bobby reached out and touched her hand. It was a simple caress, yet she felt it to her very soul. Her gaze held his and time stood still. Whispering her name, he moved a little bit closer, and she was so ready to meet him halfway. But out of the corner of her eye, she could still see Bree.
Clearing her throat, Teagan moved and made herself get behind the wheel of the car. “I…I need to go. Bye.” Thankfully, he stepped aside so she could close the door. But he didn’t move any farther, and he didn’t walk away.
Carefully, she pulled out of the parking spot and looked at him one last time before turning her gaze forward and driving away.
The last thing she wanted to do was more school shopping. All she wanted was to go home, crawl into bed, and cry. How was she supposed to stay downtown and run the risk of seeing him again? Her vision was blurred and driving was dangerous. She was a block from the beach, so she decided to pull into one of the public lots and take a few minutes to calm down.
It was after four in the afternoon and the beach crowd was thinning out. Rather than sit in the car, Teagan got out with her coffee and decided to walk in the sand for a little while to clear her head.
She slid her sandals into her purse. The sand between her toes felt glorious. Instantly, the tension started to leave her body.
Why was this breakup hitting her so hard? She’d broken up with people before, and while she knew it would hurt, wasn’t she too old to still be feeling this devastated?
“Okay, think about your breakups,” she murmured to herself as she walked along.
It took less than thirty seconds for reality to hit and she slowly sank to the sand.
This was the first time she’d been in a relationship that had ended without anyone leaving.
A shaky breath came out and her heart was racing again. When she was a teenager and broke up with someone, it was usually because one of them was moving away. Then with Logan…
“Oh God,” she said, her voice trembling.
Bobby Hannigan was the first person she’d ever broken up with who really meant something to her. And he was the first person she’d have to keep seeing afterward—possibly forever.
But more than that, he was the first person she had really, truly loved.
Her mother had been right. As guilty as it made her feel, Logan was a first love, but not a forever love.
Bobby… Bobby was her forever love.
How could she take that risk? How could she possibly live every day knowing he was purposely putting himself in harm’s way? Could she really live like that? Could she honestly make her son live like that?
But.
Wasn’t life about taking risks? Wasn’t love about taking risks? How many people had told her how she wasn’t really living right now—how her fear was keeping her from having a full life? Her stomach clenched at the thought of staying on this path.
Now that she had known what it felt like to love somebody, how could she possibly live without him?
He’s moved on. It’s too late.
Oh, right. That.
All she had wanted was time to think, and she’d taken too long. In her mind it hadn’t been that long, but clearly in his mind it was. And he’d gone back to his old ways. The pain of knowing that, coupled with seeing the two of them together, made her want to wretch.
Around her people were laughing and smiling and playing, while she sat in the sand and tried to convince herself not to cry.
It was no use.
Tears fell in earnest and she didn’t care about the strange looks she was getting, didn’t care if people thought she was crazy. Right now, this was what she needed to do.
Time passed, she knew that, but it wasn’t until her cell phone rang that she realized the sun was setting. Looking at her phone confirmed just how late it was getting.
“Hello,” she said, her voice weak.
“Teagan? Where are you, sweetheart? We thought you’d be back for dinner.”
“Hey, Mom,” she said and forced herself out of her fog. “Sorry. I lost track of time.”
“Are you all right? You sound funny.”
“Yeah, um…no. I’m not all right.”
“Where are you? Do you need me to come and get you?”
The thought of driving was nearly overwhelming, but sitting in the sand waiting for her mother to arrive wasn’t appealing either. “Would it be okay for Lucas to sleep with you tonight? I think… I think I just need to be alone tonight.”
“Of course he can stay over, but I’m worried about you. You don’t sound like you should be alone.”
“I’ll be fine, Mom. I swear.”
“Teagan, honey, talk to me.”
She swallowed hard and willed herself not to cry again. This time it worked. “I ran into Bobby today.”
“Oh?” her mother asked, sounding hopeful.
“He was out with another woman.”
“Oh.” All hope gone. “Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry. No wonder you sound like this.”
“It’s going to be okay,” she said and really wished she believed it. “This is what I wanted, right? I said I couldn’t live with the fear of losing him to his job and now—now I don’t have to worry about it. I’m free to just…to move on with my life.”
She cursed under her breath, the tears starting again. “Tell Lucas I’ll call him later, okay?”
“I really wish you’d let me come and get you.”
She shook her head even though her mother couldn’t see it. “I’m okay. I’m sitting out on the beach over by the Islander resort and I’ll head home in a little bit. Maybe I’ll grab some Chinese food on the way home.”
Sighing, Catherine said, “If you change your mind and need a ride, call me. Or go inside the resort a
nd relax until you’re ready to drive.”
“Thanks, Mom.” When she hung up, Teagan looked out at the ocean and sighed. Behind her was a really nice hotel where she could possibly get a room, order room service, and hide out for the night.
For easily twenty minutes, she sat weighing the pros and cons of being responsible. Room service and no driving were such a strong draw. When was the last time she had indulged in a little pampering for herself? And that didn’t include going to get a haircut. Something frivolous and seemingly unnecessary.
Never. The answer was never.
Unfortunately, she was ridiculously practical and couldn’t justify spending the money on a room when her house was only five miles away and empty.
“Damn practicality.”
Her coffee was cold, her stomach was growling, and the sky was getting dark. It was time. Just as she was about to stand, someone sat beside her. She was about to turn and comment about personal space and how there was forty miles of beach they could sit on when she realized who it was.
“Bobby.” His name was out before she could stop it. He gave her a small smile. “What are you doing here?” She immediately began looking around for Bree. With the way her luck was going, Bree would be with him.
“You took off like a bat out of hell earlier,” he said, and man, had she missed the sound of his voice. “I went looking for you, but—”
“How did you know I was here?”
She’d kill her mother when she saw her tomorrow.
Shrugging, he said, “I saw your car when I was driving around.”
It was possible, she thought. Not probable, but possible. Maybe her mother’s life would be spared.
“Why were you looking for me?” She hated that she even wanted to know.
Instead of answering, Bobby looked out at the water, his arms draped over his bent knees. After a few minutes, he turned to her. “I’ve been waiting for almost two weeks, Teagan. I know you said you needed to think, but I didn’t think it meant we were never going to speak again.”
Shame filled her, because he was right. She’d been avoiding him—them—and for what? It clearly hadn’t helped her make any decisions.
“I know,” she said quietly. “I thought it would make things easier.”
“How?”
“If we didn’t talk, then I wouldn’t be swayed, and could make a logical decision about…about our future.”
“Shouldn’t I get a say?” he asked. “This isn’t just about you.”
Nodding, she said, “There’s Lucas to consider, too.”
“I know, believe me,” he said, his voice calm and soothing. She just wanted to lean into him and finally have a little peace after struggling and trying to be brave for so damn long. “I know Lucas is a major factor in everything we decide, but we need to figure some things out about ourselves first.”
That was spot on and all she could do was nod.
“Tell me what you want from me,” he said, his voice so low she could barely hear it over the waves.
Unable to look directly at him, she stared out at the water. “Right now? I don’t want to talk about jobs and safety,” she said, letting out a shaky sigh. “I’ve been in my own head too much lately and I just…I don’t want to go there right now.”
Bobby’s shoulders sagged and he hung his head, and she realized how what she’d said could have been taken. Plus, she really hadn’t answered his question.
“I want to go somewhere that we can shut out the world for a little while and just—be together,” she said boldly.
Slowly, he turned his head and looked at her, his expression sad. “Teagan, we can’t avoid talking about this forever. And I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Is it because of Bree?”
“What?” he cried, sitting up straighter. “Where did that even come from?”
His reaction seemed a little strong, but Teagan figured it was because she was being brutally honest and pointing out the elephant in the room. Or on the beach, as it were.
“I’m a terrible person, right?” she said, annoyed with herself. Here she was propositioning him, knowing he was involved—no doubt casually, per his old MO—and being rather bold about it.
“What are you talking about? You’re not making any sense!” He rubbed his temples even as he shook his head.
“Look, I get it. You…you already went back to the way things used to be. And while I’m not thrilled you were able to just jump back into casual dating thing so fast, I understand—”
She never got to finish.
Bobby closed the distance between the two of them and covered her lips with his. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t expecting it, she was greedy for the taste of him, the feel of him. Her hands instantly raked up into his hair and before she knew it, her back was in the sand and half of his body was covering hers. One of his large hands anchored in her hair and gripped it hard, causing her to flinch, but not enough to make her break the kiss.
The kiss was wild, untamed, and it felt completely decadent to be out here in the middle of the sand. Like they didn’t care if the whole world watched because they were both that desperate for one another.
Was it wrong to be completely relieved that it wasn’t all one-sided?
Bobby shifted and broke the kiss, but his lips traveled along her cheek. He gently bit her ear lobe before resting his head against hers. “Dammit, Teagan,” he said breathlessly.
She needed a minute to catch her own breath and didn’t want to move. This was perfect. It didn’t matter who saw them or how long they stayed here, just as long as he was there beside her.
Or maybe…
“You know, The Islander is right behind us,” she said, practically purring with the need to get closer to him. “In a matter of minutes, we could be—”
He pushed away from her and sat up. “Is that really what you want? What we’ve been reduced to?”
Leaning up on her elbows, she looked at him with confusion. “What do you mean?”
“It’s okay for us to have sex but we can’t talk about our relationship, do I have that right?”
When he said it, it sounded like a bad thing. In her head, however, it sounded just about perfect.
Oh God, what is happening to me? Who am I?
“That’s not what I was suggesting.”
“It’s exactly what you were suggesting,” he corrected. Growling with frustration, he jumped up and paced a few feet away before turning around and glaring at her. “What is going on with you? I get that you’re freaked out about me going back to work. But what we have has never been just about sex, so I don’t get why that’s all you’re looking for right now!”
“It’s not!” she yelled, coming to her feet.
“That’s not what it just sounded like!”
Pinching the bridge of her nose, she silently counted to ten to try to gather her thoughts.
None of them made sense.
Dropping her hands to her side, she said, “I should go. Just forget what I said and…I’ll see you around.”
She made it all of three steps before Bobby grasped her upper arm and spun her around. “No. No more running, no more walking away. You need to decide right here, right now, Teagan. Are we through or not?”
“Bobby…”
“I’m serious. Are we going to talk and move forward, or are we done? I can’t keep living in limbo. Every other part of my life is like that and there’s nothing I can do about it. But this? This I can. I need an answer from you.”
Her heart thundered in her chest. If she said yes, they were through, she would be devastated for a very long time. But if she said no, that they were good, she’d have to live with the fear of him going back to active duty on the force and worry about his safety forever.
And that would be devastating in and of itself.
“That’s where you’re wrong,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I’m asking you to talk to me. I’m asking you to trust me. To trust in us.” He moved in closer. “I would never hurt you, Teagan, and I wish I could give you all the guarantees that you need. But I can’t. No one can. Don’t you think that I’m terrified you’ll break my heart?”
Her eyes went a little wide at his question.
“You scare the hell out of me,” he added softly. “Everything I feel for you is terrifying. And just when I think we’re okay, I go and do something to upset you.”
“It’s not like that…”
“I’ve never done this before. I’ve never been in love before. I don’t know if I was afraid to put the effort into a relationship before or what, but with you, I wanted to. I wanted to do whatever it took to be with you. And it’s not easy because I know you’re scared, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do to change that. But I’m willing to try.”
“You—you’re in love?” she asked shakily.
He laughed softly, resting his forehead against hers. “Yeah, Teagan. I’m in love with you.” He let out a long breath. “Do you want to know what scares me the most?”
She couldn’t speak, she simply nodded.
“The fact that you don’t need me nearly as much as I need you.” He raised his eyes and met hers. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—you’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever known. And I know if you tell me right now that we’re really done, you’d go on and be okay. You’d be able to move forward and go on with your life. You even told me that once.” He paused again. “But me? I’d be gutted. Because you give me hope. You brought laughter and joy and all that goes with it into my life. If you’re gone, then I have nothing.”
His name was a mere whisper on her lips as she moved to wrap her arms around him. No one had ever said anything like that to her before. No one had ever made her feel so important, so vital.
It chipped away at the last of her resistance. The last of her doubts.
Reaching up, she cupped his cheek in her hand.
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