Putting Out

by S Doyle

“I’m not kidding,” Kenny snapped. “You don’t need this. You’re the best woman golfer ever to play the game. That’s what they’re going to say about you. Years from now when you can’t hold a club in your arthritic hands and Luke is chasing you around the kitchen in a walker, they’ll show lists of your records that still haven’t been broken. You don’t need to do this. To risk your life. It’s just a game.”

  Reilly inhaled. “Bite your tongue. If Pop heard you…this is more than a game to us, Kenny. This is our way of life. Our family’s passion. This game is who we are. At least it’s who I am. I have to tell you a couple of months ago I wasn’t all that crazy about me. I wasn’t having fun anymore. I was tired of playing and tired of winning and I didn’t know what the hell to do because being a golfer is the only thing I’ve ever known how to be. Not a wife or even a just a friend. But now everything is different. I know the next step to take. I’m not sure what’s going to happen on the other side of this tournament. I can’t see that far. But I’m not pulling out. Not because of what anyone says or does. Am I scared? Yes. Am I stopping because of this twerp? No.”

  He guessed he hadn’t expected anything different, but he also hadn’t expected to be so worried about what could happen to her.

  “Did you ever think it was a little crazy we define ourselves by a game?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe it was too much. Maybe we should have been exposed to more. Maybe Grams should have taken me to dance lessons and Pop should have put a football in your hand at least once. But Grams was busy making the transition from grandmother back to mother and Pop had to figure out how to be a father in a different time. It’s how he related to us. It worked. We were two pretty happy orphans.”

  “Staying happy is harder,” Kenny said, thinking about the five hundred unreturned messages he’d left for Tessa.

  “Staying happy is up to us. If we screw up, it’s on our heads.”

  “I’ve screwed up. A lot.”

  “Yeah, me, too. But I don’t know, I feel different now, Kenny. Like things might be changing for the better.”

  Kenny snorted. “You’ve got a thing for Luke. That’s the only change.”

  “I do not!”

  “You do, too. The tension has been thick between you two since we came down here. The looks. The stupid fights. It’s so middle school it makes me sick. You might as well just do it and get it over with.”

  Kenny watched as her eyes climbed up into her skull in a desperate attempt to avoid eye contact.

  “Uh, gross. What makes you think I would ever… I mean… you know … with him? ”

  “Crap, you two already did it,” he accused her, reading her face like he did a scorecard. “My best friend and my sister. Do you know how many unwritten social laws that breaks?”

  “You were going to do it with Erica! She’s my friend.”

  “You’re the sister. I’m a man. It’s different. Now I have to hit Luke. Then my hand is going hurt all night. Damn it.”

  “Or you could not hit him.”

  They left the thicket of trees to join Odie and Pete who were waiting for some answers.

  “Not possible. I have to hit him. Just promise me you were over twenty-five when it first happened.”

  “Uh, okay.”

  24

  “Men,” Reilly said disgusted.

  “You say it like it’s a bad thing.” Luke said.

  She lifted the Ziploc bag filled with ice off Luke’s right eye.

  “You’re not mad?”

  “I’m mad you told him before I could. He deserved to hear it from me.”

  “It sort of slipped,” Reilly confessed.

  Luke was sitting on the edge of his bed with Reilly between his legs trying to play nurse. She was a little heavy handed with the ice, but all things considered, she felt pretty good tucked between his legs and every once in a while when she leaned in closer, her breasts bumped against his chest.

  “I can’t believe he hit you.”

  “I know. I mean I had it coming, but I didn’t think he would go through with it.”

  She shook her head. “You did not have it coming. We were two adults engaging in adult behavior.”

  “You were eighteen. Barely a child out of the schoolroom.”

  “Please. I attacked you. You didn’t have a chance.”

  “That’s true. I remember not being able to help myself. And I couldn’t stop you.”

  She smiled coyly. “I was a hellcat back in the day.”

  “On that day and every day after.”

  Reilly dropped the ice back on his eye, which was only slightly puffy.

  “So now it’s out in the open.”

  “I already had his permission so he’s sort of being an ass by holding the past against me.”

  “Permission for what?”

  “Permission for us,” Luke answered. It wasn’t until she took a step back and the ice-bag slid off his face, he realized there was an issue.

  “Us? There is no us. There’s you and a brunette.”

  Luke searched his memory for mention of a brunette.

  “You lost me.”

  “Her. The woman. The one you kicked me out of your bedroom for.”

  Luke stood up and took her by the shoulders. It was time for the great revelation. He’d been hoping to put it off until after the tournament, but he was tired of the subterfuge and for the most part, he didn’t think it was working very well. It was time. She was playing in the American, she was being stalked by some nut and she was going to have to deal with the fact he’d come back for her.

  Life was difficult sometimes.

  “Okay, first, I don’t remember any kicking. I do remember being reluctant since your grandparents, who by the way trust me like a grandson, were sleeping innocently below us. And second, I can’t believe you haven’t figured it out yet.”

  “Figured what out? You said there was a woman. You said you were serious.”

  “There is and I am. About you.”

  Reilly’s jaw dropped. “Me? Seriously?”

  “Why the hell do you think I showed up in Little Creek?”

  “Because of the ranking. Because of what it meant. I thought you came to be supportive.”

  “I did. I also came because I decided I was tired of getting married and divorced. Reilly, it’s time for all that to end. I’m ready for some permanence. It’s why I bought this old house.”

  “This house is only a couple of years old,” Reilly reminded him.

  “But it looks old. Like your grandparents' house. I love that house. It stands for something. Like a part of time itself. I don’t know. All I know is that I want it. I want it all. We don’t have to live here. We can live in Florida or on the West Coast. We’ll both be traveling during the season so…”

  “Whoa! You want me to live with you? Because of a house?”

  “Not because of a house. Because of what the house means. Will you please keep up?”

  “Keep up with what!? You’re not making any sense.”

  “As far as living together, I think it’s best, don’t you?” Luke suggested. “I mean, marriage hasn’t worked for either one of us and the idea of going through another ceremony makes me cringe.

  She folded her arms over her chest. “Let me get this straight. We’ve been friends with benefits for ten years, never once having a conversation about turning our involvement into anything more than friendship and sex. Then you see the announcement on television about my ranking, weeks after another one of your divorces and you decide the time has come for us to live together.”

  “And don’t forget the house. I bought the house first. I think it was part of the ramp up.”

  “You say nothing at the time when you see me, other than to convince me you’ve got some woman in your life you’re serious about. Now, I’m weeks away from the biggest moment of my life. I’ve got some bastard following me around necessitating a bodyguard. Kenny is going through… something… I don’t know what, but now he wants me
to pull out of the tournament. And you decide with all of this going on, now is the time to tell me you think we should try to have a relationship!”

  Luke grimaced. “Bad timing, right?”

  “You’re an idiot.” She started to turn away from him, but he caught her hands and pulled her back in between his legs, once again sitting on the bed.

  “I know it sucks I did this to you now, but I’m tired of waiting to start this. And for the record, we’re not going to try anything. We are in a relationship. We have been in a relationship for years. I just happen to be ready to make it more normal. If you think about the last couple of weeks we’ve spent in this house together, you’ll agree you’re ready for it, too.”

  “For the last couple of weeks I’ve been pissed at you.”

  “I know,” he said smugly. “And why is that?”

  “Because you… then you…”

  “If you were honest with yourself you would realize you’re mad at me because you want things to stay the same between us. You don’t want to change, but it has to, Reilly. We’re not kids anymore.”

  “Oh, I’ve been thinking about change,” she charged. “I’ve been thinking about ending this once and for all. How about that for change!”

  He pulled her hand to his face and rubbed his cheek against her palm. “Is that what you want?”

  She huffed. “No. But I don’t know if I want what you’re offering, either. What about all the reasons why we never did this?”

  “What about them?”

  “We’re too competitive.”

  “Not anymore. I don’t compete. I’ll play the occasional tournament for fun but being on top of the golfing world isn’t my goal anymore. It was phase one on the start to my new life. You’re phase three in case you were wondering.”

  “We’ll get back to phase two in a minute. What about our volatile tempers?”

  “I’ve mellowed. So have you.”

  “What about our failures to commit? Five marriages and six engagements between us, Luke. That’s not normal!”

  “Did you ever think the reason why we couldn’t make it work with those other people is because there was another person we really wanted to be with?”

  “You got married first,” she mumbled.

  “Because I was trying to avoid you. I knew what we had was intense and at the time I didn’t want to risk losing myself in you. Golf was the only thing I cared about and you were like Delilah with a pair of scissors to me. Plus, I didn’t want to risk Kenny’s wrath – justifiably, as he’s got a hell of a right hook. Most of all, I didn’t want to date you and lose you, which I knew I would do. So I married Holly-one.”

  “And I married Jamie.”

  “He was safe.”

  “He wasn’t you. He was the anti-you,” she admitted.

  “Then I got divorced and you got divorced and we hooked up and it was too much again.”

  “You married your tennis pro.”

  “And you retaliated with a football guy.”

  Reilly shook her head. “Did we really do that? Did we subject ourselves, but more importantly these other innocent people, to our twisted dance just because we couldn’t handle it emotionally?”

  “Yes.”

  “That sort of makes us scumbags,” Reilly pointed out.

  “It makes us immature. It makes us more than a little cowardly. It makes us who we are. But we can change that.”

  Reilly shook her head. “I can’t … I can’t do this now, Luke. I can’t tell you that I’m ready for something when…”

  “Okay,” he said standing and facing her. He knew it was time to back off. Let her take away the idea and sit with it for a while. “Let’s put the brakes on the idea of living together. I can appreciate I’ve sprung this on you. And while I’ve been thinking about it for months-”

  “Months!” she squeaked.

  “Maybe longer,” he winced. “Probably since the ESPYs.”

  “You got married to someone else after the ESPYS!” she reminded him.

  “It took time to sink in. My point is we can take this slower.”

  “Slower how?”

  “First, we go back to doing it,” Luke told her. “Because frankly that whole part of my plan was stupid. I’m horny.”

  “Okay. I’m cool with that. We can do it now.” Reilly meandered over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, raising her face to his for a kiss. “I could seriously use the stress relief.”

  “Oh, no.” Luke pulled Reilly’s hands from around his neck and set her back a step. “We’re not going at each other like wildcats.”

  “But we always go at each other like wildcats,” Reilly pouted.

  “Exactly. Where has that gotten us? No, the next time we make love it’s going to be in a bed and it’s going to be nice and sweet. No more in the car, behind the house, in the barn or backstage at an awards-show nookie. We’re going to do it like normal people who are considering a relationship. At night, in the dark, in flannel pajamas.”

  “Do we get to take the pajamas off or are we talking just feelsies under the material?”

  Luke considered that. “What’s more romantic?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “We’ll start with feelsies and take it from there.”

  After dinner Kenny sat on the couch between Reilly and Luke with his arms folded over his chest. His expression remained sour throughout the night as they watched an old movie on television.

  Pierce had gone out for the night with Doug, and Odie had gone up to his bedroom with a six- pack of beer. It had been evident in the last few weeks he preferred his solitude. Tonight was no exception. Since practice turned into a disaster after the stalker chase, she didn’t blame him for the beer. She was giving Odie fits with her lack of ball height. But she would work on it. As much as she could in the last thirteen days.

  Thirteen days.

  Her mind rejected the idea the event was almost upon them. If she started thinking about it, she would get freaked. If she got freaked, she wouldn’t sleep.

  The good news was she was going to start having sex again. She always slept after sex. Especially hot wild animal sex with Luke. But they weren’t going to do that. They were going to have romantic relationship sex. Reilly tried to think back to her time with Jamie but could remember nothing about the sex, which told its own story. With Boomer it had been all brawn and Buck hadn’t been much different.

  There had never been any sweetness or intimacy with any of her lovers, mostly because she’d never looked for it in any of her relationships.

  She supposed she was going to start trying now.

  Reilly leaned forward so she could see Luke’s profile over the obstacle that was Kenny’s nose. He sensed her stare and turned his head toward her. She smiled, sweetly she hoped, and then leaned back into the couch.

  “What time is it?” Luke asked.

  Kenny glanced down at his watch. “It’s just past eight.”

  “Getting late,” Luke said in general. Then yawned almost comically.

  “Yeah, I’m kind of tired myself,” Reilly announced.

  Kenny said nothing, but turned his head to glare at Luke then Reilly. Resigned, he clenched his jaw and offered a clipped good night.

  Not pushing his luck, or risking further injury, Luke jumped off the couch and headed upstairs. But Reilly lingered for a while trying to make sense of her brother’s mood.

  “You’re not really mad, are you?”

  “Not really.” He shrugged. “Not really happy, either.”

  “I can’t believe you hit him this afternoon.”

  “I had to. But I suppose that’s over. You’re a grown-up and he’s a grown-up. If you two want to crash and burn on your own time, that’s up to you. But rule number one is, no matter what happens you’ll both need to get over it and be friends after the divorce.”

  “We’re not there yet. Hell, I’m not sure where we are, but he wants to try and I guess I do, too.”

  “Like I
said. That’s your call.”

  Reilly studied her older brother for a minute and decided his mood wasn’t all about her and Luke.

  “Are you ever going to tell me what’s up with you?”

  “Nothing to tell.”

  “This isn’t about Erica, is it?”

  “No. I should tell you I called her the other day. Let her know I couldn’t break away to see her. I guess we broke up, but the truth was, we were never together. We were just trying to be.”

  “Okay. Well, if you want to talk let me know. It’s been all me, me, me lately and I figure it’s got to be tough for you.”

  “You’d think, but it’s not. I’ll be okay. I just need to figure out how to attack a certain problem.”

  “Okay.” Reilly started to leave then stopped. “You know, I don’t believe what you said about me and Luke. The part about crashing and burning.”

  “You don’t, huh?”

  “No. You said in your impassioned speech today I would have arthritic hands and Luke would be chasing me around in a walker.”

  “That doesn’t mean you’ll still be married.”

  “True,” Reilly smiled. “Anyway, as crazy as it seems, given our track record, I still think it might work. I think it might be love.”

  “Yeah,” he sighed. “Me, too.”

  Kenny watched his sister go upstairs and put out of his mind what he knew was going to be happening between her and Luke. He couldn’t believe he’d been so blind to miss it all these years. The zing of lust that crackled in the air anytime they were together today must have always been there; he’d just been oblivious.

  He snorted in self-disgust, realizing obliviousness was his favorite state.

  Knowing it was ridiculous but wanting to try again anyway, Kenny pulled his cell phone out of his back pocket and hit Tessa’s name. Unlike the hundred times he’d tried earlier, this time she picked up.

  “Hello?”

  “Tessa!” His shock at hearing her voice almost made him drop the phone, but he recovered fast. “Please don’t hang up.”

  “Kenny, I only answered to tell you this won’t work.”

  There was a soft sigh at the other end of the line and he could imagine her face at that moment: sad. He didn’t want to make her sad.