Herd to Breathe

by Amelia C. Adams

  “Oh, that’s wonderful,” Cina replied. She vaguely remembered a friendly gentleman who had visited with them until Mr. Redburn arrived to pick them up, but she’d been so distracted by the upheaval that she hadn’t noticed any sparks flying. That would teach her to be more perceptive.

  “It would be wonderful—if Mr. Redburn were being more flexible about it.” Violet shook her head. “He thinks someone else would be a better match, even though it’s clear that they’re smitten with each other. Let’s hope he can see their attraction for himself and change his mind.”

  There were so many men downstairs, it was a wonder there was room for them and all the girls too. Mr. Redburn circulated through the group, his gaze scrutinizing as he looked over the crowd. Then he began introductions, choosing out a man and bringing him over to meet one of the potential brides.

  Cina had been doing some scrutinizing of her own, and there were a few men she most certainly didn’t want to meet. It’s not that they were bad sorts, but she could tell just by looking at them that they wouldn’t be a match. There was something about them that didn’t sit right with her, but she was sure they’d be good matches for someone else.

  “Miss Fairbanks, this is Darius Gray.”

  Cina blinked and turned. She’d been so preoccupied watching everyone else that she hadn’t noticed Mr. Redburn coming up behind her. The man he brought with him was about six inches taller than she was, which wasn’t surprising because she herself wasn’t very tall. He had neatly trimmed dark hair, a small mustache, and he wore a dark suit with a white pinstripe. In every way, he was gentlemanly and proper. He gave a little bow.

  “Miss Fairbanks, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  “And you, Mr. Gray.”

  Mr. Redburn gave a nod as though everything was settled. “Spend a little time getting to know each other, but don’t wander off too far, you hear?” Then he chuckled as if he’d made a hilarious joke. Cina managed a smile.

  “Shall we step over here?” Mr. Gray asked, indicating a corner that was oddly vacant.

  “Yes, please. Anything to get out of this chaos.”

  They each took a chair, then leaned forward a little as they spoke so they could hear each other over the general noise in the room. Cina noticed that a few couples did head out to the gardens, and that helped the volume level somewhat.

  “You’re Miss Fairbanks?” Mr. Gray was saying.

  “That’s right. Cina Fairbanks.”

  He gave a nod. “That’s a pretty name. Tell me a little about yourself, Miss Fairbanks.”

  She took a deep breath and smiled. This felt a bit like a job interview. “I grew up in Marianna, Florida, and until recently, I was a schoolteacher there. I have a great love for children, and I’d like to keep teaching, if an opportunity arises.”

  She paused to see if he had anything to say about that, but he didn’t even bat an eye. She figured that meant it was safe to dive back in.

  “I’ve never been engaged, or even courted before. I have an affinity for books and learning. I’m a fair housekeeper and a decent cook, although my biscuits are a little dry. I’ll learn how to improve them, though—that’s one thing on my list.”

  “List?”

  “Yes. Of things I want to improve before I get married.” She sat back now that that noise in the room had quieted and they could hear each other naturally. “And what about you, Mr. Gray?”

  He cleared his throat. “I’m an accountant—the only one in Bent, actually, as the town isn’t large enough to need two. I own a small house three streets over, and it has a pleasant kitchen I think you’d enjoy. I’m not wealthy, but I do live comfortably.”

  That seemed a rather formal answer, and one that didn’t provide a lot of information. “And do you like to read, Mr. Gray?”

  “I do, but I find that most of my reading time is taken up by the newspaper. I need to stay abreast of things going on in the business world.”

  That was mildly disappointing, but understandable. Reading for work very often ate up all the time one would spend reading for pleasure.

  “And what are your hobbies?” she asked.

  “I enjoy gardening, when I can find the time.” He paused, then gave a wry chuckle. “I’m sorry, Miss Fairbanks. I must be painting a very dull picture of myself. I promise, I improve upon acquaintance.”

  “I’m sure we all do.” She found him much more handsome now that he was smiling. He was nice to look at before, but with such a solemn expression, it had been difficult to gauge.

  “If you’re interested, I’d like to spend more time with you and see if we could make a suitable match,” he went on. “I think we’d get along quite well.”

  “I agree.” There—that hadn’t been so very difficult. The first meeting was over, and now came the courtship—figuring out if they could build on this shaky foundation.

  “What do we do next? Do I just tell Chance that we’d like to court?”

  “I suppose so. I’m not sure what the protocol might be.”

  “I’ll find out.” He rose and then bent over her hand, giving it the slightest kiss. It was so slight, she actually wondered if he’d made contact with it or if he’d just breathed on it. “Thank you, Miss Fairbanks, for your time.”

  “And you,” she replied. Hmm. A dull picture indeed. She’d have to see if she couldn’t get him to loosen up a little bit, to actually talk to her. A conversation with some depth would have been nice, but that would come in time, she supposed. One thing she knew—she was not going to settle. She’d promised her aunt that she’d hold out for a man she could call her friend, and if Mr. Gray wasn’t able to open up and share his thoughts and feelings with her, she’d have to back out. Some things were just too important.

  The potential grooms left, but with the promise that they’d return that evening for some dancing. Cina wondered if Mr. Gray knew how to dance. If he did, that would be a good way to get to know him better—dancing had a way of making people let down their guards and reveal their true thoughts and feelings.

  “What do you think of Mr. Gray?” Violet asked as they changed into something a little more party worthy. Well, as party worthy as Cina owned—she definitely needed to dip into her savings and come up with some things that were more colorful.

  “I think he’s nice-looking, and he seems cultured and well-mannered,” Cina replied. “He didn’t show much personality, though, and that was disappointing. I hope he’s more open tonight.” She paused, looking over at Violet. “Who was the man I saw you talking with? It certainly wasn’t Mr. Redburn.”

  “No, it was the banker, Mr. Crookshank. Chance—I mean, Mr. Redburn—matched us.”

  “Is he nice?”

  “Oh, he’s plenty nice. He’s just not Mr. Redburn.”

  “No one is. Except for Mr. Redburn, of course.”

  They both laughed, and Cina went back to styling her hair. She wanted to do something different, but she’d worn her hair at the nape of her neck for so long, she didn’t have any new ideas.

  “May I help?” Violet asked after a moment. She’d likely been watching Cina struggle.

  “Yes, please. I’m all thumbs.”

  “And . . . I wonder if I could lend you a blouse. You have such lovely eyes, and I have something that would really bring them out.”

  Cina grinned. “Oh, I’d love it! Thank you. I was just lamenting my lack of interesting clothes.”

  “When I quit teaching, one of the first things I did was go shopping. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel right now.” Violet rummaged through her clothes until she found what she was looking for—a frilly blouse in medium blue. She held it up to Cina’s shoulders. “Yes—exactly as I thought. It’s perfect.”

  Cina’s heart gave an extra thump as she looked down at it. The fabric was soft and light, like feathers brushing against her skin. “Thank you so much, Violet. I don’t even remember the last time I owned something so pretty.” She could have gone clothes shopping while living with her au
nt, but she was holding out hope that somehow, through some miracle, she’d find a teaching position, and frilly clothes would be a waste of money. Now, though . . . well, being a tutor was almost as good as teaching, but allowed room for a few more frills.

  She put on the blouse and changed into her black skirt, which coordinated a little better than the brown she’d been wearing. Then she sat down, and Violet took over the project of her hair.

  “It’s so soft,” Violet commented. “No wonder it didn’t want to stay where you put it—it’s slipping through my hands like silk.”

  “I’ve never known what to do with it,” Cina confessed.

  “Well, let’s try this.” Violet gathered up all her hair and twisted it, then formed a bun near the top of her head and secured it with pins. A few tendrils fell out and cascaded around Cina’s face, but Violet didn’t seem bothered by that. Instead, she gave a nod. “Charming. I think Mr. Gray’s heart will stop when he sees you.”

  “I’ll be content if he speaks to me,” Cina replied. She turned and looked at herself in the mirror. “Oh, thank you, Violet. You did a wonderful job.”

  “Thank you for letting me. It’s been years since I had any dollies to play with, and this was even more fun.”

  The Penella brothers brought their instruments to the party, and Myrakle took her place at the piano again, her little dog nearby. Cina had never heard anything so lovely in her life, and she stood in the corner, caught up in the melody.

  “There you are,” Mr. Gray said, coming up beside her. “I wondered if you’d taken ill—I couldn’t find you.”

  “I’m so sorry. I get distracted easily when I see or hear something beautiful.” She motioned toward the musicians. “You’ll find this hard to believe, but the pianist is deaf.”

  “Is she really?” Mr. Gray turned and looked that way with interest. “That’s fascinating. How does she manage it?”

  “She says she can see the music as colors in her head. I didn’t understand everything she was saying, but I admit, I was jealous for a moment—I wished I could see it too.”

  “I’ve never heard of such a thing. I may have to ask her about it later—I’d be interested to know more. In the meantime . . .” He held out his hand. “May I have this dance?”

  The room was just large enough for each couple, with no extra space for twirling about and whatnot, but that was all right—Cina wasn’t much of a twirler. She stepped into Mr. Gray’s arms, and they joined the other dancers. She wished she could read her friends’ thoughts and see how they were all getting along. Violet looked content, even though Cina knew she would so much rather be with Mr. Redburn. Jasmine seemed to be tripping on the hem of her dress quite a lot, but Jasmine was . . . well, she wasn’t very graceful, but she was a sweet girl. Abigail and Alice, the sisters, seemed to be enjoying themselves, but again, without being able to read their thoughts, she wouldn’t really know until they had a chance to talk later that night.

  “You look very nice tonight, Miss Fairbanks,” Mr. Gray said. “Your eyes seem especially bright.”

  “Thank you. My roommate was kind enough to help me get ready. I don’t know if you’ve met Miss Montgomery—she’s over there with Mr. Crookshank.”

  Mr. Gray glanced over. “No, I haven’t met her yet. All the young ladies here seem rather pleasant—are you getting along well?”

  “Yes, we are. We’ve only just arrived, so we haven’t had time to get into any of the usual squabbles, but I think we’ll be able to avoid that sort of thing.”

  The song came to an end, and Mr. Gray motioned toward the door. “Shall we go sit on the veranda? The air in here is getting rather stifling.”

  She’d thought so herself, and escaped with him gladly.

  Only one other couple was out on the veranda, so there was plenty of space for them to sit and have a nice conversation. “So, you enjoy gardening,” Cina said. “Vegetables or flowers?”

  “Some of each. My mother likes roses, so I have a few bushes and I cut the best for her. She lives across town with her sister, who cares for her health needs. My father passed away two years ago.”

  “It’s good that your mother has so much support. My parents both passed away last year from a sudden illness.”

  “Hence why you were free to travel across the country. I wondered about that.”

  “Yes. I do have an aunt in Alabama, though, and I promised that after I married, I’d take my husband to visit her.” She glanced at Mr. Gray’s face, wondering what he thought about that, but he didn’t seem to have an opinion.

  They chatted for a bit about current events and then about books. Mr. Gray had read quite a lot of good novels, even though he’d made it sound like he read rarely, and Cina was relieved to hear it. He seemed to share many of her thoughts about Dickens and Thoreau—another relief. He did not, however, care for Coleridge.

  “Oh? Why not?” Cina asked, eager to hear his views. It had been a long time since she’d entered into a discussion about literature.

  “I just never identified with his poetry,” Mr. Gray replied, then changed the subject to something having to do with the weather. Cina sat back, disappointed. She’d been ready to discuss themes and imagery, symbolism versus reality . . . But no. She tried not to sigh, and listened to him discuss the formation of the clouds and what that would mean for early spring rainfall patterns.

  At last, he rose to take his leave. “It’s been a very pleasant evening, Miss Fairbanks. May I call on you again tomorrow afternoon?”

  “You may, but it will need to be late afternoon. I begin tutoring my new students directly after school.”

  He gave a nod. “Very well. I’ll see you late tomorrow afternoon, then.”

  She watched as he disappeared down the sidewalk, then exhaled. Gracious. That had been one of the most awkward evenings of her life. She’d been so glad to learn that he’d read Dickens, but that he wouldn’t even discuss Coleridge . . . Was he just being polite by withholding a contrary opinion, or was he not even interested in talking about it? And who discusses cloud formations while they’re courting?

  The gentlemen from inside finally left, some of them giving her a little nod or bow as they passed, but some not even seeing her sitting there. They were chatting amongst themselves about the evening, and they seemed to have had a good time.

  The door opened and closed once again, and Bert came out and sat next to her. “How was your evening?” she asked.

  “Boring, I’m sorry to say,” Cina replied. “How was yours?”

  “Not much better. Parties are supposed to be exciting, aren’t they? I’m just so glad this one’s over.”

  “Me too. Mr. Gray is coming back tomorrow—I hope that visit goes better. I want to grab him by the lapels, shake him, and see if I can get him to show any emotion. He’s like a statue.” She stood up. “I’m ready for bed—how about you?”

  “Oh, definitely.”

  Bert followed her into the house, where they ran into Esperanza in the hallway. She wore a stunning dress in blue with black lace, very fitting for her Spanish background, but perhaps a bit flamboyant for this quiet Colorado town. “These men!” she said, motioning toward the door. Then she said something in Spanish which Cina didn’t understand, but the word “imbecile” was pretty universal, and that she did understand.

  “I’m sorry,” Cina told her. “I think all three of us are feeling that way tonight.”

  When she reached her bedroom, she found Violet already there getting ready for bed. “I saw you dancing tonight, but it wasn’t with Chance Redburn,” she said.

  Violet shook her head. “No, it wasn’t. Mr. Crookshank is a nice man, but he doesn’t even begin to compare.” She paused. “Can you keep another secret, or have I used up my allowance?”

  “I’m sure I could juggle another one,” Cina replied with a smile.

  Violet sat on the edge of the bed. “Mr. Crookshank came up with an idea—he thinks he and I should pretend to court to see if Chance realizes what
he’s missing.”

  “And you decided to go along with it?” Cina asked, even though the answer was fairly obvious, given who Violet had spent her evening with.

  “Yes, but it doesn’t make me very happy. I wish Chance could just open his eyes and see me standing there. As it is, he barely even sees me as an asset to his business, even though I spent quite a lot of time on it today.”

  “I’m sorry, Violet. That must be so frustrating.”

  “Yes, it is, but you know what? It’s not going to be the end of the world for me. I’m going to do the job I was sent here to do, and if spending some time with Mr. Crookshank helps my overall cause, so be it. If not, well, at least I’ve had a few outings and whatnot.”

  “That’s a good way to look at it.” Cina took off the blouse and hung it up carefully. “Thank you again for your help tonight. I actually felt like I belonged at a party.”

  “You’re welcome. I’m glad it fit.”

  “I’m going over to the mercantile in the morning—they have a few ready-made things there, and I’m ready to update my wardrobe. Would you like to come?”

  “I would, but I believe I’m expected to help Chance.”

  Cina smiled, noticing that Violet wasn’t even trying to call him “Mr. Redburn” anymore. “That’s all right. I’m sure we’ll have plenty of opportunities to shop together later on.”

  They finished getting ready for bed and climbed in. This time, Cina felt sleepy almost immediately—it must have had something to do with their five o’clock wakeup call that morning. Hopefully, Mr. McGruder would get them all figured out and realize that some compromises were necessary for all their sakes.

  Chapter Five

  Cina checked her wristwatch for the third time in the last five minutes. She knew she was being ridiculous, but she’d been looking forward to meeting with her new students from the moment she’d met them, and it seemed like it was taking forever for them to arrive.