Judah knew Tamar had never loved Er. She had submitted to Er, showing his son the respect due a husband. Though he knew she’d been beaten, Judah had never seen her cower like a dog. She had accepted her fate and worked hard to become part of his family. She had submitted to every command. She would accept his decision now and abide by it.
“I’m giving Onan to you as your husband so that you can bear a son for Er.”
“My lord,” she said and bowed down to him.
Judah wanted to say something, anything that might give the poor girl comfort and hope. But what could he say that wouldn’t demean Er? No matter how bent upon evil his eldest son had been, Er was still the first fruit of Judah’s loins, the first show of his strength as a man. He couldn’t speak against Er without speaking against himself.
A blessing would ease his conscience. “May you be fruitful and multiply my house, Tamar.” She would not suffer with Onan. As far as Judah knew, his second son took no pleasure in tormenting the helpless.
When Tamar rose to her feet, she lifted her head and looked at him. He was discomfited by the warmth in her eyes. He nodded. “You may go.”
She turned away and then turned back again. “May I speak with you, my lord?” Something plagued her deeply.
He raised his brows.
“Since I am to bear children for your household, will you instruct me in the ways of your God?”
He stiffened. “When the time comes, I will speak to Onan about it.”
“Surely the time is long past.”
He clenched his fists. “Do you dare reprimand me?”
“No, my lord,” she said in confusion. She paled. “I beg your pardon. I only meant . . .”
He saw the tears well in her eyes but ignored her appeal. “Leave me.” Closing his eyes, he jerked his head in command. He heard her quick retreating footsteps.
Why did Tamar always have to ask about God? What could he tell her? God had struck Er for his cruel arrogance and taken vengeance upon Judah as well. An eye for an eye, a life for a life. Er for Joseph.
Judah raked his fingers through his hair, then held his head. Perhaps now the past could be laid to rest.
“This is what he requires: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.” His father’s words came to him as though Jacob had leaned close and whispered them.
Agitated, Judah rose and left the house.
* * *
Tamar returned to her quarters and told Acsah what had been said. Onan was to sleep with her and give her children for Er.
“Judah spoke with me eight days ago,” Acsah said. “He has been counting the days.”
Tamar blushed.
Acsah smiled at her. “Onan is a better man than Er. He won’t beat you.”
Tamar lowered her eyes. Onan was as handsome as Er. He could speak as smoothly. He might also have fists like hammers. She breathed in slowly. She couldn’t allow herself to dwell on fear. Fear might prevent conception.
Despite her resolve, her stomach quivered with misgivings. She had no reason to expect tender treatment from Onan. Why should she? He kept company with the same young men Er did.
Acsah took her by the shoulders. “Be joyful, Tamar. Judah’s taken your side against Bathshua.”
Tamar shrugged her hands away. “Don’t be foolish, Acsah. There are no sides to this matter. It is but a thing of necessity.”
“A thing of necessity? How you talk! Your mother-in-law has burned Judah’s ear for weeks regarding you. She didn’t want Onan in the same room with you, let alone the same bed.”
“Can you blame her? I would grieve as much if I’d lost a son.”
“Or a loving husband.” She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “We’re all well rid of Er.”
Tamar turned away, unwilling to agree.
Acsah sighed. “You must be careful, Tamar. Bathshua seeks someone to blame.”
Tamar sat on a cushion. “Then she must look to the God of Judah.”
“She suspects you. She claims you cast a spell.”
Tamar glanced up sharply. “What power have I to help or hinder anyone in this household? I am nothing! What did I have to gain by my husband’s death? Am I better off now with my husband dead?” She shook her head and looked away. “No one will believe Bathshua. Everyone heard Er reject the God of his father, and everyone saw how he died.”
Acsah hunkered down before her. “Do you think that matters?” She took Tamar’s hands and held them tightly. “Much of the blame for Er’s character can be laid at his mother’s feet, but do you think she will ever accept it?”
Tamar pulled her hands from Acsah’s and covered her face. “I did nothing to harm Er!” She drew a ragged breath, tears welling despite her efforts to quell them. “What sort of household is this that everyone seeks to destroy each other?”
Acsah pressed her fingertips against Tamar’s lips. “I know you did nothing to harm Er. So does Judah. Not once did you ever speak against Er. Everyone knew he beat you, and they all looked the other way.”
“Then how can you say . . . ?”
“You’re too young to understand the ways of people like Bathshua. She’s jealous. She’s afraid of losing her position. So she lies. A lie told often enough will eventually be accepted as truth.”
“I can only be what I am, Acsah!” Tears ran down her cheeks. “I can only live the best way I know how.”
Acsah cupped her cheek. “Be at peace, my sweet one. You have prevailed. Judah has given Onan to you. It shows he believes the god of his father took his son’s life despite Bathshua’s claims that you had a part in it. But be warned: She is as cunning as a serpent. She will be silent now that Judah has made his decision. For a while she will do nothing. But never forget: She is your enemy.”
“As she always has been, Acsah.”
“More now than ever, but Judah will protect you.”
With a sad laugh, Tamar shook her head. “Judah stands neither to the right nor to the left of me. He stands alone, just as he always has. All he’s done is take the necessary steps to preserve his family.” She turned away, not wanting Acsah to see her hurt and disappointment. Judah had refused to instruct her in the ways of his God, even though this God clearly had the power of life and death. “I am more burdened now than I was the day I came here, Acsah. I want this household to prosper. I want to fulfill my duty.”
“You will.”
“If I have children.”
“When, not if.” Acsah smiled. “Onan will give you a child. I’ve no doubt of that.”
Tamar didn’t share her confidence. Onan was, after all, Er’s brother.
* * *
Acsah was pleased that Judah had finally settled the matter. Her heart ached as she witnessed the indifference in this household. No one in this household deserved Tamar. She was lovely and sweet, hardworking, loyal. Acsah’s heart sometimes swelled with pride as she watched the way the girl conducted herself with dignity, especially when faced with Bathshua’s slights, insults, and outbursts. There were times when Acsah had had to bite her tongue so she would not speak her mind and cause Tamar more trouble.
Judah had delayed long enough in giving Onan to Tamar. Acsah had begun to fear that Bathshua had succeeded in poisoning him against Tamar. She loved Tamar as dearly as she would have loved any child of her own womb, and it angered her to watch how she was treated.
Acsah had rejoiced when Judah sought her out and asked about Tamar’s health. He’d been uncomfortable. She’d understood what he was really asking and spared him further embarrassment. “The best time for conception would be in ten days.”
“Ten days. You’re certain?”
“Yes, my lord.” Acsah hadn’t neglected her duty toward Tamar or Judah’s household. The girl had no secrets from her. It was Acsah’s duty to watch over Tamar’s health. She knew the days of her cycle. She counted them from the full moon so that she would know precisely which days offered greatest fertility.
Even th
ough the matter of Onan was settled, Acsah was worried about Tamar’s mood. Tamar was pensive and secretive. Before, she had always shared her thoughts and feelings. Acsah knew it was because the girl was becoming a woman, but it hurt to be excluded even in these small ways. She adored the girl and sought only the best for her. How could she lift her spirits when she didn’t know what Tamar was thinking? She pressed, but Tamar resisted. She wouldn’t say what was wrong. Acsah could only assume it was fear at the prospects of physical intimacy with Onan. And she could easily understand that, considering the heartless treatment her dear girl had suffered at Er’s hands. Acsah had been afraid for her and distressed about what to do without causing more trouble for her. A bruise now and then was common enough, but harder blows could cause internal injuries and permanent damage. And then what would become of Tamar?
But Er was dead now. Secretly, Acsah rejoiced. The wretched boy had only gotten what he deserved. He would never lay another hand upon Tamar, and Acsah was thankful to whatever god had struck him down. Countless times she had wished she had the power to do it. She had had to plug her ears to keep from going mad when she heard Tamar’s muted cries of pain behind closed doors.
Tamar need not fear Onan. Judah’s second son was different from the first. Onan was shrewd and ambitious. He tended his father’s flocks as though they were already his own. Acsah suspected Onan coveted more than his brother’s inheritance. He’d coveted his brother’s wife as well. Acsah had noticed the way the boy looked at Tamar. Perhaps the boy’s lust would turn to love, and Tamar’s life would be easier.
Most assuredly, Onan would be eager to fulfill his duty to her. The first son Tamar bore would be for Er, but others would follow. They would belong to Onan. Acsah could hardly wait for the day to come when she would help Tamar bring a child into the world. Oh, to see her lovely smile bloom again, to hear her laugh, to see her eyes shine with happiness! Tears sprang to Acsah’s eyes just thinking about it.
Taking her broom and basket, Acsah entered the room where Tamar and Onan would lie together. She set the basket by the door and worked vigorously. She chanted as she did so, exorcising the divine assembly from the room. Some spirits liked to hinder desire and prevent conception. They must be swept out and prevented from coming back. It was Acsah’s duty to see to this. She must protect the young couple and open the way to unfettered lovemaking.
Acsah took great care in her work. She made sure every inch of the walls, ceiling, and floor was swept. Then she mixed mortar and caulked the holes in the stone wall so that evil spirits couldn’t enter through them. She brought in rush mats and laid them out neatly over the earthen floor. She filled small lamps with scented oil and placed trays of incense in each of the four corners of the room. The air of the bedchamber would be permeated with a sweet musky fragrance that would stir the senses and stimulate desire. She took a mandrake from her basket and shaved off slivers of the precious root into a cup beside a jug of wine. Mandrake would increase Tamar’s fertility. Last, she took out a woven cloth and spread it over the mat where the couple would lie together.
Standing in the doorway, Acsah scrutinized every aspect of the room. She must make certain everything was in place, nothing forgotten. Voices and music came from the main room. The wedding feast had begun. Soon she would lead the couple to this chamber.
As a last precaution, Acsah entered the room again and took fine ground flour from a pouch at her waist. She cast it over the floor from the edge of the walls to the doorway. With every sweep of her arm, she chanted incantations to drive spirits from the room. She wasn’t satisfied until a thin layer of flour covered everything. If any spirits returned, she would see footprints in the pale dust and be warned of their presence.
Acsah closed the door firmly. She filled in the crack around the door until the room was sealed.
Finally, satisfied, she sat and rested. She would give Tamar an hour more to celebrate. Perhaps a cup or two of wine would make Tamar relax and enjoy herself. Smiling, Acsah murmured prayers to her gods. Soon she would lead the young couple to the bedchamber. She would make sure no spirits had entered, and then she would close the door behind Onan and Tamar and remain on guard against the spirits who might try to hinder conception. She would sit against the closed door and she would play her small drum, and she would sing a song to drive demons away and make young hearts beat with passion. If the jealous spirits could be kept from the house long enough, Tamar would conceive. And then, finally, this girl Acsah loved and served would be given the respect she was due as a childbearer.
* * *
Tamar soon learned that Onan was different from Er: His evil was more cunning.
Even while Tamar’s head swam with wine and her senses with the scents of sweet herbs and sound of Acsah’s drum, she knew the exact moment Er’s brother denied her the chance of a child. She cried out, but he covered her mouth with his own, silencing her protest. She struggled fiercely and wrenched free, clambering away from him.
“You’ve dishonored me!” She snatched her garment and covered herself. “And betrayed your own brother!”
Onan sat up, breathing heavily. “I promise, I’ll treat you better than Er ever did.”
“And this is better?”
“I’ll treat you with kindness and . . .”
“Kindness?” Er had abused her. Now Onan was using her. “We’re together for one purpose: to conceive a son for Er.”
Onan stretched out on his side. “What’s wrong with enjoying ourselves?”
Tamar glared at him without response.
Onan’s eyes narrowed. “Stop looking at me like I’m an insect you found under a rock.”
“You must fulfill your duty to my dead husband, your brother.”
“I must?” Onan’s face darkened. “Who are you to tell me I must?”
“You know who I am and what my position is in this house. Will you do what is right or not?”
“I promise to take care of you. You’ll always have a roof over your head and food to eat. I’ll give you all you require.”
Her face went hot. Did he really think she would allow him to treat her like a prostitute? She could hardly stand to look at him. “There’s only one thing I require of you, Onan, and you’ve spilled that on the ground!” She flung his discarded tunic at him.
Slipping into it, Onan blushed, but his eyes remained calculating. “Er said you were stubborn. You could try to understand my situation.”
She wasn’t a fool. She knew exactly what he was after. She had known Onan was covetous, but she’d never expected this abominable injustice. “You want Er’s double portion as well as your own!” Onan was filled with avarice.
“Why shouldn’t I have it all? I’ve worked for it!”
“You have your portion. You have no right to Er’s. It belongs to his son.”
He smirked. “What son?”
Her eyes pricked with angry tears. “You will not have your way in this, Onan. I am not a harlot to be used.”
“Be reasonable, Tamar. Did Er ever care for the flocks as I have? Have I hit you or called you names? Did he ever show kindness toward you? Even once? All my brother ever did was cause you grief!”
“It doesn’t matter how he treated me or anyone else! He is your father’s eldest son. Er was firstborn. You must fulfill your duty to your brother, or his line will die! Do you think Judah won’t grieve over what you’ve done tonight?”
“Don’t tell him.”
“I won’t join you in this sin. What future have I if you have your way?”
“The future I give you.”
“And I should trust a man who denies his brother an heir?”
Onan stood, annoyed. “Er’s name should be wiped out! He deserved to die! We’re all better off without him!”
Tamar was shocked by his hatred. “You mustn’t deny me my rights, Onan. If you do, you cheat your father’s entire household.”
Jaw tight, Onan made a sound of disdain. “You don’t know what I suffered at my b
rother’s hands. Every time my mother looked the other way, Er was using his fists on me. I’m glad he’s dead. If you want to know the truth, I rejoiced when Er choked to death. It gave me pleasure to watch him die. I wanted to laugh and dance!” He smiled down at her mockingly. “As I’m sure you did.”
“Don’t include me in your wickedness. Er’s portion doesn’t belong to you. It belongs to the son he might have had, the son you must give me.”
Onan lay down again and propped himself up on one elbow. “And if I won’t?”
“You can’t really mean to deny me, Onan. Would you have Er’s name go down into the dust with him?” It was as though he sought to murder his own brother.
“That’s where his name belongs.”
What Onan was doing was worse than murder! He was denying existence to all of Er’s descendants down through the ages. If he had his way, she would never bear children. What would become of her then?
“Please, Onan. You mustn’t do this. Give thought to what you do!”
“I have thought about it. It’s my name I care about, not his.”
“What sort of man are you that you would destroy the household of your own brother?”
“What brother? What household?” He laughed softly. He took the edge of her wrap and rubbed it between his fingers. “I’m a man who intends to hold on to what belongs to him.” He grinned. “I can make you happy. Would you like me to show you how?”
Tamar yanked her wrap from him and withdrew even farther. She wanted to scream at Acsah to stop beating the drum and singing. This night was a mockery!
Onan’s expression cooled. “Be satisfied with what I’m offering you.”
His avarice sickened her. “I won’t keep silent.”
“What can you do?” He mocked her just as Er had done.
“I can speak to Judah.”
Onan laughed. “Go ahead. Father won’t do anything. He never does anything. Besides, it will be your word against mine, and who will believe you, Tamar? My mother hates you with every breath she takes. Moreover, she’s convinced you cast a spell upon my brother and caused his death.” His smile derided her. “All I have to say is I gave my all to fulfill my duty, but the gods have closed your womb.”
A Lineage of Grace Page 6