How Not To

by Devin Sawyer

  She’d still look good in a trash bag.

  ~

  When I arrive for tacos the next morning, the only thing I have on my mind is that…tacos. So, when I find no one from the team except Evan, I start to feel an ambush coming. I grab my order and go sit at the large table with him.

  “Where is everyone? They all mysteriously come down with the bird flu or something?”

  “I asked you to come a few minutes early. They will be here shortly.”

  “Care to explain why?” My voice drips with sarcasm.

  “You and Ari. Y’all are a thing again, yeah?”

  I don’t know how to answer this question. We aren’t a thing again but there is clearly something happening that I don’t want to hide, but it’s not only my place to say.

  “You don’t even have to own up to it. I can tell. She’s been acting different. Every time you walk into the same room as her, I see her face light up with interest for a half second before I watch her guard go up. I’m not telling you what to do, but I watched this girl fall to pieces and rebuild her life after you. I have said this to almost every man that has shown up in her life since then. Hurt her, and I’ll make you pay.”

  Man, I hate this guy. On the one hand, I’m fucking pissed that he has the balls to confront me about our relationship and push the blame onto me for the events all those years ago when he has no clue what happened. On the other hand, I’m fucking happy as hell that he made the same threat to every other guy in her life. I’m also happy to hear that he sees our connection so evidently.

  “That’s not going to be a concern,” I finally respond back.

  “Good to hear,” he replies with nothing but appreciation in his voice and it annoys me further.

  I fucking praise the gods that some of the others from the office walk in then, Grady included, and I use him as a welcome distraction from this uncomfortable conversation and I distance myself from Evan for the rest of the day. This guy seriously takes the hero role too seriously.

  I ride the day out like any other, begging for Ari’s attention, begging for her to choose me. We have a dinner party we are facilitating this evening. It will be an earlier night for many of us. Grady and I have the night off and have a small team covering the more private event. Even Ari is letting Allison and John lead tonight’s event. It’s rare that we have any day off in common other than Sunday.

  That afternoon I leave her a small Post-it on her desk when she’s busy with Joyce. “Meet me tonight,” it reads. I watch her return to her office with Allison and she plucks the note from her desk, scanning it quickly and then disposing of it just as quickly in the waste bin. In between fielding emails and plans from Grady, I spend the afternoon plotting more ways to win her over. As I’m leaving, I attempt to try one more time and I type out another text to her, figuring if nothing else I’ll pester her into a commitment.

  Me: You looked beautiful today.

  I tuck my phone back into my pocket. I not so patiently await the desperate vibrating to come. It doesn’t, but that’s typical of Ari. She never was too good at accepting compliments. I remind myself that all I can do is plant seeds in her stubborn brain. She will have to make the call on her own.

  I head home and text Grady that I’m going to work on some plans if he wants to pick up beer and head over. He replies that he will be here in about an hour, after his workout. I take in all the plans and review each venue, constructing a game-plan for safety at each facility. I make a couple of calls to each place, asking questions about things that aren’t listed like fire escape routes, and number of stairwells, anything that might be necessary to form our plans. A knock at the door comes when I’m immersed in the planning stages and I go to let Grady in. Only it’s not Grady, it’s a very annoyed looking Ari in front of me. My shocked appearance doesn’t escape her and she uses my stunned nature to step inside my apartment.

  “I need there to be boundaries and I have not done a great job of setting them, you should know that in the future, this will not be the case.” Her tone is firm and unwavering. I shut the door behind her.

  “I mean it, Torren. The flirting, while fun, is very careless and you are only here for a few weeks and I need my work to continue to be successful if I want to take over in the upcoming years. John trusts me. Anybody could have seen that Post-it note today.”

  “So, you do think it’s fun?” I prod. “Is that what I’m hearing?”

  “Do you not take anything seriously?” she huffs.

  “Oh, I’m taking us very seriously. I was very serious when I said I thought you were beautiful today. I was serious when I said I want to see you more outside of work, and I was seriously thinking about how you looked naked all day today.”

  “This” —she waves her hands between the two of us— “Can. Not. Happen. People at the office are beginning to pick up on things.”

  She’s right. Evan’s already approached me, but he’s also one of the few that knows our past. I move in closer to her body and her hands go up to prevent me from getting too close to her, almost like a defense mechanism. This feels like a game of cat and mouse and I’m actually quite enjoying watching her squirm.

  “What exactly is this?” I make the same hand gesture she just used, and I continue to move in until she has backed up against a wall.

  “Us,” she clarifies. “We cannot happen.”

  She is crazy if she thinks one more no is going to push me away. There’s no going back, she already let me in. There are mere inches separating us and I can feel the warmth rolling off her skin.

  “I like the sound of us. Fuck what people at the office think.” I make one final move into her and lift my hand into the back of her neck to lift her hair with my hand. I lean in and breathe in her scent. She no longer seems bound by the words she just spoke so intently, and I can ever so slightly feel her body push up into mine. Her breathing is shallow. She’s frightened of me, of us.

  I angle her face up to mine with our lips almost touching, our breath entangling. “I’m going to kiss you now, and forget everything you just said.” I lean in and run my tongue against her lips gently. I love her mouth. I have missed it. I did not get to relish in it the other night the way I would have liked, and right now, I’m going to take my time reorienting myself to my favorite part of her body. I drag her plump bottom lip between my teeth. My heart pounds, racing. I feel desperate for her and I lift her up, wrapping her legs around my torso. My hands, lifting her up, glide under her shirt and her skin feels so soft. A low moan leaves her and I know she feels this too, I know she’s trying to ignore it, but we are not something to be ignored. I’m thinking of walking her back into the bedroom when the front door slams shut.

  “Oh hey, I can come back, or ya know what? Let’s just do this another time.” Grady’s here. I managed to forget about him. What impeccable fucking timing he has. I place Ari back on the ground and she straightens her top and hair.

  “No need. I was leaving.” Her poise is back full force and had we both not seen her lose control just moments ago you would never know. She walks out without another word to either of us. I watch her leave, not wanting her to go. Not ever wanting her to go. But once she rounds the corner, I look over at Grady who has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face.

  “Hey bro, you wanna take care of that?” He gestures to my jeans. Laughing.

  “Fuck off. I’m going to go take a cold shower. The documents are on the coffee table. Get to work.” I grab my phone and message Ari.

  Me: This is most definitely happening. I’ll be over after we review these files. Leave your door unlocked.

  Ari: And if I don’t?

  Me: I’ll make you pay for it tomorrow. Don’t deny this anymore, Ace.

  Ari: Stop calling me that.

  Me: Stop being difficult. Door. Unlocked. Be there in an hour and a half.

  Grady’s shit-eating grin returns the second I emerged from my shower. My very, very, cold fucking shower.

  “So, things se
em to be heating up between the two of you. Should we be concerned?”

  My brows furrow.

  “No, what’s there to be concerned about?”

  “I don’t know dude, you’re fucking the woman who cuts our checks. Maybe you should let me take the lead on the business, just this one time.”

  “We’re not fucking,” I grumble out.

  “Well, you weren’t far from it just a bit ago.”

  Maybe physically he’s right, but Ari and I are so far from bedding each other emotionally. We may be messing around, hooking up, whatever she wants to call it, but neither of us is fucking until she’s begging for it, until we are both ready.

  I consider what Grady has said about the business.

  “I want to go halfsies on the Eventor deal. You’re welcome to all the responsibility I carry, but I’m not backing out completely.” I need Ari to see how far I’ve come, my success with her depends on it, but I wouldn’t mind Grady helping out some, freeing up my time so I can spend some with her.

  “It’s a deal. Let me know what ya need from me.” We each continue making calls. Creating a work rotation between the guys, setting their schedules, assigning them to certain events. It takes longer than I anticipated and by the time Grady leaves it’s been closer to two hours. I debate texting Ari to call in a rain check, but I’m not risking losing the ground I’ve made with her. After earlier, she’s putty in my hand. Physically she’s hurting for me, and I’m at least going to give her that.

  I walk two buildings over and climb the stairs to her apartment. I don’t bother knocking. I’m not giving her a chance to turn me down again. I round the hallway entrance and see the back of her head, watching late night infomercials. She turns around to make sure it’s me.

  “Didn’t think you were coming. I was about to lock up.”

  “I told you I was going to. Things ran a little late, but I’m here.”

  “Well, I don’t think you need to…”

  “Ari. I’m here. Stop pushing me away. I’m not going to be able to ignore this feeling for the next few weeks.”

  “Torren, I’m not in a position to just hop back into a high school relationship.”

  “I’m not asking you to go steady,” I sarcastically toss at her. “We both know this stay has an end date attached. I’m just asking to spend time with you, orgasms optional.”

  Her eyes turn squinty, assessing me.

  “If you think that you and Brad ended things for any other reason than the fact that we’ve found each other again, then you’re fooling yourself.”

  “I don’t want to date you,” she pushes. I question her motivation behind that comment.

  “Fine, no dates. We can stay in for all I care.”

  I’ll take every inch she will give me. I’ll just have to change her mind about that one. I lie through my teeth. She’s going to date me.

  “No sex.”

  “So, you what? Want to go over business plans when I get here?”

  “That will only muddy our very murky water. We can do other stuff, but that’s it. Is that clear? And orgasms are not optional. You aren’t setting yourself up here for success.”

  Damn her, and all her stupid rules. But, I’ll play her game.

  “I never heard you complain when we were younger,” I sneer. “Oh, and I want four nights a week.”

  “Three,” she barters. I am no longer in a bartering mood.

  I grind my teeth. “Fine. Starting now. I want to wipe that nasty frown off your face. You can stop being so angry, because we are about to have a lot of fun with each other.” A small smile ghosts her lips.

  “Bedroom or the couch again?” she queries. Now, that’s more like it.

  “Bedroom,” I confirm. She leads the way. Her bedroom was much like I imagined it would be all those years ago, feminine but stylish. I shut the door behind me and slowly, snail-paced, move toward her. I lift her lips to mine and began my assault on her body, taking her in, committing her to memory. Each time I touched her, I felt the need to store everything I could. I knew this couldn’t last forever and I’d already learned that once. Her tongue was salty and warm. My hands roamed down her body, loving each and every one of her delicate curves. I savor her. I unbutton the blouse she’s still wearing from work and admire the view and run small kisses along her body. I move us toward the bed and when the backs of her knees hit the mattress, she collapses into a sitting position. I move to my knees and continue my reign over her body, small kisses dotting her skin. Her arms begin to roam over my back, my shoulders, and my hair. She’s not a scared young girl anymore. I’m quite looking forward to our time together, learning each other’s bodies. When I’ve had my fill of her skin, I lay her down and grab the fitted pencil skirt she marched around in all day and pull it from her body in one swift move.

  “Hey,” she says as she pops her head up. “I like that skirt.”

  “I like it too, Ace. I liked it a little too much today.” I drop the skirt to the floor and lick my way up her thighs, teasing her. When I reach the apex of her thighs, I cease, and slowly remove her panties, gliding them down her long and perfectly toned legs.

  “You’re dragging this out,” she whines.

  “You are going to have to learn some patience.” I continue teasing around her thighs and hip.

  “Yes, because eight years wasn’t enough.”

  She’s going to pay for that sassy mouth. “Lie back, and enjoy yourself, already.”

  Chapter 24

  Ari

  Em: Has he stuck his meat weasel in your boner koozie yet?

  These are the types of text messages I get when she knows I’m in morning meetings.

  Me: You are so immature, I type out back to her.

  Em has been harassing me non-stop since I spilled the beans about Torren. She’s half excited to hear the dirt, and half waiting for my next breakdown. Which is fair, because each day I have the same battle with myself.

  Em: You didn’t answer my question.

  Me: No. Now worry about your own sex life.

  Em: Yeah, I’ve never had to worry about my own sex life…only yours. Heard from Brad?

  Me: Not since we last talked. I removed him from Facebook yesterday. Not sure why, Torren doesn’t even have a page, but I was worried about getting busted.

  Em: Wow. So, you’re really doing this, huh?

  I’m not sure what to say to that. Is she really asking if it’s over with Brad or if things are truly on with Torren? I respond just as vaguely to cover my own ass.

  Me: Yeah, I guess.

  I set my phone to silent and place it back on the conference table attempting to avert my attention back to John. I’ve made a major mistake by making a deal with the Devil. Torren’s come over precisely three times in the last week and each time he has proceeded to stick around a little longer following each phenomenal sexual encounter between us. Truth is that my body is so languid following his time worshipping me that I don’t have the energy to kick him out right away. It takes a moment for my body to regain its strength and for my eyes to refocus. He makes himself comfy by digging in my pantry and snacking on Cheez-its while he watches TV. By the time I start to yawn I promptly kick him out and he returns to his own apartment. At least I was wise in my endeavor to ban sex. Torren never pushes me for more and has been nothing but giving, in the best possible way. I feel bad at times for not returning the favor, especially when I can so evidently see his interest, but it’s not something I’ve ever done for Torren and, to be honest, I’m nervous to reciprocate in any capacity, feelings or sexual favors.

  Our events keep us busy. We work late at least half the nights and the others we are often so tired that we all return home, except Torren who returns to my home. Just thinking about him and how determined he’s been in pursuing me causes me to smile. I need to return my focus to the meeting with the team, but I sweep my eyes over Torren, who for once actually seems to be paying more attention to John than to me. I take the moment to appreciate th
e ways he’s aged. He’s broader now through his shoulders and chest, still tanned and dark. The scruff on his face is sexy and makes me want to make out with him until I get a terrible beard burn. I add it to my mental to-do list for the next time he’s over. I notice Grady, sitting next to him, who seems to be eyeing me, eyeing Torren. I feel the heat rush to my cheeks at having been caught and I try to determine what’s behind his soft, inquisitive gaze. I redirect my attention, attempting to calm my blush. I return to my desk after the meeting evading everyone else, needing some time to myself. As I round my desk, I find another Post-it attached to my computer screen. He knows public displays are banned per my rules.

  I can’t stop thinking of you, it reads, I bite at my lip, feeling that old rush of excitement, of lust, but then it’s replaced with a feeling of conservative apprehension. He knows I’m not ready to share this with the others even if they do suspect us. Nadia already knows, Evan’s been asking more questions than usual, but I’m just not ready to confirm it and he puts that at risk every time he publicizes us in the workplace. I add another mental note to the to-do list to discuss sticking to text messages that can’t be seen by others, or who might catch him sneaking in my office. I already had to hide the last few messages from Allison who is quite frequently in my office when I am not.

  A knock at the open door has Grady perched in front of me. I crumple the Post-it in my hand and smile up at him.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  I haven’t actually talked to Grady except for the day he walked in on Torren and I. He’s a good-looking guy. I’ve noticed the way many of the girls at parties attempt to grab his attention while he’s working. Originally, I thought it might be a problem if he paid them more attention than his work, but he never does.

  He eyes the crumpled paper in my hand mysteriously but moves into my office.

  “I wanted to talk with you, I’ll only be a minute.”

  “Of course, what’s going on?”

  He leans against my desk next to me. “I see how you look at him. I see how he looks at you too…all day and night in fact. When I first met him, he talked about you all the time, over the years it slowly lessened, his pain.”