My Yuletide Earl: A Wallflower’s Christmas Wish

by Andresen, Tammy

Never had she felt such a tingling in her belly. While she’d never experienced love or passion before, she knew the difference. Her parents had looked at one another with such tenderness and affection. That wasn’t what she’d seen in Lord Tidemore’s gaze.

  Her breath fluttered as she used her shaking hands to unfasten her cloak. He was exciting but what he offered was a temporary passion that would ruin her chances at a real future. Despite wanting to learn from him, she needed to abandon the endeavor. Clearly, she could not be trusted in his presence.

  It wasn’t as though she could pretend he was well-intentioned. She hadn’t asked him his intentions but neither had he offered. Still, if he were marriage-minded, he might have taken her on a walk about the square, not pulled her behind a cluster of trees.

  Then she thought back to their first meeting this morning in the square and the way he’d pressed his hips to hers. Heat flushed her face as she squeezed her eyes shut.

  She drew in a deep breath. Now was the time to resist the devil. Squaring her shoulders, she pushed off the door and hung up her cloak just as her sister came in the kitchen door behind her.

  “Oh,” Eve said as she nearly ran straight into Holly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there.”

  Holly shook her head. “That’s all right. I wasn’t paying much attention either.”

  Eve hung up her cloak next to Holly’s. “This village has been overrun with lords.”

  Holly shook her head. “Terrible lords with awful intentions.”

  Eve’s hand paused. “The worst sort you’ve ever met.”

  “Who did you meet?” Holly asked, suddenly wondering if Lord Tidemore was feeding more than one Bailey sister cookies. Heat flushed her cheeks as she realized a jolt of jealousy had raced down her spine.

  Eve blinked. “The Marquess of Merriweather. What about you?”

  Her breath rushed out of Holly’s lungs as her shoulders slumped back down. She rubbed her forehead with the tips of her fingers. “The Earl of Tidemore.”

  “Thank goodness,” Eve murmured so low Holly almost didn’t hear her.

  “Wait,” Holly cocked her head to the side as she studied her sister. “Why do you say that?”

  Eve looked at her sister, reaching for her shoulders. “I met the Marquess during my time in London. He’s a rogue. I wouldn’t want you caught up with such a man.”

  “I see,” Holly answered. “And my impression of Tidemore was the same. You’ve confirmed my suspicion.”

  Eve nodded. “You’ve always had a good head, Holly. I’m glad to see you’ve figured out the situation so quickly.” She gave her sister’s shoulders a squeeze. “Stay away from those men.”

  Holly nodded. “I will.” Then she gasped. “Do you think Blitzencreek is a rake too?”

  Eve paused. “I’m not certain. On the one hand, he ended up sleeping in our house last night. Most unusual. On the other, he is returning for tea, which is a most appropriate activity.”

  “Noelle is the smartest of the three of us. I’m sure she’ll have the situation well in hand,” Holly replied. “But let’s speak to her just in case.”

  “Good idea,” Eve answered. “I think I’ll do some more baking. I need to clear my head.”

  Holly wished she baked too. She could use an activity to order her thoughts. “I’d like to go for a walk but every time I step into the square, Tidemore appears. The last thing I need now is another run in with him.”

  Eve stopped, turning back to her sister. “There is a lovely path just off the square that goes to a lake. With the snow, it should be quite charming. You could try that.”

  Holly warmed her hands by the stove. “That is a good idea.” She stared at the far wall, her thoughts from earlier this morning returning. “Did you ever think that if we met the right men and fell in love we might finally recover from our grief over Mama?”

  Eve didn’t reply and Holly looked back over her shoulder at her sister. Eve’s head was bent low, her hands clasped together. “I don’t want to fall in love. Not ever.”

  Holly’s brows drew together. “What do you—”

  But Eve didn’t allow her to finish before she scurried from the kitchen. Holly’s mouth pressed into a firm line. Eve had been so sad since their mother’s death. She’d retreated into herself in ways that frightened Holly.

  She stood warming by the stove for several more minutes as she worried about both her sisters. Holly never managed to solve problems, however, by standing and thinking. And so, pulling her cloak back on, while donning a hat and gloves, she headed back out the door. She’d take that walk to the lake and try and clear her head. If she walked long enough, perhaps she’d rid her thoughts of roguish lords entirely.

  * * *

  Jack stared out the window, already tired of this inn. His full ale sat behind his empty plate. He’d hoped that a clearer head would provide some answers but it only seemed to ask more questions.

  Why Holly? What about her was making him act so strangely. She was pretty, beautiful even but he’d met some stunning women in his day.

  And she was feisty, true, but again, not the feistiest.

  He closed his eyes as thoughts of Rose filled his mind. He’d met her on his first trip to London as the new earl. She’d been beautiful, charming, and one of the season’s most sought-after debutantes. She’d had scores of suitors about her and he’d pursued her as relentlessly as he’d fought the French during his time in the military. He was now an earl, after all, and a woman like her was within his grasp.

  She’d been a worthy opponent, however, sometimes drawing him in and others pushing him away. It had only heightened the thrill of the chase and when he’d managed to steal a kiss from her, victory had sung in his blood. And something else too. Love.

  He’d never felt for a woman what he’d experienced with her and he’d gone about buying a ring and making an appointment with her father to request her hand.

  Her father, however, cancelled their appointment no less than three times. Frustrated, and growing lovesick, he’d attended the next ball and, dancing with Rose, he’d managed to pull her out into the garden. Actually, the task had been easy.

  She’d collapsed breathlessly into his arms, kissing him with a passion that had stolen his breath and soothed his heart. When they’d finally come up for air, he’d pulled the ring from his pocket and attempted to slip it on her finger.

  And that was the moment everything had gone wrong. Because a ring was already there. A large diamond, twice the size of the sapphire he’d purchased, sparkled on her finger in the moonlight.

  He squeezed his eyes, rubbing his face, his insides clenching as he remembered the way he’d begged, pleaded with her that he alone loved her.

  She’d stepped away then, carefully explaining that love had little to do with it. If he’d grown up a member of the peerage, he’d have known that a girl sets about making the best match, and surely a duke is a far better catch than an earl.

  And then she’d smiled, stepping closer again. With breathless excitement she’d explained that once she was married, had delivered an heir, there was no reason they couldn’t begin an affair.

  In one blow, she’d hit him in every place he hurt. The loss of his family, his insecurity over the title, his feelings for her. He’d walked away from her but he’d also amended to never go chasing a woman again. If a woman wanted him, she’d come to him, her intentions clear, and then he’d decide if she was worth dallying with. He’d never make himself that vulnerable again. Life could steal a man’s breath in an instant. Why go looking for trouble?

  And he’d held to that for five years. He’d stayed out of polite society, operating on its fringes. He’d learned how to manage his estate and then spent the rest of his time engaged in decidedly debaucherous activities. But they were far safer, in his estimation, than any society event.

  His hand slapped against the table, the memories still hurting. How a woman could hurt him like that when he was at his most vulnerable still made his h
eart ache. And it was a lesson he needed to remember now. He had the feeling another little minx was worming past his defenses.

  As if he’d conjured her, he saw a red cloak leave the house across the square. Her blonde curls danced in the breeze as she stood in front of the house. This time, however, she didn’t cross the square but edged around it and headed down the road. Where was she going?

  Why should he care?

  He stood, watching the red of her garment disappear down the tree-lined path. Perhaps he should tell her that he didn’t. That the cookies this morning had been a mistake. He’d let her know that he didn’t have any interest in innocent ladies as they were the most wicked women of them all.

  He grabbed his coat and shrugged it on as he reached for his gloves. Stepping out into the cold he amended that he’d not touch her and he certainly wouldn’t attempt to kiss her again. He’d only explain that the ale had caused him to be such a cad.

  He ignored the voice that whispered he was looking for an excuse to see her again. That wasn’t it, he amended, even as he started down the wooded road.

  He caught sight of her cloak just down the path where tall pine trees bent with the heavy weight of snow. The cool, crisp air filled his lungs even as large flakes began to fall once again from the sky. More snow.

  He picked up his pace as he grudgingly noted that he hadn’t seen a view this stunning in some time. Up ahead, he heard the distant sounds of children playing, calling to one another. He had missed this. Somehow, the sound brought back his own memories of childhood and a simpler time in his life. A time filled with family and love. He pushed those thoughts aside. Deep down, he realized part of his infatuation with Rose had been a driving need to rebuild the life he’d lost. It was a foolish notion and one he’d abandon after she’d broken him into a thousand tiny pieces. Holly was not going to put those pieces back together. Of that, he was certain.

  Chapter Five

  The air cleared her head and filled Holly with a sense of calm she hadn’t experienced all day. She drew in several deep breaths as she walked faster, trudging through the snow.

  Tidemore was a rake and she’d do best to resist any attraction and stay away from the man. Easier said than done, but hopefully the snow would melt, and the men could leave the village again, not to return. She did feel a pang of regret at the idea, but she pushed it aside. It was the first time she’d ever felt a pull toward a man, which was why it made sense that she’d responded this morning, forgetting her good reason, but she needed to make certain that it didn’t happen again.

  The next time they met, she’d remain cool, detached. She’d neither huff and puff at him, nor allow him to feed her cookies.

  Plan in place, she lifted her skirts and broke into a near run, loving the way the air felt against her skin. Exercise always cleared her head and drew in another deep breath, filling her lungs.

  In the country like this, she often went without a corset, needing to move freely. She was glad she’d left hers home today.

  The trees broke up ahead and she skidded to a stop at the mouth of a clearing. Spread out down a rolling hill was a large field and below that, an ice-covered pond. Several villagers were clearing a skating patch. Boys ran about rolling snowballs, and people called merrily to one another as a few strapped on skates.

  A smile parted her lips and she laughed to see such a lovely scene.

  It was near perfect. Only one thought continued to plague her. Once Tidemore and his friends left, how would she go about finding actual love?

  “You’re bloody fast, you know that?” a deep baritone called behind her.

  She shivered, but not from the cold. How did she already recognize the timber of Tidemore’s voice? And why was he interrupting her important musings yet again? “You are the most annoying man in all of England.”

  He chuckled. “Why do you say that?”

  “I’ve asked you several times to leave me be and here you are, following me once again. Don’t you have anything better to do?”

  “As a matter of course, no. I don’t.” He stepped up next to her. “I forgot how boring the country could be.”

  She drew in a deep breath. She’d not allow this man to bait her. “The country isn’t boring. Look at all these people. Do they seem dull to you?”

  He held out an elbow to her. “I suppose they don’t.”

  Tentatively, she slipped a hand into his arm as he began to lead her down toward the water. “Exactly. I don’t want to know what you do for fun in London, but I would bet all my pin money that this is far better for the mind and the body than any diversions London has to offer.”

  Tidemore looked over at her, quiet for a minute. “You like exercise, don’t you?”

  She nodded, finding this more normal conversation with him a bit disconcerting. “I do. Very much.”

  “No wonder your body feels so lush despite all those cookies.”

  Her mouth dropped open as her gaze snapped to his. His dark eyes bore into hers and her breath caught in her chest before she forced it back out. She’d not allow him to disconcert her. “You’re insufferable. A gentleman does not say such things.”

  He gave a wicked grin. The sort that made his eyes sparkle and his white teeth flash. “I’m no gentleman, despite being gentry, but you’re right. I shouldn’t tell you how delicious you feel with your tiny waist and the flare of your hips.” Then he stopped. “Do you wear a shaper?”

  “Shaper?” she asked, trying to pull her hand from his arm. He held it firm.

  He quirked a brow. “A corset. I’ve only just realized, I didn’t feel one.”

  “Lord Tidemore,” her breath hissed from between her teeth. “Please. Stop.”

  “Can I ask you a question?” He started walking again, still holding her hand firmly in the crook of his arm.

  “No,” she answered, giving another half-hearted pull. He might be crude but he was interesting, and she had to confess her curiosity was piqued.

  “Would you kiss me if I asked?”

  She stopped again, giving her hand a hard yank that wrenched it loose from his grasp. “Absolutely not.”

  His brows lifted. “Really? You allowed me to feed you a—”

  “Lord Tidemore,” she cried, looking about to see if anyone might hear them. “You’re going to ruin me if you don’t proceed with more discretion.”

  She’d expected those words to worry or upset him, but instead, he squinted his eyes, giving her a thoughtful stare. “Most women would be thrilled to land an earl as a husband.”

  She took another step back. “Rest assured, my lord, I am not one of them.” She had a plan, a very good one, to heal her family with real affection. If she could find love, she could help her sisters too. Then they could go back to the way they’d been before her mother’s death. And perhaps grandchildren and happy families would lead her father out of the darkness he was lost in.

  “When we’re alone like this, you should call me, Jack,” he said and stepped closer to her again. She took another step back.

  She stood about twenty feet from where skaters cleared the lake, but she was well on the shore. “I will not, Lord Tidemore.”

  He smiled at that, not a wicked grin like before, but a small, amused smile that showed a dimple in his left cheek. She grudgingly admitted it looked darling on him. “You don’t want an earl and you won’t call me Jack. May I ask why?”

  She shrugged, looking off into the trees. “I’ll marry a gentleman not a rogue.”

  “Rogues can be fun,” he said low and deep, the sort of sound that shook her very core.

  “I don’t want fun. Not now.”

  He stepped closer again. “Are you certain? Because I fed a cookie to a woman this morning that most definitely has an adventurous spirit.”

  She gave her head a violent shake. Partially because he was right. She was terribly curious about him and the feel of his lips. But she couldn’t be that person. She needed to be the woman who didn’t bring further pain to her fami
ly but lifted them out of darkness. “I won’t allow myself to be ruined. I need to find a man who will marry me and help my family heal.”

  “Heal?” he asked, his voice far sharper. “What do you mean by that?”

  * * *

  Jack’s chest swelled with…what? An emotion he struggled to identify made his lungs tight as he stared down at her. Was he worried?

  Briefly, he wondered if he should head back to the inn and drink that ale after all. His clear head was so much more in touch with his feelings. He hated it.

  But then again, a stronger urge to find out what plagued Holly held him in place.

  Distantly, he realized he hadn’t cared about much in the past several years, and some part of him liked this newfound concern for something other than where his next pint was coming from.

  Her mouth snapped closed and she backed up again. “It’s not important.”

  “It is to me,” he answered, moving close and reaching for her arm. “What has hurt you?”

  She jerked away and held up her hand. “Don’t touch me.”

  “Apologies.” He dropped his hand. The goal was not to spook her away here. “You can tell me what happened to your family.”

  She shrugged, her head tipped down as she looked at the snow. “It’s not unusual. My mother passed away just before Christmastide last year. It was her favorite.” Holly looked up to him then, her large, green eyes filled with sadness crinkling at the corners as her mouth pulled into a frown. “But she was the center of my family and we’ve been lost without her. Eve has disappeared, Noelle is always worried, and my father…” Her voice drifted off.

  He winced. He already knew about that. And he understood too. Her father wasn’t the only man to attempt to drown grief at the bottom of a bottle. “He is coping by drinking.”

  She gave a small nod.

  “And you will solve all of that how?” he asked, reaching out to her again. This time she didn’t jerk away and he lightly stroked her elbow.

  “My parents loved one another so much.” Her lip trembled and he inched closer. “When she died, it was as though my family lost the feeling that bound us together. If I can find that sort of affection, perhaps it will pull us back together.”