How Not To

by Devin Sawyer

  “I think my favorite thing was that you tasted like the ocean when we kissed,” he whispers into my ear and I break the eye contact unable to look at him as I register what he’s said. Shock slides through me. I was sure that we were avoiding this topic, that we were never bringing it up again. “You tasted like salt and sunscreen.”

  “You tasted like trouble,” I retort but he only smirks at me and I look at his dimples. The two of them indented deep into his cheeks, but they don’t mar his good looks.

  I’m afraid that if we get any closer, I’ll kiss him, but he steals the opportunity from me and he leans in and places his lips over mine and kisses me, but he doesn’t pull back right away. He lingers, tasting the smallest corners of my mouth with his tongue. I kiss him back, loving the feel of his body touching mine, of our attraction finally, finally, firing.

  His lips pull into a smile against my own and I mirror his happiness, feeling it as well.

  “Soooo,” I say, pulling back, trying to figure out where we go from here. “Did you hear about the solar eclipse this week? It’s the first one in ninety-nine years. How cool is that?” I change the topic like nothing happened. Giving us both time to process.

  “Yeah, it’s all over the radio every morning when I drive into work. They keep yelling at everyone to get these special glasses or you’ll get glaucoma or some shit.”

  I giggle at him and tell him I think it’s cataracts and not glaucoma.

  “Whatever, are you going to watch it?”

  I shrug, “It’s supposed to happen in like the middle of the day. I’ll probably be at work in a cubicle without windows.”

  “It’s probably best,” he says, and I wonder why he would say something like that. “You’re too cute for cataracts,” he explains, and I laugh at his reasoning.

  “We should do something this weekend, it’s the Fourth of July, something that’s not taxes.”

  “Last time we did something that wasn’t taxes we kissed and avoided the topic for a week,” I sass back at him.

  “Yes, and look how far we’ve come.” He kisses me again, slowly, gently. “Now we’re kissing all the time. I think we need to get out or the whole town will think you’re crazy about me just because of my good looks and a case of Stockholm Syndrome.”

  “I’m hardly being held captive here.” I grin wildly, loving our banter.

  “Yes, well that’s not what Layton is going to think. I’m captor material, you know? Wrong side of the tracks and all.”

  “Yes, but you’re far too good-looking for prison. I think they will cut you a break.” I wink at him. “Ready to take me home? It’s getting late.”

  “You want an honest answer?” he asks and pulls me in closer to him, wrapping his arms around my torso, holding my body close to his and I feel a flush over my entire body. He just feels so right. The excitement pounds in my chest and I can think of nothing but him and how I want to experience all kinds of relationship firsts here, in his arms. Yet I’m too chicken shit to say anything.

  “I don’t want you to leave at all.” If the blush wasn’t evident before it certainly is now. I’ve never had anyone talk to me in this way.

  “Let’s go.” I drag him from his chair and lead him to the door. “You can have my undivided attention this weekend.”

  Chapter 10

  Torren

  I holler at Gavin that I’m taking a lunch break.

  “Hey, bring me back something to eat,” he yells over some of the machinery Troy is working on. I grab a spare shirt from my locker and change into it on my way out the door. It’s the best I can do for an hour break. On my way downtown, I pick up three sandwiches from the deli and some eclipse glasses from the convenient store. I arrive at Mr. Mason’s office just before twelve-thirty. I say hi to Paula at the front desk and ask to sneak in to see Ari. She obliges and stares at me with a plastered on smile that tells me she’s all googly-eyed over my being here to see her. I see her sitting in her cubicle, her back facing me. Her golden hair is in two pixie-like twists on top of her head. I pull the glasses out of my pocket and sneak up behind her as quietly as I can manage. When I’m almost touching her, I slip the glasses over her eyes from behind.

  “How ‘bout we check an eclipse out over sandwiches.”

  When she turns, she looks adorably dorky in her pixie hair twists and eclipse glasses but the smile lighting up her face with surprise to see me brings a smile to my own lips. My chest flutters and I’m not quite sure what the fuck that’s about but I don’t have health insurance so I sure as hell hope it’s just happiness to see her beautiful fucking face.

  “Hey you! You brought lunch.”

  “Yeah. You got a few minutes? I didn’t want you to miss the eclipse.”

  “Then we better sneak out. Poppa Mason is running a tight ship here, but I think I can make time.”

  We head for the front door and head down the street to an open park. We sit at an open table for lunch.

  “For your cataract prevention, ma’am.” She smiles, and I feel a surge of happiness that I could do this with her. With only eighty-five percent coverage in this area, it’s still light out but dreary. We both lie on the park benches on either side of the table and stare up with our glasses on, ignoring our food for now. The sun is mostly blocked by the moon. It feels magical. Like a once in a lifetime thing. I think about how this whole thing with Ari feels different. I’ve never bought lunch for a girl before. I’ve never bought anything for a girl before, other than a cab ride home. My feelings and attraction grow stronger for Ari by the day and it’s a foreign sensation that has me overthinking everything lately.

  We spend too much time lying down and we have to rush to eat our food before I return her to the office, but I know I’ll see her this afternoon to work on the audit.

  “I’ll pick you up around five-thirty?” She nods and returns to work. I rush back to Gavin knowing he’s questioning why the hell I’ve been gone for over an hour just to pick up sandwiches and chips. Ari and I continue our typical schedule of working in the afternoons but we’ve steadily been pushing our way into each other’s lives outside of those moments, and outside of the arrangement we had.

  ~

  On Thursday Ari and I don’t meet up after work because her parents are hosting some of her dad’s business partners over. The evening seems to stretch on forever. Dad is always working and the past few weeks filled with Ari as my afternoon entertainment have made the nights less lonely. I decide to text her.

  Me: Hey you.

  Ari: Hey there. How’s your night going?

  Me: Eh. Boring. So, what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?

  Ari: Texting with you when I should be entertaining Dad’s guests. She inserts a goofy emoji with its tongue sticking out.

  Me: If that’s an honest answer you haven’t lived, Ms. Mason.

  Ari: I’ll never tell. A girl has to have some secrets. It’s a rule.

  She thinks she’s cute and secretive, but I’ve already got her figured out. Arianne Mason is a rule follower down to the letter. I am her biggest risk she’s ever taken, but she would never tell me that. Never admit that by helping me, and seeing me she risks the respect of not only her family but her entire community.

  Me: If I asked you to break one of your rules how would you feel about that?

  I wait anxiously for her response. This little game we play makes my heart race with excitement.

  Ari: I’d tell you that I really need to get you a manual already on how not to treat a lady. Another eye-rolling emoji.

  Me: Sneak out and meet me tonight after everyone has left.

  Ari: Yeah that’s never going to happen.

  Me: Just this one time. I’ll pick you up at the end of your road so your parents won’t even hear me coming. I’ll be there at 9:30. That should give you time to say goodnight to the guests and sneak off.

  I don’t hear back. No response. A quarter after nine I head out, planning to wait for her at the end of her road. When I ar
rive it’s twenty-five after and I watch as the minutes tick down. Periodically I see a luxury car leave their driveway, but so far not a sign of a jaded but well behaved blonde teen sneaking out. I hold out until nine-forty but finally face that she’s not coming. I shift the running truck from park into reverse with my foot still on the brake when a knock at the passenger door comes. I jump minimally, not seeing her approach, but Ari stands there laughing. I shift the truck back into park and she hops in.

  “I didn’t think you were coming,” I remark.

  “Shows what you know. Maybe I have a bad side after all.”

  “I’ll believe it when I see it. So, what do you want to do?”

  She looks at me incredulously, her eyebrows drawing together.

  “What do you mean? I thought you had a plan. I didn’t just sneak out for nothing!”

  “Okay, okay. Calm down. We can go to the lake. It’s one of the few places that you can see the stars.”

  “Sounds good.” She shrugs it off. I head out to the same lake that we went swimming at a few weeks ago. I park us out in the open of a nearby field and dig out a blanket that I keep behind the seat.

  “Come on, let’s get in the bed and check out the stars.”

  She follows me out and we lie side by side. I lift my hands behind my head to prop myself up. We play a game where we create pretend constellations since the only ones we know are the Big and Little Dipper and we don’t even know how to find them. I name mine after classic cars while she prefers to name them after male celebrities. Together we’ve created a scene of The Fast and The Furious in the skies.

  “I want you to come to the river with me this weekend over in Glennville. There’s a Fourth of July celebration. Fireworks and all. Jeff’s getting a keg. I thought you might want to meet all my friends.”

  I pull my eyes from the sky and look over at her. I’m pretty sure that’s a look of fear that crosses her face. She’s been in this bubble with Emily and I’m pulling her out.

  I push off the truck bed and lean over her, the notion to kiss her grips me hard. So, I do. I allow that feeling to take over. Only this time I know myself better, I know her better. I know us better. It all feels right. I persuade her with my lips. I tempt her with my tongue. And I sell her with my heart.

  When I pull away, I make her promise me.

  “Say yes.” I get a head nod and a smile, but I want to hear it. “I need you to say it, Ari, I want to hear you.”

  “Yes, okay, I’ll go. I want to meet them.” She rolls her eyes at me dramatically and I lay back down beside her and pull her into my body.

  “This has been a good week for you. You’ve given me the sun and the moon and the stars.”

  I wanted to give her the whole universe, and maybe one day I would. There was no holding back now if I tried. I was being drowned in our connection. I was raised in a world filled with men. Motherless from the age of six on, and now I wanted to throw my heart into the hands of a girl. I didn’t trust her with it, but I couldn’t control it, because God knows I’ve been trying. I’m exhausted from denying it all, playing this game. I’m ready to commit from this point on and just let things happen the way they are supposed to.

  Forget butterflies. I feel the whole damn zoo when I’m with her.

  Chapter 11

  Ari

  I attempt to mentally prepare myself for Torren’s friends, but my heart starts racing. So far, our flirting has lived in this little bubble and taking it out into the open is risky. When we arrive at the lake in Torren’s truck, he parks not too far from the river and Em, who I begged last minute to join us as my personal cock block, hops from the truck. I follow her out and we join Torren at the front of the truck and he leads us toward his friends, aka my impending doom. I can see a group of people off the river’s edge along with a slew of red Solo cups. As we approach, the guys nearest greet us as we arrive, or more so just Torren. Torren does that embracive bro hug with all of them.

  “Hey there, punk-light. I’m Jeff, but you can call me el jefe.” So, this is Jeff. He brings me in for a hug I wasn’t prepared for. Clearly, he’s a man with the belief that personal space is overrated.

  “Punk-light?”

  “Yeah, you’re all cute with that golden blonde hair and petite little figure, but you also dress a little moody and kinda look like you want to rip the heads off teenagers and eat them for dinner. It’s sexy. I dig it.”

  “Watch it,” Torren butts in and points an accusatory finger at Jeff. It’s playful but I know he’s being serious.

  I put on my peppiest sarcastic face.

  “I stopped eating the heads of teenagers months ago. All that red meat is high in saturated fats and the doc said I’d have a heart attack in no time with all the pep jam-packed in me.” I clap my hands like a cheerleader completing the illusion, hoping he catches all the sarcasm.

  “That is so hot,” Jeff replies slowly. I playfully push at his shoulder.

  “I’m not peppy, dammit. I’m a badass.”

  “I like her. She’s feisty,” he says this time to Torren, completely ignoring my attempt at proving my bravado.

  Torren lets a small smirk slip but then his eyes find mine and they become fixed once again. Sometimes I get the eerie sense that he’s following me, looking into me, assessing me, ever since the first time I met him when he really did follow me down the street. What if this was all one big stalker plan that’s working out perfectly in his favor? That idea should terrify me, but I’m not scared in the slightest, because he’s fucking gorgeous and sweet and I hate that feeling that happens when I’m about to leave him or have to be away from him. It’s like I’m a lesser me, a gutted version, lacking all the organs I need to function. Not like I’m only a shell of a person because I’m fucking awesome all the time but I’m one hundred percent when I’m just me, but with Torren, I feel what I can only liken to Super Mario when he power-ups on mushrooms and I feel two hundred percent. Although after thinking this through, I’m pretty sure that mushroom was a drug reference and my childhood feels like a sham. Do drugs make you feel that great too? Maybe I’ll have to rethink my take on all those DARE presentations the cops gave us in elementary school.

  I’m distracted from my dysfunctional thoughts when Torren introduces me to some of the others standing around the beer pong table we seem to have gathered around and I follow with an introduction of Em. We meet Aaron first, he’s friendly and it sounds like he and Torren have a long history of high school sports and trouble. Lady killers back in the day, I’m sure. He’s got golden tanned skin that makes me jealous of the entire Latin culture and a buzzed haircut, but it’s his eyes that catch my attention. They feel infinitely dark. It’s hard to separate his iris from his retina, but despite the dark feeling, he greets me with warmth. He has a childish aspect about him that makes me feel like he probably doesn’t carry a lot of stress around with him no matter what he might have faced in his lifetime. I immediately like that about him. His dialogue with Torren is playful as I listen to them catch up about their time apart. There is also Dustin, Jay, and Ethan. Although I meet them so quickly, I can’t remember who’s on first but I know one of them has a girlfriend and she appears to have been born with the stink eye permanently plastered on her face. I mentally cross her off the list of girls I planned to become “blood besties” with tonight, plus she looks a little squeamish, blood probably isn’t her thing, but that might just be her face again.

  Moments later another girl wanders up to the group and stands next to her.

  “Hey, Torren.” She throws a hand up in a wave and smiles pretty at him. Man, she’s pretty. This sucks. I feel Torren’s body stiffen next to mine.

  “Hey Lei,” he responds without any emotion giving him away.

  “Lei? Like she was a good lay?” Oh. Hell nah. This is some awkward as fuck tension right now. Despite the fact that Em nor I have said anything in a couple of minutes all eyes are our direction, awaiting my response. This feels territorial. Did she just figur
atively piss on him to mark her spot?

  “Sooooooo who saw that eclipse last week?” Emily distracts the group and I send up a Hail Mary for blessing me with a friend that has an abundance of experience with awkward social situations. She’s the master of creating them herself, so it makes perfect sense that she knows how to get out of them. I offer her a thankful smile, trying to show her my gratitude. Torren’s arm comes around me and rests around my waist. I know he wants me to feel comfortable here.

  The group is aflutter talking about the eclipse and discussing what it was like.

  “I don’t know, I thought it was going to be like pitch black outside,” Stink eye complains.

  “Nah, Morgan, that’s only if you live in an area the moon covers the sun a hundred percent. From where we live, we only got eighty-five percent coverage. That’s still a lot of light the sun’s putting out.” I think Ethan says this.

  “Probably best.” This comes from Torren. “The last thing Glennville needs is crime that happens during the day too.”

  “Aaron, you haven’t said shit yet, what did you think?” Aaron has been sitting quietly since we started talking about the eclipse. I have a feeling this isn’t average for him.

  “Uh, I didn’t see it. I wasn’t paying attention to the time and missed it.”

  “How did you not see the eclipse? You don’t even have a real job. You sell things on eBay all day—you couldn’t walk outside for ten minutes to see an eclipse that happens once every hundred years!?” Jeff taunts him.

  “I forgot about it, I guess. I don’t know, I must have been busy.”

  Torren chimes in, “Busy? Really? Seriously, what were you doing that was so important?”

  We all follow back to Aaron awaiting his response. He shifts uncomfortably.