She blinked back tears. “I will tell your father the truth, and may the God of Judah judge between you and me!” She rose, intending to leave the room.
Onan lunged for her. She tried to dodge him, but he grasped her ankle. When she tried to kick free, he swept her feet out from under her. She came down hard, and he pinned her against the rush mats scattered on the earthen floor Acsah had taken such care in sweeping.
“Be satisfied with what you have, girl, for you will have no more of me than I intend to give! And when my father dies, you won’t even have that much unless you make an effort to please me!”
Tamar drew in a sobbing breath and turned her face away. Onan eased his grip on her. “Shhhh . . .” He caressed her cheek and kissed her throat. “There now, my sweet little bride. Don’t cry.” His touch repulsed her. “Everyone’s glad Er’s dead and gone. You should be too.” He cupped her face and made her look at him. “I still want you, Tamar. I’ve wanted you since the day you came here. And now you’re mine.” When he tried to kiss her, she jerked her face away. Gritting her teeth, Tamar shut her eyes tightly and didn’t move.
“Make up your mind to enjoy things as they are. They won’t change.”
“I’d rather be dead.”
Onan cursed. “Don’t tempt me.” The rush mats rustled softly as he moved away from her. “Have it your own way. Have nothing.” He fell asleep within minutes, his conscience not the least disturbed.
Tamar slept in the corner, her hands over her head, while Acsah went on singing love songs outside the door.
* * *
Tamar spent the night gathering her nerve. She was resolved to fight the injustice done her. It was within her rights, and she must gather the courage to do so. Surely Judah would defend her. Without children, his family would dwindle and die out. The wind would blow away the name of Judah as though it were dust. She must take courage. She must be strong. She would have to speak up for herself because the sons in this wretched household cared only about themselves!
She went to Judah before Onan was even awake. She told her father-in-law exactly what his son had done. She presented the cloth Acsah had placed upon the rush mat to prove her statement. Judah’s face turned dark red.
“You’ve had only one night with Onan! He’ll come to his senses. Give him time.”
Time? Was that all Judah could say? He should be furious that his son had intended to deceive him. Onan was sinning against the entire household! His actions were clear, his motivation pure greed, and his crime equal to murder. How could Judah overlook this sin against his family? No matter how many times Er had abused her, she couldn’t allow her dead husband to be so dishonored. Did she have to scream from the rooftop to make him call Onan to account?
“I will not allow Onan to touch me under these circumstances. I cannot!”
Judah’s eyes flashed. “Who are you to tell me what will or will not go on in my household?”
“How can I allow this? I’m the wife of your firstborn son! Would you see Er’s name die because Onan refused to do his duty?”
“Be silent, girl!”
Anger filled her. “I am a woman, Judah, and shouting at me will not drown out the truth of this humiliation!” She knew Judah didn’t want to be pressed by anyone, but it was her right, indeed, her obligation to bear children. “Why do you thwart me? It’s in all our interests that sons be born!” What would become of Judah’s tribe if things were allowed to continue in such an immoral manner as this? “Land cannot be worked without children. Flocks cannot be tended without children.”
“I don’t need you to tell me that!”
Judah roared like a wounded lion, but Tamar refused to back down. Judah was not like Er. He wouldn’t use his fists upon a woman. And she could take hot wind any day. “It is my right to have children!”
Judah turned his face away, the muscle working in his jaw. “Very well,” he said grudgingly. “I’ll speak to Onan when I get around to it. In the meantime, let things be as they are.” He raised his hand when she started to protest. “Let me finish! Given time, my son may come to love you. Have you thought of that? You might work toward that end instead of causing him trouble. Do whatever you can to make him love you. If Onan loves you, he’ll do right by you of his own accord, without my saying a word.”
Her cheeks burned. Just as Onan had said, Judah would do nothing. He would go off to tend his sheep and leave it in her hands to woo righteousness from Onan!
“Do you know so little of your own sons, Judah?” Er had been incapable of love, and Onan was eaten up with jealousy and avarice, his only ambition to grasp everything he could now that his older brother was dead and couldn’t protect himself. Judah might as well have said it straight out: It was up to her to protect her husband’s birthright and portion. It was up to her to find a way to have a child.
“I know my sons,” Judah said grimly, glaring at her.
She fought her tears, for she knew Judah would have no respect for her if she shed them. “Why do you refuse to confront the sin that goes on before your eyes? You never called Er to account, and now you look the other way while Onan refuses—”
“Don’t tell me how to run my life or my family!”
“I would never assume to usurp Bathshua’s place!”
Judah’s eyes widened in surprise, and then his face paled in rage. “You’ve said enough.” He spoke with deadly calm.
Tamar saw his anger and didn’t care. If he wanted to hit her, let him. She’d been hit before, and in this household she had no doubt she would be hit again. She would not face this lion like one of his sheep!
“When you gave the bride-price to my father, a covenant was made between you.” It was all she could do to speak in quiet reason and not scream out her frustration. “I became the wife of your son Er, and as your son’s wife, I became your daughter. Will you allow me to be treated like a harlot? Surely a man who defended his sister against the prince of Shechem—”
“Those circumstances were entirely different!” he interrupted, his face white.
Tamar realized she had torn open an old wound and tried to make amends. “I’m part of your family, Judah.” Clearly, he didn’t embrace her as a daughter, but he still owed her consideration. He couldn’t allow her rights to be trodden beneath Onan’s feet.
“Be patient, Tamar. I’ve lost Er. I don’t want to battle Onan.” He groaned in frustration. “There must be some other way!”
There was, but she loathed mentioning it. He must know as well as she did the only other alternative open to them. She swallowed hard, her cheeks going hot. “If you prefer, you can follow Canaanite custom and perform the duty yourself.”
His head came up. Clearly, he thought her suggestion as repugnant as she did. “I’m Hebrew, not Canaanite.”
“I meant no offense.”
“If you were a woman fully grown, you could make Onan forget himself instead of dumping your problem in my lap!”
Her eyes welled with hurt tears. She was woman enough to conceive. That’s all that was required of her. Or had he forgotten? Did she have to become wily and devious in order to fulfill her duty to his dead son? Did Judah expect her to behave like a harlot and take from Onan what he should freely give? Perhaps Judah expected her to run to her sister in Timnah and ask for instructions in the erotic arts! Perhaps she should adorn herself in veils and bells so Onan would be so overcome by lust that he would forget his greed and unwittingly fulfill his obligation!
Tamar trembled in anger.
Once again, Judah would turn away from his responsibilities. He wanted her to plot and scheme and entice Onan into doing what was right to save himself trouble.
“I will not play the harlot.”
“Why not?” He gave a cynical laugh. “Women have done it for years.”
“When will you do what is right?”
“Get out!”
Tamar fled the house in tears. Acsah followed. “What’s happened, Tamar? What were you and Judah shouting abo
ut?”
Tamar took up her hoe and began beating the ground with it. Tears coursed down her cheeks, and she dashed them away and went on working.
“Tell me, Tamar. Did Onan mistreat you? Is he like Er after all?”
“Leave me alone, Acsah. Just let me work in peace.” She would not pile further humiliation upon herself by sharing her shame and Judah’s cowardice.
* * *
Once again the conjugal room was prepared, for there were still six days remaining in the wedding week. Onan was in even higher spirits, sure that he had won his way. He held his head up like a triumphant warrior and took Tamar’s hand as Acsah led them once again to the bedchamber. Tamar went willingly, hoping he would repent and fulfill his duty.
He did not.
While he slept, Tamar sat weeping in the farthest corner of the room, her head covered with her black tsaiph. She was bereft, overcome with shame and humiliation. Onan was destroying her hope for an honorable future. If he had his way, she would never bear children for Judah’s household. She might as well be dead!
It wasn’t until the sun rose that Tamar found death had come.
And taken Onan.
FOUR
The household was in an uproar, and Tamar was in the middle. Those who hadn’t believed Bathshua’s stories about Tamar being somehow responsible for Er’s death were now convinced she was responsible for Onan’s. Even Tamar began to wonder if she was somehow to blame. Two husbands dead in a year’s time? What ill fortune! How could this be? Her emotions were in tatters. Both Er and Onan had been wicked, but there were many wicked men who were walking and talking and carrying on as usual. Why had her husbands been singled out?
Tamar’s throat closed hot; her eyes burned. She was innocent. She’d had nothing to do with these strange deaths, but rumors were rampant. Gossip ripped the household into factions, and Bathshua gossiped most of all. How could her mother-in-law call her a witch? She had never cast a spell or uttered an incantation. She wanted to defend herself, but every time she started to speak, she would see the look on others’ faces and know it was no use. They already believed the lies and were afraid.
Tamar was afraid too. From the day she had entered this household, she’d been treated like a despised slave. Everyone knew Er had abused her, and yet no one had uttered a word of compassion or lifted a finger to help her. And now, even though Onan had used her for his selfish pleasure and had denied her right to mother an heir who would claim Er’s portion, everyone believed she had wished him dead. It wasn’t true! She had come into this household hoping to be a good wife and to bear children. It was the God of Judah’s father who had struck these young men down. Hadn’t Judah said as much himself the day Er died?
But Judah didn’t say that anymore.
Judah didn’t say anything! He brooded and guzzled wine to forget his troubles while Bathshua filled his ears with lies. Tamar knew it must be easier for her father-in-law to think she was at fault than believe his God was destroying his family. Who would be next? Shelah? Bathshua?
When Judah looked at her, she saw his anger, his suspicion. He sought someone to blame for his wretchedness. And everyone in the household pointed to her. That made it easier for Judah to cast blame as well.
Bathshua’s hatred permeated the house. Tamar couldn’t get away from it. Even when she was working outside, Tamar sensed Bathshua’s malice. “I want her out of this house and away from my family!”
Didn’t Bathshua understand that by stoking the fires that already burned, she was destroying her household? Why not plead with the God of Judah for mercy? Why not inquire of Jacob what must be done to turn the winds in their favor? Why did Judah sit and brood in silence and let his family fall apart around him?
Acsah urged Tamar repeatedly, “Try to speak with him, Tamar.”
“I cannot. I won’t respond to Bathshua’s lies, even to defend myself.”
“Everyone is against you!”
“If the God of Judah took Er and Onan, what can I do to make things right? It’s up to Judah. He’s the head of this house.”
“Bathshua is the head.”
“Judah has allowed it! Whatever happens to me is in his hands. All I can do is wait and see what he will do.” Despite what people thought or said about her, custom still required Shelah to give her children. But would Judah follow through now that his second son was dead? Would he entrust Shelah to her with two sons already in the grave?
Tamar wept in secret at the cruel things said about her, but she maintained her composure in the presence of others. Even if she were to grovel and cower and plead before Bathshua, it wouldn’t change the woman’s blackened heart. Tamar strove to maintain her dignity before her enemies.
The mourning period passed, and the weeks wore on.
Tamar waited. Sooner or later her father-in-law would have to make a decision.
* * *
Judah allowed seventy-five days to pass before he summoned Tamar. He had done nothing but think about the girl over the past weeks. She had a right to Shelah and children, but he was afraid his last son would die if he married her. Bathshua insisted Tamar was evil and casting spells, but why would the girl do such things? She needed sons to provide for her. She needed a husband to give her those sons. Why kill her best chances for a secure future? As a childless widow, she had no hope.
Bathshua remained bitter and adamant. “Don’t give her my last son! I’ll hate you for the rest of my life if you do! She mustn’t have Shelah!” When Bathshua wasn’t railing and threatening, she was seeking the counsel of her teraphim. The house was stifling with the cloying scent of incense. Every other day some medium was coming to the door, claiming to have messages from the dead.
“Get rid of Tamar.” Bathshua was rabid. “Get that evil girl out of my house!”
Judah had never seen Tamar cast a spell or utter a single incantation, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t. She might not be as open as his wife, who had never made a secret of her passion for Canaanite deities.
Judah knew God had taken Er and that He had taken Onan as well. Perhaps, if he had done as Tamar asked and confronted Onan for his sin . . . Judah didn’t think long on that possibility. God may have struck down his sons, but the girl was a bad omen. She’d been nothing but trouble since he brought her into his house. If he got rid of her, perhaps he would have some peace.
Shelah was the only son Judah had left. Bathshua was right. The boy must be protected. Tamar was the one constant in the midst of the disasters that had befallen his household. Judah couldn’t risk Shelah’s life by giving him to her. Besides, Shelah was afraid of Tamar. Bathshua had convinced the boy he would die if he lay with Tamar.
“When will you do what is right, Judah?”
Tamar’s words pricked his conscience, but he hardened his heart against them. He was only protecting his family. Why should he give his last son to this dangerous girl? Why take any risk? Why drive a bigger wedge between himself and his wife? Why cause himself more grief?
Besides, Tamar was probably barren anyway. In all the months she’d been with Er, she hadn’t conceived. She hadn’t been desirable enough to sway Onan. Why should he waste Shelah on this wretched little witch? Shelah was his last surviving son, his only heir, his last hope. He wouldn’t do it!
Judah sent for his son. “Go to Hirah and remain in Adullam until I send for you.”
Relieved of his duty, Shelah praised his father’s decision and obeyed with alacrity. Judah felt a twinge of shame, but it quickly disappeared. He’d protect his son—even at the cost of his own honor.
* * *
Tamar knew something more had gone wrong when Acsah came out to her and worked in disheartened silence. “What is it, Acsah? What’s happened?”
“Judah sent Shelah away this morning.”
Tamar’s heart sank. “He must have sent him to see about the flocks.”
“The flocks are not anywhere near Adullam, Tamar. That’s where Shelah has gone.”
Tamar loo
ked at the ground she was working. “There’s nothing I can do but wait, Acsah. And hope.”
“Indeed, there is nothing you can do.” Acsah wept.
When Judah sent for her, Tamar went eagerly, hoping he would have some explanation. However, the moment she saw her father-in-law, she knew Acsah was right. Shelah was gone, and there was nothing to be done about it.
“I’ve made a difficult decision,” Judah said slowly, unable to look her in the eyes. “Shelah is too young to take on the responsibilities of a husband.”
Shelah was two years older than she was, but Tamar didn’t quibble. Judah was making excuses. They both knew it. Arguing with him now would only set his heart against her. Let Bathshua browbeat him with lies. The truth would become clear in time. She would be obedient. She would be patient. She would behave with dignity, even if he behaved with cowardice. Time was her ally. Time and necessity. Judah needed her. Er needed a son to carry on the family line. If Judah failed to grant Tamar the right to bear that son, he would be a man who had forsaken all honor. Could such a man ever be trusted?
“When Shelah is older, I will send for you.”
Tamar blinked, confused. “Send for me?” What did he mean? She searched his face and saw his eyes grow hard.
“Bathshua is having your things packed as we speak. She will have one of the servants take you and your nurse back to your father’s house.”
“My father’s house? But, my lord, this is—”
“Don’t argue!” Judah wouldn’t even allow her to open her mouth in her own defense. “This is best. You will remain in your father’s house as a widow until I call for you.”
“Best?” She was cold with shock. “Am I to be cast out for the sins done against me?”
“You’re not being expelled. You’re going home.”
“This is my home. As cold and inhospitable as it’s always been!”
“Say nothing more against my family. It’s for their sakes I make this decision. Your presence has turned my household into a battlefield.”
A Lineage of Grace Page 7